Author Note: There are footnotes near the Japanese. The translations are at the end of the document. This is not a self insertion, and flames are immature so will be ignored all together. REMEMBER, this is fiction, and all in fun. I do not own Saiyuki or anything like that...yadda yadda...on with the story.


Sanzo sat at the table drinking a beer. He watched with a vein ready to burst from his forehead, Goku and Gojyo ready to kill each other off. Hakkai sat sipping tea not minding the daily occurrence of those two killing each other over stupidity. Sanzo took his paper fan out, stood up and smack both over the head. "Urusei na!"(1) He had lost it. Nothing but bickering the entire time they had stopped for lunch. He was about to really go through with the threat of killing both of them.

He sat back down crossing his arms, still thoroughly pissed off. He hadn't gotten any peace in weeks. What he wouldn't do for just a day without all of them. Well...maybe not Hakkai. He wasn't one of the problems and he had the car.

The door in the bar flung open and in stepped a girl in a rather skimpy black halter dress. A dragon, no bigger then three inches tall, sat on her left shoulder. She carried a backpack, and a paper bag. Her hair was purple, the same purple as Sanzos eye color, and her eyes were gold.

"Sanzo hoishisama ga imasu yo!" (2)

Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to the girl. She stood there with a big smile on her face with her right arm up in the air, posing. Goku started to snicker and everyone went back to whatever they were doing. She sat herself at a table near the bar, and put the paper bag down next to her on the floor. The dragon fluttered over to the other chair at the table and perched itself.

"Ne kaiju.(3) What do you want to eat," she asked the dragon. He chirped at her and she shook her head. "Yeah, I'm hungry for that too."

Goku lost it. Gojyo lost it. Hakkai lost it. Even Sanzo tried not to smirk. The girl turned around to see what was going on and saw four men in the front of the restaurant part of the bar, laughing like mad men. She looked at them puzzled and turned back to her dragon. She shrugged at the dragon and rummaged through her backpack.

"Can you believe that? She thinks she's Sanzo..." Gojyo wiped tears from his eyes and slapped Sanzo on the back. "The only thing she has going for her is that weird red dot thing on her head..."

Jeep flew in from where he had been parked outside after he had turned back into his dragon form. "Jeep?" Hakkai watched the dragon fly over to where the girl sat with her dragon. He perched himself on the chair with the small black dragon.

Hakkai got up and walked over to the girls table to see Jeep chirping happily to the little black dragon and vis versa. He smiled at the two dragons and turned to the girl. "I see that our dragons seem to like each other. Why don't you join us?"

She looked up to Hakkai with a big smile on her face and stood up. "I'd love to." She picked up her belongings and the little black dragon perched on her shoulder.

She sat down in a chair between Hakkai and Goku, hanging her bags off the chair. She looked over to Sanzo with a shocked look on her face then around to the rest of the men sitting there. "Hey, you're the Sanzo that the Three Aspects sent West. Nice to meet you finaly." She stood up and put her hand out to shake, only getting an unemotional look back. "Well, aren't we grumpy." She sat back down looking over to Goku. She smiled and started to feel unwanted.

"Ne jou-chan(4), do you really think you're fooling anyone like that," Gojyo asked pointing at her clothes. "As you can see, Sanzo is a guy."

"What are you talking about? I'm not a guy."

Gojyo looked at her puzzled.

"I'm also Sanzo, but, do call me Sakura. Sanzo is such a yucky, untasty name."

Sanzos eyebrow started to twitch.

"Then show us something that proves that you are." Gojyo knew he had her now. Surely she didn't have anything authentic to show them.

Hakkai picked up his tea trying to stay out of it, and sipped at the cup.

She pulled up her dress reveling a garter belt with a pouch on it. Gojyo had been watching what she was doing and now had drool trickling down his chin. Goku followed Gojyos gaze seeing what he was drooling over. He looked at his drooling friend confused. Hakkai saw this playing out from the corner of his eye and glanced over. Let's just say, Hakkai stopped getting the tea in his mouth... Sanzos eyebrow twitched again.

She opened the pouch and removed a credit card. "I do believe you must have one of these," she said handing it to Sanzo.

He took it from her and looked at it. He sure did have one. It was a credit card from the Three Aspects.

"Ne, Sanzo. Why is hers a different color then yours," asked Goku looking over his shoulder. Sanzos eyebrow twitched again.

"Yeah Sanzo. Looks like she has a Platinum card. Isn't that a better card then your Gold card?"

"You're right Gojyo. You get a higher credit limit and better interest rates with a Platinum," said Hakkai jumping in.

Sanzos eyebrow twitched again as he handed the card back to Sakura-Sanzo. She took it from him and put it back in it's pouch.

Gojyo started to laugh, but, all three, yes even Hakkai, got a paper fan upside the head.

"I even have that horrid outfit with me. I've had to wear it a few times. The skirt on it is just too long for me." Sanzo almost lost it with that loud mouthed girl. "Oh, I forgot to mention, I'm suppose to travel with you to the next town. Isn't that great guys?"

They looked at each other with horrified looks, even Hakkai stopped smiling. (You know things are bad when he stops doing that...) Jeep and Kaiju chirped happily at each other. At least someone was happy about them having to do that.

"Might I ask why Sakura-san," asked Hakkai with a sweat drop on his face.

"Because I'm suppose to monitor you guys for a day or so. Oh wait, isn't it a week trip to the next town? Oh well, I was told to follow you guys to the next town anyway. We'll really get to know each other better then!"

Sanzos eyebrow twitched again and the other three fell off their chairs onto the floor. She fished through her backpack and found the letter she was suppose to give to Sanzo when she found him. She gave him a big smile and shoved it in his face. The vein in his forehead started to throb. He took the letter from her. The Holy seal was on the front and everything, he just didn't want to know what was in store for him in the next week. He opened and read nevertheless:

Genyjo Sanzo-

I have sent Kigai (5) Sanzo to watch your actions while she travels with you to your next destination. I cannot disclose why we have sent her at this time. You will know after she has left, and brought us information on you. Please carry on like you would if she wasn't there. (How the hell is that going to happy with that annoying little...) She is merely there to observe so she shouldn't get in your way or bother you too much.

Sanzo stopped reading the letter right there and looked over to the girl. She was holding some sort of dog treats, making Goku do stupid tricks and feeding them to him. The vein throbbed...his eyebrow twitched. Oh yeah...won't even know she's here. He put the letter away in one of his kimono sleeves. It was killing his eyes to read without his glasses. After he found out why she was observing them, whoever did it will be killed. It might be that they were taking too long and they wanted to know what the hell they were really doing...but... couldn't they observe from where they were? Weren't they all seeing? Or did they just want to punish them for something...

Sakura-Sanzo was still playing with Goku like he was a dog and Hakkai was trying to get her to stop. Gojyo was encouraging her and laughing...that's when it hit them. The fan that is. Sanzo had pulled it out of where he keeps that damn thing, and hit all of them. Except for Hakkai this time...he was trying to stop it. Sakura-Sanzo rubbed her head where she had been smacked with the fan and looked up to Sanzo. She snickered at him and said nothing. His eyebrow twitched again. "Let's go," Sanzo said turning to walk out of the bar.

Sakura-Sanzo gathered up her stuff from the back of the chair and put the bookbag on. Her dragon perched herself onto Hakkais other shoulder, for Jeep was on the other one. He smiled at the small black dragon.

"Ne, Sakura. You got anymore of those snack things?" Aksed Goku tugging on her arm.

Sanzo smacked him with the fan. "UrUsEi NA!! Those damn things are for dogs BAKA ZARU!" (6) Goku hid behind Sakura-Sanzo, peeked his head out from behind her then stuck his tongue out at Sanzo. "Neeee...."

Gojyo kicked him and he went flying through the open doorway of the bar. "Baka zaru."

They walked out of the bar seeing Goku laying on the ground with big swirly eyes. Gojyo walked over to him and poked at him with his foot. "Mushi-mush..." (7)

Jeep floated to the ground from Hakkais shoulder and turned himself into the white jeep. Hakkai got behind the wheel and Sanzo got into the passenger seat. "Come on you idiots! I'd like to get going now," yelled Sanzo with his eyebrow that never seemed to stop twitching.

Sakura-Sanzo got in the back and lounged out making no effort to conserve the small space. Gojyo picked goku up by the back of the shirt, who was still out cold with swirly eyes. Gojyo looked at Sakura-Sanzo with a , "Do you want me to do this to you also", look on his face. She smiled at him and sat up, making room for him and Goku to sit.

Hakkai started the car and they were on their way to the next town, heading west of course.


Sakura-Sanzo perched her self onto the back of Hakkais seat watching the road in front of them. She was getting bored with just driving and hoped that some youkai would come out of nowhere and attack. But alas, nothing to beat the crap out of in sight. She sat back down and put her book bag on her lap and rooted through its contents. She pulled out the sutra she was guarding and set her book bag aside. She then took the brush that was inside the paper bag, and brushed her hair back into a ponytail.

"Ne, Gojyo."


"Can you hold my hair like this while I tie a ribbon around it?"

"Yeah sure..." He leaned over the sleeping Goku laying next to him, and took her hair in his hand. She took the sutra and wrapped it around her hair then tied it into a big bow.

"Thanks Gojyo." She gave him a peck on the cheek and he blushed slightly. (Wait...Gojyo blushing? That's not right....Anyway....)

She stepped over Goku and stood behind Sanzo now and looked over his shoulder to see what he was reading in the paper. He glanced up in the rearview mirror to see her ugly mug smiling at him. He turned around violently almost destroying the paper in the process.

"..............." He glared at her. No she didn't. She couldn't sink that low as to use her sutra as a hair ribbon. Not even he would dishonor his sutra like that...not that he wore ribbons in his hair...but you know...His eyebrow twitched and he turned back to his paper trying to ignore her.

She reached over and grabbed a section of paper from his hands and sat herself back down. Now he was at the breaking point. He hadn't even read the whole damn thing yet and someone had to get him started...If Goku go up and said to him that he was hungry, Sanzo knew he was going to explode.

"Hey, give me the sports section," said Gojyo to Sakura-Sanzo.

"Sanzo still has it."

"Ne, Sanzo..." SMACK!

"URUSEI!!!!!!!!!!!!" His vein was poping out of his head and he was now standing with one foot on the headrest, fan in hand.

"You didn't have to hit me over the damn newspaper..." He rubbed his sore head and decided he was going to torture Goku.

Sanzo sat back down just has Jeep slowed down to a stop in the middle of the dirt path they had taken through the woods. A very large tree had fallen down into the road and there was no way around it. The trunk had to of been atleast 6 feet high.

"I guess we'll have to turn around." Hakkai put jeep in reverse as Sakura-Sanzo jumped out of the back.

"Kaiju, come on. We'll get everyone over that tree." The little black dragon flew off Hakkais shoulder and landed on the ground several feet from everyone. "Okay, do your stuff." She smiled at her dragon as it started to glow with white light.

Sanzo watched this play out. Surely that little bite size dragon couldn't change into anything but a tricycle. He was dead wrong.

The dragons light turned blinding and everyone had to shield their eyes from it. The light dimmed off and there was the vehicle the dragon had turned into. Everyones jaw dropped, well...except Hakkais. For some reason he knew that, that little dragon was more then it seemed.

Before them now was a huge, black monster truck. It had big orange and red flames up it's sides and massive guns and rocket launchers mounted into the back of it. Sakura-Sanzo smiled and patted one of the tires. "Now that, is a dragon that's useful."

Sanzos eyebrow twitched and he was about to pull his gun and start shooting at her, but, then they wouldn't get rid of all this faster. It wouldn't look to good if she never showed up to make her report. Who the hell knew what they would stick them with after her!

They all piled out of Jeep and he turned back into a dragon. Rope latters fell from the two doors and one from the back. Sakura-Sanzo begain climbing up to the drivers side. Hakkai looked over to Sanzo, who gave him a look, and decided he was going to sit with her in the cab.

Sanzo, Goku and Gojyo climbed up the latter and sat themselves in the back. "Goku, don't even think about touching anything," said Sazno glaring at him.

Sakura-Sanzo opened up the glass that was on the back of the cab so she could talk to them. She peeked her head out the small window and smiled.

"If we run into any large groups of youkai, use can use those guns. They are all forms of exorcism guns. I've found they work quite nicely." She brought her head back into the cab and started the truck. Sanzos eyebrow twitched. "Brace yourselves back there!" She started over the fallen tree and the truck almost had it's nose fully pointing at the sky. They got over the tree with a hard bounce on the other side and she drove the truck several feet from it. There was another flash of light and the dragon turned back, all of them landing hard on their butts.


That night they were far from civilization, forcing them to camp out under the stars. Hakkai was building a fire about ten feet from where Goku and Gojyo had the job of setting up the tent. It was large enough for a group of ten people to sleep under comfortably. They needed the space since Goku slept like he was wrestling in his dreams.

Sanzo sat by the fire that was now a blaze with life, his glasses on, reading the newpaper that seems to apear out of nowhere. Jeep was curled up on the otherside of the fire sleeping with Kaiju curled up on his back. Sakura-Sanzo was no where in sight. She had run off to make a report up, saying she need complete silence or something. Sanzo didn't stop her, even offered his lighter to her for some light.

"Baka Zaru! What the hell are you doing!"

Goku looked up from where he was rumaging through a backpack, not realizing he was rumaging through Sakura-Sanzos belongings.

"But something smells really goo-"

THWACK! "Urusei na!" Sanzos veins were throbbing, ready to burst. He put the fan away and walked back over to the spot he had by the fire and continued reading the paper.

Goku rubbed his sore head and zipped up the bag, walking out of the tent.

"Food...hungry..." He had a dazed look on his face, walking towards the woods. His stomach gurgled loudly as he diapeared into the darkness.

"Goku...where are you going?"

"Leave him be Hakkai. Not even you can call him back when he's hungry," Gojyo said hammering the final stake into the ground.

Hakkai looked at the spot where Goku had wandered off into. He was uneasy ever since Sakura-Sanzo went off by herself. Something just didn't feel right. He walked into the finished tent and sat down on the ground, leaning against one of the polls. He slowly faded into a uneasy sleep.

Gojyo sat on the ground next to the curled up flying lizards, and lit a cigarette. Sanzo took out one himself, and lit it by way of the camp fire. He took a long drag on it then got up. Gojyo followed suit, both knowing that something had to have happen. It was taking both Goku and the stupid girl way too long to get back from whatever they both were doing.

"Shouldn't we wake up Hakkai?"

"Leave him. Let's go." Sanzo walked towards where goku was last seen walking into the woods. Gojyo hesitantly looked back towards the tent then followed Sanzo closely.

Hakkai woke after they disapeared into the darkened woods, adjusting his monocle. Standing up, he looked out of the tent cautiously hearing the faint rustling of vegetation in the opposite direction they walked into. Getting into a defensive stance, he summoned up a blinding white ball of chi energy and waited for whatever it was to exit the woods.

A low snarl escaped the unknown creatures lips making Hakkai know for sure it wasn't Goku or Sakura-Sanzo coming back to camp. It leapt out of the dense shrubbery, aiming to pounce on him. He let the chi ball loose, evaporating the creature into dust. This was followed by loud laughter. Very loud female laughter.

Sakura-Sanzo walked out of the woods holding her sides she was laughing so hard. She walked over and picked up the biggest remain of the creature that Hakkai just killed and handed it over to him. Taking it from her he noticed instantly that the only thing that he killed was a stuffed animal.

"You should have seen the look on all your faces when you thought we were in danger!" Goku fell out of a tree trying to hold back his amusement and failing horribly. He started to laugh just as loud as Sakura-Sanzo was.

"You do realize that Sazno and Goyjo will not be too happy when they find out this was all..." he was cut off by gun shots. Sanzo stood behind them on the other side of the tent and was none too happy about what had just happened.

"Oh shit," Sakura-Sanzo screamed and grabbed Goku by the arm running back into the woods to take cover.

"Come back here you hentai yarou!" (8) Sanzo chased close behind the newest members of death row.

"Sazno, let's not be too hasty now..." Hakkai ran after them making sure someone really didn't lose their life over this stupid prank. Just the fact that it had actualy had Sanzo worried, made Hakkai hold no hope for those two to see the next 24 hours without pain involved.

Gojyo found a nice comfortable spot under the vast tent, lighting up a cigarette, and finding some food rations to munch on. He ate and smoked with gunshots and screaming as his dinner music. After relaxing for more then an hour he took out his bedroll, and was lulled to sleep by the screams of the not so innocent.


1. Urusei- Literaly means "Noisy"; can also be a very impolite way of saying shut up.

2. High Priest Sanzo is here!

3. Kaiju- Monster

4. Jou chan- "Missy"

5. Kigai- Mean mischief when written in kanji.

6. Baka zaru- Stupid ape

7. Mushi-mush- Hello?

8. Hentai yaouro- Perverted bastard