All mistakes are my own. As I'm not a native speaker there are for a certainty a few. I don't own Castle. (Wish I did). Enjoy reading. :)

A/N: Thanks to nikki-rookk for correcting my mistakes. You're the best!

"My fiancè's dying. He needs that antidote"

Kate startles by the solidity of her voice. It feels like someone else is speaking the words. A more dauntless version of herself maybe. No. It's probably the Agent in her speaking.

She knows her body works without her mind, because her mind is still with him, his pale and lifeless face the only thing she sees. The moment he had collapsed on the lawn her instincts had taken over. Her feelings though are like a hurricane: fear and despair mixing together with spirit and willpower. They are tugging at her trying to carry her away. The pressure of the stonewall against her back is the only thing keeping her focused.

"You don't understand."

Parker's voice cuts sharp through the haze of her emotion. No, he doesn't understand. There is no way she's going to lose Castle. She wants to yell at him, scream it into his face. But he has her gun and she's defenseless.

He's taking one step back now, the gun in his hand, her gun, trembling.
"It's too late."

That's the moment the world stands still. And the hurricane is finally tugging her under and swirling her around. It's not too late. It can't be too late. She just needs to get the antidote. He has it. Maybe she can lunge herself at him when he turns around, maybe she can...

"You better hope you're wrong." Suddenly McCord is there, her gun pressed to Parker's temple and the world starts to turn again. Kate releases a breath she didn't know she was holding. She's still tucked into the corner and needs to lean against the cold stone to steady herself. She needs the antidote. She wants to tell McCord but she's frozen

"Put the gun on the ground."

Parker doesn't react so McCord presses the barrel of her gun deep into the bone of his skull. He answers with a grunt and slips it to the ground.

McCord starts to search him the second the gun hits the pavement. She reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a small leather bag. She holds it in front of her but Kate doesn't react.

"Beckett! Come on, focus."

Right. Focus. She needs to focus. Antidote. Castle needs the antidote. She jumps forward, snatches the bag out of McCord's hand and opens it while she breaks into a run. Inside the bag are four syringes filled with a yellow substance. She pulls one of them out while she enters the Reeds' living room. Dr. Goldberg had told her exactly what to do if they found the antidote.

"Push it into the vein at her neck" she says and hands the security the syringe. She doesn't wait to see if he does it right, there's no time for that. Instead she breaks into a run again nearly tripping over the steps in front of the door.

As soon as Kate catches sight of Castle's body she can tell that he has stopped breathing.

"No!" Her scream is barley a whisper.

She bends over him just like he did three years ago and a vision that had been haunting her for so long sneaks its way back. It's a vision of her lying on the lawn, with a bullet in her chest. It's a vision of Castle bending over her telling her to stay with him, telling her he loves her. Words that had kept her going for so long. And that's when she notices. She had been so sure of getting the antidote, because for heaven's sake there hasn't been any other option ever, that she hasn't even told him that she loves him. And now it's too late.
The rings at her chest burn like fire into her skin as she brushes a hand alongside Castle's jaw line. His in contrast feels like ice.

I love you.

"Damn Beckett what are you doing? What are you waiting for?!"

McCord's yell snatches Kate back to reality. The older Agent has already made her way up to her, pulling the syringe out of her hand. A fist tightens around Kate's heart. She has wasted precious seconds, important seconds. They have the antidote. They have it and she was unable to react properly. How could she have given up?

"Into the vein at his neck" Again it doesn't feel like her speaking the words.

McCord reacts instantly pushing the yellow substance into Castle's system. "He's not breathing." But Kate already has her hands on his chest pushing on it with light pressure in an attempt to fill his lungs with air.

"You are not going to die on me Castle. Don't you dare leave me." She knows it's not the right time for threats but she doesn't know what else to say. Everything else will have her break down.

"What about Parker?" The question sounds odd and out of place. Stupid her. Her fiancé's lying in front of her on the edge of death and she asks about their suspect. The one man that is responsible for Castle dying. She bites on the inside of her cheek until it hurts. That's the least she deserves for that question.

"Don't worry about him. Hendricks got here shortly after you went outside. Came through the back."

Kate shows her acknowledgement with a small nod. Then she continues to concentrate on her movements. Push after push, with every new one her eyes slowly filling up with tears until everything that remains is a blur in front of her.

"Rick, breathe. Please breathe." The words are only a whisper, her voice breaking. She doesn't stop. She can't stop. And she won't stop.

She can't tell how much time has passed. She had lost track long ago. Someone tucks her by the shoulder trying to pull her away. She doesn't know who it is, the world around her only a haze, but she doesn't care and struggles against the grip. Finally she is lifted off the ground and carried away.

"No, let me go! I need to be with him."

"Beckett, the paramedics are here."
She notices that it's Hendricks speaking. His voice is soft but solid. She struggles once more against his grip. But his arms are tugged tight around her shoulders leaving her once more with a vision of a day that has been haunting her for so long . Her world is spinning out of control. She needs him to let go.

"He's not responding. I need adrenaline. Make the paddles ready. On three."

Kate can hear the paramedics voices from where she's standing. She has finally given up to struggle against Hendricks grip and has him lead her away. She feels slightly embarrassed over her breakdown. Only an encouraging smile of the other Agent manages to reassure her again. Even though he doesn't use words she understands that he doesn't care. Nevertheless she positions herself out of sight but still making sure to have a good look on Castle.

Silent tears start to damp her cheeks. She had promised Castle a lifetime. He was her one and done. He had managed to break down her walls. She knows she wouldn't survive losing him. He had told her that he can't imagine his life without her. But the truth is that she can't imagine her life without him either. The antidote is in his system. All it takes now is for him to draw a breath.

Breathe Castle, please breathe.

And finally. He breathes.