Hi I'm alive.

I had this story brewing in the back of my mind for like a year not and finally decided to publish it. This first chapter took my two freakin' months to write. I needed the first chapter to pretty much recap 10ish years without relieving too much and without being too choppy. Whiiich resulted in me re-writing this a thousand times. It's still choppy I know and even though I re-read this a few times some grammatical mistakes have probably eluded me BUT I need to post it before I pull out my hair haha.


Too late.

Anyway I hope you enjoy this and uh maybe review. I imagine this being a long-ish chapter story and new chapters should be posted ever week and a half.

For those of you still waiting on Thorns I'm in the process of working on that again.

10 years ago

"Welcome to Forks High," A large tanned man extended his hand to shake mine. His dark eyes twinkled in amusement and the corners of his lips curved up. I look at his hand skeptically before tentatively meeting his hand with mine. I whisper a small thanks and turn my attention back on the teacher lecturing in the front of the classroom.

My "family" has moved once again to a new town, in a new state. And by "family" I mean me and my father Charlie. My parents split when I was at the tender age of eight. I was an ugly divorce that involved a lot of fighting, a lot of anger, and a lot of police. I made a vow to myself that I would never get a divorce, ever. It was silly and probably unrealistic, but I held onto this goal. Since then my father had to chart us all around the country looking for stable jobs; which brought us to the gloomy town of Forks, Washington.

I was enrolled in a new school, Forks High.

I tap my pencil on my notebook; it was a nervous habit. I was shy and awkward so as a result I was never able to make any long term friendships. I was tall, lanky, clumsy and overall unattractive. Nobody glanced in my general direction. Nobody wanted to.

"Hey," The whisper next to me broke me out of my thoughts. The man sitting next to me pointed at the now stilled pencil with that same ridiculous smile. "Please stop that. You have no idea how much that annoys me."

I mumble my apologies and place hands in my lap.

"By the way, my name is Jacob."

Pursing my lips I quickly nod. Something was wrong here. No one ever willingly talked to me. He must want something that I'm not willing to give.

"Oh you're not the talkative type. That's ok though. Since you're the new girl here everyone knows your name anyway. Isabella right? Do you mind if I call you Bella? Isabella just seems so," he wrinkles his nose and scrunches his thick eyebrows in deep thought. A gesture that could be described as cute. "Old," he finishes with a smile; almost proud of himself.

I allow myself a small smile at his antics.

Over the next few months Jacob was relentless in pursuing my attention. He always found excuses to talk to me every class. He never cared if he got in trouble or was sent to detention. "It's always for you," is what he always said.

Jacob also made a point in getting me involved with his group of friends; Seth, Leah, Paul, and Sam. They welcomed me into there already established group with ease. For once in my life I felt wanted, I felt loved. I began to come out of my awkward shell.

Leah and I headed to Seattle at least twice a month to shop for new clothes and get our hair and makeup done. I felt so much better about myself. I still remember walking out of a dressing room in a skin tight black dress and Leah almost spit out her frappe.

"My god Bella, you're gorgeous!"

Or course I didn't believe her at first but after compliments began spilling out of everyone's mouth –even strangers- it was becoming harder to deny the fact.

Jacob noticed too. Oh god did he notice. He swooned over me, always ready to make me feel even better about myself. So of course when he asked me out I immediately said yes. It was bliss, pure bliss being with Jacob.

I fell in love him.

We married two years later on my twentieth birthday. I never thought I could have been happier than I was right then.

7 years ago

"It's so nice to spend time with you Bells. Since your promotion at the company you've been working these crazy hours. I've missed this," he gestures moving his hands in the empty space between us. I scoffed playfully. There was truth in his words but I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of being right.

"The way you've been on your phone this afternoon seems to say otherwise. What are you getting?" I close my menu and slide it to the end of the table, flawlessly deflecting the conversation away from me. Or at least at the moment.

"Steak," he replies, placing his menu on mine. "You?"

"Clam chowder. I want a piece of you steak too." He smiles cheekily. We lapse into a peaceful silence while I sip my wine. The waiter comes around and we place our orders.

"So, update me about work."

I look at him and give a tight lip smile. "Why talk about work now? I'd rather just sit here and have a nice dinner." Jake shrugs his shoulders and I watch the fabric of his cotton shirt stretch around his defined muscles.

"I just figured I ask since you spend most of your time there. What else am I suppose to ask you about."

The last part of his statement was said softly but that did nothing to did nothing to curb the irritation bubbling up. He knows perfectly well why I work so late into the night six days a week. Someone had to pay for the house, the cars, the bills, and the occasional stupid thing Jacob buys. He is a reckless spender, with hobbies that change as the seasons past.

Jacob had a hard time finding stable work because he dropped out of high school and refused to go to college. "A waste of money" is what he calls it. So of course that left me to bust my ass to earn a two person income.

"Stressful," I respond with slight bitterness.

He notices the change in mood and wisely decides to drop the topic.

"Well, me and Seth are going to go hiking this weekend. You in?"

I shake a dismissive hand. "Jacob not only do I hate nature, but you know I have to work. The company suffers when I'm missing for even a day. Filled with a bunch of idiots I swear," I add under my breath. I see Jacob scrunch his eyebrows. I know this look well: disappointment.

"Just take off, for once please." His tone was pleading, almost begging.

"I already took off today babe I can't afford another day."

He purses his lips before nodding. "So you regret taking off today?"

Now it's my turn to frown. "Of course not why would you even think that?" My tone was harsher than I wanted it to be and Jacob winces slightly. I sigh lightly while running my hands through my mahogany locks. I make an offhand comment to cut it soon. "You're my husband J, and I love you," I add more softly. "Why would I miss our third anniversary?" I smile at him warmly.

Our marriage certainly hasn't been easy and we've been through many ups and downs. The new promotion at me job has begun to put a slight strain on us however. Fighting has become more common in our household. But I loved him with everything I had. I was happiest in his presence. I promised him on our wedding day that I would fight to the end for our marriage. In my opinion marriage was a sacred thing that shouldn't be taken lightly.

He seems to think for a moment before whispering"yeah I know you wouldn't." I watched him fiddle with his ring and give me a small smile. "Do you think you can cut back on hours soon? Maybe in a few months when things calm down a little?"

I grab his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "Yeah, I can do that," I promise.

That night, I dreamed of when we were in high school. I dreamed of happier, less stressful times.

5 years ago

"Honey, I'm home." I mumble half heartily while throwing my purse and keys onto the nearby chair. The lights were on upstairs so I assumed he was upstairs. With a groan I began to ascend the stairs while contemplating the cost of an elevator. I was however forced to stop halfway up when the sounds of moaning and grunting forced themselves into my ear. Instantly I felt sick to my stomach and clenched the railing until my knuckles whitened.

With slow unsteady steps I reached the top of the stairwell. My clammy sweaty hands gripped the doorknob and I turned it slightly. Please dear god don't let this be what I think it is. And with that I shoved the door wide open.

A woman was under my husband. Naked. I braced myself against the door feeling even more sick. They must of not heard me because they were still going at it like rabbits. Just like that my sickness was swiftly replaced with boiling anger. How dare he? How dare she? In my bed for fucks sake."Jacob," I all but gritted out. I watched his muscles tense as he stopped his actions immediately Jessica let loose a small shriek before jumping from under him and throwing on her clothes. Still fuming I watched Jessica try and fail to button her shirt up.

"Jessica," I stated, my voice level and steady. "If you don't remove yourself from my bedroom in the next minute I'm going to make you regret the day you were born." Jessica's eyes widened and her mouth opened and closed a grand total of five times. Finally she just picked up her jeans and purse and brushed past me on the way out of the door. While this was happening Jacob took the liberty of pulling on pair of boxers. I could still see his ever present erection and all it did was make me see red. I wanted to kill him.

"Bella please let me explain."

"What's there to explain Jacob, I just walked in on you fucking my best friend. How the hell do you explain that," I spat. I was trying my best to keep my voice low. "Choose your next words very carefully." I began counting backward from ten in an attempt to calm down. I briefly began to wonder if this what a panic attack feels like.

"I's your fault." Jacob's deep voice brought me abruptly from my musings.

"Bella you don't even look at me anymore. We haven't had sex since you got this job. You leave at eight a.m and don't return until one in the damn morning. What the hell am I suppose to do when my wife doesn't even acknowledge my presence!" His words hold a touch a truth but honestly I'm too pissed to even think about it.

"Fuck you Jacob. I work my ass off so that we can afford these luxuries and you thank my like this? Yes I work long hours but last time I checked that didn't give you right to cheat on me!" I stormed past him and ripped my suitcase from the closet's top rack. I can't stay here. I began throwing clothes into it, not bothering to see if they matched.

"Oh Bella please. I know your screwing that other guy at your job. This makes us even."

"Excuse me?!" I shriek, momentary forgetting my packing efforts. "Mike? You think I'm screwing Mike? You know what I'm not even going to justify that ridiculous accusation with an answer."

Jacob makes a "tsk" noise before disappearing into the bathroom. I finished -aggressively- packing my clothes and leave the house as soon as humanly possible.

I stay at Alice's house for two weeks. She is my best friend who is still in school to finish her law degree.

Alice begs and pleads with me to not return to Jacob, and I almost didn't. However in the end my foolishness won over my logic. I did not intend on throwing out marriage the way my parents did.

When I returned Jacob apologizes by taking me out to dinner. That same night Jessica tells us she's pregnant.

That night I cried myself to sleep.

Present day

I awake early in the morning with a start. Groggily I check my cell phone and groan when I realize it's only three thirty in the morning. I've been having the same dream almost every night for a week now. Why do I keep dreaming of our anniversary four years ago? I close my eyes tightly and try to go back to sleep before I would have to leave for work. Thirty minutes later however, I realized that my efforts were futile. With a wary sigh I run my hand through my thick mahogany locks. I mentally make a note to get it cut soon.

I slip out of bed and make my way to the bathroom to relieve myself. The house was quiet, and cold. I was the only one home per usual. Jacob was most likely that that woman's house. I turn the nozzle on the shower to the hottest temperature. Stripping out of my night gown I tentatively step into the shower and hiss when the scalding water hits my skin. I scrub my body vigorously as if I was trying to remove my emotions from my physical being. I know that I can't, but it never hurts to try.

After working shampoo and conditioner in my hair I finally turn off the water and step out. The bathroom was still warm so I finished towel drying in there. Once back inside my-freezing-room I slip on as many layers as possible; thick leggings, black pencil skirt, creme color turtleneck and a pair of sleek three inch heels. I hated the chill of winter but it made my pale skin look like it belonged. My skin never tans. Ever.

Grabbing the keys from the end table downstairs I lock the front door and slipped into my Honda. It was a modest car and a modest house. Jacob had begged me for something bigger, better, and overall flashier; but In the end I refused. Just because I made six figures doesn't mean I had to flaunt it. With that thought, I peeled out the parking lot and sped off toward my company.

I've been pulling late shifts since the beginning of the month because my company was planning on moving international. So much paperwork, so many meetings, and too many hours.

I inherited my father's company after he unexpectedly passed away all those years ago. Not that I'm complaining. The position of CEO of Seattle's largest automobile company had its perks. But it does suck when every other 27 year old is out partying on this crisp Friday night. I felt a frown begin to tug on the corners of my mouth. I know it'll get better. The only reason why I have this much work was because the legal process was dragging its feet when it came to international laws.

I didn't even understand it really. I just trusted the words and advice of my lawyer and longtime friend Alice Cullen. Hopefully it'll all be over soon. All of the stress and late night shifts has continued to put a major strain on my marriage. Sighing I leaned back into my seat and took one hand off the steering wheel. This red light was extremely long.

I know Jacob has been trying his best to cope with the situation but there's only so much one person can do. He claimed I never spent anytime with him anymore. He moped around because I never made dinner anymore. And all but had a temper tantrum when I refused sex. I never really enjoyed sex as an activity and working gave me an excuse to skip it now. On top of that how could I be sure that he wasn't still screwing his baby's mom? He claimed they slept in separate rooms and even on separate floors. However trusting his words landed me in this situation in the first place.

I pulled up into the company's parking lot easily finding the "VIP CEO parking". I was the only person here per usual. I shut off the car and sighed again. It was going to be another long day.

When I reach my office I grimace at the amount of paperwork that seems to have appeared out no where. I sit down in my incredibly plush office chair and pull out my favorite pen. Another twelve hour shift.

When I get home that night I'm extremely exhausted. I fall asleep immediately.

Later the bed shifts to my right and I feel Jacobs hand rest upon my shoulder. When I don't respond he moves closer to the point of snuggling me body; strong arms wrapped protectively. Year's ago I killed for these tender moments. Now they almost make me physically sick. I ignore these feelings and push them far down to the pit of my stomach. Reluctantly I try drift back off to sleep.

"Bella," he whispers. "I want a divorce."