Not-So-Daddy's Little Girl Anymore Part 2:
I was a catalyst in the chain-reaction. It had been me to initiate the kiss—on my behalf it was to shut Jace up. Okay. And because kissing him, even though I had never kissed him before, much less kissed anyone before, had been the only thing on my mind. His lips; how they had curved and danced and accompanied his passionate voice. His eyes; how they had been desperate for me to look back at him. Desperate for me to see the Vampire for what he truly was. Pleading. Begging. Unrelenting. His hands; how they had moved seemingly on their own to be closer to me. Strained against the pull of his mind and want of his heart.
Jace had been an enigma to me. But only because I had made him into one.
I knew that I liked him—that I liked him way more than how a human should love a monster. I knew it. I knew it. But I also knew that liking him the way that I did was so disgustingly wrong that if I acted on it, if I told Jace, if I gave into my unwavering want for him, that I'd never be able to look at myself the same way again. That my father would hate me. That Jonathan would disown me as his sister. That my mother, if she was still here, would no longer embrace me with her acceptance. I knew that liking Jace was dangerous, so I had prohibited myself from doing so, as best as I could. I'd avoided the mere thought of the word 'like', told myself that I could still be around Jace and my feelings for him would stay...friendly.
But he'd made it so damn hard.
How long had I known him for? The time we've shared together was nearly nonexistent, but so, so, so memorable. I could remember the first day I met him. I could remember the backs of his hands without needing to see them. I could remember his voice even if, starting today, I could never hear it again. I could remember the night he forced me to sleep with him—not like that, but...Yeah. You know what I mean. I could remember his fury-stricken face when Aline had unveiled herself for what she truly was. A liar. A manipulator. A conniving, self-righteous, selfish backstabber. I could remember every encounter. Every moment. Every glorious second I had been privileged enough to spend with him.
I wasn't the one that was supposed to be blind. But I had been so blind and stupid and pathetic all along—and Jace had somehow managed to put up with me. He'd been a puzzle to my naivety because...I had been unwilling to see past his fangs—which were really only noticeable when he made them so, or, you know, when he was angry and they protruded unconsciously—and I had been unwilling to forgive him for being something that he couldn't help. It was forbidden for a Vampire to have feelings for a human, much less spare pity for one, but he'd been openly trying to vouch for his sensibility towards me.
He'd unflinchingly divulged his own brother with news that I should've found repulsing and should've made me want to run for the hills. Instead, hearing him speak about me, hearing him talk so passionately about me, made my a horde of butterflies awaken in my stomach and threaten to climb up my throat, make me scream, to make him aware that I was in fact there. That I understood. That I didn't give a single damn about what anyone else thought. That I was listening. Wanting. Melting.
In a way I had been trying to be selfishly ignorant, not even realizing that Jace was practically shouting louder and louder for me each time I was near. But on the other hand, it had been impossible not to take notice and to not want to requite his devotions and to pass it off as something else—when it was so painstakingly obvious. It had become impossible to not do anything about it any longer.
Jace was a hunter. But he would allow himself to be the hunted if one of his ties were on the line.
Jace was a monster. But he was more afraid of me, it seemed, than I was of him.
Jace was a demon. But he was more so angelic and kinder than the kindest of any person.
Jace was supposed to be an unlikable freak of nature. But he'd transformed himself into being the most arresting and beautiful objects of my affection.
He wasn't supposed to like me. But he did.
Jace was a Vampire. I was a human.
Jace was a Vampire and he didn't care that I was a human; he wasn't afraid of what I was, but of what I could do to him.
I knew that echoing his thoughts of me, of mine for him, would somehow destroy me. I knew that if I touched him how I wanted to, how I'd dreamt about, I'd become unrecognizable. I knew that if I sinned I'd become forever damned. That I could no longer live with myself. That it would put too much at risk. That it'd destroy my family and friends. That it was unthinkable. Unforgivable.
But...How could doing the very thing I had been trying so hard to protect myself from feel so right?
Kissing Jace exceeded my expectations. It was everything I had hoped my first kiss would be like and more—only, when I had imagined having my first kiss, I had always pictured the guy, you know, kissing me. I was inexperienced and way out of my league when it came to these types of situations, but I wasn't at all scared. I had no clue as to whether or not I was good at, um, kissing, but I felt confident. I felt comfortable. I felt fantastic.
The enigma that was Jace suddenly became the clearest of crystal; it had never been him that was perplexing. It had always been me.
Holy hell. What had I been waiting for?
Sure, my morals were on the line and if anyone were to come across a human and a Vampire kissing, well, let's just say that the quiet world would awaken, the people from my village would hang us both from the tallest trees by or toes, let animals feed off of us, then burn us after letting us both starve for a couple of weeks, and then...they'd probably let crows eat our corpses. But...Holy hell.
In the time it took me to grab Jace's face and bring his lips to mine, a fire had been ensuing, sparking, growing, waiting for the inevitable, highly anticipated climax; and then, when the time had finally come, when the world around us disappeared, when nature no longer dictated who could like who, the fire had just gone wild and escaped from its restrains. It had been unleashed. It flowed within me and ignited my senses, made my emotions soar, muddled and garbled and twisted my thoughts, gave me an un-explainable high feeling; I could fly, I could sprint up a mountain, I could make Sebastian my bitch. I could do literally anything.
Jace had been a blubbering idiot no more than a minute ago, but now he was eager to respond. Happy. Relieved. Surprised. He'd been waiting for this moment even longer than I had (without, um, me actually being aware of my attraction towards him). And he was ready. He was suddenly everywhere, engulfing me. Embracing me. Welcoming me. He tugged against my restraints, trying to find better access to grip my hips, and soon became so annoyed that I distantly registered him unbuckling my seat belt and tearing it from its home in the wall, throwing it carelessly behind us. The warmth from his hands seeped through my skin and made my blood boil. Scream. Beg for more. More. More. More.
Our lips had been strangers before but now they were inseparable. I wasn't sure who was in more control; we were completely reckless in our movements, inpatient in the rare moments when we weren't completely attached, and encompassed in oblivion. I was hyper aware of every touch, every mind-scrambling breath and moan and gasp that escaped him. Every part of him.
I had never felt anything like it. I'd never been given so much attention, had never shared so much with someone else, had never experienced my veins searing with so much adrenaline and frenzied waves of solace. My body reacted to his in ways I'd definitely find embarrassing when I thought about it—and I'd sure as hell be thinking about a lot as soon as I shut my eyes to go to bed—after our steamy episode came to an end. We were synchronized.
To better reach me, Jace was suddenly lifting me in the air and settling me on his lap. I hardly noticed.
When we finally separated for much needed air, he was quick to attack my neck and my collar bone and all along my jaw, leaving warmth and electric tingles in his wake.
"Was that you're way of getting me to shut up?" he breathed, his hands gripping my thin waistline, squeezing and seemingly unwilling to ever let go.
With urgency, I lifted his lips back to my own. "More...or...less," I managed.
I felt him smile as he began to lean me backwards and—
I jumped away from the steering wheel, tucked my head under his chin, and let out a squeak. "What was that!"
Jace chuckled unexpectedly and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, holding me in place, and with his free hand he tucked a wild strand of hair behind my ear. Jace then kissed my temple, releasing a husky—sexy—breath. "I pushed you into the car's alarm."
I looked up at him in bewilderment. "The car can do that?"
He smiled. "Let's just say that humans were crazy drivers and needed to signal to other crazy drivers whenever they needed to. Or...to tell someone to f-off."
"I need one of those...alarms for my brother," I muttered.
"You know, I'd have to agree with you on that one." I felt his body shift and fall against his seat, taking me with him. "You kissed me," he said, in awe. "You kissed me."
I pulled away slightly and slid my hands up to rest against his chest. My cheeks turned pink. "Was that, um...Okay?"
"That was more than okay, Clarissa," he laughed. His eyes were the color of the sun. Bright. Beautiful. Mesmerizing. "You don't know how long I've waited for...that."
I suddenly giggled. "I never thought I could...It's just that, well, you know, there aren't many people to kiss around here and I certainly never imagined, not in a million years, that I was capable to doing, um, that. Oh my gosh. I kissed a Vampire."
He brushed his lips against my ear, shudders racing all up and down my spine. "Just between you and me," he whispered, his voice enough to unravel my already lacking composure, "Vampires are much better kissers."
"Except for me, right?" I asked, hopeful. Curious.
"Except for you," he answered without missing a beat. "You're an amazing kisser. Hands down the best kisser I've ever had the pleasure of knowing."
I blushed. Wow. I blush a lot around Jace.
"I'm sorry," I suddenly exclaimed. "I was stupid and I—"
"No," he shushed me immediately, taking both of my hands in one of his and kissing each individual finger, slowly, delicately, lovingly. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing at all. It's me who needs to apologize—"
"I just lost it back there and piled so much on you without even knowing if you felt the same way. It was careless on my part and... I'm sorry." His gaze was soft and calming, holding me in place and proving to be impossible to look away from. He was so beautiful. Perfect down to every eyelash, every curve, every golden fleck. "I feel so..." he released a ragged breath, searching for the right words to say. "I feel so strongly about you. I have ever since the first time I could see you. I was so sure about myself before you came into my life; I thought that the rest of my days would consist of me hiding away in my room and secretly hating my father. I thought that I'd just continue to be this annoying, scared, selfish prick that did nothing to stop the cruelty of the king. I thought that I'd suffer in silence forever.
"Then...Then I found you. I found a reason to change. I found a reason to fight...You've become absolutely everything to me, Clarissa." His free hand came up to cup my face so softly that I hardly even noticed its presence. I leaned against it as his thumb began to move back and forth over my cheek. "I just couldn't not hold back anymore. You're beautiful. You're so beautiful. You have this...crazy personality that's entirely different from my own. Everything about you is fascinating to me."
"Jace," I whispered slowly. "I feel the same way about you—I have for a long time, I think. I just didn't want to say anything because...Because of my father and brother; for stupid reasons. But I don't care anymore. It's unfair to you and it's unfair to me. I don't care."
He smiled and closed his eyes briefly. Perhaps he was trying to memorize this moment as detailed and comprehensive as I was trying to. When his eyes opened again they were determined and two pools of liquid fire. "You don't have to say anything, Clarissa. If you're disgusted I'd understand. I would. But you need to know and I need to say it: I'm in love with you. I am so completely and beyond shadow of a doubt in love with you."
So sorry for the long wait. Wow. I'm just a horrible person. School's no longer an excuse and I'll be out for at least another month or two, but I'm going on a week-long road trip all next week to Disney Land (EEP!). I'm going to try to get another chapter of Hate up tomorrow, though, so hopefully that will tie everyone over until the next update.
This chapter may not have reached your expectations and may not have been worth the wait, but it took me a long time to write and it was so hard to make a convincing love scene without having much experience myself. I may go back and change and add a few things, but I really didn't want to have to make you guys wait any longer.
Will edit soon.
I got a review from a guest that accused me of plagiarizing Erica Stevens's 'Captured', and I just wanted to say a few things. 1) You have no idea how much your review bothered me. 2) I haven't picked up that book in almost two years. 3) I have taken so much time and effort to write each individual chapter. 4) I literally said in the disclaimer that I based this story heavily off of the Captured series. Hell, my fanfiction is named after it. I based my plot off of the general plot of the Captured series' and, yeah, so what if Jace and Clary are the main characters.
Aria and Braith aren't in this story because this is a Mortal Instruments FANFICTION. I have given credit where I needed to give credit and I am in no way 'tip-toeing' along the line of copying someone else's work. I accept criticism. I accept reviews that yell at me for not updating (no matter how rude some of them may be), but your comment kept me from writing this chapter for a long time. Flippin' find another story to read if you feel the way that you do.