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Summary: Matthew's diary from the age of seven as he grew older and his life changed. From an innocent child to a shy mini-version of France to violent child.

Warnings: BoyxBoy - Yaoi - SLASH. PruCan - PrussiaxCanada - GilbertxCanada. CubaxCanada - CarlosxMatthew.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.

I do my ultimate best to fix grammar mistakes,
If you want to be a moron and complain about them,
Go straight ahead. Do your best not to seem like a flamer.
I understand that some of you actually wish to help.

For those who don't like my story and flame;
Log in into your account and don't be a coward,
Let me see you try to do better.


Dear Diary,

My name is Matthew Williams! Papa gave me this diary because I've been really sad since mommy died. She died of cancer, and papa was really sad and so am I.

It's been a year since mommy left though, and now papa is bringing home this really nice man who lets me call him daddy. He gets really teary eyed whenever I do, before saying he's so happy. I don't understand why though. He brought his son over the other day! His name is Alfred, and he's really nice!

We look a lot of alike and I heard papa and daddy talking about how we share a mommy but that makes no sense. He's older than me but mommy was with daddy, so how could he be my brother? He would have been with me, yes? I'm so confused.

Dinner is done so bye!

Dear Diary,

Papa and daddy said they were going to get married, and I'm really excited. Though I was put in time out because I started crying when they said I couldn't be the flower girl. They said only a girl could be a flower girl, but papa said I can be a flower girl! Daddy said it would be weird since the flower girl wears a dress, and I told him I wanted to wear a dress! So papa got me this frilly pink one, and it's really pretty!

Alfred teased me, but he said I looked pretty. Then he laughed and said my face was pinker than the dress, which made me turn red I guess and he said I had lobster cheeks.

In return I invited that Ivan friend of his, which caused him to glare at me but I find it funny! Ivan's really nice, too! He showed me Hockey and it's really cool!

Alfred and Ivan are calling me to go play, so bye!

Dear Diary,

Papa's friends came over and daddy said he didn't like them.

Antonio is in high school while Gilbert is in middle school, and papa had just got out of college - something after high school that you have to go to. Antonio is really nice but he's obsessed with tomatoes. Gilbert is super cool though! He calls me 'Birdie' and says that I'm cute. I blushed a lot I guess, and he laughed. He lets me sit on his lap and everything, too!

Daddy got mad at papa because he was letting Gilbert drink something he wasn't supposed too, but then Gilbert said he was German so it was okay. He got screamed at because I took a sip of it and it was really good, but daddy didn't like it. Papa found it funny and he and Antonio were laughing.

I wonder what was so funny?

Dear Diary,

Papa and Antonio went to go pick Gilbert up and brought me with.

We were early, so I decided to find Gilbert myself and I found him walking out of his classroom. I gave him a big hug and he picked me up, and introduced me to a bunch of girls. They were really nice - and one had this really big chest, and I asked if I could touch it. The boys laughed while the girls gaped at me. Gilbert started laughing and said I was like papa.

The girl who I call Katy because her name is too hard to say let me fall asleep on her chest and when I woke up I was sitting on Gilbert's lap back home. She was really nice and I asked if I could go see her again tomorrow. Gilbert said yes, and now I get to go pick him up every day so I can so hi to everyone!

Dear Diary,

It has been a month since I last entered in here so I better catch up.

I just entered third grade and Alfred entered middle school, while Gilbert is in high school now. He got a girlfriend and she was really nice, but I heard she cheated on him and Gilbert was very sad. I told him that I would always love him and he laughed. I was with him the entire day and I got to sleep on his lap.

Alfred is in sixth grade I guess, and he got in trouble for writing out some complicated Algebra thing on the desk and daddy had to pay to have it replaced. He was told to do it on paper next time. And not during a test.

Ivan and I watched a Hockey game yesterday too. I was cheering on the Canadians, he was cheering on the Russians we got into a fight. I bruised his ribs and broke his arm while he brought my ankle and bruised my ribs. Now I'm wearing a cast and Gilbert is making me soup while I write in this. I was scolded and told I needed a way to let out any pent up anger. I guess this was already budding because I made Alfred cry by pointing out all of his flaws.

I'm also no longer allowed to read any books on daddy's and papa's bookshelf because I picked up too many things. I'm also not allowed to touch my teacher's chest.

Dear Diary,

I kissed Gilbert today. He had gotten red and told me that I couldn't kiss him. I asked why and he said it was because I'm too young, and that I needed to wait before I could kiss anyone. I nodded and told him that I want to kiss him when I'm older. He had gotten all red faced before laughing. Though he told me I couldn't tell papa or daddy because they would get mad at him, so I didn't.

The reason why I kissed him is because I saw a boy and girl kiss on the TV and I wanted to kiss someone too, so I chose Gilbert. He is my friend after all.

I was signed up in a program called 'Hockey-For-Kids' so that I could release my anger. I had gotten in trouble for chipping someone's tooth in another team during a game. I couldn't play so rough I guess. Ivan and I play Hockey really good, though! We can play as rough as we want and we don't injure each other because we can keep up with each other though he's better than me.

Dear Diary,

I'm now in fourth grade!

I don't have many friends though. No one wants to be my friends because I read so much, and because I carry around a stuffed polar bear I named Kumajiro. Gilbert gave him to me, and I really like him. They call me a baby and I hate it.

I had beat up this kid who said I was weird and I got in trouble. I was suspended for three days before I returned. Dad said I was lucky charges weren't pressed against me, while Gilbert praised me.

Gilbert got his driver's license now, and he drives me to the Ice Rink all the time. He takes me out for ice cream, to the library, and we can hang out all the time after school when he isn't with Antonio and papa. It's really fun though.

Dear Diary,

I made a new friend.

His name is Carlos and we both really like ice cream, and he says I'm cute. He doesn't like my brother though, and they got into a fight. He's two years older than me, and papa said that I need to make friends my age and I said I don't want too. Carlos is really smart and lets me read his textbooks from sixth grade and it's really cool.

I haven't hung around Gilbert or Ivan for over a month now, but I have Carlos so it's okay. He kissed my cheek and I blushed really hard, and he told me when I'm older he'll give me a real kiss. I can't wait for that day.

Dear Diary,

I'm in fifth grade now and this is my new diary. My old one is filled with my diary entries and pictures, so I had papa get me a new one. He said I didn't need to, but I said I wanted one.

Carlos and I skipped school today and got in trouble for it, though it was really fun.

He got into the local high school and messed with everyone, and Carlos put tacks on Alfred's seat. I put dye into all of the girl's shampoo and conditioner bottles while they were out in cheer leading practice. We didn't go home until really later because we stayed at the arcade and ate ice cream and pizza for the whole day. When I got back home dad and papa said I couldn't be around Carlos anymore because he was a bad influence, and I screamed at them before locking myself in my bedroom.

That's why I'm writing in here as I list out today. I've taped in tons of pictures of today in here already. We went into one of those photo booth things that took a bunch of pictures and put them in a line, I can't remember what they're called though.

I know I'm going to have to talk to papa and dad eventually, but for now I'm going to play angry.

Dear Diary,

I was grounded for two weeks, and I can only see Carlos whenever we're supervised now.

Luckily, Alfred and Ivan went to the arcade and they took us! Carlos and I ditched them and played a game together the whole time. We took more pictures with my camera and in the photo booth. When I went back home and when I knew no one was watching, I kissed his cheek before rushing back inside. I was embarrassed and I still am.

Gilbert and I are going to go to the movies tomorrow while Carlos is going to the doctor for a check up! It's going to be really fun.

Dear Diary,

Gilbert asked me why I was misbehaving so much recently. I told him it was because it was fun and Carlos was happy when we did those things. He told me that I shouldn't be doing those things and we got into a fight. Eventually he pushed away the subject and we ended up watching two different movies before getting dinner at IHOP.

I love pancakes so much.

I kissed his cheek and he got really red. I had laughed at him before we went back home. When I went to my room to call Carlos, he went with papa and Antonio to go do something called 'Number Hunting' while dad rolled his eyes.

Dear Diary,

I'm in sixth grade now.

Carlos let me kiss him on the lips finally, and I started blushing really after it. He laughed and told me when I'm older he'll show me something more. I can't wait until I'm older.

Dear Diary,

I got in trouble with Carlos.

We were found spray painting the gym with the Cuban and Canadian flag. Papa and dad has to pay half of the cost to fix it up, and I was grounded for two months. I was banned from ever seeing Carlos again, but I'm still texting him and talking to him on my phone.

Alfred is in ninth grade so he's allowed to date people now. He's dating Ivan currently, and all they do is sit around and eat junk food, play video games, and go to the movies. I've seen them kiss a few times but they were only pecks. Since they were older, why wouldn't they kiss more? I'm confused but oh well. Maybe Alfred is scared of kissing?

Dear Diary,

Carlos and I got into a fight and just because I was mad at him, I had kissed Gilbert when no one else around. He's in college now, and he told me he's too old to be kissing me. I got mad but instead of storming away I kissed him again before running off. I was really red though. A week after Carlos and I were friends again, and I told him I kissed Gilbert. I said I was sorry and he told me he wasn't mad, he said we were fighting so it was fine. He said as long as I don't kiss anyone else while we're friends, then he would be fine.

I had kissed him in apology, and told him to sneak into my room later tonight because I wanted to show him my new Hockey jersey. When I helped him into my room that was two stories up, I showed him it and he laughed before kissing me. That was when dad decided to check up on me and I got into trouble. Carlos was kicked out and papa and dad scolded me.

They said I was too young to be kissing anyone, and asked if I did anything other than kissing. I asked what else there was other than kissing, and dad sighed while papa blinked and started laughing and said that I should stay innocent of the world like I am.

I'm confused.

Dear Diary,

I wanted to know what was beyond kissing so I looked it up on the internet on my laptop.

I'm mentally scarred for life.

Dear Diary,

I'm in seventh grade now and Carlos is now in ninth grade and we're separated by schools again. I'm really sad but Carlos and I are still friends, so I'm fine.

Gilbert and I went to the movies and he took me to the arcade. He said that my parents told him to talk to me about being friends with Carlos. He said I should make more friends, and I said I didn't want more friends. He told me that I needed to normal friends, friends that I didn't kiss. I had told him fine, and now I'm trying to become friends with other kids in my classes.

I hate them all.

Dear Diary,

I got in trouble for beating up three kids for insulting my favorite Hockey team and I was expelled for five days.

Totally worth it.

Dear Diary,

This is my new diary.

My past two diaries are filled my entries, pictures, and other little things I've packed the with. All my lovely memories.

Carlos and I kissed earlier today. With tongue. I had started it and at the end, he said we should wait before we went any further. I said okay and he let me kiss him. Though he did dominant the kiss, I really don't care.

We got caught by dad. Carlos was kicked out and I was grounded for three days. They were mad that I was still friends with Carlos, and even angrier about the fact that I was kissing him 'un-innocently'.

Dear Diary,

I'm in eighth grade now.

Carlos and I got into a huge fight and we haven't talked over the entire summer, but I know I'm going to forgive him soon, and he'll forgive me.

Before I did say sorry though, I got Gilbert alone and kissed him. With tongue. Somehow I ended up with a hickey on my neck, and I had returned the favor. Afterwords, however, Gilbert groaned and started cursing himself. I giggled and told him that it was fine. I gave him one last kiss before my parents would come home from the movies, or before my brother and Ivan would get home from their date.

Dear Diary,

I told Carlos about what I did when Gilbert during our fight, and he got jealous. He ended up leaving multiple hickey's on my neck, and had taken off my shirt and made me make weird sounds which I registered as moans. He got really proud of that fact before continuing.

With our luck, of course, we were caught by dad.

My life sucks.

Dear Diary,

I haven't written in here since eighth grade, huh?

I better catch up on everything.

Ivan and Alfred were caught making out at school. They didn't get into as much trouble as I would have because they're in twelfth grade. I find it a bit unfair but I knew there was the reason because they were both going to be adults soon, and Ivan has been offering a Hockey scholarship and Alfred is going through multiple offers to schools and already has been offered a contract with NASA after he graduates college.

A month after entering ninth grade, Carlos took my virginity. Since then we've had sex practically everywhere while managing not getting caught. Public bathrooms, the public library, the school library, my room, the living room, the kitchen, a janitor's closet, the ice rink, the locker room, and tons of other places I can't remember at the moment.

Carlos gave me this really pretty gold locket. It's a gold heart hanging off a gold chain, and inside of it is a picture of us back when we first skipped school and went to the arcade and pranked the high school students. He said that once we graduate high school that we'll get married. I'm so happy. I truly do love him. I won't tell anyone until much later on, because I know they'll just tell me I'm too young to know about love. But I know I'll stay with Carlos forever.

Dear Diary,

Carlos died.

He was driving home after dropping me off at home and a drunk driver crashed into him. He had died in the hospital. Before he died, he said goodbye before I started crying. Papa and dad comforted me, and Alfred took a break from college to visit me.

Not even Gilbert and his nickname for me could cheer me up.

Dear Diary,

I'm in tenth grade now.

The last time I wrote in this was when Carlos died. I still cry when I think about it, but I'm slowly getting better. Dad and papa has me go to a therapist every week now, they want me to stop being so sad. Being depressed they said.

My therapist told me to start writing in my diary again, and to go over everything. I started crying when reading over everything Carlos and I did. It brought back a lot of memories before I finally realized that Carlos wouldn't want me to be so sad. He would want me to be happy, for me to move on.

To say a final goodbye, I put the locket he gave me into a small chest I bought. I put also put in pictures of Carlos by himself that I kept, as well as the extra pictures and copies of older pictures. I didn't want to let go of our memories, I just wanted to get over his death. I wanted to stop being so sad. I want to say goodbye, though I know I'll always love him. I buried the chest in the backyard.

Dad made me some tea and comforted me when I started crying all over again.

I finally said goodbye.

Dear Diary,

Gilbert and I are now dating.

I'm in eleventh grade now, and I asked him out. At first he was shocked before accepting. He took me to the movies and kissed by goodnight. I was happy. All the other boys and girls that I tried dating kept on wanting more than I was ready to give, but Gilbert said he was willing to wait for me to be totally in love with him.

So..I'm happy.

Dear Diary,

Gilbert and I have been dating for a year now. We've gotten as far as possible without actually having sex, and it's nice. He gave me my first beer and I ended up getting drunk and he had to take me home and deal with screaming from my dad for getting me drunk.

Alfred and Ivan plan on getting married when Alfred graduates in the next five years. He's going to get his Masters, while Ivan enters Hockey as a player. He only has a year to go though.

Gilbert's calling, so goodbye my diary.

For now.

Dear Diary,

I've graduated. I'm going into cooking school to be a professional chef, while Gilbert is an author. He writes fiction and nonfiction. He had even based one of his books on me after I let him go through my old diaries. He ended up hugging me tightly after going through them all.

I read the book, and basically he wrote out my entire life with the change of names. Even when I was with Carlos. I couldn't help but laugh, then cry, which leaded to him apologizing, which somehow leaded to him dragging me to our bed and well...you know.

I'm happy. Truly.

Dear Diary,

This is going to be my final entry.

I'm thirty-nine now, and life is good.

Gilbert and I had surrogate children. We got triplets then a pair of twins. Yeah. It's Hell.

There's Julchen who looks like the female version of Gilbert. She's sixteen with two brothers born of the triplets. Luke looks exactly like me but with red eyes and he wears his hair in a ponytail. Then there's Adrian who is a perfect mix of Gilbert and I - his hair, my eyes, his skin, my body type. He's adorable, and rather innocent when it comes down to it. I've caught all three of them in the act. Julchen was with an Austrian girl who is the daughter of Gilbert's ex-girlfriend that cheated on him and the guy she cheated on him with. Gilbert doesn't want his daughter anywhere near the girl. Luke was caught with a boy named Ted. Gilbert was the one to catch them and claimed he was mentally scarred because Luke was doing things that he had seen in his brother's porn magazines. Adrian had been two boys. Gilbert had caught them and had nearly killed the two boys. These three are seventeen.

Then there are my little angels. Identical twins - Frederick and Carlos. Gilbert named Frederick after a favorite dead uncle he was very close too, and I named Carlos because they were born on Carlos' birthday. Gilbert had pouted but had given in. They both had mismatching eyes - one red, one violet - with platinum blonde hair. They are both twelve and currently fighting over a 'girl' they licked. Ivan said that the 'girl' is the son of a old friend of his that married a man that liked to dress in girls clothes and looked rather feminine. It had passed down apparently.

Life is life, no?

I finally learned what happened to my birth mother.

Alfred and I are half-brothers because out mother had tricked papa and dad and had us both in a separation of time, and that was how they met. Complicated.

I also own a popular restaurant, and of course a popular cafe right across the street from it. Gilbert is able to make a nice amount of money from it all thanks to royalties. So, life is good.

That's all.

Goodbye my diary.

"Papa!", Julchen cried, "Adrian brought home the boys again!"

"WHAT? I'LL KILL THEM!", Gilbert's voice shouted.



Matthew sighed, shutting the old diary before placing it into the box of old items. He looked around the old attict with a sad smile before leaving to see the chaos.

~ Authors Note ~

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