PART 1

THE BEGINNING
They say the Pokémon world is all about fun and laughter. That´s fucking bullshit if you ask me.
For me, life in the Pokémon world has been nothing but one living nightmare.
I´m (or better said, I once was) a Poochyena, by the way and I used to live with my family in the route 101 from Hoenn. At first, everything was fine, but then some dipshit trainers started to hunt us and tried to capture us, so we have to run away, but my mom and my brothers were captured by one of those despicable shitheads. I never saw them again, after they were captured but my father told me that all the captured Pokémon are instantly brainwashed, so they became slaves from the humans and there is no hope for them, so I had to forget about my family, trying to survive the best I could along with my father.

A FUCKING TRAP
One day, the humans captured us and brought us to some sort of lab which was hidden inside of one cave: those humans weren´t Pokémon trainers, instead of that there were scientists who worked for a criminal organization which wanted to create a super powered Pokémon which could allow them to take over the world.
I hate those fuckers because they made us the subject of their disgusting and humiliating experiments, and I wanted to kill them, but I was so weak I couldn´t hurt them, so my revenge has to wait. My father felt in the same way about them.

THE BIRTH OF A BIG SUPER-POKEMON MONSTER
One day those motherfuckers tried to take my father away from me in order to put him to sleep, and that triggered my transformation, and I became like some kind of big motherfucking monsters which instantly reduced all those scientist to a bloody pulp, and in that way I saved my father…or so I thought:
Before dying, one of the remaining scientists gave a last order to his Pokémon team: To kill me no matter the cost. Those weren´t ordinary Pokémon, instead of that all of them were disgusting abominations created in that laboratory, most of them were considered like failed experiments, but were very powerful and faithful to the humans anyway, so when I murdered his master, all wanted to kill me, and I bravely fought against all those motherfuckers, along with my father, but our powers were too much for the laboratory and we made the whole place to explode.
Somehow, I survived the explosion, but the impact sent me far away, to a distant land where I couldn´t find my father. My last fight against the mutated Pokémon left me too weak, and I feel unconscious.

IT IS SAFE?
When I woke up, I didn´t knew where I was, but there was some food put in some recipient near to me, so I ate it, because it was way too hungry . Then I tried to ran away from that place, but I still had many wounds on my body and legs so I couldn´t move very well, so I was upset about that and I wanted to kill some humans.
I was bored, and I couldn´t move very well, so I started to sleep again, and this time I dreamt about me killing some humans, but then someone wake me up. It was another Pokémon, who was all pink and fluffy like a balloon and said "Hi! Glad to meet you!"

MEETING OTHER POKEMON
Soon, other Pokémon entered to my room: They were all small and seemed to be weak compared with me, but they all seemed happy anyway and asked me who I was. I told them that I was a Poochyena, but they didn´t believe me, because I didn´t look like a Poochyena anymore. I was way too big and monstrous-looking, so they believed I was a new kind of Pokémon.
I asked them were I was, and the other Pokémon said I was in a Pokémon center, or something like that. I asked them if there were humans on that place, and they told me about their Pokémon masters. To my surprise, they didn´t hate the humans which captured them, but I guessed that it was because they were brainwashed like my father told me, so I said that I was going to kill the humans to release them, and they were so horrified about my idea that tow of them vomited.
Then, the pink Pokémon who looked like a balloon then begged me to don´t kill her master because she loved her so much or some shit like that and then I said "Ok, I won´t kill them if you help me to escape from this place without being noticed for the humans" and they accepted to help me, distracting their stupid masters in order to gave me some time to escape from the Pokémon center.
I didn´t feel tired anymore and I was cured from my wounds, so I was ready to start my quest to find my father, perhaps killing some humans in the process.

INTO THE WILDERNESS
Once again in the wilderness, I tried to get some help from other Pokémon in order to find my father, but all of them were a bunch of cowards which were afraid of me, and ran away every time I was close, so I was on my own, at least for a while.
Some Pokémon trainers which were members of a criminal band tried to capture me, but I sliced their throats with my fangs before they could even throw their fucking Pokeballs. Then, I ate their skin and their innards because I was very hungry.
Only one of those trainers was able to escape from me, and he quickly spread the word about a monstrous giant Pokémon was killing trainers in the woods. Most people didn´t believe him, but there were a couple of stupid dipshits which actually thought that they could be able to capture me, so I killed them all, and then ate their innards and skin, leaving only their bare bones.
Sometimes I released their captured Pokémon once they died; most of them just ran away after they saw me, but others tried to avenge their Pokémon masters, so I had to knock out them. I could have easily kill all of them just as their masters, but I didn´t hate them as much as the humans.

THE BATTLE AGAINST DEMON POKEMON
At first nobody noticed the mysterious disappearing of some Pokémon trainers, but once the humans find the bones of a very famous Pokémon trainer, people started to realize that all those rumors about a giant, almost invincible Pokémon (Moi) in the woods were true, so the government sent an army of expert Pokémon trainers ("Fucking humans", I said myself "Aren´t they able to do anything for themselves? Everything in this shitty world is done in some way or another by the Pokémon. " Sometimes I asked why they are the so-called dominant species of the planet, then again, I´m not very much into philosophy or bullshit like that so I mostly didn´t care)
Those Pokémon trainers had very powerful Pokémon, which could have easily defeated the Elite Four, but compared with me, they were nothing but a bunch of pansies, and one by one, they were all defeated. Anyway, I didn´t kill any of them (Well, almost any of them, I heard that a Raticate died from internal bleeding after fighting me) but their owners weren´t so lucky as they become my dinner, so the government was desperate about the situation and one day they sent a different kind of trainer, a guy with a very ridiculous outfit that not even the most extravagant celebrity from this decadent era would dare to wear…I soon realized that this guy wasn´t only a Pokémon trainer, but also a sorcerer, and he put a spell on his Pokémon, transforming them into demonic-like beings which were difficult to defeat and also were ugly as hell.
I fought against all those motherfuckers in the best way I could, but every time I thought I killed those bastards, they come back to life, stronger and uglier than ever.
Our fight almost destroys the entirety of the woods were I started to live, and the wild Pokémon had to ran away, but the battle wasn't over yet, so instead of killing those demonic Pokémon I tried to kill their masters. However, the fucker was a coward and used their monstrous servants as a living wall to protect him.
That creepy weirdo said: "Give up, monster. There is no way you could defeat me, the mighty and powerful Solomon Phoenix!" and then he started to laugh in a maniacal way which I found to be retarded rather than intimidating.
The intensity of the battle made me to develop a new kind of mutation, which made me more powerful and aggressive, so I used my new powers against those super-demonic Pokémons, but the shock of our energies created a cataclysm which opened a portal between dimensions and I was dragged there, a few seconds after I sliced the throat the "mighty" Solomon Phoenix with my fangs, much to the horror of his demonic Pokémon which insulted me and promised to take revenge of me some day. But I didn´t care.

IN ANOTHER DIMENSION
I wake up in the middle of some strange field, filled with many strange plants and other weird stuff which made me realize I wasn't in the Pokémon world anymore.
In that place, I was attacked by several giant creatures which looked like crabs with tentacles, but even when those abominations were bigger than me, I could kill them easily using my new powers.
I spent some time fighting against the monster from that strange planet in order to survive, while trying to find a way back to my house. I killed hundreds of those ugly motherfuckers, but I couldn´t ate them because they had a horribly taste, and their blood was acid and poisonous.
One day in that crazy planet I was so desperate to find food that I decided to ate one of those monstrous crab aliens, but I started to feel bad, and a few hours later I vomited and fell unconscious in the middle of some wasteland.

THE BLUE CAT ALIENS
When I regained my senses, I found myself in some kind of alien village, surrounded by some vaguely humanoid creatures which looked like blue cats: They cured me using many medicinal herbs, which renewed my strength after I spent ten days sleeping.
The aliens explained me that they were the Na'vi and that I was in Pandora, which wasn´t actually a planet, but a moon instead. However, I didn´t give a fuck about that and I asked them about a way in which I could return to my world.
However, since I was Pokémon, they couldn´t understand me, but allowed me to stay with them because my weird appearance reminded them a mythological figure from their tree-hugging culture.
Every night they told many stories about the meaning of existence and the role played by every living being in the universe, but I didn´t pay too much attention to them because I could barely understand their weird language and most of the time I was busy hunting monsters and wild animals that were trying to kill the Na'vi tribe.
They put me a name, Tsu´ayo, which I hated, but they thought that it was an ok name for me.

ANOTHER GODDAMN INTERDIMENSIONAL PORTAL
One day I was hunting a vicious monster which almost killed the leader of the Na'vi tribe. I found the monster and I fried it using some electrical powers I got in Pandora. However, that night there was some kind of electrical storm which opened a portal in the sky for a couple of seconds, and I was once again dragged to another distant place in the universe.

SHIT, WHERE I AM?
I woke up in a wasteland with entire mountains made of bones and junk everywhere, and there I was attacked once again by some disgusting mutant slugs which threw acid by one of their sixth mouths. One of them spitted their stinky acid over me and shit, that was disgusting, so I made all of them explode using my new powers, spraying their repugnant bodily fluids everywhere.
I wandered across that nightmarish region, trying to find somebody who could help me, and I only find more of those slugs (which I made to explode just for fun) insects and some mutant lizards.
That night, acid rain started to fell from the sky, so I had to take refuge in some cave inside the nearby area.

INSIDE THE MOTHERFUCKING CAVE
The cave was filled with lots of weird insects and mutated bats, but at least in that place I was safe of the acid rain.
I slept well that night, and I dreamt about finding my father and being reunited with my lost family once again, and together we killed many humans just for fun. It was a nice dream.

THE WIZARD
When I wake up in the cave, a strange light started to surround me, and then a very old man with pointy ears appeared in front of me:
"Hello", the Old Man said. "My name is Clawdorf, and this is my cave. Welcome"
"I don´t care who you are, just let me sleep if you don´t want to be killed, old fart" I told him, but surprisingly he wasn´t upset about that, and he said that he was a very powerful wizard and other kind of nonsense which I didn´t bother to listen, but his presence annoyed me, so I gently asked him to leave…A few seconds before trying to rip one of his arms with my fangs. Sadly, he had some kind of magic shield, so I couldn´t hurt him and that pissed me off.
Then Clawdorf told me to don´t be sad about that, and asked me to become his apprentice, so I could learn magic from him and I accepted, thinking that perhaps I will have the chance to kill that old fart in the future.

WIZARD CITY
Clawdorf showed me a way inside the cave which leaded towards a secret valley inside the mountains which was very beautiful, with magical woods populated by adorable creatures and pink ponies which were also delicious to eat (Were you really expecting any other kind of reaction from me?) However, the wizard didn´t care too much about that, much to my annoyance.
Clawdorf then showed me the way to a city in the middle of the valley, where he lived with other wizards and their magic apprentices which were mostly homunculi they created with their magic, or were monsters from other planets and dimensions, which were training to become the most powerful magician of that crapsack world and then I asked him why would someone want to rule that world which was already fucked up and had nothing but trash and mutant slugs with acid fluids, and then Clawdorf told me a boring and preachy story about the selfishness, greed and negligence of the people from that planet, who didn´t gave a rat ass about the environment until it was too fucking late, and then a war for the last resources started and millions were killed, or some shit like that. Too be honest, I wasn´t paying too much attention.
Anyway, according to Clawdorf most people were killed or turned into hideous mutant slugs during the war, so the only survivors were the wizards, which were able to protect a part of the world thanks to their magic, and then used their magic to get help from people of other worlds to reconstruct their civilization.
"According to one of our old prophecies, the only one who could restore the world in time of crisis is the one who becomes the most powerful wizard of all, and that man is supposed to rule us with justice and benevolence." Clawdorf said, and I told him that he was full of shit. Then I asked him in which way I was related to that prophecy bullcrap and then he told me that he perceived a great power in me, which could made me the greatest of all wizards which was supposed to restore his fucked up world. And for that reason, he wanted me to become his apprentice. And then I said him: "No thanks, dude, because I´m actually a Pokémon from another dimension and I don´t gave a shit about saving or ruling this shitty world anyway, and the only thing I want is to return to my world to find my father."
"But you have to help us…" he said. "You are a great candidate to become the greatest wizard ever, and you could save our world from its imminent destruction."
I reminded him once again that I didn´t care about his world, but he insisted so much that I wanted to kill him once and for all, but he was protected by his magic shield. That pissed me off a lot, and then Clawdorf told me that if I accepted his training to become a magician, I would be able to kill him."
I told him: "You are going to train me to kill you? What are you, dense? Are you retarded or something?" and then he told me that most of the people he loved and cared about died in the war, so he didn´t have very much reason to live anyway.
"My magic is the only thing that keeps me alive against my will, so killing me would be actually something merciful…"
"Okay," I said. "I will become you apprentice, but only because I hate you and I want to kill you."
"Fine" Clawdorf said, and we shook hands as a sign of our temporal alliance.

HOW I BECAME MAX WOLF
Clawdorf said that if I was going to be his apprentice, I needed a good wizard name and I told him that I already had a name: Tsu´ayo, the name the Na'vi tribe gave me, which I hated, but according to Clawdorf, that name wasn´t cool enough to impress others, so he decided to pick a new shitty name for me: Max Wolf.
"Why Max Wolf?" I asked him "It is a stupid name!"
"No,It´s not" Clawdorf answered me. "It is an awesome name! You are going to get like it with time."
In those moments, I was so angry with the old wizard that I wanted to kill him and eat his innards. Sadly, his magic shield protected him once again, so I couldn´t hurt him and I had to vent my rage once again on the ponies and little animals from the land, which I ate after smashing their skulls.
"One day I will smash Clawdorf's sku ll in the same way and I will eat his brain and his heart in front of him" I said myself, while I was eating the remains of those motherfucking pink ponies I killed.
I decided to kept the Max Wolf name, but only because it was easier to memorize and pronounce than my Na'vi name, Tsu´ayo, which I also hated.

SLUG DUNGEON
Clawdorf told me that in order to learn magic I had to assume and humanoid form, much to my annoyance and disgust.
"Why Pokémon aren´t able to learn magic, you discriminative cunt?" I asked him, and the old fart told me that he didn´t made the rules of magic, and told me to just accept the weird circumstances of my situation.
"Hey, you already suffered many transformations in the past, so what difference makes having another one?" he told me, and that was the moment when I regretted telling him the sad stories from my past during a brief moment of weakness. I accepted his stupid conditions anyway, so I had to transform into a human against my will.
In order to do that, we had to go to some creepy ass dungeon which was in the part of the planet dominated by the mutant slugs: I made all those disgusting bugs explode using my powers, but one of the slugs which was bigger than the others (I think it was their queen) spit me acid on the face, causing me to have a big scar in my left eye.
Filled with anger I used my electric powers to fry that bitch, and it exploded, covering the entire dungeon with her stinky blood. It was something way too disgusting to watch.
"Okay, we defeated all the slugs. What we are we supposed to do now?" I asked and Clawdorf told me that we had to found a magic crystal inside the dungeon, which could transform me into a human being.

MY TRANSFORMATION
We explored the dungeon for several hours, but we couldn´t find anything, instead of that we found more slug monsters which I killed with ease using my superpowers and my physical strength.
Then, in one of the deepest parts from the dungeon we found big motherfucking slug monster which was even bigger than the slug queen and it had ten monstrous heads and eight bat wings which also had missile launchers and also a poisonous tail covered with acid fluids.
That bastard almost killed me in a very long battle which almost cost me my life except when I use the abilities of my opponent to defeat him, confusing the monster with some fast movements which caused it to be destroyed with its own missiles.
When the monster exploded, his acid blood was sprayed everywhere, and I saw something shinning inside of its innards, and I realized it was the magic crystal we were looking for.
I touched it and I was suddenly transformed into a human being.

THE AFTERMATH
After all the embarrassing and disgusting implications involving my transformation into a human being were explained to me by Clawdorf, the old wizard told me that now I will have to use clothes, something which pissed me off, because I never needed that kind of stuff before.
Clawdorf told me that not using any clothes as a human would cause me trouble in the future with other people, and reminded me that now that I was his apprentice I will have to use a wizard cloak, which looked gay and stupid, but I was forced to use it in order to learn magic.
I promised myself that one day I will use no more clothes than the skin of my enemies and that I will always drink their blood on Clawdorf´s skull, for forcing me to wear that ridiculous outfit.

TRAINING
The first part of the training consisted in studying some boring books and listening some utterly pointless stories about self-control, being generous and compassionate and not using the violence except when it was strictly necessary and some shit like that.
I hated that part of the training, because it required me to think about some shitty stuff I never cared about like the meaning of existence and the purpose of my life, but once that boring mental training was over, I had the chance to fight against other wizards in order to develop my new magic abilities.
Most of the wizards were easy to defeat since most of them were a bunch of tree-huggers and peace-loving dipshits, and I humiliated them in the tournament we did in order to test our magical abilities, but there were also a couple of very powerful magicians that were difficult for me to defeat.
The only thing which I didn´t like about that part of my magical training was that I wasn´t allowed to kill my opponents, so I had to let all those losers live with the pain of their humiliating defeats.

DEFEATING THE MOST POWERFUL MAGICIANS
Some of my most powerful opponents were able to summon super powered beasts from other dimensions to fight for them, and others were super powered beast themselves, but I was able to defeat each one of them after the long and horribly traumatic special training I received from Clawdorf, who made to fight every day against entire armies of mutant slugs and other abominations that lived on his planet, which almost killed me several times, but I was always able to destroy all those bastards.
That training allowed me to become more and more powerful, so it made easy for me to defeat most of my opponents, despite of their great abilities and strength, but there was still one opponent to defeat: His name was Kekanu and he looked like a giant demon and he also improved his evil magical abilities killing mutant slugs and other beasts from that crappy planet.
His mentor was an old wizard with three eyes called Naeem, which was also Clawdorf´s biggest rival, because they once loved the same women who died during the war days on that planet or some shit like that. Anyway, I didn´t care at all about that romance bullshit, but I wanted to defeat Kekanu because he dared to tell me in my face that he was a vastly superior wizard, and I wanted to smash his smug, arrogant face in the ground and eat his innards.
Our battle was programmed for the following week, so during that time I trained with more intensity than ever.

THE FIGHT AGAINST KEKANU
One fucking week later:
I finally had the chance to fight against Kekanu, but before our final match, the wizard city received a special guest from another dimension called Eian, who was supposed to be the judge of our battle in order to determine who deserved more the title of the best magician.
In order to entertain Eian, the wizard organized a loser tournament where all the opponents who were defeated by me or Kekanu had the chance to show their abilities, but Eian wasn´t impressed by this.
"I'm not impressed; I've seen better battles with Beatles in a bottle." He said.
The winner of that loser tournament was Griffith, one of my previous opponents and the one which I considered to be the less annoying of the bunch, because he was a badass motherfucker and a worthy opponent who didn´t need to summon any magic beast to fight against because he was already a monstrous beast with lots of special superpowers. Even when he was a tree-hugger and a pony-lover, I was kinda glad he was the winner of that lousy tournament.
After that, my fight against Kekanu started, and our powers unleashed were strong enough to cause an electrical storm. That captured the attention span of Eian:
"Now that´s impressive" he said, while drinking a beer.
Kekanu used his magic to transform himself into a dragon with three heads and laser beams on his shoulders, and then he started firing at me, boy he made the worst mistake by striking head-on, since I was able to use my super speed to confuse him at least for a while, and then I was able to cut two of the three heads of the dragon with my bare hands.
However, Kekanu seemed to be unaffected by that, as he simply made his severed heads to transforms into hideous mutant monsters which tried to kill me to eat my innards, but I made those ugly motherfucker to explode using my magic. Then I ripped the wings and the laser beams from Kekanu´s dragon body with my teeth, spraying his blood everywhere.
He screamed in pain, and the taste of his blood made me feel great, so I started taunting him:
"Is that all what you have, bastard?" I asked him, before spitting Kekanu´s blood on the ground.

KEKANU REVEALS HIS FUCKING UGLY TRUE FORM
"I will not be defeated so easily." Kekanu said, glaring at me, and then he transformed into a hideous beast with a more humanoid appearance, which was also much more powerful and dangerous, as he was able to almost killing me with one super destructive energy blast which burned one of my legs.
I told him: "Bastard!" and he just laughed, and that pissed me off, so I used my magic energy to generate a magic sword which I immediately used to cut the left hand of that motherfucker.
"Ouhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, my hand." He said, and then I use my sword to cut his ugly head.
Everyone was shocked by that, and all of them remained silent for a while, thinking that I killed my opponent; something like that would have disqualified me from the wizard tournament. However, before I was disqualified, Kekanu´s severed head started laughing, and then he said that he wasn´t dead yet.
"I told you that I will not be defeated so easily…" He remarked, just before his headless body started attacking me with all its strength, and then I asked:
"What the fuck are you, motherfucker?"
Kekanu laughed, and then his severed head transformed into a monster, while his headless body transformed into a demon-like creature which I instantly recognized as one of the demonic Pokémon from Solomon Phoenix, one of my old opponents. (See the previous chapter "THE BATTLE AGAINST DEMON POKEMON")
"As I promised in the past, here we are to take revenge of you for the death of our Pokémon trainer, Solomon Phoenix."

KEKANU´S REVENGE AGAINST ME
"Fuck" I said with annoyance. "I can´t believe that any of you, fuckers were able to find me in another dimension."
"We followed you through the inter-dimensional portal which was created during our last battle. However, my partners were lost in other planet and dimension, and I was the only one to arrive to this place, where I met the old wizard Naeem, who used his magic to predict your arrival at this world. I became his apprentice in order to be powerful enough to defeat you and I waited patiently to have the chance to humiliate you in front of everyone, in order to avenge my Pokémon trainer!"
"Pfft!" I answered him with disdain. "I can´t believe that you are still upset about that after all this time. Move on, dude."
For some reason, my words angered that motherfucker, and that bastard used his demonic magic to paralyze me, and then he started to break all the bones from my body, one by one.
Everyone was horrified to see that, but they were too afraid to act.
"Eian, you must do something" Clawdorf said, but that idiot wasn´t able to do anything more than crying and calling his mommy in a very loud voice, so I had to solve my problems by myself, as always.

KEKANU IS FINALLY DEFEATED
"Fucker, you think that you are the only one who was improving his abilities all this time?" I said, with a loud voice, as I used all my inner magic energy to release myself from Kekanu´s control. Then I used my special powers to transform myself into a super-wolf-like beast, while Kekanu and his partner transformed into a big motherfucking dragon.
"Give up, Max Wolf!" those dipshits said. "We are going to kill you, eat your innards and then rape your corpse. And then we will kill all the wizards and Eian to honor the memory of our trainer…"
The other wizards had a "what the fuck, dude" expression on their faces, while Eian started to cry louder than before, pissing his pants in fear.
"Fuck you, Kekanu," I said, before making my last attack, which consisted in one intense energy blast which burned Kekanu and his partner, but before they were both reduced to dust, they made their last attack too, which consisted in a rain of dark magic beams which was powerful enough to destroy the entire wizard planet, but I somehow managed to absorb all that dark energy, becoming more powerful than ever and saving everyone the process.
The last words from Kekanu were: "Fuck you, Max Wolf. I am sure my partners will avenge our master Solomon Phoenix"
Then he and his partner died, turning into dust.

HOW I BECOME THE MOST POWERFUL WIZARD
After I won the battle against Kekanu, the other wizards (except for Naeem, who was upset for the death and defeat of his pupil) were ready to celebrate my triumph as the greatest magician of that crappy planet, but then Eian said that technically I shouldn´t be considered the winner of the battle because I killed my opponent and that was against the rules, and everyone glared at him.
"Shut the fuck up, Eian" Clawdorf said, and everyone agreed with him. That was the moment when Eian felt like the biggest idiot of the Universe and started crying again. It was something fun to watch.
"It´s ok…" I said. "I wasn´t that much interested in becoming the greatest wizard, I only wanted to defeat Kekanu. "I don´t want to become the leader of this crappy planet anyway. "
"But you must rule us; otherwise our planet will be fucked up forever!"
"Yeah, but I don´t care…" I said. "I only started this stupid wizard training because I wanted to be powerful enough to kill Clawdorf. And that reminds me something…"
I was ready to behead Clawdorf, but then one bright light surrounded me, and then my mind was transported to some kind of magical dimension, where I meet a big talking tiger who told me the following:
"Congratulations, Max Wolf. You won the wizard battle. As the god of magic, I now concede you the title of the greatest wizard. Now you can start ruling my people with generosity and benevolence…"
"But I don´t want to do that," I answered him. "Ruling planets is boring and requires responsibility. I also have to find my missing father, who is lost somewhere in the Universe…"
The giant tiger remained silent for a moment and then it made me the following offer:
"Okay, what about this: I will help you to find your father if you accept to rule the wizard people for the rest of your life…"
I had to think the offering for a couple of minutes. Then I said:
"Okay, but with one condition: I will find my father FIRST, and then I will start ruling this lame planet. Agreed?"
"Agreed." the god of magic said. "I will allow you to search for your missing father, but once you find him, you will have to return to the wizard planet to rule it for the rest of your life. Do you understand?"
"Yes, I understand. But before that, I will be free to do whatever I want?"
"Well, technically you could. At least it is none of my business, as long you help the wizard people first…"
"What do you mean with that?" I asked him, and then the giant tiger used his divine magic one me, and my mind instantly returned to the stupid wizard planet, where everyone seemed confused about what was happening.

HOW I RESTORED A CRAPSACK WORLD AND I DIDN´T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THAT
"What the fuck happened?" Clawdorf asked me, and I answered him that I was with the god of magic which looked like a big talking tiger.
"The God of magic is a tiger?" Griffith asked, and I nodded.
"He also allowed me to do anything I want before I find my father." I explained the stupid wizards. "That means that only after I found my father I will become the ruler of the crappy planet."
"The god of magic really told you that?" Eian asked, and everyone ordered him to shut the fuck up.
"Oh yeah, he also mentioned something about helping the wizards, but I am not sure what he meant with that…" I said, just before one magical bright light started to surround me, and then the light expanded for the whole crappy wizard planet, restoring it completely.
There weren´t any mutant slugs or any other kind of monster anymore, and the environment was restored and some shit like that. All the wizards were happy about this, but that last event made feel angry because I then heard a voice inside my mind who told me the following words:
"Max, the way in which your magical powers unconsciously regenerated the wizard planet is a sign of our pact. Your quest to find your father starts now, but once you find him, you will instantly return here to rule my people for the rest of your life. Peace."
The voice was from the god of magic, and I realized that he was able to see anything I did, so I had to start the quest to find my father sooner I expected, and that made feel very angry and upset, and I had to vent my rage on some ponies. And also on Clawdorf, but even when I beheaded him, he was still alive, and in a few seconds, he was back to normal once again, much to my annoyance.
"I think that my inner magic is more powerful I thought" he said, and that pissed me off, so I had to kill more ponies in order to vent my increasing rage.
"Fuck this gay universe" I said myself while I was eating the innards of those ponies. And that´s how my new quest started.