Office Tryst by Layton Colt

Daniel and Sam plot revenge on Janet for spreading a rumor about them, but as always with our beloved SG-1, things don't go as anticipated.

Author's Notes: This story has no point or redeeming value whatsoever. I wrote it in school today because my classes are boring. Read at your own risk.

Also, there's a slight reference to the movie 'When Harry met Sally,' the famous part with Meg Ryan in the diner. If you know what I'm talking about, you can probably guess the direction this story will be taking.

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"This will work!" Sam insisted.

Daniel pried his eyes from his computer and gave her a dubious look. "I'm not doing it," he told her firmly.

"Don't you want to get back at Janet for that rumor she spread about us?"

"I don't let rumors get to me. You shouldn't, either," he said vaguely, once again absorbed in the writing on his screen.

Sam made a sound of frustration, and started to pace. "It's not the rumor! People have said we're sleeping together before. In fact if we believed in gossip I've slept with everyone on the team and so have you. That doesn't bother me, I don't care what they think. What bothers me is that Janet told people we were together when she knew it wasn't true! She's just doing it to irritate me."

"And you think this plan -and I use the term loosely- will get back at her?"

Sam's eyes lit up. "Oh, absolutely. Janet won't know what to make of it. It'll drive her insane."

"No," Daniel said steadfastly. "You'll have to think of something else."

"But Daniel-" Sam whined.

Daniel turned in his chair so that he was facing his teammate. "Sam, think about this ingenious plan of yours for a minute, would you? Janet told her nurses we were sleeping together - and you want to get back at her by making her think we're sleeping together. Explain this logic to me."

"It's not about logic, Daniel," Sam said with narrowed eyes. "It's about revenge."

Daniel sighed, "What did you want me to do again?"

Sam smiled gleefully - she was wearing him down. "Alright, you know how sometimes in sitcoms you'll have two actors who are supposed to pretend to be having sex to fool one of the other characters? You know, they'll bounce on the bed and yell fake things out?"

Being an anthropologist, Daniel was unflustered by her bluntness. "Yea."

"Let's do that."

Daniel looked around his office. "I don't have a bed," he pointed out.

Pleased that Daniel was contributing Sam smiled. "I'll just bounce on the couch. You don't even need to get up from your computer."

"Wow. I'm good."

Sam gave him a withering look. "So, will you do it?"

Daniel tapped his fingers on the arm of the chair. "You say it'll drive Janet insane?"

Sam's eyes gleamed with anticipation. "She'll be thoroughly crazed."

Daniel grinned suddenly. "The marines have been giving me hell about this rumor."

"Help me do this, Daniel, and Janet will get what's coming to her."

"You're sure about this?" Daniel asked uncertainly.

Taking this as an agreement to her plan and not a question, Sam simply nodded before reviewing her plans. "Alright, we'll have to work on what we're going to say . . . I can fake the classic Meg Ryan orgasm, what about you?"

Even Daniel -an anthropologist- almost chocked on his coffee at Sam's comment.

"Ah . . . won't that be enough?" he asked meekly.

"No," Sam said adamantly. "Janet has to know it's you in here with me . . . come on, try something."

Sam sat down on the couch and placed her elbows on her knees. "Try yelling my name, but not too loud. We don't want anyone to hear . . . yet."

"Ah - alright," Daniel cleared his throat. "Oh . . . Sam . . ."

Sam grimaced. "Don't ever be an actor."

Daniel cast her a sideways glance and sighed deeply. "There go my dreams of Broadway . . ."

Sam glared at him irritably and made a mental not to tell the Colonel to watch what he said around the young linguist. He was obviously a bad influence.

"We'll need to work on this."

Daniel's resolve to follow through was quickly dwindling. "Sam, maybe we should just-"

"No. No, you can't back out!"

"Sam-"

"Look, I'll help you, alright? Do it like this - Daniel! Oh, Daniel! Yes! Yes!"

Giggling could be heard rushing past the door.

"Alright!" Daniel shouted. "That's it. I can't do this."

"Daniel, please! Look, you did alright. I'm going to have Janet paged to the research lab. Lieutenant Simmons said he'd help me out and call Janet down for a cut he got a couple days ago."

"Lieutenant Simmons?" Daniel laughed. "I'm not surprised he wants to get back at Janet, too - for making him think you were involved with someone else!"

Sam glared at him but ignored the comment and continued laying out her plan. "I'll watch for her, when she starts down the hall - we start the show."

Sam looked extremely proud of herself. Daniel looked almost terrified.

"It'll never work! I can't do this, Sam."

Sam waved off his concerns and picked up the phone. "Graham? Yes, I talked him into it, call her in now. Thanks."

"Alright," Sam said as she peeked out the door. "Janet should be coming by at any minute."

"Sam-"

"It will go fine, Daniel," Sam reassured. "I'm sure you'll do fine."

"But Sam!"

"Shhh!" Sam hissed followed by a giddy giggle that had Daniel doubting her sanity. "She's coming!"

Sam jumped onto the couch. "We just have to wait a moment."

Daniel groaned and placed his head in his hands. Why did he always let Sam drag him into these things?

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Janet had just started down the hall towards the research lab when someone called her from behind.

"Dr. Fraiser!"

Janet twirled around and nodded as General Hammond and Colonel O'Neill walked up to her.

"You're needed in the science lab," Jack said. "Apparently the new team is having trouble with those samples from P879-"

"82," the General finished. "We're here to get Dr. Jackson and Captain Carter as well."

"But sir-" Janet started. "I'm needed in the research lab."

"If it's anything important they can go to the infirmary. You're to go to the science lab."

Janet pressed her lips together. "Yes, sir."

Janet turned and went the other way, and Jack and the General continued down the hall.

Jack had just lifted his hand to knock when 'the show' started.

Jack's hand froze midair as the first cries reached them.

"Oh yes! Daniel! Daniel!"

Sounds of the old leather couch getting bumped around followed.

"God, Sam, yes!"

"My word . . ." the General murmured. His face was rapidly turning red.

Jack's eyes narrowed and he flung the door open. He didn't see what he had expected.

Sam was on the couch, frozen mid bounce. Daniel was clear across the room sitting at his computer.

Curious as to why Sam had stopped, Daniel leaned back and tipped his head backwards.

The General and Jack entered his field of vision and he gasped. He lost his balance and toppled from the chair.

Sam jumped from the couch and stood at attention.

"Hey, kids," Jack said with a smile. "Whatcha doin?"

"General, Colonel," Sam squeaked.

"Ah, hey, Jack, General," Daniel said as he stood from the floor and dusted himself off.

"Carter, Daniel," Jack greeted again. "Hard at work as usual, I see."

"Ah, actually we were taking a break," Daniel said. "Sam was teaching me to do a . . . Meg Ryan orgasm, was it?"

A strangled sound came from Sam's general direction.

"You're needed in the science lab," the General said. He was trying to remain professional - even in such an uncomfortable situation.

"Right away, sir," Sam said quickly.

The General turned on his heel and fled.

"There's a story behind this, isn't there?" Jack asked with a grin.

"Not one you'll ever hear," Sam said, adding a hasty, "sir," at the end.

"Come on, Carter," Jack said. "Lighten up, will ya?"

"Sir! The General just overheard us - well, you know."

"Actually, I don't," Jack said. "I rarely understand what you kids are doing, it seems this is no exception. Although I'm guessing it has something to do with the latest rumors about you two."

"Ah, yea," Daniel said. "Just a little bit."

Jack grinned suddenly, "You should have seen the General's face-"

"We did," Daniel said. "He was mortified. I can sympathize."

"I'll never be promoted," Carter said weakly.

"Oh, I don't know, Captain. That performance was worthy of at least a Major."

The End