Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural. They belong to Eric Kripke
Summary: Dean tries to comes to grips with the decision he just made.
Forgive me, Sammy
A/N: This story is NOT coupled with 'I'm Sorry Dean.' This story is a stand alone story. It has spoilers to episode one of season 9 'I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here.'
A/N: This story is unbeta'ed so any mistakes are my own.
Dean pulled off his jacket and sat in the library of the bunker. His head in his hands. What has he done, he asks himself. The one thing he's always stressed to his little brother is that he's to be honest with him. Now he's done the same thing that he's asked Sam to stop doing. He's keeping something from Sam. He knows it's the only way to save Sam, and when it comes to baby brother there is nothing he wouldn't do for him. But this, this is going to be hard. Keeping this from Sammy is going to be the hardest thing Dean's ever done. How will Sam ever forgive him for what he's done.
Dean lifts his head and looks around the room. He just knows this is not going to end well. But deep down he know he's willing to take this chance. Even if it means that Sam will probably never speak to him again. Dean leans back in the chair. His head back, looking at the ceiling, thinking. This just might be the one thing that will break their trust and bond with each other. And that alone is what got Dean so stressed. That's what got Dean so anxious. He just hopes that one day Sammy will forgive him.
Dean gets up and walks back to the rooms. Sam had already retreated to his room for the night. Dean stops by his room and sees Sam is already asleep. Dean stands at the door and looks at Sam. Sooner or later Dean knows he's going to have to confess what he's done. And that day worries him to no end. He wish he could say that Sam will just get mad and not talk to him for a while, but this is different than just some Winchester prank. This is different than selling one's soul. This is something that he knows has hurt Sammy before. Dean allowed his baby brother to be possessed. The only thing is, is that it's not a demon possessing him. It's an angel. A fallen angel, but an angel non the less. This has always been a sore point with Sammy was being possessed.
The last time he was possessed he lost a whole week of his life. Dean knew of some of the things he did while Meg 'rode' his baby brother, but not everything. Dean doesn't even think Sam knows all of what happened then. Sometimes Dean feels that's a good thing.
Dean looks at his slumbering brother. "Oh God, what have I done?" Dean whispers not wanting to wake Sam.
Dean walks into the room. Goes to the desk, picks up the chair and sits it by Sam's bed. Sam rolls in the bed, still asleep, to where he's closer to Dean. Dean smirks. Even when he's unconscious Sam always draws his strength and protection from Dean. Dean has mixed feeling with just that one movement. Dean is proud that no matter what Sam know that as long as Dean is near; Sam is safe. But on the other hand, Dean knows what he signed Sam up for. And it hurts that this may be the last time that Sam will ever feel safe around Dean.
Dean looks down at his sleeping brother and even though it's a grown man laying in front of him, he still sees the little boy that wanted nothing but to follow his big brother where ever he wanted to go. It didn't matter where Dean was going, Sam was always two steps behind his big brother. Now when Sam finds out what he agreed to, he not so sure that it will be like it was before.
"Sammy," Dean says in a low voice that he knows won't wake his brother but will kind of clear his conscious of what he had to agree to. "I know things may have been strained to the point of us separating, but I need you to know this: I had to do it. Please know that what I did I did for you. Please know that there is nothing that I wouldn't do to make sure that you're with me. I need you to know that. Now what I tell you, You'll probably leave when you find out what I've done. Just know that no matter what. I did this for you. I had to save you. And this was the only way I could ensure that you will stay alive. Oh God, Sammy. Please forgive me. I know how much the last time hurt you. We don't even know what all you did during that week we were separated. But this time, I promise it's different." Dean feel a lonely tear stream down his face. He quickly brushes it off. "I would never do something if I wasn't sure you would be safe. I promise he will only stay there until you are both healed."
Sam stirred a little but didn't wake. He knocked his cover off of him and it fell on the floor. Out of habit Dean bent down and picked it up and cover Sam back up. Once the cover is back on Sam, he mumbles something. Dean almost didn't get it. But what he hears breaks his heart some more.
"thans' D'n," mumbled Sam.
Sam doesn't wake. He only shrinks further into his pillow. Dean knew Sam wasn't awake. What just happened was something that happened on a sub-conscious level. Something that always transpired when they were asleep. When they were younger, and it would be cold outside, for some reason Sam would kick his covers off of him. Dean never understood why he would do that. But he did, and since Sam was prone to get sick, Dean would hear Sam shivering in the bed next to him and he would groggily get up and re-cover Sam again. It wouldn't be every night, but it would happen. So that would become just second nature.
Dean settled back in the chair and looked at his sleeping brother.
"Please Sam," he began again. "Please, I guess I just want you to understand that I did this to not hurt you but to help you. I'm sorry I had to trick you in to doing this. But I just couldn't have you giving up on me. You can't leave without me. I will not be alone here again. Not again. Call me selfish. Call me immature. I don't care. In the last few days I got my baby brother back that totally trust what I say. I am not losing that again."
Again Dean wiped the tears that have fallen on his face again.
"Now listen to me, and listen good. You keep saying 'yes', you understand me. You can not reject what is happening to you. Trust me, please. And once you're better, I promise I will tell you everything. Sleep well, little brother. I'll be here when you wake up."
Dean gets up from the chair he was sitting in, and puts it back under the desk and walks over to the door.
Dean stops at the door.
"Dean," Sam says as he turns on the bedside light. "Is everything okay?"
Dean turns and looks at his brother...
A/N: I know I left this open-ended. I did it on purpose. I may come back to it. I may not. It just depends on what happens through out the season.
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