Shinra Inc. And Banks
By: Jason Tandro
Author's Note: I published last story without even acknowledging that it was the 50th Shinra Inc. And episode. Am I planning on doing something special? Not really, I kind of tooted my own horn enough for the end of Season 4. On with the show!
"What do you mean I'm overdrawn?!" Reno shouted at the bank teller, who was patiently twiddling her thumbs while mentally strangling him.
"As I explained, sir, you've spent well beyond what was in your bank account," she replied.
"Where's your proof?!" He demanded.
"We're a bank, sir, we keep records on everything," she began.
"Would you like me to give an oral reading of your most recent charges?"
"No that's not-" Reno was now uncomfortably aware that his shouting had caused not only the other bank patrons to stare at him awkwardly, but Rufus, Reeve, Scarlet, Cissnei, and Geneva had just entered.
"October 2nd – Loveless Bar, you wrote a check for 100 gil and put on the memo line 'getting lucky', October 3rd – Loveless Bar, you wrote a check for 150 gi and put on the memo line 'getting lucky and this time I mean it-"
"Please stop," Reno sighed.
"October 4th- you wrote two checks both for 600 gil to the Honeybee Inn."
"What was on the memo for those checks?" Cissnei asked, wrapping her arm around Reno's waist and grinning.
"'Getting lucky and these time those bitches can't kick me out'," the teller read.
"You're such a charming guy," Cissnei smirked, pinching Reno's cheek. "So what happened?"
"They kicked me out," Reno groaned.
"Please stop, I'm begging you," Reno whined.
"You wrote a check that finally brought you overdraft for 2,000 gil in some seedy little shop in Sector 6 which I can't even read the name of aloud in this environment," the teller explained.
Cissnei gave a questioning nod and the teller obliged. " 'Who needs women, I'll just take care of it myself.' "
"You had a rough week there, killer," Cissnei said in mock concern.
"Damn you devil woman," Reno hissed.
"How bad are you in the hole, Reno?" Reeve asked. "I could approve an advance on your salary if you need."
"About 1300 gil," the teller said.
"Aren't my records supposed to be confidential?!" Reno shouted.
"Eh, it's my last day," the teller shrugged. "That reminds me I'm going on break."
"Until you leave," she replied coldly, placing down a "Next Teller Please" sign and heading into the back.
Reno cursed silently and then turned to Reeve. "Yeah, could you get me that advance?"
"I'll have them push it through tonight. You'll have it by morning. In the meantime here's 100 gil to get you through," Reeve put his hand on Reno's shoulder. "It's for food."
"Yeah, yeah," Reno groaned. "Well Cissnei, would you like to accompany home and watch me suffer more?"
"I don't know what you could have spent 2,000 on exactly, but I have an idea and I'd rather not see it, thanks."
Reno stormed out of the bank, leaving behind a Cissnei who was bordering on hysterics.
"My god," she gasped between laughs. "I don't even remember why I came to the bank, but it was totally worth it!"
The others looked mildly amused, but none were taking it to quite the degree that Cissnei was, so she calmed down, coughed slightly and tried to change to subject.
"So, what are you doing here?" Cissnei asked.
"We're trying to teach Rufus about savings accounts before he blows through all his money again," Scarlet explained.
"Come on, if I run out of money, I'll just take some from the company!" Rufus complained.
"Has he forgotten already?" Reeve asked Scarlet.
"Apparently," Scarlet sighed.
"RUFUS SHINRA!" Reeve shouted. "You are not going to blow our budget again and cause another bankruptcy!"
[Author's Note: See Shinra Inc. And Bankruptcy]
"Alright, alright!" Rufus replied. "Let's just get this over with. I want to go home."
"Is he gone yet?" The teller asked, coming back from her 'break'.
* - S I & - * . A n d . * - S I & - *
"Okay, so President Shinra, I understand you want to open a savings account with us today," the teller said as they sat down in a smaller office in the back of the bank.
"Well I guess so," Rufus shrugged. "I'm still not really sure what the point of it all is."
"It's about saving for a rainy day, investing for your future, having financial stability, all that good stuff," Reeve explained.
"I own the world, I own most of its finances, my future is basically just living the dream until I die of old age or am anti-climactically blown to pieces by a giant monster," Rufus said. "And as for rainy days, I have an umbrella."
"Okay…" the teller said. "Probably what you want is a CD."
"CD?" Rufus asked. "I've got a myPod, who uses CDs anymore?"
"Certificates of Deposit, Rufus," Reeve corrected.
"Oh, okay. What does that mean?" Rufus asked.
"Well, the way it works is you deposit a certain amount with us, say for example 10,000 gil," the teller began. " That money is put into what we call a Certificate of Deposit, which has a maturity date, which means you can't withdraw the money until a certain date. If you do withdraw early, you'd pay a penalty-"
"Whoa, whoa , whoa. So what you're saying is the bank takes my money for a set period of time and to get it back I have to pay a ransom?" Rufus asked.
"But the good thing about it is you earn interest on that money," The teller explained.
"I'm already interested in that money. I'm interested in why I have to pay to get it back. I thought you were working for me," Rufus exclaimed.
"Rufus, for god's sake, just listen to the woman," Reeve groaned.
"No, you earn interest. Basically you get more back than you put into it, if you wait until the maturity date. For instance, if you put 10,000 gil down, with our APY being 12%, at the end of a 5-year CD, you'd be able to cash out with 15,735 gil. A net gain of 5,735 gil!"
Rufus nodded. "Okay, that actually does sound pretty cool."
"Several of our companies funds are tied into CDs like this. It's a good program," Reeve explained.
"So, what's the catch?" Rufus asked.
"You can't withdraw the money until the end of the 5, 10 or 20 year period or else you have to pay a 25% penalty," the teller explained.
"As she explained earlier," Reeve reminded.
"Oh right. Money ransom," Rufus groaned. "What about just a regular savings account?"
"Well, with our savings accounts you can withdraw at any time, but there's no compound interest, and you only earn 2% interest on whatever is in the account," The teller said.
"So out of 10,000 that means each year I earn-?"
"200 gil, if the amount in the account doesn't change," the teller sighed, getting irritated and Rufus's lack of basic banking lore.
"Okay, so I guess we'll do that CD thing. I'll just set up a 5-year one though. I don't even know if I have that long before the big monster shows up to blow me to pieces," Rufus explained.
"Where do you get your ideas?" Reeve asked.
* - S I & - * . A n d . * - S I & - *
Reeve walked into Rufus's office at the beginning of the following week. Rufus was leaning back in his chair, reading something that looked almost vaguely work related. This was not the usual status quo, and it disturbed Reeve greatly.
"So…" he said.
"Hey, Reeve," Rufus nodded.
"Come on. What do you have for me?" Reeve asked.
"What imaginative way have you completely ruined yourself this week?" Reeve asked.
"Oh you mean the bank thing? Nothing, it's doing fine. I'm actually thinking about opening a few more CDs to diversify a bit. Might even get a regular savings account for month-to-month expenses," Rufus explained.
"And you're happy with this?" Reeve asked.
"Totally. It's a good idea. I have plenty of money, and with these I'll be even richer in a few years. You know I might give that stock market thing a try. But then it is awfully risky," Rufus pondered.
Reeve felt his eye twitch involuntarily. He knew he was supposed to be happy, but this just wasn't normal.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I do have a lot of work to get to here, Reeve. Let's talk more about it over lunch, okay?"
That was the last straw. "Okay, now you're just screwing with me."
Rufus burst out laughing. "Yeah! I had you going though! No, I withdrew them all already. Lost about 3,000 gil."
"Natch," Reeve nodded. "Wanna get a drink?"
"Hell yeah," Rufus replied, tossing down the folder which read 'Urgent' on the desk.