Please Forgive Me,
A companion piece to 'Memories'
A/N: My lovely beta has decided to help me with my other stories (thank Kami, I know I am about to mess them up…) And as I wait, I got bored and decided to finish this little project of mine that had been collecting dust in my 'Stories' files.
You see… This story is written as a thank you, mostly for the many people who have reviewed my ancient story entitled 'Memories'. I still, after so long, can't even begin to express my gratitude for the many lovely reviews. Each and every single one of them have spurred me on to work on my writings. To know that a little idea in the back of my mind managed to touch so many has definitely given me the courage to keep on writing. No matter where my muses go to.
And, since I wasn't able to reply to all the reviews, I wondered: how can I thank them?
Well, to take some of the flashbacks and rewrite it, add a few things to it and post it online. Filled with G/CC goodies that I know most of us can't get enough off! I hope this story won't disappoint you!
And to those who have no clue which story I am talking about? No biggie, you haven't missed out much and don't need to read that one in order to follow this.
So this is a dedication to those who love G/CC just as much as I do. Please review!
Word count: 4.933
Disclaimer: I do not own DB/Z/GT/KAI.
Chapter One; Forgive me
The sun had settled down for the night, taking the sounds and warm breezes of the day with it. In its place came a starry sky embedded in the pitch blackness of the night. The cooling breeze had received a happy welcome from the world once it swirled down through the trees and over the lands.
It was the middle of the summer, the days had been long and hot for a while now. And many, ChiChi included, were experiencing the downside of such a warm period.
Sensing the world was cooling down, ChiChi had decided to head out into the darkness of the forest. Allow her troubled mind and heart to be brought down in peace.
She had reached the lake she had come to love over the past two months, the place she would take a swim in during the hot summer days or just sit at. Lost in her mind, dreaming the same dreams she had since she was a child.
It was beautiful around here. She had always dreamt of a place to call her own. In the middle of nowhere, to have a spot that is entirely hers. A magical place where she could be alone- or not.
A sad sigh left her body.
Removing her boots she sat down at the side of the lake. Gently she pushed her naked feet into the water, the cold water sent a tingling sensation throughout her entire body. Bringing forth a sense of relief once she was seated properly.
The crescent moon shone down on to her, it's perfect reflection edged in the water surface. She could make out the stars of the night and see the reflection of the trees edging over the lake from the side lines.
The silence was soothing, apart from the night life tittering and moving around her. Fire flies danced lazily around on the right end of the lake. Her eyes fixated on them. As beautiful and peaceful all of this was, she still couldn't get rid of the pressing ache in her heart.
How she had envisioned what her life would look like, what she would be doing now. What she should be doing now as a married young woman.
But there was one thing, next to looking forward to the obvious, her young mind had looked forward to.
To stop dreaming about it. And live it.
She was realistic enough to know that not everything would be perfect. It was oddly enough the one thing she would have allowed to not be perfect. But she could have never guessed that her married life would be so far away removed from perfection.
Fighting the tears she sat up straight and took a deep breath, she didn't want to cry. She shouldn't!
In fact, she should just get back up on her feet. March back home, go to bed and wake up the next morning with a spirit so bright, a spirit so determent to make the best with what she had. And who knows? Maybe it will be better?
Time will only tell right? Her eyes focused back on the smooth and perfect reflection of the night sky on the water surface.
"ChiChi! There you are!" her feet jumped a bit, creating ripples to wave through the water right away blurring the perfection she was bathing in.
"Goku…" she said with a tired sigh. Then whipped her head around, "Don't scare me like that!" she yelled at the man standing a few feet removed from her.
He grinned, "Sorry!" and came closer, the light of the crescent moon shone down on him showing the faint traces of sweat on his brow. Clearly, ChiChi noted, he had been sparring.
He pointed to her boots, "Why aren't ya wearing your boots?" he asked her dumbfounded.
"Just giving my tired feet a break." she replied and turned her eyes back on the lake. She could hear Goku move behind her and before long, his own pair of naked feet joined hers in the lake. She turned her head to look at him briefly and once his clueless smile edged its' way into her mind, she couldn't stop the faint smile from coming before she turned her gaze back on the lake.
"So… why are we doing this?" he asked and moved his feet a bit. Right away creating another set off ripples surfing through the water surface.
"Because my feet hurt, besides, I like the feeling of cold water touching my skin." she answered.
"Oh…" was all he said.
A long silence followed after that. Neither of them spoke as they listened to the night life moving all around them. The silence had lasted long enough for the water surface to calm down again. And then he moved! Shattering the perfection.
She frowned and watched the ripples move over the lake yet again. Sighing she kept on staring at the movements, ready to follow it onto the calmness yet again and once it was finally back she couldn't help but hold her breath. Waiting in anticipation for Goku to move yet again.
But he didn't. The mirror of the night returned, however, the calmness ChiChi wanted to bathe in moments before stayed at bay. He should have moved by now.
Did he fall asleep?! She chanced a look and found him looking back at her with his natural curious eyes.
It caused her heart to jump a little. Not out of freight or out of joy. But purely out of anticipation. For that moment in the dark silence of the night it seemed that this young man who had been her husband for two months was looking at her, really looking at her for the first time since they had met during the tournament.
"Hi." he said.
She smiled, "Hi…".
She had yelled at him earlier that day- which wasn't an uncommon thing for her to do to be honest. Wait, she hadn't yelled, this time she hadn't yelled at him. In fact, she had screamed.
Screamed her lungs out at the poor sod who was innocently sitting beside her right now. Two months' worth of frustrations came pouring out of her alongside the screaming rants. Her screams were soon teamed up by a waterfall filled with tears, weeping out loud, inwardly mourning the loss of her child hood dreams. Dreams she had held on to for so long, now shattered into a thousand pieces. And no matter how hard she tried, no matter what she did- she couldn't seem to fix them.
ChiChi couldn't make her husband fall in love with her.
Failure, wasn't an easy to deal with. All this time before, she had been so sure. So certain that they were meant to be. And she couldn't even remember what he had done to set her off. It was just another final drop that flooded everything.
Maybe she was an idiot, although she was so sure of herself on the day of the tournament. Couldn't care less about the gawking faces of his friends once Goku asked her to marry him. She knew, with every beat of her heart that they were meant to be together. So certain in fact, that she supposed she just thought everything would just fall in to place once they'd be married.
Not even the events of their first night together had set her off. She was as giddy as a school girl when they finally left the wedding party behind and entered their new home.
And when they entered their bedroom she couldn't stop herself from throwing her arms around his neck and gave him a long and –what she had hoped it would be- passionate kiss.
But he flinched. His arms held up around her in shock. And when she opened her eyes to see his wide ones staring at her oddly she broke off the kiss. Of course, she had to remind herself at that time, he didn't like kissing all that much did he?
She took a step back and blushed, "Sorry…" she had said and although her new husband looked at her a little lost and even awkward, she still couldn't stop the giddy feeling she had in her body.
Fumbling with her hands in front of her dress she struggled to find the words, "I guess you don't know what newlyweds do on their first night together?"
Goku moved his hand behind his head and laughed nervously, "Well, I kind of do…" he replied, "We have sex right?"
Stunned, "Well.. yes."
"Right!" and he worked on getting his clothes removed, "I've never had sex before, 'bout you?" he asked as he calmly unbuttoned his blouse.
"N-No… I have actually been saving myself for you…" she said, still stunned.
"Really? That's a good thing right?" he asked and had by now worked on loosening his belt.
And that's when the giddiness disappeared. Drowned into the depth of her stomach. "Stop…" she said.
"What?" Goku looked up at her clueless, by now he was standing in front of her in nothing but his boxers.
She shook her head, "Not like this…" she mumbled and was surprised to hear how tiny her voice actually sounded.
"Like what? We can't do it with our clothes on, you should get out of that dress. I think it won't be easy to do all of this sex thing with you wearing that dress."
She held back a cry, "We can't do it now." she said through clenched teeth.
"Why not? That's what we're supposed to do right?"
"Do you like to kiss me, Goku?" she asked him.
He was quiet. His eyes on her lips and then back at her eyes.
He was still quiet, too long…
"Well… I don't really know what's so great about kissing, to tell you the truth."
Now her heart plunged right after the giddiness, deep within the depths of her stomach. She felt a sudden weight pressing on her shoulders and ChiChi could feel the tears threatening to come to the surface.
"I-…" she cleared her throat and was quick to hide the sob, "I think I am going to bed now…"
"And then we have sex?" he called after her retrieving form.
"Oh…" she could hear his footsteps following her towards the bathroom, "So what do we do now?" he had asked.
She stepped into the bathroom, "We go to sleep." and shut the door in his face.
"Oh! You mean in the same bed? Because I only see one bed!" he called from the other side of the door. She groaned inwardly, "Yes, in the same bed…."
"Great! See you soon!" she could clearly hear his muffled footsteps rushing towards the bed.
The tear drops broke through her eyes this time and the realization of who she was married to flew right up at her. She laughed despite herself, "Silly ChiChi…" she said out loud.
How was she to expect that he would be everything her young little mind had dreamed him to be? Thinking about how he acted around her from the beginning down to the end of their hunting trip for the Bansho Fan ingredients, she had thought that he had grown used to her.
That he even liked her a little bit better then he would like a friend? He just needed time.
And that's when ChiChi decided that she was going to be patient.
Besides, why rush into things when they have got all the time in the world? She decided she would let Goku get used to this whole new marriage thing. Let him get used to those kisses and, at this she had blushed a deep shade of red, once he falls in love with kissing... The rest of it would come later?
The giddiness came back to her in full force and she couldn't even contain the blush that burnt her cheek bones.
Then they won't be having sex.
But make tender love.
With this she had climbed out of her wedding gown and prepared herself for getting into bed. By the time she had entered the bedroom Goku was loudly snoring.
There was a frown on her face when she heard the snores, she supposed she in her turn would have to get used to that.
And so the days passed by, during the day she was working hard into getting lunch, breakfast and dinner ready in a short amount of time. Struggling with the amounts of food and finding it hard to uphold the cooking routine day in and day out. She had little time left to worry about anything else during the long hours of the day. Frustrated to throw away another set of dishes and bowls she had all broken during the makings of her husbands' meals, not to mention the amounts of spoiled and burnt foods she had to throw out.
During those days it annoyed her to the ends when she learned that Goku was nowhere to be seen. He always came back in time for the meals, soaked in sweat and covered in mud. She had to yell at him when he would just sit down at the table, not washing his hands and carelessly tossing his dirty boots on the floor.
And then during the evenings?
There were no kisses, no hugs and no loving smiles. At least not coming from him. Just a yawn and a loud, "Good night" once he made his way to the bed. In deep sleep within minutes.
She did try to kiss him, Kami she tried to kiss him so many times. But each time he flinched, each time his entire body stiffened and his eyes, damn it those eyes looked at her in horror.
Her childhood dreams were perfect and yes, she knew before getting married that it couldn't possibly be as perfect as those dreams. But that her life would be as far from perfect like this? She never thought it would be, it tore her heart apart.
There were good times though, few as they may have been. Rare as they may have been.
There were good times. She had to remind herself of this. Despite everything she still found being around Goku and actually living with him quite the challenge.
She never suspected that being married to the world's strongest man would be this exciting, of course setting the whole intimate issue aside.
There were a few occasions where he would surprise her and sweep her of her feet, jump on Nimbus and burst through the air. Zooming over the forest of Mnt. Paotsu. The first time he had done this she screamed, because honestly, no need to just lift her off of her feet and jump around with her in his arms. But then there was the blush, for this was the closest she could get to Goku. Sad as it sounds.
In an attempt to try and figure out the feelings her husband may or may not have for, she'd ask him why he took her so often.
And with a voice so bright had answered, "You're great company!"
Though she was bit too clingy sometimes. Of course he didn't say that, but the way his body flinched whenever she would as much as hold on to his arm was enough to come to that conclusion.
Then there was this one day, on which she had watched him train just outside their perfect tiny home. She was surrounded by piles of dirty dishes and during one of those rare moments in which she allowed herself to look up out of the window she saw how her young, passionate fighter of a husband threw punches into the air.
That smile on his face, the wide eyes, the way he moved. Everything about him showed that he was enjoying this moment of silence with the wind to the max.
She never had been this envious of the wind.
At that time she suddenly stopped doing her chores, dishes be damned. Ripped off her apron and marched on outside.
"Goku?" she had yelled although it quickly became apparent he had not even noticed his wife's presence as he kept on hitting his invisible opponent.
Not stopping in his movements he had cheerfully yelled, "Hi Chi!".
Of course, he had noticed her presence. Just didn't want to stop abusing the wind!
Frowning she crossed her arms, "You could at least just look at me when I am talking to you!"
He paused in the midst of a jump, slowly came down on the grass and looked at her with curious eyes, "Is there somethin' you want?"
Raising her chin with her arms still crossed in front of her chest, "As a matter of a fact… yes."
"Okay?" he asked her, ever so patiently after waiting for a few long seconds of silence.
Taking a deep breath she had announced, "I have been crooked up inside for much too long, care to join me for a sparring session?"
To say he was happy by her sudden invitation was an understatement, in fact, overjoyed was an understatement. He practically jumped up in excitement, grin as wide as ever, throwing out words such as, "YEAH! FINALLY!" and a "THAT WOULD BE GREAT!"
And they had spent the entire afternoon sparring. She knew he was holding back, to him it was more playing a game of tag rather than a serious sparring session. But she didn't care, in fact, despite his advantage in every aspect she still enjoyed it.
They finally stopped entirely once the sound of his hunger came. And rather than expecting ChiChi to prepare the usual full fletched meal he had already grown accustomed too he had grabbed her hand and dragged her to his favourite lake in which, according to him, were the biggest and 'bestest' of fishes in all the world!
He caught two monstrous fishes, gutted them as she prepared a camp fire. The day came to rest and soon enough both youngster had filled their empty stomachs in content. Laid back quite a few long hours watching the stars above.
It had been a lovely day and evening. One in which ChiChi had convinced herself that she began to see certain changes in Goku's behaviour towards her.
Alas… it was only temporarily. For once they had headed back home, each taken their baths separately. Worn out Goku jumped in bed, wished her a good night and was long gone before she could even wish him the same.
ChiChi sighed and turned her gaze back to the lake, she didn't want to think too much about the bad moments of the past two months. It would break her heart and definitely bring forth a never ending waterfall filled with tears.
She should keep on trying, shouldn't she? She had been determent all this time? He was with her right now, wasn't he?
"Goku?" she asked.
She turned to look at him again, "Do you like being my husband?" she asked him.
"Of course I do!" he grinned, "You're a great cook!"
She fought back a sob and quickly turned to look at her feet dangling in the water. She took a deep breath in the hopes to keep the tears from coming and at the same time to calm the bleeping bomb building up with in her. She shouldn't yell at him, she didn't want to yell at him. Her fingers gripped the grass she was sitting on, balding her fists and gritting her teeth.
"Is… something wrong?" she heard her husband ask.
Yes, everything is wrong.
"Do you know what married couples do?" she asked him silently, "Other than living and eat dinner together?"
He was silent for a few seconds, "Should there be more?"
That's it… the bomb within her was ready to explode. But she didn't want to.
She kept reminding her that tomorrow? Tomorrow she was willing to get back on the stupid horse and fight the seemingly long battle of winning Goku's affection. The determination that kept her going for the past two months was dead beat tired tonight.
Defeated and deflated she shook her head, taking a deep breath she mumbled, "I should never have forced you to marry me…" and then took her boots. Removed her feet from the water and got up as quickly as she could.
"What makes you say that?" Goku asked but she didn't look at him.
"Never mind Goku, let's just go home." she walked away from him, set out into the forest.
She could hear the noise of feet rushing after her, "No! Tell me, did I do something wrong?!" he said and circled around her. Walking backwards in front of her in a nervous state.
She snapped, "What's wrong?! What's the matter?! You really want to know what is wrong right now Goku?!" she screamed at him so loud she felt her lungs nearly bursting at the sheer pressure. Tears were stinging her eyes while she watched how Goku jumped back with fright in his wide eyes.
"Everything Goku! Every. Damn. thing!" and when he flinched at that she growled in anger, spinning around she rushed towards their home through the forest.
The forest was pitch black in the night but that didn't seem to hold her back. Why would it? For two months they had lived in this little area and for two months she had often found herself wandering these parts in the woods - alone. Hell, the day before she even took off her clothes and swam around naked. Knowing not a damned soul would see her any way!
She would have been able to find her way back to their little dome shaped home with her eyes shut.
Her heart was raging and the tears stinging her eyes had now broken free, leaving a salty trail of water down her cheeks. She sniffed as she rushed past the trees and reached the open plains of grass leading toward their home.
She didn't even realize that Goku was following her very closely, in fact, when she felt his hands grabbing hold of her arm pulling her to a stop she gasped in surprise.
But she didn't let that stop her tears, not now. She was too angry. Wait till tomorrow, then she'd be willing to let that determination she had been clinging on to for the past two months lead her. As usual she would bite back as many angry words she could and try to make the best out of what she had.
She was just fed up with it all. Even his hold on her arm seemed to bring forth a string of long worded sentences she was sure would scare the crap out of him even more.
"Let go of me Goku!" she spat but didn't turn around.
He didn't however, "Whatever it is I will try to make it better?" he spoke and ChiChi couldn't help but laugh bitterly at that.
"I don't think you can do that Goku." she replied and tried to pull back her arm from him.
"I don't want you to be angry with me!" his grip tightened.
She spun around and was surprised to find desperation hiding in the pits of his eyes. Shaking her head she moved her arm when he finally released it. The grip had been strong for she could still feel the bruises in her skin.
He seemed to take this moment of silence in gratitude, "Tell me what's wrong."
Clenching her jaw she looked down all the while breathing heavily through her nose. A sorry attempt to calm the raging anger within her. "I don't want to fight tonight Goku, I just want to go home and talk tomorrow."
"Why not now?"
"Because,… because I am too angry!"
"Argh, Goku!" she felt like slapping him, "You like me because I am a great cook?!" when he flinched at that she threw her hands up in defeat.
"Look at you! No.. better yet, look at us!" she yelled and fell dead silent when she saw the terror in his eyes. Terror… brought up by her. This broke her heart even more and she felt the anger plummeting down with in the depths of her stomach.
The feeling of defeat and failure taking its place. She knew right then and there that the determination she had been clinging onto for two whole months would never find its way back.
"I… I should never have forced you into this…" she finally said. A fresh load of stinging tears came bursting through.
"But…" she heard him say, "I like being married to you…" he said unsure of his words.
She raised her head at this and looked at him oddly, "You like being married to me?" when he nodded she laughed bitterly, "Right, so why do you flinch when I try to kiss you?"
He paused at that, "I… I don't know. I think it's… kind of weird."
"That's just it Goku, married couples- couples in love. They kiss. All the time! But you and I? Ulgh…" she groaned and rubbed the rim of her nose, "You and I are nowhere near being a couple in love. I mean-" she used her fingers to dry the trails of tears down her cheeks, "You are nowhere near in being love with me and no matter what I do… I just can't seem to make you… like me."
"I like you!"
"Why do you always freak out when I try to touch you?!" she spat at him and he stepped back, "Even when it's accidental, you jump back in fear! Why is that Goku?! You do that with all the people you like?!"
"I…erhm…" He seemed to think that one through, hard and long. Which made her want to cry even louder.
"Tell me Goku, in all honesty please tell me, do you like me for the girl I am or just because I am a great cook?!"
"No, well, you are a great co-" her growl of anger cut him off.
"That's it! Because I am a great cook! So this is the life you see us leading? Me cooking you dinners and always waiting for you to come home?! Me slaving away at that stove without as much as a simple… kiss?!" she sobbed loudly and quickly turned around. Nearly racing towards their home, "I should have known, I am so stupid, stupid!"
He ran after her, "ChiChi?! Wait up!" he yelled and once he had reached her he grabbed her arm in another painful twist and turned her around.
"I wasn't finished talkin' yet!" she refused look up at him, but that didn't stop him, "I don't just like you because you're a great cook, I like you because you are funny, you laugh funny and when you smile? I feel like smiling too! Even when most of the time I don't know why you smile. And, and, and did you know that when you smile or even frown, your nose does something funny?"
At this she did look up at him, surprised to see his pleading eyes looking straight back at her. He didn't like her seeing upset, he was actually trying to make her feel better. Trying to make things better, for her. He wanted her to be happy.
His grip on her arm had loosened as he continued speaking in a softer tone of voice, "And I like that. I like watching your nose doing funny things. And I like coming home, not because of the food, but because of you."
Now there was the tiny, faintest tinge of hoping building up in her centre. Her anger, her sorrow, her pain all ebbing away from just those simple words coming from his mouth. She was surprised how easily he pulled that off.
"Really?" she asked him.
"Yeah!" he laughed nervously at that and placed his hand behind his head, "I might not know what husband and wives do all the time, but I can always learn. You can teach me!"
That very same hope now brought forth a timid smile on her lips, "You sure you're up to that?"
He nodded, he seemed to release a big gulp of breath once her smiling face came to his view.
"Even when it means that sometimes we have to kiss? And I have to touch you at places you're not used to being touched?"
He raised an eyebrow, "Oh, so you mean you want to give this sex thing a try?!"
She mentally slapped herself at that, sighing she shook her head, "Married couples don't just have sex Goku, they make love."
He let out a small "Oh…" clearly indicating that he had no idea what that meant. She however, wasn't going to take her time to explain it to him out here in the open.
"I'll give it a try?"
"You would?" she asked.
"If it makes you happy, I will!" he replied and at this she couldn't stop herself. Dropping her boots she flew up against him, wrapped her arms around his neck all the while squealing in joy. "Thank you so much Goku!" she said as she clung on to him.
"Erh, sure. Anything!"
Quickly she let go of him and grabbed his arm, dragging him towards their home.
The determination she had been holding on to for the last two months had gotten back at full force. Uncertain of what was going to come, ChiChi still couldn't stop herself from floating on this feeling of hope.
To Be Continued…
A/N: Phew! That was a long one! Up next, Goku's POV, which I have to be honest I like much better than this one. Simply because I love the way he thinks and hope I have been able to pull it off without making him OOC.
And for those who remember 'Memories', this was a story written years ago. So, the idea's I had back then weren't as wide as they are now because I was busy writing the bigger picture around it. Now, I have been having fun to go a bit further- and I hope you liked it.