Hi, everyone. It's BrenRome here taking some time off from my Doctor Who: Companions of Time fanfic to give this special Birthday Fanfic to Rurrlock God-Of Power. This is the in return for the Toy Wars fanfic he did for MY Birthday, so now I present another Toy-Based Franchise Crossover with Child's Play; Seth Macfarlane's Ted VS Chucky. As always, I own NOTHING. This is for FAN-purposes only, so PLEASE don't sue! Other than that, enjoy!
Chucky walked along the streets of Boston, angrily. He had somehow managed to grow his whole body back to life after being chopped up by his son/daughter hybrid.
Now he had no exact plan on what to do. For the first time in his life, Charles Lee Ray was unsure on what his next move was. Perhaps he could get back at that Andy kid? He still had the Heart of Damballa so he could probably still use it. But that plan wasn't workable since he had no idea where Andy still lived. Getting back at his Wife and Son was another possibility, but like Andy, they could've easily moved too. Besides, Chucky guessed that Tiff might've taken some kinds of extra precautions if Chucky ever came back again.
Chucky was so unsure of what to do that he almost didn't realize a bright light was coming towards him. Looking up, Chucky's eyes widened as he realized that there was a car rushing down the sidewalk he was walking along.
"OH S*IT!" Chucky screamed lunging to the right.
The car swiveled to the left and crashed into a nearby building. Curious, Chucky went back over to the crash site, wondering what the hell was going on. As he got closer, he could hear two voices in the car. A female voice and a male voice that had a strong Boston accent to it.
"Wow…" The female voice exclaimed.
"Yep." The male voice said, "Thank you for riding Air Ted, please watch your head as you exit as the amount of champagne we've indigested while having naughty fun might cause you to hit your head on the roof then vomit."
For some reason, Chucky felt he knew the male voice from somewhere. Probably heard it on TV once, but he couldn't exactly remember from where specifically.
Suddenly, the right car door opened and out stepped something that made Chucky's eyes widen. It was a LIVE teddy bear. It was one of those old light brown teddy bears that kids got at a young age. But this wasn't possible! CHUCKY was the only living toy, so how the hell was this toy walking and…
Wait! Chucky thought noticing something, Is he…drinking?
Chucky looked at the bear closer and realized that indeed the bear was clutching a bottle of Bud Lite in his right paw, and then began to chug it. Normally, Chucky would feel humbled to know there was someone like him, but this thing almost got him killed!
It was then that the bear suddenly took notice of Chucky and lowered his bottle to look at the killer confused.
"The hell are you staring at?" The bear demanded.
"You almost killed me!" Chucky yelled.
"Oh," The bear said, "I'm so sorry, but that hooker in there was all over my fuzzy cuteness, and I wasn't focusing…so I'm sorry I almost flattened your femmy behind, little creepy girl."
"I'M NOT A GIRL!" Chucky yelled, clearly furious at this bear.
It was bad enough that he couldn't prove his kid was a boy, but now to be compared to himself as a girl was more than Chucky could take.
The bear looked Chucky over and shrugged.
"Could've fooled me." He said, "Listen, I've gotta go because I wanna go back home and get stonned and watch Flash Gordon tonight, and then in the morning I've gotta go because there's this guy who's thinking about making my life into a movie, so yeah. You take care of yourself, you little transvestite."
"Don't you know who I am?!" Chucky demanded.
The bear looked Chucky over again and made a guess.
"Howdy-Doody's b*tch?" The bear asked.
Chucky had it now. He wasn't gonna let this bear go free on a longshot. He made it personal now.
"What's your name?" Chucky demanded.
"I'm Ted." The bear introduced, "Why do you ask?"
"I just like to know the name of my victims…" Chucy explained, "BEFORE I KILL THEM!"
With that, Chucky lunged at Ted to which Ted simply stepped aside and let Chucky hit the wheel headfirst.
Chucky groaned and looked up to see Ted's hooker through the car door. She was a redheaded woman with brown highlights, and for some reason, she seemed to be holding her breath.
That's when Chucky realized too late that she wasn't holding her breath, as she puked all over Chucky thanks to the excess partying and boozing she had been doing that night. Chucky got the barf right in his face and the monsoon of ejected tobacco, booze, saliva, and other things she had digested continued for about a full minute until it finally stopped.
Chucky was now covered in green and transparent goop.
"Eeeeeewwwwwww…." Ted commented, "Nasty. You look like you just got slimed by Slimer from Ghostbusters."
Chucky simply climbed up the side of the car and ripped the woman's earing off, as her senses kicked back in, and blood began squirting out of her ear. The hooker ran off screaming her lungs out as Ted looked in astonishment.
"Hey wait!" He declared, "You still alive, can't we finish at my place…"
But in the distance, Ted saw the woman running into the middle of the street, as a bus came rushing into her, knocking her out of view.
"Or not." Ted finished.
Chucky then slashed at Ted's gut with the earing as Ted gasped in pain. He looked down and saw that his stuffing was coming out.
"Looks like the Chuckster has come home to roost." Chucky smiled, "CAUSE I'M CHUCKY! THE KILLER…"
Chucky then felt someone tapping his shoulder, as he turned around confused. Standing there was a giant yellow-feathered chicken, who wasn't looking too pleased with Chucky.
"Only I may hurt him." The Giant Chicken declared, kicking Chucky right in between the legs and causing him to feel intense pain. The Chicken then grabbed Chucky's arm and tossed him through the store window.
Ted was about to thank The Giant Chicken, when it suddenly began pecking at Ted's arm, as he screamed in pain.
"STOP! STOP!" He begged, "I SWEAR TO GOD I'M NOT PETER GRIFFIN, I DON'T KNOW WHY PEOPLE MAKE THAT COMMENT!"
Chucky then leaped back through the store window and stabbed the Chicken in the eye with the earing. The Chicken let out a cry of pain, as it ran off into the unknown to try and find Spooner Street…or FOX TV.
Chucky then began trying to slash at Ted again, as the bear began to run around the street while Chucky continued to chase him. Ted then realized that he needed something of an edge and soon.
Quickly looking to the right, Ted saw a drug dealer in a nearby alleyway, and realized that this was his edge. The only problem, of course was going to be how to get The Avril Lavengance Toy away from him.
Suddenly, Ted began feeling a gurgling feeling in his digestive system. Ted quickly realized it was from the Taco Bell that he and Johnny had for lunch earlier that day, and now it was coming back to bite him in his ass. Or rather escape from his ass. As Chucky lunged forward, Ted couldn't cold it in and instantly released his deadly fart that he'd been holding in. The blast hit Chucky once again in his face, and he stopped dead in his tracks, and collapsed on the ground, trying to get rid of the stench.
There were plenty of gruesome moments for Chucky whenever somebody put him in a garbage bin in mistake for being a toy doll, but this was like having all those dumpsters combined with molding-old pasta, and topped off by a stench that rivaled the East River in New York.
As Chucky tried to overcome the stench, Ted rushed over to the drug dealer who noticed Ted and gave him a wave.
"Yo, Ted!" The Drug dealer called, "What's up?!"
"Harris;" Ted exclaimed, "I need an edge and quickly, so I gotta ask you…do you have that new drug that came in recently, what was it called? 'Screaming Primate?' 'Catp*ss Games?'"
"'Wrecking Balls.'" The Drug Dealer said, getting out a bag of what looked like crack cocaine, "I gotta warn you, Ted; this stuff is mad. Only real guys take this. One hit alone is enough to drive you mad."
"I like it already." Ted smiled.
"So that'll be ten dollars…"
"Uh, yeah…" Ted explained, "Harris…I don't have any change to give ya this time."
"What do you mean…" Harris began before Chucky popped up from behind him and bit him in the neck.
Harris screamed as blood began squirting around, as he dropped the bag. Ted went over to the bag and began snorting the drug while Chucky went into the dead drug dealer's pocket and pulled out a pocket knife. Chucky knew that this was a necessity for all drug dealers, and now he had a better weapon.
"Now, Ted…" Chucky smiled, "Any last words?"
Ted turned around and Chucky could see that his nose was covered in white cocaine.
"OH, COME ON!" Chucky declared, "THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS…"
However, in Ted's mind, Ted was already tripping balls and he was seeing his surroundings in a very different way. In his mind, he was at some kind of concert with a bunch of high-testosterone-and-estrogen-filled Teenagers and Music Artists. Harris was there, alive and well, but now wearing some kind of black-and-white pinstripe suit and acting in a very suggestive manner with Chucky.
Chucky, in Ted's mind, still had his head, but it was placed on the body of a 20-year-old female former Disney Channel Star, wearing nothing but a light yellow bra and underwear as the body was in a suggestive manner over Harris's body.
"Oh my god…" Ted exclaimed, in his hazed state, "I know who you are!"
"You do?!" Chucky asked.
"Miley Cyrus!" Ted exclaimed, "Oh, I am a huge fan of yours! Can you do that thing you did at the VMA's for me?!"
Chucky would've asked Ted if he was high, but that was redundant when Ted lunged onto Chucky, knocking the knife from his hand, and staring at Chucky intensely.
"Come on, Miley." Ted exclaimed, "I wanna give Hanna Montana the Best of Both Worlds."
"AAAAGGGGHHHHHH!" Chucky screamed, now extremely freaked out by this perverted Teddy Bear's behavior, "GET AWAY FROM ME!"
Chucky managed to shove Ted off of him and began running away. His vengeance was now replaced by fear as he continued to run out of the alleyway, and onto the sidewalk.
Chucky looked behind him to see that Ted was catching up, so he didn't notice when the sidewalk disappeared, and he fell into an open storm drain, as he screamed falling into the sewers again.
"MILEY!" Ted declared, "NOOOOOOO!"
"Ted!" A voice declared.
Ted looked behind him to see John Bennet, his owner and best friend standing there in the alleyway.
"John!" Ted declared, "It was horrible, Miley Cyrus is dead!"
"What?!" John declared.
"I know…" Ted sobbed, "She was taken from us so young before I could have a chance to show her my Flash Gordon underdoos…"
"Ted, are you high?" John asked.
"Maybe." Ted shrugged nonchalantly.
"Come on." John declared, "I'll take you back home and we'll watch Spongebob or something."
"Can we get stonned?" Ted asked.
"Yeah." John nodded.
"Alright, John." Ted agreed as he and his owner went back home.
Meanwhile, in the Storm Drain…
Chucky lifted his head out of the water, gasping for air.
"GODDAMMIT!" Chucky cursed, as he stood in crap for the umpteenth time tonight.
What's the point in going on anymore if I can't even beat a frickin crack-headed Teddy Bear? Chucky thought to himself, Maybe I should just give up, or…
Suddenly, Chucky caught something out of the middle of his eye. It was a newspaper. On that newspaper, was a face he thought he'd never see again.
"Nica?!" Chucky said out loud reading the paper.
As he continued to read, a smile formed on his lips.
"Or screw that!" Chucky smiled, "I guess it's time to return to my old roots!"
With that, Chucky let out a maniacal scream, unaware that somebody else was rising out of the water behind him until that person started laughing too.
"A-ha! A-ha! A-ha!"
Chucky turned around and saw some kind of clown with red hair made up to make it look like Larry's from The Three Stooges. The clown had a big red nose, wearing a bright yellow-and-blue clown suit.
"Excuse me, sir." Pennywise The Clown asked Chucky, "Do you have Prince Albert in a can? You DO? Well, you better let the poor guy out! A-ha! A-ha! A-ha!"
As the clown began to act like the lunatic he was, Chucky began to make his was out of the sewer. It was time to go old school, and he knew exactly what he had to do now.
There you go, Rurrlock! Hope you enjoyed this little B-Day gift! Have a happy birthday!