Hey! Uknown-freaking-Hero here and welcome to another chapter of RWBY! Now, I have news. Due to school and crap, I have to do a project next week with a couple of friends so I might not update that weekend. It's a three day weekend but I'm just covering my bases just in case this takes way longer that it should be, so don't be surprised if there isn't a chapter up by then. Also, my laptop is having trouble connecting to the internet lately so I can't really get the RvB dialogue I need. God, my computer is a piece of shit but it's all I got since my brother took my original laptop which ran way better. Anyway, since I have my phone on me and that can connect to the internet, let's get into the questions. To Punisher143: Hey, it's not like I'm going to leave out the endings. It's one of the best parts of Season 5. Also, I have something special planned so don't worry. To that one random Guest: 1) For the love of God, Ruby was telling the truth about not masturbating to weapons. I just happened to find it funny and decided to include it. 2) I wrote that statement about being uncomfortable about writing about girls making out months ago, and let me tell you something. Writing this fic changes you. As long as it's for joke, it's fine by me. Also, I'm going to fix them eventually… maybe, but in all honesty I don't care. I would like to get a Beta but I'd rather go for a load-and-go just so I can get on with my day. To Iron-Mantis: …Meh. My fic equals my logic. To Recovery Zero: Hm… well, here's what I got for those team names.
RIFG: FIRG (firaga, I think that's a word), FIRG (firing), GIRF (giraffe I guess?)
PPTB: TBPP (small corruption into saying tableflip)
SITT: I'm being childish but TITS (obvious)
That's all I got. It isn't the best so you may want to either change the names of the team members or find another guy to help you with that. To bhark3: Uh… sure, let's go with that. To Autistic-Grizzly: Well, since I watched 9 seasons of Red vs Blue in just one day, I'm going to break it up. One day will equal one season. The week thing is to give the girls a break. I mean, it's not like they'll spend an entire day devoted to sitting on their ass to watch 10 seasons. Anyway, they'll run out of stuff to do really quickly. Anyway, whew! That was a lot writing. Let's get to action!
All RvB dialogue and scenes are from the wiki itself so don't blame me there's a mistake, even thought I should double check the content. Also, I forgot to put it in last chapter but shout out to ElfCollaborator for including this fic in one of his chapters of his own reaction fic! You inspired a fetish (For those who actually read it, you'll know which one)!
Load Game… Start!
Chapter 38: Between One and Fuck (Sibling Arrivalries, The Grif Reaper, In Memoriam)
'Ah… Pussy, you're friends are so much fun to play with. I wish you were here to join me and you other friend. Maybe we can do something a little more… exciting.'
Weiss quickly shut the door behind her as soon Yang jumped in. Right now, they've just escaped their groping session and are now hiding in a broom closet that Yang had hid a set clothes in just in case something like that happened. It was surprisingly big enough for closet, allowing at least 3 people inside before it started to feel claustrophobic. After waiting for Ruby & Noire to pass by the closet, they quickly put on the spare set of clothes and sat down, "That… sucked." Yang said, out of breath from both the running and Ruby's groping,
"Don't say suck!" Weiss said, getting annoyed before shivering, "Oh crap, I still feel them."
"Me too." Yang said as she rubbed her boobs, feeling a little uncomfortable, "You've got to fucking kidding me." She groaned as she slumped down,
"I think they've gotten bigger." Weiss unconsciously felt her own breasts and noticed her bra was feeling a bit smaller. Not uncomfortable, but it felt different, "What are we gonna do?" Weiss liked the fact that her bust size was growing but seeing Yang looking defeated wasn't worth it. She sighed as she looked outside before rushing to find her hidden Dust supply. She did trust her teammates with her life, but everything else was off limits, especially her Dust supply, and especially that. She got into the RWBY dorm and grabbed her key under her bed and a fancy white crowbar. As soon as she heard footsteps, she opened open the window and jumped out, using her Air Step glyphs to help her land safely and get to her destination faster: Beacon Cliff. But not without giving herself an eleven out of ten.
When she got there, she counted from left to right to find the launcher she used in the Initiation, 'I was at least 7 or 8 students from Ruby and Jaune was last so…' She figured out which one and ran up to it. She used the crowbar to get the pad off and grabbed the white suitcase she hid in it as soon as she got it 3 weeks after the first day at Beacon. It was labeled:
Her father was at least generous enough to send her what could possibly either make Myrtenaster a God-Slaying Weapon or destroy everything that could exist, including reality itself. In the note he sent her, it would take another decade to perfect but since they still needed to be tested, why not send to someone with a Dust-powered weapon who could test it out on Grimm? As soon as she saw the case and its contents, she quickly wrote it off as either impractical or too dangerous to use yet, so she sent false results back, saying that the Dust provided wouldn't work and needed to be improved. Also, she also said she used it all just in case her father wanted it back. She knew she could do anything to destroy the contents inside it so she had to hide it until it could be disposed of safely.
Now, it was her and Yang's only hope.
She took in a deep breath and unlocked the case. Now, she had to find the right Dust. She picked up the gold Dust and read the label to herself, "Gold Dust: Gives the user temporary invincibility and increases the effectiveness of Aura based abilities as well as the user's Dust by 20%. Caution: Reduces user's lifespan by one year every 10 seconds." Weiss sighed and put it back before picking up another one, "Clear Dust: Turns user invisible to those without souls. Caution: Does not affect humans or Faunus." She sighed again and picked up another one, "Grey Dust: Causes all Dust in a radius of 5 miles to be rendered useless. Caution: May weaken the user's Aura." Once again, she sighed and grabbed another bottle, "Black Dust: Causes the user to have increased strength of up to 200%. Caution: Do not breathe in this Dust. May cause loss of Aura permanently, blackening of skin, muteness and insanity until effects wear off but may be irreversible unless the user has powerful soul." Weiss slowly put that bottle back, wondered why they sent that for her to use and picked up another bottle, only to groan, "Purple Dust." She muttered. She knew it was useless so she threw into Emerald Forest. Never to be seen again. Except…
(6 months ago)
It was peaceful night at Beacon Academy…
Until that happened.
"What happened!?" Ruby exclaimed as she saw the state of JNPR's dorm room. Everything was ruined in a matter of seconds before it was over in the exact amount of time. Nora was just in the middle of smashing one of the Ursi's head in just as the RWBYs showed up, "Oh my God…" the RWBYs muttered as they saw the destruction in awe before seeing the 3 dead Grimm in the middle of the room and splattered over the walls,
"I have no idea." Pyrrha answered between breaths. She was half-dressed because she was about to take a shower and only managed to take off her armour before the Grimm appeared in the room
"How did a *wheeze* Grimm *wheeze* get in here!?" Jaune exclaimed. He literally just finished training with Ren when they showed up, "Why *wheeze* can't anyone *wheeze* give us a break?"
"You know we have to pay for this." Ren said, not even out of breath from the fight, "The school doesn't pay damages caused by students, even if the majority of the damage was caused by Grimm."
"That was fun! I wanna do that again!" Nora yelled out of nowhere. The others in the room was about to yell at her before they heard another roar, coming right from across the hall. Where the RWBY's dorm is,
"Oh, you've got to kidding me." Weiss muttered as she ran back to her dorm in hopes to save the homework due in tomorrow,
"You had to jinx us, huh Nora." Yang said as she followed Weiss,
"Oh crap! I left Crescent Rose in there!" Ruby exclaimed as she disappeared in a puff of rose petals, "MUMMY'S COMING!"
"I guess we'll see you tomorrow." Blake said as she sighed and followed her team. The sounds of a fight echoed around the school before everyone heard Yang yelled out,
"WHY THE HELL ARE THERE BEOWULVES IN OUR DORM!"
"JUST! KEEP! FIGHTING!" Weiss yelled out to the blonde as she took down one of many Grimm in the room. It was going to be a long night.
"Why did they send me two?" Weiss asked herself after throwing away another bottle of Purple Dust. She sighed again and picked up a bottle of pink Dust. When she read the label on it, she smiled, 'You may have won one fight, but you haven't won the war.' She thought as she put the bottle into one of her jacket pockets before putting back the Experimental Dust before going back to Beacon and arriving back at the closet,
"Took ya long enough." Yang said as she stopped adjusting her bra, "Where did you go? Did Noire or Ruby see you?"
"Yang, don't worry." Weiss said as she pulled out the bottle and popped the cork off, "Yang, I need you to put this Dust on your clothes."
"Um, okay…" Yang grabbed and did as she was told before Weiss took it back and did the same, "Wait, what is this stuff."
"Wait a minute…" Weiss said as she looked at the label. Yang didn't know what Weiss was doing but she was going along with it, so she waited. After a few seconds, she felt the Dust she put on herself activating, causing her to feel a little weird. Suddenly, she saw her hair glowing as she started to get up before getting lifted up from the ground, with Weiss doing the same, "It's actually working!"
"What the fu-" She didn't finish her sentence as they both exploded into a blinding pink light. After a few seconds, the both dropped down onto the floor and used the equipment in the closet to keep themselves standing, "Wh-What was that?" Yang asked before seeing Weiss' eyes flashing pink before going back to normal, "Holy…"
"Yang, trust me on this." Weiss said as she held up the almost empty bottle, "We're safe."
"How? Why? C'mon woman, give me answers!"
"Yang, please keep this a secret okay?" Weiss then went on to explain how she got the Experimental Dust and why she had it in the first place. Yang was still confused though,
"Wait, what does that Pink Dust do?" Yang asked. Weiss sighed before smiling,
"Pink Dust suppresses all Semblances in the area, including Ruby's 'special' abilities." Yang's eyes widened as she learned this,
"B-B-But that's impossible!"
"Anything's possible with just a bit of Dust." Weiss told her, "Just a word of warning though. This is not permanent and would only last a day, a RvB season at most,"
"Shut up." Weiss growled before calming down, "Anyway, like I was saying this Dust will only last us a day and we can't use our Semblances as well."
"Huh?" Weiss sighed and demonstrated by trying to cast a glyph, only for it to fail completely, "Aw man…" Yang groaned, "You know, I like my hair being on fire. People say it makes me hotter." Weiss then threw a mop bucket at her, which she dodged, "Hey!"
"Your puns suck." Weiss said before leaving the closet. Yang sighed and followed her back to the dorm. When they arrived, they saw Noire showing Ruby different types of knots,
"Oh, back again I see." Ruby said as she put down her ribbon and rubbed her hands together, "Are you ready for more?" She was about to get up until Noire held her wrist and forced her to sit back down,
"Ruby, don't." Noire said as she looked at the two, "I detect Dust on them."
"How would you know?" Yang asked, a little bit worried,
"It's an application." Noire then showed her Scroll, with it reading positive on the Dust Identifying Computer for Kids app (it was free), "Anyway, there's nothing we can do Ruby." Ruby sighed, wanting to feel Weiss' boobs next, before she sat down and grabbed the remote, "So, are you two just going to stand there or are you going to watch?" The two Dust covered girls heard the anger in Noire's voice and smirked before sitting down in their respective spots. Ruby sighed before perking up,
'Dust doesn't last forever, so…' Ruby then smiled deviously, 'Do not worry my lovely pairs, we will be together, you'll just have to wait.' Ruby thought as looked at Noire, who also had a devious smirk. She knew something was going to happen, but decided to keep it on hold until the end. She pressed play.
Fade in to the ship from above
Vic's Voice Mail: To hear these options in Spanish, press dos.
"It's still going!?" Ruby exclaimed, "Holy shit!"
Church: I hate you!
Vic's Voice Mail: *beep*
"Oh God, finally." Yang said, relieved that was over. Weiss only held her hand up,
"Don't count on it." Weiss said.
Church: Vic, it's Church, I need y-
Vic's Voice Mail: I'm sorry, but this person's voice mailbox is full.
"Told ya so." Weiss said as she laughed a little, 'He really doesn't get a break, does he?'
Church: Uhchmmm I'm gonna kill myself. I'm gonna kill myself.
"I don't blame you." Yang sighed, "I'd do it too, Church."
Doc: Uh, what was all that about?
"Well, it's basically the Blue team being royally screwed due to half the team being knocked out and the half that's left, sucks." Weiss explained, "Their lucky the Reds are distracted by the ship because if they weren't, they could attack and they would be dead."
"Hm…" Noire muttered, "'Royally screwed', huh?" Noire smirked at Weiss, causing her to face palm, "I guess I could be the king and you could be my queen…"
Church: Doc, we are royally screwed. Half our team is down, and I think th-
"FUCK!" Weiss yelled out while slamming her head against the table, almost snapping it in half,
"She is not taking being Church's twin well, isn't she?" Ruby whispered to herself, before shutting up after seeing Weiss glare at her.
Doc: No it's not, look! Caboose is already back in action.
Cut to Caboose emerging from Blue Base in the distance
Caboose: I'm okay! I'm okay!
"Whoa! How is he even up?" Yang asked. She got her answer in the next 2 seconds.
Caboose collapses again, but this time in the warmth of the sun
Caboose: I'm not okay!
Doc: He's fine.
"Uh… no, he isn't Doc." Ruby said,
"At least he's in the sunlight." Noire pointed out, "That floor must've been freezing. Though, it could easily be cured b-"
"Okay, okay we get it!" Weiss quickly interrupted.
Church: Like I was saying, half the team is down, and the half that's left, sucks. So all the Reds need to do is attack us, and we're dead.
Weiss just sighed, giving up any hope of not being compared to her least liked character. She liked the guy, but she just irritates her without him even realizing it.
Baby Alien: Hnnk!
Church: Oh right, and I have to kill this fucking thing.
"HURRY UP AND JUMP OFF A CLIFF!" Noire yelled out, "You know, I wish that fucking ship landed on him rather than Donut." Noire muttered to herself before she sighed (AN: From Chaos Lord Roscoso!)
Caboose: Also I see a big ship. Now I know I'm hallucinating!
Church: Oh I forgot that part! The Reds also have an enormous ship that was sent by their Command. Probably has a huge fucking weapon on it. Like a nuke, or a biological weapon that's gonna melt our skin, or a genetic weapon that's gonna make everyone in blue armour sterile... awesome.
"That would be kinda awesome." Yang said, "But it'll only affect Caboose."
"Huh? Why?" Ruby asked,
"Well, because the weapon might only affect standard issue blue, which only Caboose is wearing." Yang heard Weiss sigh,
"Yang, Church is wearing blue armour. Tucker is wearing blue armour. The entire Blue Team is wearing armour." Weiss said,
"No, Church is wearing cobalt. Tucker is wearing teal." Yang pointed out, "Not exactly blue."
"Yang, blue is blue. Those other blues just happen to be lighter shades of blue!"
"No, cobalt and teal are completely different colours!"
"Fucking hell Yang, BLUE IS FUCKING BLUE!" Weiss yelled out as she jumped up from her chair, with Yang doing the same, "THAT'S FUCKING IT YANG AND YOU SHOULD KNOW IT! THERE IS ONE TYPE OF BLUE AND IT USES TONES TO MAKE THEM DARKER OR LIGHTER!" Yang's hair would be on fire now, if her Semblance wasn't suppressed,
"Shut the fuck up Princess, THOSE DON'T COUNT AS BLUE! THEY'RE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT COLOURS! TEAL HAS A FUCKING GREEN TINT TO IT AND YOU KNOW IT, AND THAT MAKES IT A DIFFERENT COLOUR YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"
"Fight! Fight! Fight!" Noire called out as she had action figures of Yang & Weiss smash together before she made them make out, "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"
"SHUT UP!" Weiss & Yang yelled out before sitting down,
"Got that out of our system?" Weiss asked,
"Yep." Yang answered, "… Teal isn't really blue." Weiss only answered with a middle finger.
Doc: Hmm. Maybe this isn't the best time to remind you that technically I'm neutral in this conflict.
Church: Doc, I don't think the situation could get much worse. I mean the ship is bad enough, but God knows what kind of reinforcements they have in that thing. Could be a whole new squad! Or a Freelancer! Or-
Cut to the Reds mid-sentence, standing in front of a new person in yellow armour
Simmons: Grif's sister?
"WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!?" WYRN exclaimed,
"Grif has a sister!?" Yang exclaimed,
'Please be let there be incest, please let there be incest.' Ruby thought,
"There has to something wrong with her." Weiss quickly said, "There has to be something wrong with her to make her join the Reds, even if it's with her brother."
'Gang bang. Hot, sweaty, gang bang.' Noire thought as she started to get really sweaty.
Grif's Sister: Yeah. Isn't that cool?
Sarge: You know I always knew there was a genetic possibility that Grif would have blood relatives. But I always held on to the hope that he was the horrible by-product of an experiment on a turd manufacturing plant!
"No, he would be a by-product of lard." Yang muttered, "Then came the sibling."
Grif: Go home.
Grif's Sister: What?
"Huh?" Ruby said.
Grif: Go home, right now. Get in your ship, uncrash it, and fly it home.
Grif's Sister: Whatever. Make me.
Grif: As much as I don't wanna spoil my reputation as a do-nothing slacker, I will not hesitate to beat you senseless and drop you in that ship myself.
"Wow…" Weiss said,
"Huh? What is it?" Yang asked, "Is something wrong?"
"No, it's just heartwarming to see Grif actually caring about someone and getting his sister to go back home, knowing that even thought the Blues aren't that dangerous he's not taking any chances." Yang's eyes widened before going back to the TV. Yang guessed she would do what Grif was doing if she and Ruby were in a similar situation.
Grif's Sister: I thought you would be happy to see me.
Grif: How did you even get here, we're in the future!
Simmons: Hmm, I think I know how. Did you use your hyperdrive to get here, or just the light drive?
Grif's Sister: Which one is the hippie drive? Is that the one with all the knobs or is it the other one with all the knobs?
"How did she even make it out of the atmosphere?" Weiss muttered as she rubbed her head,
"There's something called auto-pilot, Weiss-chan." Noire said, "I should know. My body went on auto-pilot when I was plowing the state baseball team."
"Though, it is difficult." Ruby spoke up, "Like pissing into a urinal."
"Yeah…" Yang & Weiss said, "…Wait, what?" (AN: From reven228)
Simmons: Yeah, she probably came here just using the light drive. And as Einstein theorized, in his theory of relativity-
Grif (& Yang): English.
"Son of a-"
Simmons: When you travel near the speed of light, time slows down for you. Essentially she came forward in time by travelling at light speed.
"Is that true?" Ruby asked,
"In theory, yes." Noire answered, "But it hasn't been tested yet."
Grif: That's stupid.
Simmons: No, that's science. Didn't you ever read the famous science fiction story where the astronaut watches his baby son being born, but then he gets in a ship-
"Science fiction doesn't count." Weiss said, "We need facts."
Simmons: Well, did you ever read the one where-
Simmons: How 'bout-
Grif: I didn't read any of them!
"No surprise there." Yang muttered.
Grif's Sister: Hey. Who's the nerd?
Simmons: Excuse me, I'm not a nerd. My Mom says there's nothing shameful about being smart.
"NERD!" Yang yelled out,
"Wait… hold on." Noire said, "Grif's sister is wearing yellow armour and by the looks of it, she isn't that bright…"
"What is it, Noire?" Yang asked,
"Oh, nothing…" Noire said before smirking a little, "Sister." 'Blake, you owe me if this doesn't work.' Noire thought, leaving a slightly confused Yang.
Sarge: Alright Missy, there's just one thing I don't get. How'd you join the Army?
Grif's Sister: What do you mean? I just signed up.
"Man, the army must be really desperate if they're accepting people like her." Yang said, "She isn't that smart and by the looks of it, she never got into basic training." Little did she know, Sarge's next few sentences would've set Beacon on fire if it wasn't for the Pink Dust.
Sarge: But you're a... you know you you got lady parts.
Grif's Sister: So?
Sarge: So unless this is the cooking and sewing Army-
"FUCK YOU SARGE!" Yang shouted out as she nearly destroyed the TV. She would've, if Weiss & Ruby didn't grab her arm. Well… it was more like Weiss grabbing her arm while Ruby was "helping" by grabbing her boobs to keep her calm.
Grif's Sister: No, I went to join the real Army.
Sarge: Does your gun shoot brownies?
Grif's Sister: What?
"Huh, why is he acting this way now?" Weiss asked, "Is he retarded? Doesn't he realize Tex is a woman?"
"I think in his mind Tex is some kind of monster, which isn't too far off considering how violent and deadly she is." Noire answered. Ruby snickered a little since in her mind, it counted as a burn on Tex (AN: From snake screamer!).
Simmons: You'll have to excuse Sarge, he comes from the old school.
Grif's Sister: Thanks. By the way, nobody says "old school" any more. Actually, they told me I was too young. So I grabbed an extra suit of armour, and boosted a shuttle.
"Well, that explains her landing strategy." Weiss muttered.
Grif: Glad you learned something from me.
Grif's Sister: Nohoho, I'm just kidding. I always wanted to do something like that.
Grif: But why did you join the Army? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
"Really?" Yang said, "You're saying this now after Sarge suggested radioactive spiders, clones and the Hulk just to lift up a ship."
"And you can't forget getting pregnant, even though that person is a guy." Ruby added in.
Grif's Sister: Well, you always looked after me when Mom ran away to join the circus.
"Wait, wait, wait, hold on." Weiss said as she paused the video, "Isn't it the other way around? Fuck, this is just straight up abandonment!"
"Don't question it and keep watching." Noire said as she took the remote and continued the episode.
Simmons: W-wait a second, hold on. Your Mom is in the circus? You know, at first I didn't like you, but you've already made my insults forty-five percent more efficient by just saying one sentence.
"It could become 55% if you add anything like what she does or, better yet, what Grif's sister did before coming into Blood Gulch." Yang said,
"You said it Sister." Noire said. Yang didn't know why Noire was calling her that but she was starting to like nickname. She was going to regret the decision very soon.
Sarge: Was your Mom a flaming sword swallower? We could use somebody to replace Donut.
Grif's Sister: Nope. You know how circuses have a bearded lady, and a fat lady? Well, my Mom plays both, 'cause she's like, super-talented.
"Well, that's more genetic but… that counts, I guess?" Ruby said, 'I wonder what mum is doing?'
Simmons: Oh my God. Is it okay if I record everything you say?
"Done." Noire said as she pulled a tape recorder from out of nowhere.
Grif's Sister: Sure! Anyway, Grif always looked after me, but when he went away, I didn't wanna be alone.
Simmons: Okay, let me get this straight. You felt scared, being alone, so you decided to join a war.
Sarge: She's a Grif alright.
"If she's that stupid, then imagine Grif's grandmother." Weiss said, causing the others to shiver.
Grif: Wait a minute, she was the one who was tapping!
"Thank you, Captain Obvious!" Yang exclaimed as she saluted, "Stating the obvious everyday!"
Grif's Sister: Yeah. I was wondering why you guys didn't answer.
Simmons: None of us know Morse Code. It's outdated.
Grif's Sister: Don't you mean old school?
Grif: No, don't you get it? If she was the one tapping, then what happened to Donut?
Cut to a an immense underground cavern, with muffled voices coming from above
"Holy shit…" Ruby muttered, "The underside of the canyon is freaking hollow!"
"So… about having precious minerals underneath the canyon…" Yang said as she slowly turned her head towards Weiss, "Yeah, that doesn't exist."
Donut: A baby, wait up! I wanna see!
Sarge: Donut, get back here! Wait for the ship.
"Wait a minute…" Weiss muttered, "Holy shit, prepare for impact!"
Donut: But Sarge, we don't know when the ship is gonna get here. It's coming all the way from Earth. That could take days, or weeks, or months, or even years!
"In 3… 2… 1." Noire counted down, "Boom."
The ship lands, and Donut falls into the cavern.
"Hurry up and hit the bottom already!" Yang called out.
After a good six seconds, he goes to the bottom with a thud.
"There we go." Weiss said as she picked up the remote. So far, with Yang not exploding or Ruby trying to attempt a Rose Break, the Dust was working, which was good. Though, she does feel a little weird. She guessed it was just a small side effect. Anyway, she quickly turned to the TV when Yang pressed play.
(The Grif Reaper)
Fade in to a view through a sniper rifle that's moving jerkily and randomly
Church: See him there? Right there, the yellow one.
Caboose: The one next to Simmons. That's Grif.
Church: The other yellow one. Dumbass.
"Well, Grif did kinda look yellow back at Halo 1." Yang said, "But he's clearly orange here. His sister on the other hand really is yellow."
"Maybe the people who made this is making fun of the fact that fans mistaken Grif's armour for a different colour." Noire theorized,
"That actually… kinda makes sense. Thanks Noire."
Caboose: Oh, that new yellow person, y-oh yes of course, yes. Uh, he looks very scary. Yes and uh, I know that because I am looking right at him, right now, yes. He is yellow. This is very interesting.
"Wait, he thinks Grif's sister is a guy?" Ruby said, "Why?"
"Well, in-universe, with all that armour it's easy to confuse genders. In the game however, I don't think there's an option to switch genders. That or male and female character models are too similar to tell them apart." Weiss explained,
"Seriously, how do you kn-"
"Shut up Yang and watch the stupid episode." Weiss quickly growled out.
Church: *sigh* You don't even see him, do you.
Caboose: Yeah, I don't- I don't even know how to use this thing.
"And yet, get a perfect headshot when it's Church." Yang muttered.
Church: Oh man, this is no good. Yellow armour. What does yellow armour mean, is that like some kinda... special ops guy or... man, this can't be good for us.
Caboose: What if it's a new gun.
Church: What? Why am I even talking to you, it's a person! In yellow armour, we already established that!
"It could be a robot to them." Noire said, "Like a… sex doll I have."
"Yeah…" Weiss said, "Wait, what?"
Caboose: Oh, now wait maybe they got their own medic.
Church: A medic? Caboose. We're not that lucky.
"Like Blake keeps saying," Yang said as she put on a pair of cat ears, "'It's better to have a medic than a gun'." She said in a Blake like voice. She quickly threw away the cat ears when she saw Ruby pull out a fake tail with beads on the end, 'Okay, where does she get this stuff.'
Cut to Doc with a noticeably larger baby alien
"Hey, the little guy grew up." Noire said as tears well up in her eyes, "Like it was only yesterday."
"It was an hour ago." Weiss pointed out,
"They grow up so fast." Weiss couldn't help but face palm at the emotional 'twin' of Blake.
Doc: See, my suit is purple. Can you say purple? Pur?
Baby Alien: Honk?
Baby Alien: Hnnnk.
"Close enough!" Yang called out.
Doc: Great! Once we learn all the colours, we'll learn why you shouldn't judge people by them.
"Tell that to the Reds & Blues." Ruby muttered.
Cut back to Church and Caboose
Church: Yeah, that guy is definitely some kind of special forces. Probably trained in, knives or... ball-kicking or somethin'.
"We have licenses." Ruby said as everyone pull out their 'Scrotal Damage Control in Self-Defense' licenses, allowing the girls to legally kick someone in the nuts and not pay the hospital bills.
Caboose: Maybe he's an alien.
Church: An alien that looks just like the rest of us?
Caboose: And that is the scariest kind of alien.
"Well, it's true." Weiss said.
Church: Why are you, even here, it would be easier for me to just call random people on the phone, and talk to them about this. They would understand the situation better.
In the background, Tucker emerges up the ramp from inside the base and starts approaching
"Hey, Tucker's awake." Noire said,
"Ah shit." Yang muttered to herself, 'Three perverts. I have to deal with three perverts.'
Tucker: Uh, whudldldluh. Bludludldldlah.
Church: Oh well, look who's awake.
Tucker: What the fuck happened?
"To save a lot of time: You got knocked up, you got knocked out." Weiss said.
Caboose: Oh, well, um, uh as you may remember, uh you were impregnated by an alien visitor who was on a noble mission to save his entire species from de-
Tucker: Can I get the short version of this?
Church: Yeah, you got knocked up, you got knocked out.
"FUCK MY ANUS!"
"Oh, I will." Ruby said, causing Weiss to blush and groan.
Tucker: Oh right, I need to start workin' out. Lose this baby weight.
"Yep, not something you hear every day." Yang said.
Caboose: Yeah, you know, we, we should all start working out, you know, uh, especially some of us.
Tucker: Yeah, some of us seem to have let ourselves go more than others.
Church: Are you guys talkin' about me?
"Well, I did notice some jiggle physics going on…" Noire muttered.
Caboose: We ah didn't wanna say anything.
Tucker: Yeah, that's why we said something. Fatty!
"He does know he's a robot, right?" Weiss asked,
"You know, you kinda forget about when there's a lot of other shit going on." Ruby replied. Weiss couldn't help but agree.
Church: Hey back off guys, I've been under a lot of stress. I've been carrying this whole fucking team.
Tucker: Where'd you carry us, to the buffet?
Caboose: He said it.
Tucker: What're you guys doing up here anyway? And what's that huge thing?
"Which one? The one between the legs or the one between the legs?" Noire asked,
"What are yo-" Weiss didn't finish her sentence as she realized what Noire was implying, and promptly blushed,
"Bow Chicka Bow Wow." Ruby & Noire said at the same time.
Caboose: That's Church.
Church: He means the ship, Caboose.
Caboose: He said it.
Church: The Reds called in a ship, and it landed on Donut. Now they've got new hardware, and a new soldier.
Tucker: Who, that girl?
"Wait, what did he say?" Yang asked.
Church: Wha- Girl? That's a girl?
Tucker: Duh. The yellow one, right? The one talking to Simmons?
"Holy crap, he has really good eye sight!" Weiss said, "Almost inhuman!"
"Or Faunus level at least." Noire added in, "I guess all that peeping really paid off."
Caboose: Wow, you have really good eyes!
Tucker: I have to. I never get to use the fucking sniper rifle.
"Or that." Ruby said, "Although…"
"YOU ARE NOT PEEPING ON ANYONE!" Yang & Weiss quickly yelled out,
"I was joking! I was joking!" 'I am so not joking.' Ruby thought, planning to see a real-life shower scene, courtesy of the Blonde Bombshell and the Icy Beauty, with her new friend.
Church: You're positive that's a girl. How can you be sure?
Tucker: Dude, look who you're talking to.
"Who, because I don't see a proper expert anywhere." Yang said.
Cut to Grif's unnamed Sister in front of the ship
Grif's Sister: The cool thing, is that I was lucky enough to get sent here! They said your Commander died, and I needed to replace the missing man.
"Donut was a Commander?" Ruby said,
"I think they're referring to…" Weiss thought for a second before giving up on finishing the sentence. There were only two official leaders in the entire canyon. Sarge & Flowers ("Bless his soul").
Sarge: What? Our Commander's not dead, I'm our Commander!
Simmons: And an excellent one at that, Sir.
Sarge: Thank you Simmons.
'Kiss Ass.' WYRN thought.
Grif's Sister: Yeah. Your Commander died. And one of the troops is going to be promoted, and I was sent to replace the missing troop!
Simmons: Wait, w-what's this about a promotion?
"Looks like Simmons is interested." Weiss muttered.
Sarge: Sounds like Command made some kinda mistake.
"Yeah, that's probably it." Ruby said, "It could be some other C.O from another place or something."
Grif: I don't know Sarge, I thought you said Command never makes mistakes. That must mean you're dead.
Simmons: Seriously, what was the promotion thing? I'm sure I heard something about someone getting promoted.
'Maybe Simmons is too interested in this promotion.' Weiss thought as she narrowed her eyes.
Grif's Sister: They said one of your troops would be promoted to replace your dead C.O.
Simmons: One like me? A maroon one?
Grif's Sister: Hey, you're really scary. That's kinda hot!
"It kinda is." Noire said, causing Weiss & Yang to move away.
Grif: Sarge, I'm really sorry you died.
Sarge: Don't be stupid, Grif. How can I be dead if I'm standing right here?
Grif: Well if Command was wrong about you dying, Sarge, couldn't they be wrong about other stuff too? Like, like what if the Blues don't suck? (gasp) What if the Blues are awesome? This changes everything!
Cut to Sarge's gravesite, with everyone standing around the hole, including the deceased
WYRN had no words to describe the mixed feelings they were having right now. Some were filled with joy, confusion… but mostly joy. Yang decided to break the silence, "…SHOOT THE FUCKER AND BURY HIM!"
"Better die a Red than admit being a Blue is awesome." Weiss muttered. She was starting to like Sarge, mostly for his humor. But him as a human being, there was no redemption,
"I don't know if I should be happy, sad, confused or… fuck it, YAY!" Ruby cheered,
"It's going to be 28.5 again." Noire muttered.
Simmons: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today, to pay our final respects to Sarge.
"Correction: Their only respects to Sarge." Yang said.
Sarge: But I was so young! And violent!
Grif: And that's what makes this so tragic.
"True that." Weiss muttered.
"Um… is it reverse psychology or is it Sarge being Sarge?" Ruby asked,
"Don't think too hard about it." Noire replied as she grabbed the remote, "Anyway, next episode?"
"Next episode!" The others called out. Noire smirked as she pressed play.
Fade in to the Reds for Sarge's service/The shittiest funeral ever. Of all time.
Simmons: And now, Grif has asked to say a few things about our beloved Sarge.
"Oh boy." Weiss muttered as she rolled her eyes,
"Here we go." Yang added in, "And now introducing the Butt Monkey of the glorious Red Team: Grif!"
Grif: Hey everybody, it's great to be here. Well, what can I say about a guy like Sarge. I mean besides, "good riddance." Hoooo.
"Insensitive, much?" Ruby muttered,
"Especially when the deceased is listening." Noire said, 'The effects should kick in soon.' Noire smirked as she thought about the reactions. This was going to be priceless.
Grif's Sister: Yeah-
Grif: But seriously, Sarge lived a great life. And now that he's dead, our lives are pretty good too. Zing!
"This is getting worse and worse by the word." Weiss muttered, "Then again, they don't really like Sarge. Well, apart from Donut and probably Simmons."
Grif: Hahahahaa, you know what I'm talking about.
Sarge: Come on, is this a remembrance or a roast?
"I think it's more of a chance to disrespect your memory Sarge." Yang said, "No, wait. They're respecting it like the same respect you gave your charge."
Grif: Quiet in the front row. And I'm not askin', and he's not tellin', but I heard when Donut first came to the base, Sarge spent a lot of time talkin' about glazed donut holes, if you know what I mean. Hiyoooo.
Simmons (& WYRN): Too soon!
"Keep going!" Ruby called out.
Grif: Hey now.
Sarge: This is the worst funeral I've ever had!
"Of all time." Weiss muttered, before sighing.
Sarge: You losers better step up the crying, pronto!
Simmons: Oh, don't worry Sir, I've written a stirring speech that's sure to tug at everyone's heartstrings.
"It's going to suck, isn't it?" Yang said,
"Well, speeches don't suck but I do." Noire said happily, causing Yang to face palm, 'I have to be more careful next time.'
Sarge: Good to hear it, now get with the eulogizing!
Simmons runs up to the front
Simmons: On it Sir.
Grif: And who could forget the time Sarge showed us all how to field strip Simmons'-
Simmons: Okay that's enough, I said five minutes Grif.
"Damn it." Noire & Ruby muttered as the snapped their fingers.
Grif: Bye everybody, I'll be appearing at the Laugh Cavern every Tuesday. Ladies drink free.
Grif's Sister: Whoohoooo!
"You know, I could go for a drink." Yang said,
"I might come with you." Weiss said, "Just to stop you from getting drunk because of," She then looked at the two perverts, who smiled and waved, "You know."
"That reminds me, we need to take a shower." Yang then sniffed her armpit and grimaced. Weiss got thinking before having a flash of brilliance,
"Don't worry, I have something special for them." Weiss said with a smirk, "Just wait, it'll all come together."
Grif: Not you!
Grif's Sister: Aw.
"Can I get a drink Yang?" Ruby asked while putting on the cutest face she could pull off,
"Aw…" Yang said, looking like she was giving in, before her face did a 180 and did a face Ruby knew too well, "NO!"
Simmons: Okay, whatever, get off. Hello everyone. I'm here to say a few words about our friend Sarge.
"The kind of friend that treats you more like meat shields than buddies." Noire said.
Grif: Boo, you suck.
"Fuck off, kiss ass!" Ruby yelled out, freaking the girls out.
Simmons: Grif, get off the stage!
Grif: Uh, sorry.
Grif retreats to the peanut gallery
Simmons: Okay, like I was saying, I'm here to say a few words about Sarge.
Grif: Boooo, you suck!
"Fuck off, kiss ass!" Ruby yelled out, once again freaking the girls out.
Simmons: As you all know, Sarge was a magnificent leader, and he was a great inspiration to all his troops.
"To die in a fire." (Weiss)
Sarge: Hh, Simmons was right, this is so emotional. Where's my hankie?
Simmons: He was a man of honour, discipline, and character.
"And huge bloodlust, large enough to give him a boner." (Yang)
Sarge: It's like he's saying what we're all thinking.
Grif: If he was saying what I'm thinkin' he'd be yawning while he said it.
Simmons: But perhaps his greatest accomplishment, as a military man...
"With the worst track record in history." (Ruby)
Sarge: Tell it!
Simmons: And a friend...
"Of an Abusive Father." (Noire)
Sarge: Preach on, preach on.
Simmons: Was developing my considerable skills as a soldier and a leader.
"Wait, what did he say?" (WYRN)
Simmons: As you all know, Sarge's untimely demise leaves a gap in our command structure. A gap that is best filled by Sarge's right hand man. A man that has a vision for the Red Team.
Grif: Sarge is, is he campaigning for your job at your funeral? Classy.
"The fuck!?" Yang exclaimed, "My God, he really wants to be the leader doesn't he?"
"Or he's insane." Weiss said, "No person should campaign during a funeral!" 'Except my father.' Weiss mentally added, remembering what happened when she was 4 and was attending her grandfather's funeral, 'Then again, it was an emotional & effective campaign…'
Simmons: The Red Army is faced with a difficult choice. The choice of who will lead us to glorious victory. Let's hope they choose a great candidate. A candidate whose armour is actually a shade of red. Sarge would have wanted it that way. Choose Simmons. It's the only thing Sarge did in life, so don't let his whole existence be in vain. In closing, somebody died, vote for me.
"Wow, I get that he might still be mad about the tank thing but wow. That is just mean." Yang said, slightly disgusted.
Grif: Ahawesome speech!
"And with Grif to top it off! Great timing with that remark!"
Grif's Sister: Is this the kind of thing you guys do all day?
Grif: Pretty much. Just run with it. It's the only thing that keeps you from going insane from boredom.
Grif's Sister: Yeah... or we could raid the medical supplies for morphine.
"Excuse me for a second." Weiss said as she paused the video, and quickly ran out of the room. The mention of medical supplies reminded her of a more effective alternative than the Brown Dust she had in the Experimental Case of Dust. And NO, it isn't morphine. After a few more seconds, she came back, "Okay, keep going."
Grif: Hyeah. Wait what?
Simmons: Hey Sister, you're up.
Grif's Sister: Awesome!
Grif's Sister swaps places with Simmons
Grif: Ooh ooh ooh, can I go again? I just thought of a swear word that rhymes with Kentucky.
"Oh, I have about a million more on stand-by." Noire said.
Sarge: You couldn't even wait for me to be buried, could ya.
Simmons: Your death was in the past, Sarge, and we need to look to the future. A future filled with Simmons.
"No one would vote for you, treacherous fucktard!" Weiss yelled out,
"From Iron-Mantis, everybody." Noire muttered,
"What was that?"
Grif's Sister: Hey everybody. Um, I'm new here, and I didn't know Sergeant very well, but he was very old, and that's gross.
Grif: Eh-heheh, I wrote that line.
"Of course he would." Weiss muttered.
Simmons: Grif, let other people have the spotlight for once.
Grif's Sister: Anyway, when you're old and gross, you're probably going to die, and that's kind of sad. But when you think about it, all your friends are probably dead too. And if they're not then they're definitely old, and knowing old people is even sadder than being dead. So, anyway, whatever. Peace out.
"That has to be the most saddest, shittiest and downright stupidest speech ever." Yang said flatly,
"Off all time." The others said at the same time, with Weiss adding in a frustrated 'FUCK!'.
Sarge: This is a miserable excuse for a ceremony. Where's the flag folding? Where's the twenty-one gun salute?
Simmons: Sir, the flag is an important part of our inventory. We can't just go around having impromptu foldings because we feel like it.
Grif: And I was in charge of the twenty-one gun salute. Unfortunately we don't have twenty-one guns, so you'll have to settle for what I call the double-bun salute. It starts in just a few moments.
"What's a double-bun salute?" Ruby asked. Her question was automatically answered when Noire shoved her ass in her face, "Oh… heh, this is a great view."
"I'm glad you like it, Captain." Noire replied before Yang & Weiss pulled her away and threw her into her seat.
Sarge: Uhgh, I'll just get in my grave now.
"Yeah, you go do that." Yang said as she sat down as Ruby sobbed, missing her perfect view.
Simmons: Yeah, maybe that's for the best Sir.
Sarge: Oh, come on, who dug this grave? It's not nearly regulation.
"It's a hole. Get in it!" Weiss exclaimed,
"Bow Chicka Bow Wow." Ruby & Noire said,
Grif: Uhg, Simmons let's cover his head first.
Sarge: Come on, you call that buryin'? I've had Girl Scouts bury me better. Put yer backs in to it.
Simmons: This might be a bad time to ask, but... have you finished that letter of recommendation I asked for?
"Shut up and bury him!" Ruby yelled out.
Sarge: Step to it men, bury faster! I'm not getting any deader. Come on, double time you maggots! Oh hey look, maggots. Maybe these guys know what they're doing.
Grif: He's the chattiest corpse I've ever seen.
Sarge: Work that shovel like a hoe. Work that hoe like a shovel.
"Well, episode's done." Noire stated, "And now to-"
"OW!" Both Ruby & Noire shouted out as they were hit with darts, "What the h-" Noire stopped as she felt her body stiffening, darting her eyes she saw Perverted Ruby doing the same, "What the hell is going on!?"
"HA!" Weiss cheered as she danced a little, "Paralyzing Potion stuffed in syringes, For The Win! Courtesy of the Beacon Medical Facilities!" She then leaned in on Noire's face, "Oh, and don't worry. It will only last an hour or two."
"Oh thank God." Yang said as she stood up, "I can take a shower without worry for a while." She then retrieved her bathroom equipment and headed over to the JNPR's shower while Weiss took the RWBY's. Noire sighed as she look away,
"God damn it, Iron-Mantis." Noire muttered,
"What?" Ruby asked,
"Nothing." Noire said as she sighed sadly,
"Oh, c'mon Noire. The effects will wear off. Then we can do whatever we please."
"It's not just that, Ruby-chan." Noire sighed, "It's just… I won't get to see their reaction."
"You know the Dust they put on themselves?"
"Well… it has a very beneficial side effect." Now Ruby was curious,
"What's the side effect?" Noire smiled deviously before she laughed evilly and uttering one word,
"Whew! That's refreshing." Yang said as she got out of the shower. The bathroom was pretty steamy and started fogging up the mirror. Yang like it hot. Anyway, as she was putting on a new bra, she noticed that she still felt hot, even after stepping out of the shower a few minutes ago. It would usually take a few seconds for her to cool down, 'I guess the Pink Dust is affecting me a lot more than I thought.' Yang thought as she put on the bra. Suddenly, she felt herself getting hotter, causing her to start panting. She had to hold onto the sink just to keep her from collapsing onto the ground. She looked in the mirror and saw her eye colour had a pink tint to it. Suddenly, all the heat focused onto one spot.
Save Game… Quit!
Whew! Done! Anyway, Happy Mother's Day and I might see ya next week!
UknownHero signing off, my friends!