The first generation of this series of seemingly random reincarnation was that of the Shodai Hokage and his wife, known in this world as James Potter and Lily Evans.
…Yeah, you should probably run now.
James Potter, as a young child, was well known for his strange and somewhat disturbing love of trees. While some people would refer to him as a tree-hugger, they rarely realized that he often actually did go out and literally hug trees.
…He was a weird kid.
Lily Evans, as a young child, was well known for being nice, a little odd, willing to befriend that Snape kid, and for being a manipulative little thing when the mood suited her. The fact that she managed to talk her sister into being excited and happy for her rather than resentful spoke volumes in and of itself.
…She was a weird kid.
Sirius Black was not a moron. In fact, he prided himself on being just as cunning and intelligent as Slytherins claimed to be without succumbing to the evil ambitions and overall bigotry that the house was also associated with. So he generally knew how to deal with most situations, even if the choice sometimes depended on what would irritate his parents the most. Befriending the Potter kid seemed like a good idea.
This idea was put to the test by the revelation that said boy was COMPLETELY INSANE.
"You... you are PERFECT best friend material." Potter told him solemnly. "Your family. Your drive for peace. Even your hair!"
"...My hair." Sirius deadpanned, wondering whether he should pull his hands away from Potter's.
"Yes." There was a pause, and then Potter started tearing up again.
Strangely enough, the bawling-infused hug that Potter gave him was timed almost perfectly with Lucius Malfoy's attempt to 'check up on him.'
Even more strangely, Potter released him the second the older boy was gone and pointed out a window, jabbering away about trees.
Hashirama's first action, upon seeing Sirius Black, was to decide that he was too much like Madara not to befriend. He wouldn't be a replacement, because one doesn't just replace friends like that, but the nostalgia was too much.
Hashirama's first action, upon seeing Lily Evans, was to stare at her hair and immediately compliment her on it.
Hashirama's first action, upon seeing Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and Severus Snape, was to declare that they all looked like sad bunnies, and that he would hug them until they smiled forever.
Then he made a tree reference and Lily stared at him strangely, catching on to the fact that something was amiss.
"...Do you believe in the Will of Fire?"
Everyone else was confused, but Hash looked like he was about to cry tears of fluffy joy. "Yes! We have to pass on our—" A hand, apparently Sirius's, was over his mouth.
"...Do I get to know who I'm talking to?"
Hash, not wanting to hurt his new, possibly unwilling best friend, held up a hand and grew some wood into the shape of a large number one.
"...Hashirama, if that's you..."
The boy in question nodded gleefully, and then pointed at Lily questioningly.
She just pinched the bridge of her nose. "Black, hands off for a second."
And then they were hugging.
And then they were kissing.
And then she was hitting him over the head. "Do you even know what happened to Tsunade after she grew up? Gambling happened, Hashirama. Gambling."
"It's nice to see you too, Mito-chan!" There was no sarcasm in his voice.
He proceeded to hug her with a wide grin, ignoring the unsorted Firsties around them.
Sirius Black's reaction to learning that his supposed best friend was the reincarnation of a legendary ninja was one of profound relief.
"Oh, so there is a reason you're completely insane. I just thought you were bonkers."
Remus Lupin's reaction was simply of shock, though that may have been because Hash had decided to share out of a sense of… something, given that the boys had just figured out that he was a werewolf.
Peter Pettigrew's reaction was one of awe.
Severus Snape just turned to Lily, who nodded, and then decided to wallow in despair for a while, because really, that was just what one did upon finding out that a legendary ninja had all the maturity, cynicism, and gravity of a baby chipmunk.
How was the man a Gryffindor again? He was clearly supposed to be a Hufflepuff.
"Let's go to the Forbidden Fo—"
Ah, yes. That was why.
"Is he hugging the Whomping Willow?"
"If you want to stop him, go right ahead."
"For the love of Merlin, he's just hugging a tree!"
"But it's a violent tree!"
"It looks like it's hugging him."
"…D*mn it, you're right."
"Severus, I know this is a hard decision for you to make."
"It really isn't."
"And I know that you're being pressured by a lot of people."
"It's actually not that many."
"And I know that you need support."
"I really, really don't."
"And I just want you to know that if you need someone to take care of them so that they stop bothering you, I will hug them 'til they repent and you'll be okay."
"Oh, for the love of— Listen, I'm not joining the Death Eaters!"
"…Do you need a hug anyway?"
"Potter, you're ridiculous. Now let go of me, I can't feel my arms."
"My parents kicked me out." Sirius stood on the doorstep, bedraggled, wet, and completely bereft of any belongings.
"…You are staying here for the rest of your life." Hashirama promised.
"Actually, just a few weeks would be fi—"
"We can be roommates here too!"
James had a face that radiated pure joy. "We're having a prophecy baby?!"
Lily smacked him. "Don't you remember what happens to children of prophecy?"
"They grow up to be totally awesome." Hashirama asserted.
Somewhere in the realm of the dead, the woman that was once Uzumaki Mito faced her husband of two lifetimes with folded arms.
"I told you that it was a bad idea to switch to Peter."
"This always happens with you. You can never just be friends with someone and not get betrayed at some point."
"…Mito-chan, I need a hug."
A/N: This is going to be a three-part story. Just three chapters, so don't get your hopes up, and don't suggest ANYONE, because I already have them planned. If you make a suggestion, I reserve the right to blow up at you.
For that matter, just ignore the fact that Snape was never a Death Eater here. Imagine that someone else told Voldie about the prophecy. This story is crack anyway. I even exaggerated Hashirama. I didn't know that was possible.
And each omake is just going to be a "What if more than just them was reincarnated" sort of thing.
Omake: Madara as Sirius
"D*MN IT, SENJU, LET GO OF ME!" Madara raged, trying to get Hashirama to let him go.
From the doorway, Lily Evans and Severus Snape looked on in mild annoyance and horror respectively.
"Lily, maybe we should go."
"Nah, if those two are who I think they are, this is totally normal."
"Does he hug everyone like that?" Because if he did, Severus was just going to run.
"No, just that guy."
"Did you just break my ribs?!"
"Madara, I need to know that you aren't going to—"
"I'm not going to go evil, Senju."
"…I am genuinely concerned for your mental health."
Severus stumbled into the doorway of Sirius Black's apartment. "James and Lily… dead…"
"…Wow, that moron managed to get himself killed even faster than last time." Madara glanced at his watch. "…Yeah, I've got time for a little revenge kick. Make yourself at home, I've got people to humiliate and possibly kill."
Madara stalked out the front door with a large butcher's knife and a hockey mask.