Author: The Dark Crimson Blood
Story Title: Drowning in Misery.
Genres: Angst, Tragedy
Summary: There are consequences if you raise a child incorrectly, negatively, harshly…
Inspired by parts of the songs; ひとりんぼEnvy, 君はできない子, andかなしみのなみに波溺れて
Dedicated to: mangalover26
(Nicest person I know)
Luffy had always been a troublesome child in the eyes of the adults.
It had gotten to the point where all the compliments were replaced with downgrading words that only made him feel useless. They'd call him worthless; a child who couldn't do anything for himself, and so he stopped talking so much. Even though he was eight when this begun, the insults continued. His grades were rather bad compared to the other children; he was only able to get C's and occasional B's. His caretaker complained about that, yes; caretaker, not mother. His mother had abandoned him for some unknown reason three years ago.
He was beginning to think it was because he was as useless as the caretaker had told him he was
"Just look at that ugly mug you call a face; it's a face only a mother could love!" She said, yelling one of the many insults she used daily. She'd called him destitute, dense, dirty, and disgusting, a crybaby, and a scared-y cat, a child whose life isn't worth a single penny. He heard at least three of these insults everyday; she'd even gone as far to tell him that he wouldn't be alive if it hadn't been for her, picking him up off the streets where his parents had abandoned him one day. He wasn't sure whether to feel grateful or unlucky about that fact.
Sooner or later, he became sad.
He remembered the praise, and how high the hopes for his future had been when he was younger. They had wanted him to be smart and fluent in everything; such high expectations went unachieved which served as a horrible disappointment to that woman.
To make things worse, he hadn't made any friends and there was never anyone there to cheer him up; his supposed older brothers hadn't even made a move to talk to him or interact with him in any way except for bullying since he had been adopted into this family- well, he wasn't even officially adopted yet, so he had to wonder whether or not he actually belonged there.
At twelve, he began hating himself; he was clumsy and greedy. He stopped loving his clumsy, idiotic, 'worthless' self completely. Perhaps he had gained an inferiority complex, and maybe that was the reason he was acting this way; no, that couldn't be it. Maybe the neglect and abuse was finally getting to him?
Sooner or later, he stopped caring; it was as if he threw his life out like someone would throw out the morning trash, the very life he had been given from his parents that had abandoned him was so far wasted. The expectations were gone; now, they had been gone for such a long time that Luffy couldn't recall any. It seemed as if she and the rest of them had given up on him as well
At thirteen, he began taking medicine that were supposed to rid him of headaches and the pain in his chest right where his heart was, each beat seemed to be painful. His heart seemed to be suffering from a serious illness that was described as loneliness. He didn't have a job, he was too young and no one would accept him; which meant he didn't have the money to visit the doctor for the disease that went unnamed to him, a disease that could easily be cured by simply making some friends to fill in the burning, searing, painful emptiness he felt inside him.
He began pulling pranks to distract himself from the painful feeling inside his chest; and yet he did so with a blank, straight face that seemed to hold no emotion. He never realized that it only managed to make him feel lonelier than he was before.
It was at school that he decided he wasn't needed; he had been leaning against his locker when he turned to his left and saw a boy with green hair pass by, as well as a girl with orange hair. They were in his class, yet he knew that he wasn't really needed by them, or anyone else in class. 'I'm not really needed here… Or in this world, right?' he had asked himself, muttering it underneath his breath as he moved from his spot and continued; he planned on skipping class again.
"I'm a bad, worthless child" Luffy announced, alone in a dark classroom; he had decided to say the very words the adults, his caretaker, and his brothers wanted to hear from him. But unknown to them, had acknowledged this fact awhile ago. He shook his head and stood up; he decided to go to his last class of the day.
Everyone had already found their seats and took their spots; not a glance was sent his way as he moved to sit in the back of the classroom, one seat away from the corner. He turned to his left, where a girl with long hair sat; reading a book with a dignified face. Maybe, she was like him? Maybe, they could be friends; he opened his mouth and said "Hello" but was stopped when two people approached her.
Ah, his mistake; she had friends.
"Are you seriously talking to that outcast?" A girl with short hair said; her skirt cut at an uneven length, she spoke loudly, which successfully managed to draw unwanted attention to the group. Luffy didn't reply; his head rested on his hand as he stared at the others with a blank, unwavering expression.
"He said 'Hello'" The girl sitting next to Luffy said, seemingly freaked out,
"Oh my god he spoke?" An unknown kid announced from somewhere in the room.
"You should have sat up in the front when he moved to that spot; there's still an open desk up front, why don't you move?"
"You could always continue sitting next to that freak for the rest of the year"
The girl gathered her things at an amazing pace and hurried away from him; her friends followed, and Luffy simply turned his attention back to his desk and pretended he didn't care about the multiple pairs of eyes, watching him.
After the teacher left the room he was mocked and he encountered bullying for the first time. It was his fault for talking and acting out of character in the first place.
In order to live, to be able to eat without feeling like he was going to throw up; he began overlooking all of the important things in life. He gave up on friends completely, and he gave up on family, who gave up on him a long time ago. Yet no matter what he did to distract himself from the truth; the huge, empty hole inside of him never seemed to become full.
At fourteen he seemed to become even more miserable than before.
At fourteen he began considering suicide.
His caretaker had called him a retarded good for nothing yesterday; his brothers had laughed. He didn't reply, which was normal.
The bags underneath his eyes were normal too, and so was the pale skin, dull eyes; and lack of happiness. Sleep never came easy to him; it never would, and he was okay with that; he had accepted it.
He didn't care about it anymore, he couldn't recall ever caring for it in the first place.
He couldn't recall caring for a lot of things anymore.
When he came home from school that day he had a bruise on his cheek; someone had obviously punched him, and not just there. He had bruises hidden all over his stomach and arms as well, he disliked bullies. When they attacked him, he didn't do anything. He didn't fight back, didn't yell, scream; or do anything.
Eventually they got bored with him; and walked away just as everyone else did when they saw what was happening.
He managed to get up at eight, it was already dark out; he limped back to the house he was currently living in. But halfway there he stopped and questioned himself, if he were to die, would anyone care? He didn't have any friends, his caretaker constantly insulted him, and his elder brothers simply went along with everyone else and treated him in a horrible way.
'No, no one would care; I'm not needed, remember?' He told himself, lips upturning slightly in an attempt to smile sadly.
'I really am useless, if I can't even smile'
He continued to the place he hated; the place they considered home.
Not only was it the day he considered suicide, but it was the day he began cutting.
Wearing long sleeves covered the ugly cuts, he told himself as he turned his attention away from his arms and to his desk again; listening to the cheerful conversations between the students; 'A festival?' he asked himself when someone asked another person about it, 'What's a festival like? It sounds fun.'
He turned his head up ever so slightly to catch a glimpse of the student talking about it; it was a girl with short orange hair, the same one he had passed in class a while ago. She whose name Luffy remembered was 'Nami' was talking with a group of friends, a girl with long black hair and blue eyes whose name Luffy remembered to be 'Robin'. There was a boy with green hair that reminded Luffy of moss, a blonde haired boy with curly eyebrows, and a boy with tan skin and a long nose.
'It must be exciting, to have friends" Luffy told himself as he returned to his previous position; 'not that I care' he continued; denying himself.
"It'd be better for everyone if I died" He muttered underneath his breath when the teacher announced that they would have to go in small groups at the school festival, and the group Luffy had previously been listening to had let out an 'aw' when they heard he would be joining their group.
It was silent, but they seemed to have heard him; because they all turned to look at him the second the words left his mouth.
"Class dismissed, Luffy please stay after class" The teacher said, watching as everyone left the room. Once everyone was gone, she closed the door and sat at the desk across from him. "I can't make it to the festival" Luffy lied, forcing out the voice that didn't seem to want to come out
"I called your mother, she said you could."
"Not my mother"
"Do you have any friends, Luffy?" He shook his head no, "That's why you need to go."
There was no reply once again; "You're depressed aren't you?" No reply
"You're sad, tired; right?" No reply and a sigh from the teacher. "You're still being bullied; why haven't you told anyone?"
'Because it's unimportant and no one cares' He thought to himself, standing up; "Leaving" he stated, leaving the room before the teacher could stop him. Right outside the room was all four people- well, minus the long black haired girl he had saw earlier; they had their heads pressed up against the door in an attempt to listen to the conversation. He deemed it odd until he realized they probably wanted to start rumors or find more reasons to tease him.
"Are you going to kill yourself, coward?" The green haired boy asked.
"you're friends will miss you if you do' the orange haired girl stated
"You're mother will cry; you shouldn't make women cry." The blonde haired one
"You'll hurt everyone who thinks you're important." The long nosed one.
"I was joking" He replied dully, emotionless with a blank face
The atmosphere changed.
"Wow, what an attention loving brat" The orange haired girl suddenly said, crossing her arms and glaring.
"Ignore the bastard, he's a freak; remember?" The blond haired boy, he was kicked in the back of the head; his headache became worse.
The green haired boy simply scoffed and punched him, the same spot that had been hit yesterday.
"Even I wouldn't lie about that" The long nosed one
They glared at him and continued on, passing by like he was nothing. He stood; mind racing ahead of him as he recalled their words
"Are you going to kill yourself, coward?"
"Yes, I'm a coward. I plan on running away by killing myself" He said out loud
"you're friends will miss you if you do'
"I don't have friends" He continued
"You're mother will cry; you shouldn't make women cry."
'I don't have a mother, my caretaker hates me" He said dryly
"You'll hurt everyone who thinks you're important."
"No one thinks I'm important." He finished, standing up and walking up the stairs of the school that lead to the roof.
The long black haired girl pushed off the wall of the hallway, having heard his entire conversation with himself; she quickly ran for her friends, she had to tell them.
He opened the door, the air was chilly and the sun was setting, it was the perfect setting. He slowly walked to the edge of the building and looked down, thinking, 'the neglect, the abuse, the bullying, everything's finally over' He truly smiled at that minute, but it disappeared a second later
"Even if a time machine was developed, or if people could prolong their lives for hundreds of years; not a thing would become more convenient, would it?" He asked himself, he took a step forward and fell, but it felt as if for the first time in life; he was saved from the pool of sadness he had been drowning in for the past ten years.
His body hit the ground, and screams resounded through the area.