I don't own Kuroko no Basket
"Urgh, it's seems full." Kagami groaned when he noticed Maji Burgers was full. They couldn't help it if there were some kind of rush at the said fast food restaurant. He had Kuroko accompanying him after their energetic but dreadful practice that only hungered Kagami even more. The other members of the Seirin team were unable to come along because of other personal issues.
Kuroko said nothing as he looked at the pack of people inside. He looked distantly though, for it meant no vanilla milkshake for today. Probably the only thing that could keep Kuroko alive- go on, everyday.
Kagami was about to walk away when Kuroko tugged lightly on his sleeve. "I saw some familiar faces, let's come inside."
He quirked an eyebrow, but allowed the smaller man to lead the way amongst the crowd formed inside, nonetheless. There were always the bumping as they passed through, mainly because Kagami's huge figure didn't quite fit much with the little space. Except for Kuroko who was letting himself being taken by the wave of the tight crowd, but not letting go of Kagami's wrist.
"Kuroko, where are we-"
"We're here." Kuroko looked at the two tables for two connected to another one to accommodate five people. "Hello, everyone."
"Why hello there, Tetsuya," Akashi greeted back. He was the first one to notice Kuroko's presence, afterall.
"Wah, Kurokocchi!" Kise shouted. "And Kagamicchi too!"
"What are you guys doing here?!" Kagami asked incredulously to no one in particular.
"We're bored so we went here," Akashi replied dryly.
"Would you mind if we join you here? All seats are occupied."
"Of course, Kurokocchi could sit beside me!" Kise pointed to a seat across him, beside Midorima's. "You can have that one, Kagamicchi. Don't worry, Midorimacchi wouldn't bite you!"
"What the hell, Kise? Don't try getting me near a Leo for they're my worst compatibility for today. Oha-Asa said so!" Midorima pushed up his glasses.
"As if I wanted to get near you, idiot," Kagami retorted back, not liking the idea of being the cause of 'bad luck'. He took the seat either way. "I guess I don't have any choice, though."
A yawn at the corner could be heard. "So noisy..." Blink. Blink. "Oi, Tetsu... and Bakagami!" The sight of Kagami alone made Aomine jolt awake. "This is ridiculous. A moment ago, I had a nightmare that all of us here were going to talk only about nonsenseness. Guess it's actually true."
"Mine-chin, you're also looking ridiculous and talking nonsense either," Murasakibara commented while unwrapping his tenth stick of strawberry lollipop. "And hello, Kuro-chin."
"Are we only here for greetings exchange?" Kagami complained.
"What do you suggest we do then, Taiga?" Kagami groaned inwardly when he was addressed by his first name by not too familiar people. Though he kept his mouth shut when he swore he saw dangerous glints at the former GoM Captain's mismatched colored eyes, and not to mention the unmistakably nipping sounds from a sharp scissors at the background.
"Err, eating contest?" he suggested hopefully.
"Aka-chin, I like that," the center of Yosen agreed immediately. He was now munching a pack of spicy salted bread sticks.
Midorima sighed. "Can you two think other than food? It's irritating."
"Can you also not think of anything other than Oha-Asa? It's irritating either," Kagami shot back.
"Mou, quit arguing, you two!" Kise pouted when there were electric sparks between Midorima and Kagami. "We're here for a pressure break from basketball! And we gathered here as acquaintances, not enemies!"
"For once, Kise-kun, you said something wise." Kuroko sipped at his vanilla milkshake.
"Kurokocchi, so mean!"
"Hey, I didn't know you ordered!"
"It's because you're busy bantering with your seatmate, so I decided to went first."
"Mine-chin is quiet today."
Akashi smirked a little. "Because he's fast asleep for the third time we're here." He clapped his hands. "But since we're all here and have nothing interesting to do… How about we play a mini-game?"
"I don't think we could play basketball here."
Midorima mentally face-palmed at Kagami's understanding of 'mini-game'. "Saying you're an idiot would be an understatement already. You're the worst."
Akashi cut in. "Let's have something like a Q&A. I have small folded papers here and but we'll only choose one for our question. What we get will be the same question for all of us, but the answers may vary. And of course, you have to answer truthfully. So, are you all in?"
As if we could refuse, everyone except Kuroko, a sleeping Aomine, Murasakibara, and Akashi himself thought.
After ordering twenty pieces of burgers for himself, Kagami distributed the other twenty to Murasakibara and two for the others sans Kuroko.
"Tetsuya, have the honor to pick the question we're going to ask everybody."
Oh, God, that sounded like Kuroko's about to pick a million dollar question. Or as if their lives depends on what kind of question he's going to get.
Among the five colored papers, Kuroko had chosen the light blue one and opened it.
"How many girl have you been with and what type of girl do you wish to get and why?" the phantom sixth man read aloud.
Collective sighs of relief could be heard. At least it wasn't some kind of a deadly question.
"Hmm, too bad. It was interesting but boring all the same," Akashi stated. "If you picked this red one, we could at least know what way you wanted to be killed, or by whom from your friends you preferred to be tormented for life."
Insert evil slash hysterical Akashi laugh in the background.
"Anyway, why don't we start from you, Ryouta?"
Kise scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Erm, I've been with five girls, but I didn't count the flings. Only those five were into serious relationships, though."
"So you're not a virgin anymore." Akashi pointed flatly.
"Hey, that's not part of the question!" Kise blushed like a schoolgirl being matched with her crush.
"Ryouta, that's not a question. It's a fact."
"Akashicchi!" Kise wailed, but proceeded to answer, still tomato red. "And my type of girl is somebody who wouldn't tie me down. And somebody who will love me not for my looks or fame, but for who I really am," he admitted shyly.
Insert romantic music here.
Kise flustered. "Wah! Stop that music! That's not my favorite!"
"Whatever. Atsushi, it's your turn since you're beside Kise."
Muraskibara stopped munching his tomato ketchup flavored potato chips. "Ah… I haven't had any girlfriend. But I'm already engaged."
Collective gasps could be heard. "What is she like, Murasakibaracchi?" Kise asked giddily.
"Flavorful… Small… Smells great…"
"Wow, I didn't know you had an exotic taste for girls, Murasakibaracchi."
"And most of all…"
They all leaned excitedly to listen.
"Worth only ten yen," Atsushi finished and proceeded to dig on another pack of chips.
Atsushi looked at them. "Ah, you don't know? Umaibō only worth ten yen per stick. That's why I will be committed with them forever."
Kagami face-palamed. Literally. "And here I am who thought it's actually a real girl."
They snorted. They thought the same thing too, but knowing the purple headed giant, he would be marrying any kind of food.
Akashi was the one to recover first. "I see. But when it comes to real person, what are you looking for, Atsushi?"
"Hmm, I like a tall girl, but still smaller than me. She should also know how to cook my favorites. She should be sweet too so…"
"I could eat and lick her all over."
Somehow, that sounded so wrong.
Kuroko nodded, understanding it was the end of the statement. He looked at his former light who was still dozed off the corner. "You should be the next one now, Midorima-kun."
The said man adjusted his eyeglasses. "I've been with no one yet, and my type of girl would be-"
"Someone with the Oha-Asa sexuality, or either Oha-Asa herself?" Kise offered hopefully.
"No, of course not." The green-haired teen's eyebrow twitched.
"Somebody wearing glasses like Midorima-kun, no?" Kuroko added.
"…No." He gritted his teeth.
"A girl who loves bringing her lucky item for the day like her life depends on it?" Kagami asked.
"No." He clenched his fist.
"Ah! Somebody who loved Umaibō!" Atsushi announced rather proudly.
"Oh, God, of course not!" Midorima snapped. "And what's with all of you? You don't even let me finish!" He settled down calmly back at his seat. "My type of girl would be a matured one. I would like her to be older than me." He blushed slightly, looking away.
"And here I am who thought you're hitting that Takao dude."
Midorima gaped. "What? Seriously, where that idea did came from?!"
"He seems too much devoted for you to always drive you with your rickshaw, and following you wherever you go."
"I am not!" He hit the table angrily, but Akashi didn't even bother to flinch. "He's my personal slave. That's all. It's not my fault if he's like a happy dog following his master around." He glared at them. "And don't you dare question my sexuality just because I haven't been with anyone yet!"
"It's because Mido-chin is weird."
"I am not! It's because I haven't found a woman worthy enough to match my astrological sign, blood type, and is older than me. Way older than me."
"What? You like old hags?" Kagami joked.
"Stupid, I didn't mean that way!"
Kise laughed. "Kagamicchi, that's the best thing I've ever heard! Hahaha!" Trust the blonde to laugh easily at some kind of sick joke.
With Kagami snickering, Kise lauging at some kind of pathetic joke, Akashi having an amused smirk, Kuroko staring blankly at the exchange, Muraskibara's annoying way of chewing his bubblegum bar, and Aomine snoring beside him, made no help to calm a very pissed off Midorima. "Shut up, low-lives!"
That did it, though.
Except for Akashi who was probably plotting something like sort of 'how to kill Midorima while he was asleep' for calling him one of the 'low-lives'.
"I wonder what's Aomine-kun's type," Kuroko blurted aloud while looking at the snoring boy.
"A porn model."
"But if Kise-kun's a porn model too, Aomine-kun will hit on him?"
Poor unconscious Daiki.
Poor gorgeous model Kise.
Midorima cleared his throat. "Isn't it this idiot's turn already?"
The green-haired man sighed. "Well, I'm sorry I forgot there's a lot of idiot here. I'm talking about this redheaded idiot beside me."
Kagami snickered, but ignored him instead. "I've been with two girls before, but they're both American." He stopped for a moment, and continued hesitantly. "And my type of girl is an elegant one, well etiquette, and well mannered."
Midorima snorted. "Totally your opposite."
"Kagami-kun likes somebody who could handle him and his worst attitude."
"Yeah… Hey! I'm not that terrible!"
"Yes, you are."
"Taiga," Akashi started. "Tetsuya never lied before."
"Whatever. How about you, Kuroko?"
Kuroko stared far away, noticing that some people had gotten out of the fast-food already, making the place half full. "I'm single ever since. But I'm still looking for a gentle woman who could love me with all her heart."
Kise sniffed. "Kurokocchi, if I'm a real woman, I'll marry you now!" he grabbed the smaller man and hugged him tightly.
"Kise-chin, you sounded like Sa-chin."
"Kise-kun, release me."
The blonde stiffened. "Yes?"
"It's my turn to answer now so let go of Tetsuya and keep quiet," Akashi ordered.
"As answer to our question… Yes, I've been with a few women before, but not any of them met my expectation."
Of course, no one could keep up with your sanity, they all thought.
"I'm expecting to at least find a single woman with dignity, not somebody who will instantly turn into a jelly when either I smile or bothered to even gaze at those lowly creatures. Unfortunately, I'm yet to find her. I and a woman with the same caliber should be together no matter what. Together, we'll be the greatest couple of history, and our future offspring will preserve the honor and greatness of our kind in every generation that will soon to follow. I, Akashi Seijuro, will rule this ridiculous thing called Earth and will become the King of all!"
Again, insert evil slash hysterical Akashi laugh here; with matching malicious smirk afterwards.
What a speech, once again, they all shared the same thought.
"Shut up, you're so noisy," Aomine muttered loudly while asleep.
As if on cue, the temperature seemed to drop dramatically, and the already menacing looking former Captain of GoM kind of emitting some sort of dark aura.
"What did you say, Daiki?" Akashi said as calmed as he could.
Whoever deity making Aomine sleep talk like that, it's not funny, they silently prayed for the tanned man's safety.
Unfortunately, some prayers were left unheard—and it was one of them.
"I said you're so noisy," the very clueless sleeping Aomine replied to Akashi; no idea what he was talking about.
Damn you, Ahomine! You're making us suffer too!
Akashi seemed to be gripping some kind of sharp object underneath the table and slowly stood up. "I see. It looks like you're after some kind of blood bath, Daiki. Don't worry, I'll gladly offer myself to do that to you… with your own blood." Akashi smiled sweetly.
Oh, God, that sadistic Akashi smile is on!
Slowly, the ex-captain approached the drooling Aomine, with his ridiculously sharp and pointed shears.
"Good bye, Aomine Daiki. We will miss you," they chorused.
And at that evening, a single soul left the Earth.
Sorry for the ending. I know it's horrible. I just don't know how to end it. xD