Disclaimer: Still not in the owning NCIS business.

Spoilers: Through Past, Present, and Future, and damn that Oxford comma.

Summary: Don't call it a comeback; I've been here for years. For reals, though, I haven't been writing lately. This is just a short fic about a little change Tony is making in his life.


McGee sipped his coffee as he walked into the bullpen, feeling unusually positive for a drizzly Monday morning. "Hey, Tony."

A dramatic sigh was the only response. McGee raised an eyebrow as he passed Tony's desk; McGee thought he'd been coming around lately, not spending so much time staring at Ziva's empty desk, but this morning he didn't have so much as a donut from the breakroom in front of him. It was always worrisome when Tony didn't start the day with pastry.

McGee decided to give it one more try as he sat down. "So, how was your weekend?"

Another heavy sigh. He was about to give up completely and start replying to his emails when Tony swung his feet off his desk and asked, "McGee, have you ever been furniture shopping?"

McGee was confident that no good could come of this conversation, but at least they wouldn't be sitting in silence until Gibbs arrived. And after Gibbs arrived. And the entire day if they didn't catch a case. "Of course."

"Somewhere other than IKEA?"

"Tony, I live in a fully furnished apartment, not…" He paused as he thought about his simple, functional bookshelves. "What's wrong with IKEA?"

"Nothing, McGee. Would you stop putting down IKEA? Those Swedes are all right."

"I didn't…" He conceded to himself that there was no way to win this argument. "Look, what were you trying to tell me about furniture shopping?"

"Oh! Right. In a real furniture store."

This was getting exasperating. "Yes, I have been shopping for furniture in an actual furniture store and what does it matter?"

"It matters because you can understand my pain!"

"Your…pain?"

"Yes! The way the salespeople descend on you like vultures the second you walk in the door and you can't brush them off because the place is set up like a million living rooms without walls and you'll never find the bedroom stuff without their help and…" He took a breath and put his hand on his chest. "I'm having palpitations just thinking about it."

McGee had seen this show before and it never ended soon enough. It was best just to ride it out while trying to get to the denouement as quickly as possible. "I'll bite. Why were you shopping for bedroom furniture this weekend?"

"Well, funny you should ask McGee. I finally decided to upgrade my sleeping sanctuary. Been meaning to do it ever since my dad desecrated it with the harpy from across the hall."

"Aah." He could have done without the mental image, but it was worth it to stick it to Tony just a little. "So you finally made the jump to the big boy bed?"

Tony frowned. "Cute, McZzz. As a matter of fact, I went all the way and got the king size. I think the queen would have been fine, but the salesman was giving me a weird vibe. Plus, there's just something about king size that really seems to fit me."

"Because it's the only size that fits your ego?"

"Mock all you want, but it came with matching nightstands and lamps. Negotiated that deal. Now I just have to wait for the bed to be delivered and…well, wait, I guess. The only thing that bugs me is they already delivered the mattress and nightstands, so now I've got those crowding up my bedroom and no bed. I mean, I still have my bed, but the not the new bed for the new mattress. Why can they deliver those but not the bedframe? Why do I have to wait a week and a half?"

McGee wasn't particularly bothered by that, but there was something in Tony's rambling that hadn't made much sense. "Wait, why two nightstands?"

"Because there are two matching lamps."

"But…why are there two lamps?"

"To go on the two nightstands. Try and keep up, McGee."

"But why do you need…forget it."

"Symmetry, McGee. You may be comfortable with your own Tim-terior decorating, but I have to work within a framework of good taste and functionality and…"

"Grab your gear," Gibbs growled, walking into the bullpen. "Dead Marine in Falls Church."

McGee just barely caught himself from saying 'Thank you' out loud.


Tony had to admit, the king size bed was pretty nice. He had the strange feeling of being in a hotel in his own apartment, but that was bound to pass. The bed could only stay so big and empty for so long.

He kicked off his boxers and slipped under the covers on the left side, taking a few moments to get used to the unaccustomed softness of the mattress and new linens.

He glanced at the necklace under the unlit lamp on the opposite nightstand.

"Maybe tomorrow," he mumbled to the slightly less empty than before bedroom prior to clicking off his own lamp.