Chapter One


When did things go so wrong?

Edward Cullen and I were an item, everyone in school, in town, and in the Cullen family, knew this although not everyone was happy about the situation. Charlie thought he was a bad influence on me, after I went missing to escape James and again when Edward went to Italy to ask the Volturi to end his existence. The fact that I came back with him after Charlie had watched as I fell apart when he abandoned me didn't go down too well. Edward was only allowed to see me under Charlies watchful eye in the evenings for two hours and Charlie made it perfectly plain he didn't like Edward at all.

The Cullens were happy in the main because Edward was happy and Esme and Carlisle especially saw that as utmost importance. Emmett was happy to have his little sister back although the feeling of their abandonment still stung. Alice seemed happy although she and Jasper didn't seem as perfect a couple any longer. She blamed him for them being forced to leave Forks after my party and I could see the others resented him for that too although it had been at Edwards insistence they left. The one person who was up front and honest right down the line was Rosalie. She hadn't hidden her dislike of me even when I first became involved with Edward, and after I went to Italy to save him she cornered me in the kitchen at the Cullen house when everyone went to hunt except Alice and herself and Alice had to pop out for a few minutes.

"Why are you still messing around with Edward?"

"Sorry Rosalie?"

"Why are you still pursuing Edward? He can't offer you anything Bella. No life, no family, nothing."

"I love him"

"No, you are in love with the lie Bella, why can't you see that. Edward only feels so strongly about you because your blood calls to him."

"That's not true. He loves me"

She laughed at that,

"Edward only loves one person and that is Edward. He thinks he loves you because you love him. You adore him almost sickeningly. He's not a god Bella to be worshipped and adored. You need someone who loves you for who you are. Don't give it all up for my brother, he's shallow."

"Rose, I don't know why you hate me so much. I don't remember ever doing anything to give you cause but I know you do. The hatred comes off you in waves. I'd like to be friends"

"Friends? Bella you are throwing your future away on a dream. Wake up before it's too late you stupid little girl"

She flounced out and I sat stunned by her words. I knew she disliked me but it seemed to be more than that. I wondered if she was jealous but she had Emmett, she'd had the chance of Edward but they were so unsuitable for each other I couldn't imagine that being the reason. Ever since Edward and I had first started dating I had been fought all the way by everyone. My friends at school thought I was mad, he's intimidating, he's weird, and Mike's classic, he looks at you as if you're something to eat. Charlie just plain hated him, he'd never been comfortable about us as a couple and it just grew to outright hatred after I ended up in hospital after the James incident, then Edward leaving me so suddenly so he made things as awkward as possible. Rose hated the whole idea and even Renee wasn't comfortable with him, too intense.

I think the person who hated him most of all was Jake but then he would, the wolves and the vampires were on opposite sides of the fence, historical enemies. Now I was back with Edward my visits to the Res had been stopped. Edward said it was for my own good, Jake said he was a control freak afraid of losing me if he, Jake, got the opportunity to win me over. It was hard all round, I loved Edward but hated his over-protectiveness, I loved Jake but hated his enmity towards Edward, I loved Charlie but I hated the way he treated Edward. Which ever way I turned I couldn't break free of the people who loved me but hated Edward. He wanted to marry me but I couldn't do it. It was just too soon, I was too young. I hadn't told anyone of his proposal because I knew if Charlie found out he would ship me straight to Jacksonville or take his rifle and shoot Edward. Probably aided by Jake who would flip out if he knew.

Edward kept pushing me and I kept pulling back from the question but I knew one or the other of us would have to give in sooner or later. I didn't want to be married straight out of High School. I wanted to make something of myself, go to college, get a degree and a good job, see the world and meet people. If I married Edward it would mean the end of my aspirations. I would be his wife and we might travel but I wouldn't get to see all the things I wanted or have the same experiences and the thing that scared me most of all was that he refused to change me so I would be forced to age and grow old while he stayed the beautiful boy he was now, frozen at 17. How could he still love me when I was forty or fifty let alone sixty. I didn't want to be an old woman with a 17-year-old lover but he wouldn't budge on this.

I tried talking to Carlisle but he agreed with Edward, he had only changed those who were dying, Esme, Edward, Rose, and Emmett. I had a life and my health, he understood Edwards aversion to damning me to hell by destroying my life and sending my soul to hell. I tried talking to Alice but she would just shake her head,

"I can't see your future Bella, decisions still have to be made, I can't tell you if you and Edward will be together for eternity, whether you will age and die or if the future holds something else for you."

I thought she knew more than she was telling me but she wouldn't talk any more about it. I was confused, scared and craved a solid future that included Edward, and me as a vampire at his side. Despite his worry of destroying my soul I thought there was more to it, I knew I felt insecure and unworthy but I couldn't help it. This brought with it, its own concerns. Was he having second thoughts about us? Did he want to leave the way open to leave me in the future when he tired of me? Was there someone else he was hoping might appear in his life? Was I just not worth it? He laughed these concerns off but the nagging doubt stayed with me, I couldn't shake it off with a laugh as he did, it was my life, my future, I was thinking about.

For graduation Alice decided to throw a party and I cringed, Alice's party hadn't done me any good last time and I was terrified everything would go wrong again. I didn't want to go but as it was billed as a joint party between her and myself I could hardly stay away. Charlie had moaned incessantly but he could hardly refuse to let me go, especially when Carlisle promised the party would be supervised by responsible adults and I would stay over at their house. What he didn't know was that the responsible adults mentioned were Rose, Emmett and Jasper. That was something I thought better to keep quiet about. Everyone at school had been really excited about the party and couldn't work out why I wasn't. My "I hate parties" speech had fallen on deaf ears. Edward told people I was just shy, Alice said I was nervous, why didn't anyone believe me when I told them I was terrified of parties. That just got a huge laugh!