I need to stop making myself sad.
Warnings: My grammar and spelling. Abuse...bleh, stuff. whatever.
People see them every day, sometimes they ignore them and sometimes they stop to talk about how cute they are. Children, they were everywhere, maybe it was instinct or maybe it was the fact that they were so small, but people were always attracted to them. Even if you didn't like children, it was always easy to spot them, it could be that people's brain had been wired that way for hundreds of years of evolution. Nobody really knew. It was sometimes funny though, sometimes even hilarious, how even if it was easy to spot them and pay attention to them, so many people simply ignored the signs.
What signs? Don't act like you don't know.
Levi stared at the child that was in front of him. The dark haired kid was sitting on a bench, with his hands on his lap. He was wearing a thick jacket to protect him from the cold winter, and a red scarf around his neck. If only the rest of his body was as well dressed, maybe the raven wouldn't had stopped in his tracks, but that was not the case. The kid was wearing some shorts that looked old and ready to fall apart, and long socks but no shoes. No, it wasn't what the kid was wearing, it was the fact that the child had dried blood around his mouth and from the look of it, a swollen eye.
The kid wasn't crying, he didn't look in pain but just by looking at the bruises on the child's leg, Levi fought back the urge to wince. The young boy looked away from his lap and glanced over at Levi, his wide aqua eyes looking at him, he could see as the boy's body tensed up and he looked ready to run if Levi tried anything.
The raven sighed quietly, and slipped his hands into his pocket. He sat on the bench next to the child, not saying anything and just looking at the park in front of him. Snow was slowly starting to fall and the boy pulled his legs close to his chest, hiding them underneath his coat. He was so small that was possible.
"What's your name?" Levi wondered if maybe the child was lost or maybe he just had an accident, he tried, no he hoped for the best case scenario. Of course he would, even if he was mature for his age this was dealing with something different, this was dealing with stuff only adults knew the answer for. He was seventeen and had never seen anything like this before. But, Levi was the adult for this child, he should know the answer for this kind of situation.
"Eren." The child finally said after a few minutes, he was shivering and resting his face on top of his knees. He looked like he was ready to cry, he was even pouting but he was keeping his face dry, no tears were spilling.
"How old are you?" The raven sighed quietly, there was a pit in his stomach that he couldn't get rid of. He wasn't sure of what it was, and he couldn't even explain why he suddenly felt so sad. There was something he couldn't explain, maybe it was anger? Or frustration? That could be, he was frustrated, annoyed even of why this child was here. Looking like this and no one seemed to even be looking for him.
"Five." Eren's answer was quiet. It was hoarse and dry, maybe he had been crying for a while now, which was the reason why he was holding back now. Maybe Levi should just leave, maybe he was holding the kid back from releasing his frustration. But what kind of adult would he be if he just did that.
"Why are you here? It's late." It was, it was almost twelve at night. Levi couldn't bring himself to fall asleep at all, so he went out for a walk, even the cold winter was better than tossing and turning on his bed. There was nothing more frustrating than being tired but being unable to sleep.
The kid never answered. The snow was slowly starting to pile up, Levi even lazily ran a hand through his hair to get rid of any that could be on there. The kid however didn't move, he kept staring at the dead trees in front of him. He wasn't doing anything about the snow, in fact he didn't look bothered at all.
Levi wasn't sure how long he sat there, not saying anything, not doing much, but the child was standing up then and the raven watched as he moved to sit next to him. Eren pulled his legs close to his chest again, half leaning against the raven but trying not to. He simply closed his eyes and took in a shaky breathe.
Levi sighed quietly, and glanced at the kid. Now that he was sitting near him, it was easier to see the bruises and scars the boy had. The swollen eye was getting better, but he hat a cut on his lip and another one on his chin, his hands were covered on bruises and old scars. He wasn't even sure it was possible for such a young kid to have that many scars. But it made everything even more obvious, no matter how much you trip and no matter how clumsy you are as a child, there is no way you can do this to yourself on your own. There was simply no way.
Levi looked away from the kid and turned his head. A girl around his age was standing on the pathway. She was panting and wore worn out clothes too. She ran towards the two and quickly picked up the child, she buried her face against his small neck and then used her own coat to wrap him up. The girl glanced at Levi, looking at him suspiciously before simply turning to walk away, she didn't say anything to him, not even one word.
"Hey..." Levi called out. "Why does he look like that?"
The girl stopped on her tracks, her body tensing up. She glanced at Levi, the black orbs looking at him with a dead stare. It was like whatever life the girl had, was long gone.
"You know why."
It was the only answer Levi got out of her before the girl turned on her tracks and left. Eren had his arms wrapped around her and was looking back at Levi, the big aqua eyes staring at him until he was no longer visible.
Levi wondered if that eye color was even normal, because he could have sworn he had seen that stare somewhere before. A long time ago.
Levi wasn't one that liked to believe in coincidences, especially when they kept happening.
Winter had ended a month ago, spring was back and it was impossible not to enjoy the new weather. The parks were filled with people, mostly teenagers or children with their parents taking them to enjoy the swing sets or monkey bars. Levi was no exception, it was not odd for him to play soccer with his school mates whenever the weather was better. He was by no means popular, but he did have quite a crowd that liked to hang out with him. He would get texts every few days with people wanting to hang out and even though he was not a big talker, he did like to go out and enjoy the company of his friends. Today some people he knew from school happened to want to play soccer with some kids from other schools, it was nothing but a friendly match.
The game was going pretty well, with Levi keeping the score even. It was 1-1 and the next goal was going to decide who would win. That was until the weather decided to rain on their parade, quite literally. The teenagers had been so busy with their game that they didn't see the clouds slowly blocking the sun until twas too late. The rain was pouring down and they quickly scattered, Levi grabbed his soccer ball and ran across the park.
The raven stopped in his tracks when he saw a very familiar kid. He was walking and holding something close to his chest. He didn't look like he cared about the rain, not at all. Instead he walked towards the swing set and sat in one of them. The bundle that he was holding close to his chest twitched and Levi was surprised when he noticed it was a puppy.
"Dude, hurry up! We are going to drench my car!"
Levi glanced away from the kid and looked over to his friend, he glanced back one more time and then ran towards the car.
It wasn't going to be the last time Levi met the child again. Not at all. The raven even considered the idea that the kid maybe was following him, because he would see him at least twice or three times during the week. It wasn't like the kid didn't notice him, no, he did. Sometimes he would even approach him but he wouldn't say anything. Whenever Levi was busy playing a game or talking to some friends, the child would quietly sit on the benches or a table away from his group. He wasn't the only one that was noticing this though.
"Isn't that the same kid from the other day?" Hanji was the one that first noticed how they were being stalked. She sounded amused and intrigued.
Levi said nothing, he simply shrugged his shoulders. It stung, to deny the kid's presence and to act like he didn't know him. He could feel a slight pain on his chest and his stomach was soon twisting. It was odd, he was curious about the kid but at the same time, he didn't want to get near him. He wasn't sure why, but something was telling him to stay away, maybe it was the fear of finding out who was hurting the child, but that made little to no sense, Levi wasn't a coward. He also wasn't someone to easily be scared, it just didn't make any sense. It was confusing and the raven wanted nothing to do with anything like this, and he wasn't even sure why.
It kept happening though, it came to the point in which sometimes Levi would even see the kid at the mall. Once in a while the kid was holding hand with the girl he met the same night. She would buy him ice-cream, or carry him. What Levi noticed and tried to ignore was the fact that the girl sometimes looked was bruised as the boy did. If not even more, she didn't have as many scars but once in a while the big bruises on the side of her head were just hard not to notice.
Mikasa was her name, Levi was able to catch the name once when the two were sitting two tables away from him and Petra.
Levi wasn't sure why, but ever since the child showed up, his insomnia was getting worst. He would take his medication and go to bed but the moment he closed his eyes, something forced them awake. It came to the point in which his doctor increased his prescription but it was still not doing much. He couldn't remember the last time he had a good night of sleep, even before the child showed up he had been dealing with this, it just was never this bad. It was tiring and draining, not only was he in his last year of high school but he also had practice and extra college classes to take.
Everything was just getting a bit too hard, maybe a bit too frustrating. The lack of sleep was making him crack under the pressure, but like always he hid it well and didn't show how it was affecting him. But on long nights like this, Levi would start thinking. Like for example right now he was trying to think of a reason why he couldn't sleep like normal people. He was told by his parents before that he didn't show issues like this until he was twelve years old. Levi started to suffer from night terrors, he was taken to different doctors and even a therapist but nothing showed up. He was asked if he had any nightmares but Levi could hardly ever remember his dreams. He could, however, remember a never ending sense of sadness, like he was looking through someone's depressed eyes. In all honesty, they just couldn't do much but take a sleep study and then Levi started to take medication.
The pills did help, Levi couldn't dream whenever he started taking them. He would just drop dead through the night and come back to life by the loud noises his alarm made. But now, the pills were proving to be useless, he had to make a new appointment with his doctor, probably tomorrow. It wasn't until five in the morning that Levi's eyelids started to drop. He took a deep breathe as his eyes closed shut and his body finally shut down.
He did dream that night. He dreamed of a never ending ocean an a pair of aqua eyes.
It had become clear to everyone that Levi knew that the child was always looking at him. They often asked him if he knew the child but he would quickly deny it, ignoring the stinging pain on his chest. At first the whole thing had been weird and Levi was able to overlook it, but by now people were even starting to make fun of him at all times. Honestly, he wasn't sure why this was angering him or upsetting him. He wasn't known to get angry over stupid things like this. He had dry humor and usually just would give these people the cold shoulder, but somehow this was just frustrating him to no end. The lack of sleep he had to suffer through was not helping, it was making every worst and his mood swings were getting worst.
"Damn, what the hell did you do to that kid? He keeps following you. I think he has a crush on you."
Why did that comment bother him so much? It pissed him off so much that he had to force his hands to keep holding onto his jacket so he wouldn't punch whoever said it. But the joke didn't end there, in fact the comments were getting a bit worse by the day. It was worse when the rumor that maybe he did do something to the kid started to be spread out. It was one month before graduation and Levi could hear the whispers and the weird stares. How could people be this disgusting? How could they come up with some stupid ass conclusion like that? It was like they didn't know him at all anymore.
One night everything was too much. Levi was hanging out with his usual friends, and the whole group was eating at a local dinner. They had plans to go to the beach but the rain stopped them from even attempting to get near the ocean. It was then the waitress brought their drinks that Levi noticed something from the corner of his eyes, the kid was there. Eren was outside the dinner, holding a small umbrella that was keeping him dry from the rain.
Levi wasn't sure what took over then, but the next thing he knew was that he was excusing himself and he left the dinner. Eren kept following his movements the whole time, until he was outside standing on the rain next to him. The kid looked up at Levi with his big aqua eyes, he looked nervous and somewhat scared. Levi had never approached him even if Eren was there, always near him.
The five year old glanced away and slowly offer up his umbrella for the other. Levi glared at the child and he didn't know why but his hand quickly slapped the umbrella away. Eren flinched and quickly took a deep back, the rain now pouring on top of him as well.
"Why are you doing this? Why are you following me? Don't you have any idea how fucking weird this is?!" Levi tried to keep a hold of how loud his voice was, he hissed angrily instead, and was thankful that no one was insane enough to walk outside with this weather.
"M-mikasa...she left." The child ignored his questions and that was all he said. He was looking around nervously, taking another step backwards.
"I don't give a fuck about that! Answer me! I'm sick and tired of this, do you know how much this is bothering me? At first I thought it was funny, hilarious even, but enough is enough!" Levi took another step towards the kid and Eren quickly backed away.
The child looked confused, like he was struggling with his words and how couldn't he? He was only five, he probably didn't know how to speak well at all. The big aqua eyes were slowly building up tears that he refused to let fall.
"I-I don't know...I don't know!" Eren let out a quite sob, and rubbed his face with both of his hands. "I-I don't know why, but I-I wake up and then I think about Levi and then I think about how I want to see him."
The raven growled quietly, walking closer to the child until Eren was forced to back away even further, until he tripped and fell back wards. The kid quickly moved back, fear obvious in his eyes as he struggle to stand up.
"Listen to yourself! Do you know how creepy that sounds? Do you even understand what you are saying? I don't care about what the fuck you need kid. Just stay the fuck away from me, I don't want to ever see you again!" Levi had cracked, he couldn't help it anymore. All the stress, all the laughter, he just couldn't take it anymore. All of it was too much, specially when he hadn't slept for almost three days now. It was driving him insane and all that he could see in that madness were the pair of aqua eyes staring back at him, not judging him, not questioning him, just admiring him.
The raven watched as the kid slowly got to his feet, he stared at the ground the whole time, not looking at him even once. He walked past him and picked up the small umbrella. Eren never looked back, but Levi did. He watched as the kid left, until he was no longer visible in his vision. That was the last time that Levi saw the pair of aqua eyes. It then became evident to him that eyes like those were not at all common, so he couldn't had seen them before. But yet, he knew he had. Once, maybe once upon a time.
Levi was woken up by a loud cellphone call. He groaned in his sleep and reached for his phone, ignoring how the woman next to him whined and curled up closer to him in return. He put the phone up to his ear and stared at his alarm clock on the night table. It was three in the morning.
"Levi, we need you at the station, now." It was Erwin and from the sound of his voice, he sounded deadly serious.
"I'll be there in a few." The raven hung up and glanced back at Petra. She was sound asleep and hardly moved at all when Levi stood up. The police detective quickly changed into his working clothes. He slipped on the gun holsters that went on his chest and then checked his gun before putting on his jacket. Levi left the room without looking back and left his house with nothing but his keys.
The drive to the police station was a short one, there was no traffic at five in the morning, even for downtown. By the time he made it there though, he was already feeling sleepy again, it didn't help that he wasn't able to make any coffee, but he was thankful Erwin was able to read his mind before he was even there because the blond male greet him with a cup of warm coffee.
"Why am I here?" Levi went straight to the point, and huffed when Erwin smiled at him and motioned for him to follow.
"Remember the deal that we couldn't catch last week?"
"Yeah, how could I forget. We almost got fired." Levi took a sip of his coffee, and kept following Erwin.
"Well, someone called for back up in the radio because there was a disturbance in one of the warehouses near the shore. Guess what was happening?" Erwin smirked, glancing back at Levi.
"No fucking way, we are not that damn lucky." Levi forgot all about his coffee and even put the cup down on a random desk as he kept walking through the station until they reached one of the interrogation rooms.
"You are wrong, we are very lucky. Apparently after we caught the decoy last week, the deal was moved to this week and the spot was also changed. Something happened, and one of the sides was not happy, which ended up with two gun shots and well, a fight. We were fast enough to get there before they even had a chance to run. Ten pounds of cocaine Levi, and none of it even got a chance to leave that warehouse." Erwin was more than happy with how things turned out. The dealers might had avoided them the first time, but now they had the drugs and all of them in custody.
"We already interrogated most of them, but like we expected they are all small fries. They know nothing, all they were told to do was to make the transaction happen. One side was given the money, the other side was given the drugs, it was a simply exchange." Erwin stopped in front of one of the interrogation rooms and looked at his clock.
"They all cooperated with the exception of one. Well, more like he refuses to talk about anything useful, or makes sense. There is one major issue though." The blond frowned, glancing at Levi as he reached for the door handle.
"He is a minor." Erwin open the door and stepped inside the interrogation room. Levi followed behind and glanced at the table where a teenager was sitting with handcuffs on his wrists.
A pair of aqua eyes looked up and Levi felt like he was having the most vivid deja vu. He had seen this scenario before, the teen handcuffed and waiting for them, the aqua eyes looked surprised even scared but there was something odd about this, the handcuffs didn't look ancient and the teen didn't look surprised or scared, he just looked bored and sleepy. The raven shook his head and rubbed his eyes, before grabbing the folder that Erwin was offering to him.
"Alright Eren, lets go over this again. What were you doing inside that car? I'm pretty sure it's a school night and you can't just tell me that they were going to drop you off at your house like you said before." Erwin took a seat and Levi quickly followed but he couldn't bring himself to even look at the file in his hands.
Levi couldn't look at the file because he knew who this was. It was the same kid, it was Eren, the child that he had met at the park. Even now he still couldn't forget those eyes, or even the teen's face. No matter how much he tried, the memory would sneak into his life once in a while and Levi was left confused because it hurt. He felt pain when he remembered this kid, even if his life had gone back to normal once he was gone, even if he was able to sleep again and his troublesome life went back to normal. He still felt horrible when he realized that he was never going to be able to see the kid again.
"I already told you. I was going to be dropped off. They picked me up and told me not to leave the car, the next thing I knew there was gun fire so I just hid there." Eren sighed loudly, and made pewing noises while pointing his finger around, imitating the gun sounds.
"So you had no idea they were drug dealers? Or that they had cocaine inside the car?" Erwin raised a brow, crossing his arms over his chest.
"I did, but that had nothing to do with me. I was just told to get in the car with them because they were my ride."
Levi twitched a little bit, and took a deep breathe. He was sure Erwin had brought him here to interrogate the teenager as well, but right now he just couldn't bring himself to say anything. What annoyed him the most was that Eren wasn't even looking at him. He kept looking at Erwin. It was surprising how much Eren had grown in the past ten years. He was a bit taller than Levi but he was still scrawny and had slim shoulders. He had the same baby, around face with big eyes that held that unnatural color.
"Who told you to get in the car?" Erwin interrupted Levi's thoughts and the raven quickly turned his attention back to what was happening.
"Hm? My boss. Those guys were going to drive back to where I had to go for my next job." Eren shrugged his shoulders, resting his face on he table with a loud sigh.
"So, you do work with them?" Erwin asked again, and glanced over at Levi. It was obvious that he was wondering why the raven wasn't asking any questions.
"Noooo! My job is different. I don't sell drugs, I'm not allowed to. I knew the deal was going to happen once I was inside the car but before that I had no idea!" The teen whined,sounding frustrated.
"So you have a different boss?" Erwin raised a brow.
"No! We have the same boss but I don't do that!" Eren sighed loudly again, resting his cheek against his hand this time. "I don't sell drugs...I do other things."
"You'll have to be more specific." The blond was losing his patience and Levi was staring to notice this.
"I'm a whore." The words that left the teen's words were dead. How someone made a single sentence sound so lifeless was just beyond anything Levi ever heard before.
The raven stared at the teen, it was like time froze in place. He could see that Eren was still talking and so was Erwin. He could see that the world was still moving but Levi wasn't. A well known pain in his chest came back, except this time it hurt enough to even give him a headache. It was the same feeling you would get after crying for a long time, Levi could remember it from he was a child. The knot in his throat was keeping him from saying anything, and he swallowed hard and his throat hurt. It felt like he was crying in pain, like despair was slowly taking over his body but he wasn't crying. He wasn't even sad.
Something inside of him was in pain, but he couldn't exactly tell what it was.
"...Ackerman is behind all of this. If you have any information, we will try our best not to trouble you. Legal charges will still apply but your cooperation will be rewarded."
Erwin was still talking, and Levi couldn't bring himself to care. No, he did, he just couldn't do anything. He rubbed his eyes and tried to make the headache disappear but he couldn't do it. He wanted to leave, he wanted to run out of the room and pretend he never saw Eren again, or that he ever heard him. The pain was becoming unbelievable and he could have sworn he felt like something was stabbing his chest, over and over but that wasn't possible.
"Are you...okay?" Eren interrupted Erwin and was now looking at Levi.
The raven looked up and stared back at Eren. He could see some new bruises and scars on his body, and then the unbelievable feeling of guilt was dropped on his shoulders. It was destroying him. He wanted to stop staring like he always did, like he could. Like he would whenever he told Petra he refused to have children, or when he simply went to sleep instead of talking to her. How was it so easy to do that to his own wife but he couldn't do the same with this kid.
Levi wasn't even sure if Eren remembered him. It had been ten years, not only that but a memory of a teenager was different from the one of a five year old. Eren probably forgot about him and the mere idea of something like that happening made him want to scream from the top of his lungs.
"I'm fine" Levi's voice was dry, and it was obvious that he was not okay but he nodded at Erwin and urged him to continue.
"Like I was saying. Ackerman has become pretty much the head of the drugs deals going around, we don't even know his real name or how he looks. If you have any information, any description then please cooperate." Even if they knew that Ackerman was behind the deals they had no evidence against him, but if Erwin was at least able to get a name or a picture then it would be easier to keep an eye on him.
"Ackerman is my sister..." Eren's voice was lifeless again, whatever life had been in his eyes was gone. Completely gone. It reminded Levi of the girl with thick black hair and suddenly it clicked.
"Mikasa Ackerman." Levi found himself saying out loud and Erwin glanced at him, not understanding what he was saying.
"She left but she came back for me..." Eren glanced at Levi and that was all the raven needed to know, to realize that Eren remembered him. The teen never forgot about him. "I'm her brother, and I do not know why you believe she's a drug dealer."
Erwin sighed and his arms dropped to his sides. The interrogation was over, there was no way the boy was going to give up his sister, and all of this time they had been chasing a man, how stupid. No wonder they never got any clues.
...Wait, they had Ackerman's brother, the same dealer that killed twenty of his men when they got near her tracks. She was extremely dangerous and they had her brother.
Erwin left the room in seconds, he was about to reach the door for the main office when there was a loud explosion. He was thrown back with extreme force and his body even bounced against one of the walls before he fell unconscious. Levi stood up a few seconds after Erwin did, so he missed the blast and instead heard the gunshots that soon follow. People were screaming and police officers were already trying to control the situation but it was hard to do so when they had been caught by surprise like this.
Levi quickly checked on Erwin, making sure he was alive and didn't have any major injuries, so far the only thing that looked ugly was the broken arm, but it could had been worse, the arm could had blown up with the explosion. The raven haired man pulled out his gun and quickly ducked behind some of the desks that had been blown by the explosion. Whoever was doing this was smart, they had already thrown smoke grenades all over the station, making it almost impossible to breath or see. Levi could hear them moving and that was enough for him to aim his gun and get a couple of the assholes but he needed to focus, his biggest priority was to get the civilians out. He started to gather the people and making them move behind the big pieces of furniture before taking them to the fire exit. He stayed behind them, keeping his gun ready to shoot whoever would follow.
It was a few minutes later until the police station got any back up and by then it was too late. The men were gone, not only that but they killed all the witnesses that they had been able to capture. All of them except one. Eren Jaeger was missing, no trace was left behind.
Erwin ended up in the hospital, he was forced to take a break for a couple of weeks. Mostly to protect him from any attempts against his life. The broken arm was pretty bad but that had never kept anybody from at least going to the office to do some paper work. Erwin was completely out, at least for now. He couldn't go near the station and had a couple of cops with him at all times, just until they were sure things were not going to go crazy again.
Levi didn't have to go through all of that, in fact that was pretty much invisible during the whole deal. It was odd for him not be like this, usually he was the one that was always telling people what to do. He wasn't in his position just because of luck after all. He was only twenty nine and he was already in deep cases that were not only dangerous but extremely delicate. Erwin hand picked him to be his partner because he was good, he was damn good at his job. He was a good leader and he was a quick thinker, nothing ever escaped his watchful eye and he could make any tug that thought he was too good for the police squeal like a pig and give out any information they needed.
But right now Levi was just not Levi. It was like when he met the kid, back in high school. He couldn't focus and he couldn't do things like he was used to, everything was a bit confusing and frustrating and he just wanted to scream, he wanted all of it to stop and to go back to normal, but that was not going to happen.
It could be that Levi was used to odd things by now, or the fact that he was used to coincidences, but somehow he was not surprised when he saw Eren again. The teen was walking down the streets, a cup of Starbucks coffee in his hands. He looked at Levi but said nothing to him, he kept walking and Levi found himself following him, until Eren reached one of the big parks with a lake right in the middle of it. He sat on one of the benches, drinking his frozen drink.
Levi soon follow, sitting on the bench right next to Eren. He glanced at him and then looked back at the lake in front of them. Neither of them said anything, and the raven slipped his hands in his pocket, leaning back against the bench with a quiet sigh.
"What happened? What happened to you? What happened to your sister?" Levi wasn't sure why he was asking. The teen didn't look like he was willing to talk to him and was instead drinking his coffee, taking loud sips.
Levi wasn't sure how long the two of them sat there, but the sun was starting to set now and the water on t he lake was glowing an orange color. Eren was long done with his drink and was now just chewing on the straw. He wasn't wearing worn out clothes anymore, but expensive clothes. The jeans look brand new and his shirt and jacket had a name brand that Levi remember Petra squeaking about because of how pretty their clothes were.
"Mikasa left because she couldn't handle her dad anymore. She was tired of dealing with the abuse. I'm not really her brother. I was adopted by her family after mine passed away, everything was fine until Mikasa's dad lost his job and little by little everything he owned. Her mom couldn't handle the pressure and she also suffered from depression, she started to take drugs. It wasn't long before she overdosed and died. We were left with Mikasa's dad. She has always been strong, very strong, she is good at everything she does but she somehow, she couldn't deal with her dad, maybe because it reminded her of a happy time long ago."
Levi watched as Eren leaned back against the bench, he stopped talking for a few minutes but soon continued.
"Her dad became very violent and abusive. He started with me but soon enough he did the same to her. She felt awful for not being able to protect me. It wasn't until he did other things that she couldn't take it anymore. Mikasa does look a lot like her mom and I guess her dad decided that he was sick enough in the head to rape her. She couldn't take it after that, I don't blame her. She ran away and left me behind. I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to be stuck with him. I needed help."
Levi took a deep breathe, the knot on his throat was back. He felt like punching himself, he felt like just asking Eren to punch him but instead he was burying his face against his hands. Eren, that night he looked for him. He looked for him outside and who knows how long it took him to find him but he looked for him and all that he had wanted to ask was for help. All that he ever needed was help and he wanted someone to realize it, he wanted someone to see it and Levi did, he saw it but he did nothing. How could he be proud of being a police officer now, how could he be proud of himself when he had done this. When he didn't help a fucking kid when he needed help.
"Things got a lot worse after she left. He was hardly ever home but he picked up the habit of taking drugs too. Just like his wife. In the end he wouldn't hesitate to beat me,I was never taken to the hospital either. I did whatever I could with what I had. I was not surprised when he decided that I was going to replace Mikasa. I think at that point he was so drugged up he didn't care if it was a girl or a boy."
Levi could hear himself screaming, he was so loud and he could hear his voice cracking, except he wasn't screaming at all. The pain in his head was enough to make him hear voices. He could hear himself shooting, screaming and yelling, but he just couldn't understand how. It was like when he met Eren, and when he kept seeing Eren, this would only happen whenever Eren was around.
"Mikasa came back when I was twelve, she was different though. She shot her dad in the head and took me with her. There was no hesitation on her face, no fear, no pain, no nothing. She was completely different. She still smiled at me and she was warm but I knew, I was aware that she was far from being who she used to be. She was a survivor, she fought her way through everything. I don't know the details, but she killed a mafia boss and took over his place. Everything else you probably know it."
"She started to sell drugs on the side, she does more than selling drugs. It is just a side job for her, something for extra money. She started to sell what killed her mom and what drove her dad insane. She's always spoiling me though, but in return I have to do my part of the job. A lot of people here are pretty sick, you know? Especially the people that have been in the closet for too long and they just happen to have power now. Its amazing how easy you can get them to do things for you as long as you are a good fuck. I can make them do anything for her. Long as I am good."
Eren let out a dry chuckle, he sounded so calm when talking about all of this but the hand that was still holding the empty cup was shaking.
"She's pretty strong too, and nobody dares to defy her. Nobody can, people end up with missing limbs if they do. Or a few of their family members go missing. She punishes everyone, there are no exceptions. That's why she is so good at what she does, that's why she's at the top right now. You can't say no to her, no matter what, you can't say no. No matter what she asks for you, you can't say no. You can't. No matter how scared you are, no matter how much you want her to stop. You can't say no."
Levi swallowed heavily and stared at the teen. He was trembling and tears were slowly rolling down his eyes. The hand holding the empty cup was shaking non stop and Eren, he couldn't stop staring at the lake in front of him.
"Why am I the weak one? Why can't I be like her, why can't I break free like she did. I want to,I want to do it on my own but I can't. I can't run away anymore. I should have left after she left, I should have done the same thing but I was so scared. I was too scared. I wasn't like this, I used to feel strong, I used to feel like one day I was going to find a way out of it, that I was going to break through all the walls that were blocking me from reaching my happiness. But I can't anymore."
Levi ran his hands through his hair and leaned his arms on top of his knees. The pounding headache was getting worst, he wasn't sure how that was possible but it was. He looked up only when the teen stood up and then sat next to him. He pulled his legs close to his chest and leaned against Levi. The teen closed his eyes, the dry tears clinging to his face. He was quietly sobbing and soon enough he could hear small hiccups coming from him. They sat like that for a long time, the sun was long gone and people were slowly disappearing. The park lights turned on, showing that the ducks and birds were also gone from the lake.
The voice was familiar and Levi looked up to see Mikasa standing there. She looked different too, her long hair was now short and the old clothes had been replaced by a female suit. But what was the biggest difference was how dead her eyes looked. There was no light in them anymore, not even when she saw Eren.
The teen sitting next to him flinched and slowly looked up, he stood up and awkwardly stood there, looking at Levi and then at Mikasa.
"What are you doing here?" She asked, her tone short and cold. There was no real emotion in her voice. Mikasa glanced over at Levi and there was no doubt that she recognized him. The dark glare she send in Levi's direction was enough for even Eren to feel it. The cop though, just stared at her, showing that he was not intimidated at all.
When Eren didn't respond Levi stood up, ready to speak for him. He was about to open his mouth to say something when he felt that his shoulder was wet. He glanced down and stared at the blood that was slowly crawling out from the bullet wound on his shoulder. He looked back at Mikasa and she was holding a gun with a silencer attached to it. Levi's body finally reacted and he quickly held on his shoulder, watching as the woman in front of him pointed the gun towards him again. He was panting from the pain, gritting his teeth to keep himself from making any loud noises.
Levi turned his attention away from the gun when Eren got in the way. He was talking to Mikasa but Levi couldn't hear anything, there was a buzzing in his ears and he couldn't get it to stop. It wasn't until the two started to walk away that Levi was able to reach for his cellphone to call an ambulance. The raven kept staring at the two and Eren kept looking back at him, the guilt and fear in his eyes more visible than ever before.
Stupid kid, this wasn't his fault.
Levi had a weird dream. He could see himself reflected on a mirror, he watched as he brushed his hair and got himself ready but that wasn't him. They had the same face but this person wasn't him. The person that was staring at him was a better version of him. It was what Levi was trying to achieve. He watched as he put on some odd uniform, that included some leather straps that went around his body.
In the mirror he could see a figure shifting on the sheets and then slowly standing up. A pair of familiar aqua eyes greet him. Eren was smiling at him, still groggy from just waking up. He stood up and hugged him from behind, nuzzling his face against Levi's neck and whining at him or something. He could see himself scowling and then flicking the teen's nose cheek before turning and then kissing him and Eren...Eren looked so happy.
Levi woke up in a hospital bed a week after he had been shot. He wasn't asked to fill a report but he simply said that he didn't see the person that shot him, all that he could remember was that he was walking through the park. The police just assumed that he had been target since they couldn't get to Erwin. In reality Levi knew that if they wanted to kill Erwin, they would have done it a long time ago. There was no amount of security that would keep them from doing it, they would find a way to kill him.
Petra came to visit every day, she was smiling at him, worrying about him and Levi couldn't bring himself to pay much attention to her. It did anger him that he couldn't do it, she was worried sick about him and she was trying to understand what happened, why Levi was so distant, why he was so serious or why he didn't want to be so close to her. She figured he was just worried, he didn't want to get her involved but Levi wasn't dumb, and Petra was an open book, she knew deep inside that her theories weren't true.
Levi was released from the hospital two weeks later. He was given an escort as Petra drove them back home. The ride there was quiet, not even the radio was playing. Levi tried to think of something to say but his mind only went back to the boy that he hadn't seen in almost three weeks. What happened to him? Was he okay? There was no way for Levi to know.
Or so he thought.
He met Eren again when he had to go back for a check up in the hospital. Surprisingly enough he was there as a patient too. He had come to check on his broken arm. The teen smiled when he saw Levi and sat in the waiting room with him. There was a seat in between them but that was okay. Their numbers were far from being called so they had time.
"How's your shoulder?" Eren asked, glancing at him from the corner of his eyes.
"Should I be talking to you? Last time I did I got shot." Levi chuckled quietly but then frowned when Eren sulked against his seat.
"I'm sorry." The teen quickly apologized.
"I'm just fucking with you." Levi tilted his head back against his seat, stretching out his legs. Eren chuckled in the back and imitated his position. He smiled at Levi and kept his broken arm near his chest. The cast already had drawings all over, odd drawings at that. Unicorns, flowers but what caught Levi's attention was the symbol of two wings intertwined with one another. He stared at the symbol for the longest time, enough for Eren to follow his stare. The teen smiled again, and turned to show him the drawing a bit better.
"I dream of odd things sometimes. It specially happens when I see you."
Levi twitched when a sharp pain ran through his body. He closed his eyes, resting his head on his good hand. The stinging pain was back in his chest, except this time he couldn't control it. He took a deep breathe and before he knew it he was falling over. The last thing he saw was Eren, looking at him and yelling out his name, everything went dark afterward.
The doctors couldn't explain what happened to him, in the end they figured it was anemia. Eren was no where to be seen when Levi woke up, but that was to be expected. The teen probably couldn't be out for long. Levi left the hospital and went back home. He couldn't sleep that night, his insomnia was back.
It was not a big surprise when Levi found himself running into Eren at least twice or three times during the week. It was different now though, because the teen wasn't even stalking him. It was just small coincidences, sometimes Levi needed to go to the grocery store and Eren would be there, buying some junk food. Sometimes Levi went out for runs at the park and Eren would be sitting near the lake, feeding the ducks some vegetables and even making them chase him until they gave up on him. More often than ever they found each other when simply walking down the street. During rainy days they would end up sharing an umbrella, Levi would forget his or Eren would. Sometimes the two weren't even carrying one and ended up soaked from head to toe. It was funny, and Levi found himself laughing with Eren.
Levi had been alive for twenty-nine years. He had a good life, he couldn't think of anything to complain about. He grew up with a strict family but a loving one. He was one of those kids that easily made friends, mostly because people just seem to be attracted to him. Even if he was a distant child and sometimes just flat out cold, people never left his side. People grew to accept him and his personality, even when he felt like an outsider, he knew he had a home, even if that home kept changing and moving with him, no matter where he went, it was like he was simply welcomed. But that didn't change the fact that Levi was never truly happy, he was content and satisfied with his life. He enjoyed his job and had friends that were fun to hang out with. He had met new people and lost a few friendships but nothing too dramatic. Still, the happiness that most people would claim he had or owned, never really seem to be there. Petra was always trying her best and Levi did in return as well, even if he knew he truly didn't love her, he decided that he could make her happy and in return she would do the same. Levi was always trying to achieve a happiness that never truly seem to be there or so he thought.
Eren was odd, and he seem to have mood swings that went from happy to flat out angry in a fraction of a minute. He was outspoken and loud, clumsy and foolish. He grew up in a horrible home and had a horrible life. He was sometimes extremely sad and sometimes he would smile from ear to ear. He was unstable, yet he seemed to be the most stable thing in Levi's life, the constant boy. Levi wasn't sure what it was, maybe he was just as crazy as Eren, but he couldn't help himself but smile next to him, to feel something warm inside of him.
Levi had been alive for twenty-nine years, and he couldn't remember ever being this happy. It was a happiness he couldn't explain and honestly, he didn't have to. It was just there, it was warm and forced a brighter look in his life. He suddenly didn't feel lost anymore, or like an outsider. He was right where he needed to be. Levi had found a home that he never wanted to leave. He didn't want to move this time and the security that Eren gave him when he held his hand, was enough for the raven to lock the door and throw away the key.
Eren was the one that kissed him first. It was an innocent kiss, far too innocent. The teen was afraid of rejection. He smiled nervously at him and Levi found himself hugging the other. He felt guilty, guilty for betraying Petra, guilty for not helping Eren when he needed help but he couldn't stop this. He couldn't keep himself from kissing the other, he kissed him this time and Eren melted in his arms, he wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him closer. Not ever letting go.
Levi went back home that night. He came home late and with his skin still shivering from what happened hours before. Petra was already sleeping and The raven sat at the edge of the bed, letting everything sink in. He could still feel Eren's arms around his neck, his hands moving to his back and clinging to him. He could still hear those small moans and pleading noises. The bright aqua eyes were buried deep in his brain, keeping him from ever forgetting them. He kept remembering how those eyes changed shades depending on what Eren was doing, or how he felt. How clouded they would become when Eren was squirming in pleasure. It was all too vivid in his memory, like if he had seen this before, but how many times? He wasn't sure.
Levi's phone vibrated in his pocket and he looked at the screen. It was Erwin. He answered the phone call, glancing back at Petra to see if she was still asleep.
"What now?" The raven asked, still lost in his own thoughts.
"I just wanted you to know the good news. I tried calling you earlier but you wouldn't answer, I guess is kind of late now. We got information about Ackerman in the mail, it was an anonymous packet. But it had all the paperwork, evidence and pictures needed to finally arrest her. The S.W.A.T team is already on their way. Its going to be an ambush, we don't want to give her any chance to run."
Levi was listening but his brain stopped working at some point. He wasn't sure why but this felt wrong. Something was wrong, something bad was going to happen. He furrowed his brows as a painful headache exploded in his head. He hissed in pain and ignored Erwin when he started to ask if he was okay. He hung up and held his head with both of his hands. He was trying to ignore the never ending pain that was splitting his head in two but he couldn't. He moved to the bathroom and grabbed the pain killers from the medicine cabinet. The raven quickly swallowed five pills and gulped them down with some water from the sink.
The raven was panting from the pain and slowly he stared at himself on the mirror except it wasn't his reflection. This was somebody else, another Levi that had stared back at him for a long time. He watched as his reflection fixed his appearance, moving the belts around his shoulders and chest until they were tight around his body. In the back he could see a figure moving on the bed but when Levi glanced back Petra was still deep asleep. The figure in the mirror was different, and the body on the bed was someone else. Eren smiled at him.
Levi backed away, but the reflection was still there, not changing, and suddenly the black orbs were fixated on him. Just on him. It no longer stared at the reflection on the mirror but Levi himself. He groaned in pain and looked away and then he saw blood. Blood was everywhere and he was no longer standing. He was crawling. He was in pain and he was sure his legs were broken. He kept crawling though, watching as monsters ran around him before collapsing and dying. The titans were melting away, leaving nothing but ashes behind. Levi though, he was not interested on that, no. He was moving towards the fallen titan with an open wound on its neck. Eren was there, his body half hanging from the flesh that was trying to keep him inside. The teen's body was bend in an odd angle and tears were slowly falling down, his eyes were a dull color this time. He was looking at Levi and he smiled.
Levi was able to hear those words before watching as the teen coughed out blood. He watched as Eren cried harder. He didn't want to die, Eren didn't want to die, he wanted to keep on living. He wanted to keep going, after all of this, after they finally freed their world, he didn't want to die. He wanted to stay here with Levi and be with him. The raven finally reached for the teen and forced his knees to bend. He was groaning in pain but that didn't matter, instead he hugged the teen around his torso and his eyes went wide when he felt all the blood that was coating Eren's back.
No, he didn't want to see this. Levi didn't want to see this anymore. Not again, not again. How many times had he seen this? He couldn't remember anymore. But he had seen it before. The first time was this one, but the next one was with Eren drowning. The next one was with the teen dying in a hospital. The list went on, how many times had it been now. How many times was he going to have to remember like this, why couldn't he forget this time.
Levi found himself staring at his reflection again, the old and the new. This wasn't a coincidence, it had never been one. It was never meant to be taken as one, except he did. The raven ran out of the bathroom and grabbed his keys and phone. He gave Petra one last glance and then looked away.
"I'm sorry, Petra. It was never supposed to be this way."
Levi left his house, he didn't look back or else he would have noticed the honey-brown eyes that stared at his back as he left and the tears that were spilled because of him.
The raven wasted no time when driving. He ignored all the red lights and never stopped. He knew exactly where Eren was. He could see him, he could feel him and the further he got near his destination , the more a sense of dread seem to be crawling over his body. He saw the police cars parked outside the mansion, and he noticed that the SWAT team was already inside. He could hear gun fire and screams. Ackarman was never thinking about turning herself in, neither was she going to be taken without a fight. That was the way Mikasa was, and Levi knew this. He knew now. Mikasa needed to survive, she was always going to fight for survival no matter what, no matter what it turned her into.
Levi got out of his car and showed his badge when asked who he was. But he didn't stop to chat, he ignored when people yelled at him that he couldn't go in and instead ran towards the house, dodging whoever tried to stop him. The gunshots were louder now and the noises were making it impossible for Levi to hear anything else. He kept moving through the house, running and dodging the fights until he reached the stairs. He went up the stairs and hissed loudly when a bullet pierced his shoulder, just like before, on the same spot.
Levi looked up and stared at Mikasa, she was a mess. The black hair was messy and she was wearing nothing but a sleeping robe. She was holding two different guns and her eyes were red. She looked ready to shoot him again, this time on the head but she stopped. Instead she walked past him and went down the stairs. Mikasa was shaking, and didn't say a word, tears were rolling down her eyes and she raised her guns as she started to shoot whoever got in her way.
Levi already knew why she was crying and he wanted to deny it but when he reached the second floor, everything collapsed. Any ounce of will that Levi ever had in his life suddenly vanished. In the background he could hear Mikasa yelling, and the fight got worse. Smoke grenades were being used and soon the whole house was foggy but not foggy enough for Levi to lose sight of the body on the floor. He fell on his knees and stared at the dull aqua eyes that were still open.
Eren was no longer bleeding, but he clearly had three bullet holes on his chest. There was dry blood on his mouth and hair and by the looks of it he had been dragged up the stairs after being shot, probably to keep him away from what was going on downstairs. Mikasa was the one that did it. She was just like Levi now, she didn't care anymore. He had seen it in her eyes.
"Hey..." Levi couldn't believe his voice was capable of cracking this time, just with one word. He wasn't even sure what he wanted to say, he knew that Eren wasn't going to be able to hear him again.
"Why do you always have to die before me?" He sat there, one of his hands holding onto Eren's, the grip was tight and he couldn't bring himself to loosen it up even a bit.
How many times had he seen this now? How many times had he gone through the same scenario? No matter how many years went by, no matter how much times changed. It always ended like this. The only thing that ever changed was how they met, how they lived their lives but in the end. Levi always found Eren, he always did. Sometimes Eren was older and sometimes he was younger. But Levi made sure to always find him, this time though, this time he screwed up too much. He had the chance to change everything, in this life time, he was given the chance to make the difference, but he didn't. He couldn't remember, he forgot. The times he felt like if he was screaming, he truly was. It was painful that part of him knew Eren since the moment he saw him, yet he couldn't do anything, it was a horrible life. Soon Levi was going to join them too, he was going to be the Levi on the reflection, not the one staring at the mirror. He was going to go through the same again, and again, and again.
Levi wasn't sure when he did it, but he was holding his gun now. He stared at the dead eyes blow him and then the barrel pressed against his head. This would be the first time he did this, each time he kept living on. Like Eren would have wanted him to, but not this time, he wanted to be selfish this time. Just once, this is all he wanted, he wanted to leave with him. He begged Eren to forgive him, but he was tired. He was just so tired, he wanted to meet him again, to meet him once more.
"Mikasa once told me something. This world is a cruel world, and also very beautiful. That's why I can't give up! That's why we can't give up, captain!"
It was cruel indeed. Levi could remember when he yelled at Eren when he was a child, when he pushed him away and left him alone. When he grew up with a nice comfortable life while Eren suffered through hell. He pictured all the times the boy was beaten, all the times he was abused and used. It was disgusting, painful and inhuman. He wanted nothing but that world to end.
It was also very beautiful. The past few weeks had been beautiful. Eren's smile was beautiful, his laugh, his eyes, his being was beautiful. Levi's family had been wonderful, his friends had been amazing. The people he met through life, the happy moments he shared with all of them. The way Petra selflessly stood by his side. All of it was wonderful, perfect and filled with hope. The world had to keep going.
Levi felt as tears slowly ran down his cheeks. The cold barrel of his gun pressed against his temple and then a loud bang ended everything.
Eren wanted to keep on living, he never wanted to give up. He loved life. Levi wanted nothing but to be by his side, to live life like Eren would, like he wanted and dreamed of. Maybe that's why they couldn't be put at rest, maybe that's why the world kept bringing them back. Levi wasn't sure, but then his body went cold and he couldn't think anymore. The last thing he saw, were the aqua eyes that he could never forget.
The color was embroidered in his memory.
Dark eyes snapped open and stared at the blue sky above him. The tree that was giving him a nice shade was lazily moving with the wind. He was laying down on his back on top of a blanket. Levi turned his head and watched as children ran back and forth through the park. Behind him he could see the tall hospital building and he could hear a loud siren in the distance. He turned his eyes towards the sky again, listening to the noises around him. Slowly he closed his eyes again, trying to remember what he dreamed about, but nothing came back to him.
"U-uh, hey! Doctor, your break is about to end." A nervous voice was calling him.
Levi slowly opened his eyes and a pair of aqua eyes stared back at him. The nurse that was leaning down to look at him was smiling at him nervously.
"You asked me to wake you up once your break was almost over..." Eren nodded slowly, giving another weak smile before offering his hand for the other. "Come on, we have patients waiting!"
Levi took the hand that was being offered to him and stood up. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one up. He took a long drag and then put it out with the sole of his shoe. Eren was standing there, waiting for him and looking a bit pouty because he still couldn't quit smoking even though he was always bugging him to stop. What kind of doctor smoked? Yeah, the kind that wanted to keep his sanity when so much crap was going on in the hospital.
"Did you have a nice nap?" Eren was walking next to him, holding onto a clipboard with both of his hands.
"Yeah..." Levi glanced at the teen, looking up at the nurse with bright eyes.
"Any dreams?" The question was silly and Eren chuckled.
"I had one, a very odd dream...it was more like a nightmare. I think I was crying." Levi slipped his hands into his pockets, and looked up at the sky. Yeah, he had been crying in the dream, he had been suffering.
Eren frowned with worry in his eyes and Levi found himself staring at the aqua eyes again. He had seen those eyes before, he just wasn't sure where. He merely wondered if it was a common color, maybe he met someone with the same eye color before. It just felt like he had seen them before, maybe once upon a time.
"Hey Eren...are you doing anything tonight?"
Reviews amuse me.