"So I hear congratulations is in order," Luke sing-songs.
Jason stills in his chair. "Shit, who told you? Was it Sally?"
Luke arches a brow, his image fuzzy on-screen. "Annabeth, actually. Don't act all pissy, it's not like I don't have a right to know."
"You're my ex-boyfriend, you don't have a right to know anything!" Percy hollers from the kitchen.
Luke laughs. "Is that Percy? Tell him to get his ass over here so I can congratulate him face-to-face."
"More like face-to-computer-to-face," Percy grumbles, and comes out of the kitchen dusty with flour, his jeans stained with blue food coloring. He drops onto the couch beside Jason and kicks up his feet, leaning into Jason's side to look at Luke on the screen. "You may congratulate me now."
Luke rolls his eyes. "Congratulations on the publishing deal, dork. I remain offended that I had to about it from Annabeth instead of you."
Percy laughs, and Jason relaxes, thinking, Oh, he just meant Percy's book.
"It's still so weird that my favorite exes are now best friends," Percy says.
"I reject that," Jason mutters.
Luke says, "Do you count as an ex if you're also the current boyfriend?"
"Current," Percy scoffs. "We've been dating for four years. Is 'current' even the right word for stuck with each other forever?"
Luke laughs, causing his image to flicker on the screen. "Actually, that reminds me. There's someone I want you to meet."
"Oh, is it Ethan?" Percy demands, his eyes bright and childlike, and Jason feels that familiar wave of how did I end up with him? He's still not sure if it's a good feeling or a bad feeling, but Percy's hair is mussed from actual sex for once, there's a gold band glinting on his finger that gives Jason a thrill every time he sees it. "Because you guys have been dating for like six months and I had to hear about it from Annabeth and I think it's about time we met him!"
Another guy appears on the screen beside Luke. Japanese, Jason thinks, with messy, dark hair like Percy's, and an eye patch covering one eye, faint scarring peaking out from underneath it.
"This," Luke says proudly, "is Patch."
The boy rolls his eye. "Asshole," he says in a light British accent. To Jason and Percy, "Ethan, actually. 'Patch' is a crude nickname relating to my eye patch that my dick of a boyfriend thinks is funny."
"Tell me," Percy says thoughtfully, "has he forced you into his creepy exhibitionism yet?"
Ethan snorts. "God, you, too? I've never had a boyfriend who honestly could just not wait until we got home. Did he ever fuck you in a stranger's backyard?"
Percy laughs. "He tried!"
Luke says, "Percy decided he'd rather talk about his ex-boyfriend than get it on while some perv watched from the window. It was kind of a mood killer anyways."
Jason snickers, because yeah, that sounds like Percy (he still can't get the mental image of Luke fucking Percy out of his head sometimes, and honestly, why does it have to be his boyfriend who thinks drunken threesomes with Jason's pseudo-brother and Percy's ex are a good idea?).
"Shit," Percy says, jumping to his feet. "Hang on, I have to go check on the cookies!"
Jason watches the swing of Percy's ass as he bolts from the room, and when he turns back to Luke, the other blond is smirking at him.
"So, like, is Percy the perfect housewife, or what?" Luke teases, and Jason laughs.
"You'd be surprised," he says. "Percy couldn't vacuum the living room properly to save his life, but hell, he can cook."
Luke laughs. "Hey," he says, "has he let you read his manuscript yet? I asked Annie, and she said Percy wouldn't let anyone touch it."
Jason shakes his head. "Nah. I don't even know what it's about. Just the title—The Long Way Around Forever."
Luke wrinkles his nose. "I'm not reading it if it's a romance novel."
Percy comes back into the living room pointing his spatula threateningly at the laptop. "Lucas Walter Castellan, you are a disgrace to the gay community, and you are not allowed to read my manuscript! You'd probably get it all dirty with your pervy hands, anyways."
"No, that's what I do with Ethan," Luke retorts, and Jason chokes back a laugh as Ethan flushes red and glares at Luke. Percy slaps his hand over his mouth to hold back his own laughter.
"We have to go," Ethan says abruptly. "The show starts in an hour."
"Oh!" Percy rushes over to see them on the screen. "Wait, before you do. There's something we need to tell you."
Luke waits expectantly, and instead of saying anything, Percy just holds up his left hand and smiles smugly.
"No way," Luke says. "Dude, you guys beat Annie and Triton! How is that even possible, they've been practically engaged since they met!"
Percy laughs. "Kiss my ass, Luke. We're always ahead of everyone else!"
Jason says, "Just don't panic and break up with me again. That got old after the first three times."
They all laughed and said their goodbyes, and then Percy shut the laptop and turned to Jason, scrunching up his nose. "Ugh, I guess we have to do Drew, Piper, and Silena next. Can we do them separately? I don't want to deal with all the girl drama in one phone call."
"Can't be much worse than when we told Annabeth and Triton," Jason says.
Percy nods in agreement. "She might never get over the fact that she wasn't my first call. And Triton—god bless—might just ban me from their wedding for putting her in a mood."
They look at each other and laugh.
"Hey, Perce?" Jason says, frowning, sitting up straighter.
Percy arches a brow. "Yeah?"
Jason turns to look at him. "Do you smell smoke?"
Percy sniffs the air, and his eyes widen. "Shit!" he yelps, leaping to his feet and bounding towards the kitchen. "My cookies!"
Yes, I made Ethan British. Yes, Jason, Percy, and Luke had a drunken threesome at some point. Yes, Annabeth and Triton hooked up, and why are more people not shipping them, anyways?
I regret nothing.
I might or might not eventually write a spin-off of this that follows Leo and Nico. I don't know who all would even be interested in one, but I've been wanting to get back to my Valdangelo roots, and honestly I love writing in this universe. Just leave a comment/PM me to let me know whether or not that's something you guys would be interested in reading!