BtVS by Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Transformers: Beast Wars created by Hasbro then written and animated by Mainframe Entertainment. Lines of dialogue from Buffy episode 'Triangle' through BuffyWorld dot com

Response to Faela's Challenge at Twisting the Hellmouth

Predacons ('Bad' guys): Megatron, Terrorsaur, Blackarachnia, Scorponok, Tarantulus, Waspinator

Maximals ('Good' guys): Optimus Primal, Rattrap, Rhinox, Dinobot, Cheetor, Tigatron

Import: Olaf


Unconscious, Olaf the Troll, wrecker of towns and drinker of mead, fell through a multicolored space.

Echoing through it are words from the plane he just left, the home of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, defender of mankind.

Buffy's voice asked: "Where did you send him?"

Then came the voice of Anya, Olaf's ex-girlfriend and caster of his curse. "The land of the trolls. He'll like it there. Full of trolls."

Finally, there was Willow, the power behind the spell flinging Olaf elsewhere. "It's hard to be precise, though. Alternate universes don't stay put. Trying to send him to a specific place is sort of like ... like ... trying to hit a ... puppy, by throwing a live bee at it." She paused for a beat, considering. "Which is a weird image, and you should all just forget it."


In the peaceful meadow, a gorilla read a book while a spotted cheetah lounged above him in a tree. A brown rat the size of a Great Dane was sunning himself on some rocks as the nearby rhino dozed peacefully amongst the flowers in the grass, tuckered out from their most recent battle with the reptile-and-insect-themed robots that had crashed on the planet alongside them, months before. The one member of the enemy ship that had defected to their cause had grown weary of the moment of rest and was taking the time to exercise and train his velociraptor body.

After finishing a set of pull-ups using a low-hanging branch and the longer arms provided by his robotic form, Dinobot shifted into full animal mode, indistinguishable from the original beast, and scurried up the rough bark of the tree. He began a series of timed and carefully executed jumps among the trees in the clearing, only to overshoot a particularly tricky leap. He tried to correct, but only managed to grab hold of the cheetah's tail and pull them both down to crash on the annoyed gorilla a short distance below.

The rat had a few seconds to roll around the ground, convulsing in laughter, before something blocked out the sun. He looked up, only to be crushed underneath a very heavy, magic-blooded humanoid.

As soon as the dazed rodent was pulled to safety, they stood amazed around the unconscious, red-bearded horned figure.

"Rhinox, Maximize," the rhino rumbled as he unfolded into robot mode, then checked the being's pulse. "It's alive and it's mammal, I can tell that much. What do you think it is?"

"Obviously enough," Dinobot grumbled, being one of the more genre savvy of the bunch. "He is a completely incompetent dimensional traveler, who likely has no information to either help us or to identify this stupid planet."


Olaf opened his eyes on a new world and sat up, clutching his green-skinned forehead. He looked at the assorted strange forms surrounding him, confused, until his eyes fixed on a species of great ape he remembered from his short trip through 900 AD Africa. The troll leapt to his feet, showing surprising agility for his bulk and, wanting to make up for his earlier appearance of weakness, began furiously pounding his chest and shouting a gorilla fighting challenge.

Optimus Primal, leader of the Maximals, felt an instinctual urge to respond in kind, but he was able to repress it. Instead he stood there, bemused, until he shifted into robot mode and simply moved one of his swords blindingly fast, the point coming to rest, just touching the troll's nose.

"Oh! Hairy metal demon!" Olaf grunted, amazed. "Take me to your leader, so that I might crush him!"

"I am the leader!"

"Then die so that I might be king!" Olaf yelled and grabbed the blade, despite the pain it must have caused him, wrenching it from the Maximal's grip.

A violent battle ensued with several limbs being torn off various Maximals and used as weapons, until Olaf, solidly at the bottom of the heap, unexpectedly began to laugh.

He surged to his feet, sending robots flying, and shouted: "A lovely fight, that reveals you as true warriors, despite your strange form. My name is Olaf! Come, let us retire to your house so I may join your band and make merry with ale and wenches."

"Too bad we're lacking in the second department," Rattrap grumbled, once he had pulled himself together. "But, hey, if it's alright with you guys, let's give him the tour. There's just something about this blood," he said, touching a red splash on his metal shoulder and taking a closer look at a drop on his fingertip. "That makes me want to have Rhinox run every non-lethal test possible on this guy."

Optimus nodded and, with shrugs from everyone, they gathered themselves to leave the clearing.

"What is that smell?" Cheetor grimaced as they walked, waving a hand in front of his robotic nostrils.

"Oh, that is only the herbs and musk that I was anointed with in hopes of sending me to Troll World," Olaf rumbled, smiling. "I assure you that my natural odor is much stronger."

"Great..." was the general consensus as they all hobbled into their base.


Having decided they trusted the giant troll, albeit grudgingly, three Maximals took it on themselves to show Olaf the mountains around the Base.

Optimus Primal was there. While keeping a close eye on Olaf, he was, perhaps, the one least put off by the troll's personality traits.

Rhinox was there. Fascinated by the impossibility of the troll's genetic coding, he had even come up with a couple things to help Olaf with his 'handicap'.

Cheetor was lagging at the back of the group. He'd seen Olaf eat. Worse, he'd seen how Olaf drinks.

The cat paused in his steps when heard a whistle behind him.

He turned around and spotted the yellow-and-black figure of Blackarachnia.

The femme fatale was a recent addition to the Predacons, but the cat already knew her as an enemy.

Albeit a rather pretty one.

She held up a sign with the words: 'Trap this way.'

After blowing him a kiss, she walked behind a point of rock jutting up from the ground.

"Like I'm gonna fall for that," Cheetor laughed. He looked around, then caught sight of the group, already far ahead. "Hey, wait up!"

He ran alongside a natural wall created by the landscape for a bit, before skidding to a halt.

"No, no," he said, shaking his head and backing up. "This doesn't smell right."

The moving figures of Optimus Primal and Rhinox, carefully positioned in front of him, stopped. They fell to the ground, revealing themselves as cardboard cutouts carried by the Predacons Scorponok and Waspinator.

"Too late, Maxxximal!" Waspinator buzzed. "Too late!"

"Cheetor, Maximize!" He unfolded into his robot mode and dodged the first two volleys coming from in front of him.

Sadly, he was unprepared for the poison shot that hit him from behind.


"... What do you think, Cheetor? ... Cheetor?"

"Where is that blasted cat?"

They heard a distant scream.

Rhinox frowned. "Great, we're gonna have to-"

"I'll fetch him," Olaf shouted as he turns and charged... directly up the steep mountain.

"Well, I'll be," breathed Optimus.


Blackarachnia asked: "So, that big guy they were showing around... What do you think it is?"

"It could be a native... Though you'd think we'd have seen them before."

"Ugh... Or smelled them."

"Wazzzpinator thinkz it's an android..."

"Android?" Scorponok murmured, his claws clicking rhythmically. "Wish I'd thought of that."

The three robots standing over the unconscious Cheetor were unprepared for something hitting the ground behind them with the force of a small earthquake.

They spun around, to see the ugly mug of Olaf.

The troll pulled his new favorite toy out from a harness strapped to his back, then held it out in front of him.

It's a long and shiny metal tube.

After throwing it up in the air and catching it, he performed a series of baton tricks.

Without taking his eyes of the troll, Scorponok stated: "Yep. It's an android."

"No, I am troll."

The grey Predacon blinked at the reply then stepped forward to, menacingly, load a missile into a firing position.

The troll grinned and raised the tube to his shoulder.

A piece of clear glass extended from the side and positioned itself over one of his eyes.

The Predacons realized that the tube really wasn't very small at all and, despite how the troll was handling it, was probably very, very heavy.

The end of the tube opened and seven guns with laser sights burst out of it, the beams training themselves on the three Predacons.

"Why universe hate Wazzpin-?"




Megatron was annoyed by his underlings' latest defeat and infuriated by the story that they had brought home with them.

"You are trying to tell me," the purple tyrannosaur-based robot roared. "That after you had successfully separated the cat from his teammates and had him subdued, the three of you were defeated single handedly by an Earthling myth?"

"Yes, Megatron," Scorponok said, saluting. "But only because he had guns. Multiple and big scary guns."

The only thing Tarantulus, who hadn't seen the battle, had to add was: "... Be thankful, very thankful, we're not having to deal with elves..."


Olaf proved himself in battle time and time again, winning the respect of his teammates, for this was not a time in the Beast Wars when his inability to fly or to be carried by fliers was a major liability. So things settled into a happy kind of normalcy until one day...

"All this sunshine and compassion bothers me," Olaf shouted. "When I ate Rhinox's most recent bunch of flowers from their pots and he reprimanded me I actually felt regret... And that is no proper emotion for a troll! I must join up with the Preds where lack of respect for my comrades will only hone my fighting spirit. I must take my leave of you, and join the enemy. Good day."

"Hey, you can't just-" Cheetor began to shout after the troll, but was silenced by a hand on his shoulder.

"No, let him go."

"But, Bigbot! He's a good fighter! It's not like he's going to trash their base any worse than ours."

"Cheetor," Optimus replied, smirking. "Have you heard what they say about stray cats?"


Olaf's dubious charm proved successful with the Predacons.

"Aren't you going to challenge me for my majestic throne?" Megatron asked, maneuvering the floating chair closer to the troll.

"No. You'd shoot me."

"Ah, yes, how word does get around... "


However, it was only a matter of time.

"I am bored of this constant bickering and stabbing of the back, not even you, my dear," Olaf said, kissing Blackarachnia's silky hand. "Can bend my will. I would rather abandon war altogether and live in a glade with the bunnies than stay in this dark place. When next we meet it will be as enemies."

"I for one, am not going to worry," the Predacon leader stated, watching the troll's retreating back. "He'll come back to us, eventually. How interesting can the Maximals be?"

Megatron was partially right- the troll returned for a short while, before leaving again for the Axalon, repeating this cycle about every other adventure.


So Olaf lived with the Cybertronians and both sides became used to his quirks, so used to him in fact that they accepted him as an honorary robot. They were rudely reminded about their innate difference when, on the discovery and reactivation of a damaged stasis pod, it unexpectedly scanned Olaf's DNA. Everyone's jaws dropped as the protoform swirled, solidified, opened the hatch and climbed out as an exact replica of the troll.

Before the body-double could speak his new name and transform to his robotic state, Olaf interrupted, angrily stomping a foot: "I will not stand for this! Olaf has rights to his own body, clone does not! You are new. Protoform must go back into pod, reverse to jelly, and come out again as female!"


And they lived happily ever after.