Disclaimer: YAH, YAH, YAH...*scowls*

Warning: Serious Rinoa-Bashing... heh heh... language....


"Sixty-three bottles of beer on the wall. Sixty-three bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around, sixty-two bottles of beer on the wall."

I buried my face in Seifer's shoulder, trying hard to drown out the insolent and irritating noise Zell and Selphie made on the way to Deling City. "We're almost there, baby," I heard Seifer whisper. I looked up to see him smiling sweetly at me.

"Fifty-nine bottles of beer on the wall. Fifty-nine bottles of--" Zell stopped singing altogether which in turn caused Selphie to quiet. "What is with all the mushy, mushy shit, Seifer?"

"What?" Seifer looked confused.

"Duh, silly!" Selphie shoved in, smacking Zell in the head over from where she sat in the front seat of the car. "They're together!"

"You wat?" He looked at Seifer, then to me, then back to Seifer again, then he sighed. "I don't even want to know."

"Shut up, Chickie," Seifer teased, plucking a golden feather out of his eyes.

"Yo, man! Don't touch da hair!" He proceeded to lick his whole hand and shape his hair back into its gravity defying shape."

"I wouldn't be licking my hand if I were you, Chickie. Hyne knows where it's been and what you've been doing with it." He made a jerking off motion with his hand. Everyone in the car cracked up. Quistis, who'd been watching us through the rear view mirror while she drove, chuckled quietly. Zell just grumbled and pouted.

"Asshole," he huffed, folding his arms and slouching back in the car seat.

"It's okay, Chicken. This must be about Laila, or Lilia, or whatever the hell that library chick's name was, hunh? Well, just 'cause dumped you, doesn't mean you have to take your anger and sexual frustration out on me." Seifer winked and poked him in the cheek. "You should know better than that."

"Fuck you, you bastard!"

"Sorry, I don't fuck birds," he smirked.

Zell's eyes widened a little. "Oh, yeah. That's right! You'd rather fuck something with an actual asshole, wouldn't you?"

"You had better watch it, Chicken," Seifer warned hotly.

"Oh, now you want to back off when someone tells you--"

"OKAY! We're here!" Quistis interrupted, shooting both blondes an evil eye.

"Yeah, yeah," Seifer grunted removing his arm from around my body to open the car door. Standing, he held a hand out to me. I took it and was lifted to my feet. Giving Seifer a small peck on his lips, I strode over to where Zell was trudging to the entrance of the restaurant.

"Zell, Can I talk to you?"

He shrugged and stopped walking. "Wat do ya want," he said, looking past me.

"Look, Zell. I know this is hard for you, but could you possibly try not to give Seifer a hard time?"

He looked at me, bewildered. "He started fucking with me!"

"I know, I know. But, he doesn't mean any thing by it." He only shrugged again and huffed some more. "Please, Zell. He's been through a lot, you know that." I paused and put my hand on his arm. "Please, understand that though he has a strong tendency to be a, well, an asshole sometimes, he's still a person and he can be sensitive, even with you." I gave a small smile when he looked up at me and grinned broadly.

"Okay, Puberty-boy, I think I can do that," he teased.

"Oh, shut up," I said, slinging an arm around his shoulder. We trailed over to the entrance together and went in to find Seifer, Quistis, and Selphie already seated. Zell put his arms around Seifer's broad shoulders and hugged him from behind.

"Uhh... What are you doing, Chickie?" He looked over his shoulder. Zell sneered for a moment, then smiled.

"I'm hugging you," he said, grinning.

"And, uhh, why exactly are you hugging me?"

" 'Cause I'm sorry, Seifer." He leaned far over and laid a big sloppy, noisy kiss on Seifer's cheek.

"Ewwewweww, gross! Chicken cooties!" Seifer yelled playfully swatting at Zell.

"Well, anybody else would be honored to get slobbered all over by THE Zell Dincht!" the shorter blonde gloated with a thumbs up sign, taking his seat next to Selphie.

"Hmm. I'll bet," Seifer said in mock disgust.

I took my seat next to Seifer and rubbed his thigh. He smiled, grabbed my hand and held it in his. Selphie bounced in her seat and signaled for the waiter.

"Hello and welcome to Bonne Idèe," the tall red-head greeted, handing us all menus. "Would you all like an appetizer?"

"Nope," Zell chirped, searching his menu for hot-dogs.

"Well, let me know when you are ready to order."

"Thanks. Will do," Selphie winked.

When the waiter returned, Zell order about two dozen hot-dogs and a glass of root beer, while Selphie and I both ordered hot chicken wings and iced tea. Quistis had a garlic salad and water and Seifer only wanted half a turkey sandwich and some orange juice.

"So," Zell squeaked, munching on his sixth hot-dog. "Anybody seen Rinoa?"

"Do we have to talk about her?" I sighed.

"Dude, get this... I heard that she's pregnant," he went on, ignoring me.

"What?!" Selphie squealed. "Finally! The ho-bitch has to endure the horrible, terrible, PAINFUL process of having to shoot a baby through her vagina!"

Seifer groaned as everyone laughed. "That's pretty disgusting, man," he said, frowning.

"I know, but it's funny!" Selphie managed through her laughter. "Hyne, I hope the nasty slut dies!"

"Hey, now, Selphie. Wishing death on someone is going a little far, don't you think?" Quistis reasoned.

"Yah, I guess it is." Selphie sighed and slumped back in her chair.

"Soooo," Zell drawled again looking at me. "When did you turn gay, Squall?"

"Zell!" Quistis yelled, flabbergasted.

"What?! I'm just asking." He looked to me again.

"Since Rinoa ruined my sexual charge for girls. And even before then I wasn't sure of my sexual orientation."

"Dude, you fucked Rinoa?" Zell queried clearly disgusted.

"If you must know, yes, I did... er, only once."


"She said she wanted for us to 'get closer' "

"And she ruined it, huh?"

"Yep," I sighed, sipping my drink.

"Well, keep in mind, Squall, that all girls aren't totally a waste," he said winking at Quistis.

"Oh, please, Zell," she said, wrinkling her nose. "I wouldn't fuck you if you paid me!"

We all snickered. "Well, I guess that means more lonely nights of masturbation on my part." He grabbed his crotch.

"Hyne when did you all get so vulgar?" Seifer chuckled, picking at his sandwich.

"Since I no longer have a sex life and most of the girls at Balamb Garden turned into sluts." Zell shrugged.

"What about me!" Selphie pouted.

"You've got Irvine."

"Oh yeah," she muttered, biting her lip.

"Hey!" Zell yelled, making us all jump. " 'member that time Rinoa almost got ran over by that garbage truck?"

"Now I remember that!" Seifer laughed. "If you asked me, that's where she belonged."

"Yeah... " Selphie breathed, looking at her watch. "Ooh, ooh, ooh guys.. time to go... Our movie starts in a half hour."

"Oh! I completely forgot!" Zell said, signaling the waiter. We laid the money on the table including the tips and headed to the door.

"Hey, are you coming?" Selphie asked once we got outside.

"No, I thought Seifer and I could go back to Balamb Garden and watch a movie. Is that okay?" I asked him.

"That's fine," he whispered, leaning down to kiss me.

"Awww! You guys are sooo cute!" Selphie squeaked, bringing me back to reality.

"I think I'm getting hot," Zell joked, fanning himself.

"Now," Selphie started, clasping her hands together in mock seriousness. "We don't want any little Squallies or Seifies running around, you guys."

"Yeah, sure, Dr. Selphie," Seifer patted her head, smirking.

"Good," she sighed. "Well we're off." She hugged me and Seifer.

"Bye!" Zell yelled, bouncing off.

I waved and turned to Seifer. "Let's go, shall we?" He linked his arm in mine and winked.

"Yes, let's."


A/N: OKAY... FIRST... I am sooooo sorry for the long delay in getting this crap posted!..... SECOND..... The very next chapter will definitely feature Seifer and Squall fucking like bunnies so I warn you now!... It also helps to review, ya know? *wags eyebrow*....thx