Fandoms: Sherlock, Harry Potter
Characters: Harry Potter, Sherlock Holmes, John Watson
Prompt: John wants to know how they got Moriarty to go for the safe.
Prompt Made By: I. H. Scribe
Disclaimer: I don't own the following series(es) or any character(s) that follow, and unless I. H. Scribe is listed after Prompt Made By chances are I don't own the idea for this story either.
Note: Not as fluffy as the previous chapters, since Moriarty doesn't take getting pied well.
They had been watching the video of Moriarty getting pied again when John said, "But I don't understand how you managed to pie Moriarty. Or why for that matter."
"Sherlock offered to pay me if I caught Moriarty in the same trap I've been getting him in," Harry said.
"The pies," John said.
"The pies. Anyway, first I had to find Moriarty. I hired a private detective to do that. One who I paid quite a bit of money to keep out of site. I really do have quite a bit of footage on Moriarty. Finally, a few weeks ago, I told him to let Moriarty figure out someone was following him, just to up his paranoia a bit. Then, when Sherlock invited me down to Bart's and Molly introduced her new boyfriend..."
"I've got that video you asked for," Harry said. "Of Moriarty, and what he's been up to."
"Why did Sherlock invite you?" John asked.
"He told me Moriarty was in town and he needed my help getting him into position to be pied. We had a basic script to follow," Sherlock said.
"Oh? Where is it?"
"The one in the kitchen?"
"And Moriarty bought it," Harry said. "Hook, line, and sinker. At least once you spoke up. He wasn't quite convinced until then."
"How can you sure it's Moriarty on the videos?" John asked.
"For what I paid that detective, if it's not Moriarty I'll kill the bastard myself."
"And then of course insuring it was Moriarty that went instead of him sending one of his minions was easy," Sherlock said.
"It would take someone as smart as Sherlock to break into that safe."
"And then the pies happened," Harry said.
"And the seltzer bottle," Sherlock added.
"I swear, I have no idea where that keeps coming from."
"You're not afraid of Moriarty coming after you?" John asked.
"Oh, he already paid me a visit."
"What?" Sherlock and John said.
"Well, I put the video on YouTube didn't I? And it wasn't private like yours are. The whole world saw Jim Moriarty get absolutely covered in pies. Do you have any idea how hard it is to be the bad guy when everyone knows you as the dumbass burglar that got covered in pie? He wasn't happy."
"Hello Mr. Moriarty," Harry said, entering his apartment. Sherlock and John were out for the week, investigating something a few cities over.
"Evening Mr. Potter," Jim said. For whatever it was worth, Jim was certainly more polite then Voldemort, even while pointing a gun at him. "I'm afraid I'm here to kill you tonight."
"Oh? What for?"
"You made quite the mockery of me, Mr. Potter. Even Seb laughed at me."
"I find kicking men between the legs keeps them from laughing and gives the women something else to laugh at." Jim stared at him like he'd grown a second head. "Would you like some hot chocolate?"
"Yes, milk, a little cocoa powder, some melted chocolate bars, and few secret ingredients of mine. It's a wonderful drink."
"I know what hot chocolate is," Jim said, annoyed. "Why are you offering it to me? I'm here to kill you. You did catch that part, right?"
"Well, yeah, but while you're drinking your hot chocolate, I'll be drinking my hot chocolate. That way we both get something sweet before I die."
"Oh." Jim tilted his head and thought a few minutes. "Fine, make it, but if you drug it, I'll drag your death out rather than just shoot you."
"Works for me." Harry busied himself making hot chocolate. With no Sherlock or John in the house – both of which had some sort of sixth sense for danger happening around them – and none of Mycroft's camera's working – Harry himself had Fred and George specially make his to work around magic; Mycroft's didn't have that advantage – Harry was on his own.
Luckily, Teddy was at his grandmother's house. If he had been here, Harry wouldn't have left his wand in his bedroom for the short trip to the grocery store, and Jim would have had a cutting curse to the neck as soon as Harry walked through the door.
Jim, surprisingly, was happy to make small talk and chat with Harry while he made the hot chocolate, and while they drank it. Finally, Harry figured out a way to get to his bedroom to get his wand.
"You know that video of you wasn't the only one," Harry said. "I never set up the pies for you specifically, I mean. I set them up for Sherlock."
"You have video of Sherlock getting hit by the pies?"
"And the seltzer bottle?"
"Yeah, but I honestly have no idea where that thing keeps coming from. I don't have a seltzer bottle. I can go get my laptop to show you if you'd like." His laptop was, conveniently, in his bedroom with his wand.
Jim looked torn between wanting to see those videos and wanting to kill Harry, but he finally agreed, "Go get it, but if you bring out any weapons-"
"I don't have any weapons – I wouldn't want my godson to find them while he's here. John's got a gun upstairs and between him and Sherlock this place is pretty well guarded." Harry collected his laptop quickly, and then put on his wrist holster and placed his wand in it. A few taps to the holster insured it would turn it, and his wand, invisible to anyone else's prying eyes.
As it turned out, Harry didn't have to use it. Jim was absolutely ecstatic to see Sherlock get hit with pie after pie after pie, and was perfectly willing to let Harry live if he would keep making more.
"I'm not sending the videos to you," Harry said. "Who knows what you'll do with them."
"I could come back every week or so. Ple-e-ease? I really want to see them."
"Every other Friday," Harry said. "Unless my godson's here. If you go anywhere near my godson, I'll kill you. Hurt him or his grandmother and I'll drag out your death. Understand?"
"Perfectly!" Harry cast a few time delayed spells at Jim's back as he left. Jim would wake up tomorrow with purple hair and hot pink skin. Let the asshole have fun trying to figure out how that happened.
"You're showing him the videos!?" Sherlock protested.
"Well, yeah, so he doesn't kill me," Harry said. "Or did you forget why he said he was there?"
"I should have never asked you to get video of him being pied."
"I'm pretty sure as long as the videos keep coming and I keep giving him hot chocolate, he'll stop trying to kill both of us. He won't have any more videos if one of us is dead."
As always, I am accepting prompts, however, I am not accepting prompts through reviews. If you wish to give me a prompt, please see the Accepting Prompts section of my profile for instructions. Thank you.
I. H. Scribe
To avoid multiple requests for the same thing, the other prompts I've gotten for this story (and will get to eventually) are:
Pies: Mud Pie; S'mores Pie; Blackberry Pie; Blueberry Pie; French Silk Pie; Custard Pie; Chicken Pie; Mushroom Pie; Pineapple Pie; Goo Pie; Gooseberry Pie; Mustard Pie; Banana Pie; Gravy Pie; Stew Pie; Ice Cream Pie; Kidney Pie; Vinegar and Milk Pie; Egg Pie; Vegetable Pie; Marmalade Pie; Onion Pie; Rhubarb Pie; Black Pudding and Haggis Pie; Tomato Ketchup Pie; Pie Flavoured Pie; Skittle Pie; Ink Pie; Marshmallow Pie; Coconut Pie; Strawberry Pie; Sand Pie; Cheesecake; Pecan Pie; Ice Cream Cake
Safe Combinations: Teddy's initials (20-18-12); Ron's Initials (18-02-23); Hermione's initials (08-10-07); #4 Privet Drive (04-16-04); PIE IS AWESOME (16-09-01); LOL (12-15-12); ICU (09-03-21); Percival Wulfric Brian (16-23-02); Hedwig, Snuffles, and Crookshanks (08-19-03); Luna Lovegood's Initials (12-19-12)
Sherlock: snooping around somewhere other than the kitchen and getting pied; breaking into the bakery and getting pied; trying to turn the tables
Harry: Pie Food Fight after Sherlock rigs something so Harry gets hit in his own apartment; forgets pie and Sherlock freaks out
John: goes to Harry's apartment and doesn't get pied; munching on a pie while watching Sherlock get pied; accidental pieing
Irene: crème pie
Lestrade and team: Sherlock getting pied or almost pied in front of Lestrade and his team, followed by them pissing off Harry and getting their own pies
Anderson: gets pied; gets pied a lot
Anderson and Sally: Grasshopper Pie
Mrs. Hudson: Find's Sherlock (or anyone) and reacting
Magnussen: sour cream apple pie when he thinks Sherlock is hiding blackmail evidence from him in Harry's safe