Happy Hogswatchnight

by WSJ

This story was inspired by (what else) a line in Hogswatch. Death was delivering presents and mentioned the existance of a Captain Carrot One-Man Night Watch action figure, complete with toy weapons. ^_^ Isn't that cute!

I don't own Discworld.

Takes place the Hogswatch after The Fifth Elephant.


"What do Dwarves give each other for Hogswatch?"

Carrot glanced over at his compnion and chuckled. "Well, usually lumps of gold."

Angua rolled her eyes. "Oh, of course. Silly me. Sorry."

It was their day off and the two were strolling around the Street of Cunning Artificiers, looking for Hogswatch gifts for friends and such. It was snowing a little, or as much as you could call snowing this close to the University, since the snow contained an occational razor blade or detatched duck bill.

Carrot and Angua both were already loaded down with shopping bags. Carrot had gotten small picks made of actual solid gold to be sent home to his parents, and Angua, dispite not wanting to, had been persuaded to get something for her parents as well.

She bought them chew toys.

They'd combined some of their wages and bought a silver cigar case for Commander Vimes (Carrot was carrying it) that was much better then his plain old tin one. Angua had bought Cheery some pretty little rhinestone-studded beard clips, and Carrot had found a wonderful wooden pipe for Sergent Colon.

The two passed a group of smallish children singing 'Deck the Halls with Yummy Porkings' and absentmindedly Carrot began to hum along.

Angua hid a grin and pointed at a shop up ahead. "Carrot, look! It's a toy store! I haven't been in one of those in ages."

"Me neither." Carrot said. "We didn't have many up in the mines."

As she did almost every day now Angua turned to look at him and was amazed at the sincerity in his face. He wasn't being sarcastic at all. They went in.

Carrot was looking at a G.I.Vimes action figure and chuckling, wishing he hadn't already gotten the Commander something, and had just about desided to buy it anyway, maybe for Lady Sybil, when from down the row he heard Angua laughing.

"What?" he asked, coming to stand beside her, and then he saw what she did and began to laugh too. It was a Nobby Nobbs doll, with real Catch-'em-Yourself skin diseases. Beside it sat a Sergent Detrius plushie. It said things like "Der..." and "Hm..." but when you put it in the freezer it began to say things like "2+2=4" and other intellegent sayings. And beside that...

Carrot stopped laughing and gasped in surprise, then quickly grabbed the item before Angua could see it. He didn't know why it was there, it certainly didn't belong in a toy store, but it was perfect.

Angua hadn't been able to resist the Sergent Colon doll they found, (with real Belly-Bouncing action) and so they stopped by the front to pay for their purchases. Carrot had gotten the G.I.Vimes action figure after all, and his face told the clerk not to mention the other thing he'd slipped in in front of Angua.

Two minutes later they were back in the streets, and Carrot was pulling Angua toward Ms. Cake's. "Come on Angua! I want to give you your present!"

Angua laughed and nodded, and soon they were in Carrot's room, a raging fire going in the hearth. They sat down together on the bed, and to Angua's surprise Carrot pulled out the bag from the toystore.

"It's not wrapped or anything, but I really hope you'll like it." Carrot stammered, looking down.

Angua blinked, and just sat frozen for a moment, looking at him, studying how the firelight made his hair and blush look redder, and his eyes sparkle more. With a sudden jerk she shook the thoughts off her and opened the bag. She pulled the flat parcel out, and gasped. "Oh Carrot..."

It was a painting. It was Angua and Carrot, in hot pursuit of an unlicenced theif. Everything had been captured exactly right. The expression on Angua's face gave away that she was about to Change, and you could almost see Carrot's eyes flicking toward her every few seconds.

"Oh Carrot..." She breathed again, not knowing what else to say.

Carrot's blush deepened. "You like it?"

Angua's eyes tore from the painting and landed on his face. "Carrot, I love it! Look here," she pointed at the corner, where the artist's signature could faintly be seen. Carrot Ironfounderson. She looked back up and held his eyes. "Just as I love you." There, she'd finally admitted it, to herself and to Carrot.

Carrot smiled faintly, and then leaned forward to pull her into his arms. They sat like that for a few blissful minutes or hours or days, Angua halfway on Carrot's lap, her head leaning back against his shoulder, his arms around her.

"Angua," Carrot said finally.


"Happy Hogswatchnight."

"Happy Hogswatchnight Carrot."


Like it? ^_^ I think it's a little on the sappy side, but that can't be helped...

God bless minna-san!