Author's Note: Whenever people review my fanfic, I always make it a point to thank them through PMs, but sometimes I either forget or couldn't because they commented as a guest. So I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who've read and has continued reading my fanfic even after my long-ass hiatus. Thank you guys~!
Chapter 2: The Mommy Interaction
Four months after their meeting, Sheldon and Amy continued to communicate in a daily basis through digital means. Texts, Facebook, Twitter, Gmail, Skype; everything. He was already happy with the arrangement, and he suspected that Amy was too, so he could not understand why Penny would insist that they meet in person. Penny, however, pointed out that if they were to have a child together, in petri dishes in a lab, mind you, that he should at least get to know the future mother. Seeing it as a logical conclusion, he agreed. Unfortunately, to Penny's irritation, since she came up with the idea, she had to drive him to their date.
Throughout the course of the evening, Penny made meager attempts to break the ice and get the two to talk to each other. Though Sheldon and Amy did not detest each other's company, they simply didn't feel all that talkative, which annoyed the bored blonde. In one last attempt, she tried to get Amy a little bit more engaged by telling her a tidbit that this was Sheldon's first official date. This somehow lead to a conversation about Penny's dates and to the estimation of the number of men Penny had slept with throughout her lifetime, much to her displeasure.
Sheldon began to see Amy in a new light and gave him all the more reason to push through with their procreation. However, after Penny convinced him that his overly religious born-again Christian mother would not want a test-tube grandbaby born out of wedlock, he dropped the idea. Still, the night was not all in vain as it proved to be a catalyst for the unusual pair to start meeting in person more often.
Sheldon found his meetings with Amy to be a delight, each visit more enjoyable than the last. It felt like spending the day with a clone of himself. He suspected that his fellow comrades were somewhat jealous of his boy-slash-friend-slash-girl-slash-friend relationship with the neurobiologist, but in truth, they found their tandem more than unbearable. One Sheldon was enough to drive them crazy, and with the addition of Amy, it was double the trouble, double the headache and double the condescension.
There was simply no escaping the "Shamy." They were together at Sheldon's apartment, the Cheesecake Factory and at his work. The two were as inseparable as a barnacle on a whale. He was eager to impress Amy with his work and decided to show off his research to her, expecting her to be impressed by his excellence. What he got instead was the opposite of what he had anticipated. She had the audacity to call Physics "cute."
Of course THE Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper, B.S., M.S., M.A., Ph.D., Sc.D., theoretical physicist extraordinaire had something to say about that! He was not going to let some hotsy-totsy from Glendale ridicule his line of work! A lengthy debate ensued. Seeing as the neurobiologist refused to fold, they settled the problem by terminating their relationship immediately.
It was an exquisite Saturday morning. There was no work, no Kripke, and nobody else who could disrupt Sheldon's morning routine. Leonard decided to sleep in and had asked not to be bothered. Penny, as always, would not be functional until 11:00 am. Sheldon rose from his bed at exactly 6:15 am and poured himself a bowl of cereal with ¼ cup of 2% milk, sat down on his spot and turned on BBC America to watch his beloved Doctor Who. Once the show ended, he brought his bowl to the sink, washed it, and had his usual 7:00 am - 7:20 am toilet routine. Afterwards, he sat down to his desk, turned on his laptop and excitedly logged on to Skype, only to remember that the only person he wanted to talk to at that hour was no longer available.
No matter, I'll just go read a comic book.
And so he did. Two comic books later, he got bored and decided to watch Star Wars. He invited Leonard, Howard, Raj and even Penny to watch, but each and every one of them was preoccupied with their own Saturday plans, so he watched alone. Twenty minutes into the movie, he turned off his T.V. and decided to play World of Warcraft. Sixteen minutes later, he decided to practice his Wii bowling skills. Seven minutes later, he decided to play his theremin. Two minutes later, he settled in his spot and stared into nothingness.
This is ridiculous.
Bored out of his mind, he decided to go outside for a walk.
He wasn't missing Amy. Not the least bit. Not at all. It was an absurd notion. His life didn't change regardless of whether or not that woman was in his life. No siree! He didn't need her.
Sheldon stopped in his tracks and looked to his right, spotting a white cat with black spots staring at him from behind a pet store window. He tilted his head and smiled at the furry creature. Intrigued, he went inside the store to interact with it, regardless of his allergies. He began to play with it and started telling it facts about how the atomic bomb came to be formed, as if the feline knew what he was talking about.
"I'll call you Dr. Robert Oppenheimer."
He made it a point to reserve the cat from the enthusiastic pet store owner before he left. He had to make sure the apartment was ready for a cat before he took it in. It was exactly what he needed. It never once questioned his intelligence; unlike that despicable woman who had the gall to say Neurobiology was better than Physics! As if!
It was at that moment that Sheldon Lee Cooper decided that felines were better companions. He got one, and then two and eventually twenty-five. However, regardless of his improved mood from the addition of twenty-five new roommates, he could not comprehend the reasons for his friends' worries. He was completely fine. Why would they think he's sad and pining?
Regardless of what Penny thinks, Sheldon insisted that they did not breakup. A breakup would imply Amy was his girlfriend, which she was not. He thought that Penny always had an obsession in believing in illusions, just like her belief in the mass cultural delusion that the Sun's apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations and the time of her birth somehow effects her personality. Sheldon silently hopes that her delusions would not rub off on Leonard.
He assured all of them, for who knows how many times, that he was fine, but obviously it was not enough to convince them and they decided to call his own mother. He initially thought she visited because she missed her little 'Shelly-bean', but once he found out that she was caught up in the same delusion that he was 'pining for a young lady,' he was less than amused. It just wasn't enough for these people. They just had to call THAT person over to the apartment without his knowledge.
"The reason I called Amy over was to find out what type of person she is," Mary Cooper began. "And after chatting a bit, I have to say that while she is a perfectly… unique… young woman…"
Here it is. She's gonna spit out some nonsense about how I should take back her friendship and how similar and compatible we are and how– "…you two are definitely not suited for each other."
Sheldon looked at his mother in shock and confusion. How could she not see it? His own mother! Didn't she even notice the scholarly way Amy expressed herself when she talked? How about the manner in which she presents herself so tidily as if no dirt could ever come in contact with her? Surely his mother must've at least noticed her sense of humor. She had the wittiest jokes! How could she not see this at all?
"That's a peculiar conclusion. By any standard, Amy is more similar to me than anyone I've ever met."
"Oh, I'm sorry Shelly. I can't see it."
Can't see it? Were they looking at two different people? He wondered if perhaps his mother needed prescription glasses. Visual impairment and Glaucoma were pretty common in women her age. Regardless of his mother's optical conditions, he knew that it was ridiculous for his mother to assume that they had nothing in common.
"Well, whether you see it or not is irrelevant. You can't see subatomic particles, but nevertheless they're there."
"Excellent point," Amy interjected.
-Finally, something we both actually agree on.-
"A Physics point," Sheldon cockily retaliated.
"Well, putting aside the pig Latin," Mary continued "it's a good thing that you two decided to end the relationship so I didn't have to end it for you."
Sheldon paused for a moment. What was his mother saying? Why would she want to break up his friendship with his almost perfect twin? It was insane, yet he realized that he himself had been none the wiser for terminating it in the first place. He didn't want to admit it, but he found himself regretting his action.
"Amy, after consideration, I believe we may have acted rashly. I propose we resume our relationship and attempt to resolve our differences."
"I'll agree to that, only if you'll stipulate that 80% of our difficulties were caused by you."
Difficulties caused by me? Really, Amy? Who's really being difficult here?
"I'll go with as high as 40."
"65." Sheldon tried his best not to roll his eyes.
"Done. You understand that moving forward, we deal with the fact that my mother does not approve of you?"
"I do. I find being cast in the role of bad girl oddly titillating." He looked at her oddly. Only Amy would've thought of that. As quirky and as weird as he found her, he was pleased to have his friend back.
"Would you like to see my cats?"
"I would! I love cats! They're the epitome of indifference!"
Of course she'd be the only one who'd actually get that. No one else gets that!
"Ah, then you may find Zazzles a little cloying!"
Delighted, he led her to his cat-filled bedroom. Normally, he would be alarmed when people enter his room, but this was Amy. She wasn't just anyone to him, whether or not he was aware of it.
And just like that, they were back to their old ways and Sheldon's non-feline roommate finally convinced him that the additional twenty-five felines in their home were too much.
Sheldon was relieved that the whole thing was resolved, but what he didn't anticipate was that he too would be meeting Amy's own mother sooner than he thought.
Sheldon was having a Skype session with Amy Farrah Fowler one day when she suddenly asked him to meet her mother. Experience in the Cooper household, specifically regarding the girls George Jr. brought to the house, meant that it was something people in a serious relationship do.
Panic-stricken, the theoretical physicist raced out of his apartment and looked for Leonard to seek his council. His roommate, however, was utterly unhelpful and did not take his dilemma seriously. What Leonard did accomplish was confirm Sheldon's own fears; he was unknowingly in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with the brunette.
There was only one thing that he could do: run and hide. He raced upstairs, changed all his emails, numbers, and entirely erased his virtual footprint in the Internet. As soon as he was done with that, he went downstairs and removed the number two from the building's wall, and informed their mail carrier who was more than understanding.
His plan was foolproof! There was no way Amy Farrah Fowler could find him now! At least, that was what he thought until the little vixen from Glendale knocked on his door. He failed to remember that she had already been to the apartment. A flaw in an otherwise perfect plan.
I knew I should've contacted Homeland Security!
Though she had left when Leonard told her Sheldon was not around, she continued to wait for the lanky physicist by the stairs near the front door of the building. If it wasn't for his grumbling stomach and disconnected phone, he would've ordered food and never had to face her. Although he had worn a clever disguise consisting of a red skiing jacket, a red beanie and a pair of Groucho glasses, Amy saw right through it.
Conversely, instead of a long confession of her undying love for him, he was relieved to discover that Amy only wanted him to pretend that he's in a relationship with her so that her mother would get off her back. With this new information, he was more than happy to help her with her predicament.
The very next day, the two met up in Sheldon's apartment and concocted the details of their ruse. The goal was to make Amy's mother as uncomfortable as she was making Amy, and for that to happen, they would have to do the exact opposite of what her mother would be expecting. This way, her mother would no longer force her to date.
Amy had called her mother earlier on, informing her that she would finally be introducing her new boyfriend through Skype later that evening. Her mother was nothing like Sheldon expected. Frail, soft-spoken and nervous-looking, the exact opposite of Amy. Shortly after introductions were made, they set their plans in action.
"It's nice to meet you Mrs. Fowler."
"It's nice to meet you, too, Sheldon. I honestly didn't believe Amy when she told me she had a boyfriend."
"I assure you I am quite real and I'm having regular intercourse with your daughter," Sheldon stated. Despite his inability to lie, Amy had a workaround by telling Sheldon to act as if he's just reciting a line from a play. She even scripted his whole dialogue.
"What?" Amy's mother said, surprised and utterly confused.
"Oh, yes. We're like wild animals in heat. It's a wonder neither of us has been hurt."
"Amy, what is he saying?!" Amy's mother asked, her voice shaking and distraught evident in her tone.
"You wanted me to have a boyfriend, Mother. Well, here he is. Have to sign off now. My hunger for Sheldon is stirring in my loins."
"Oh, yes, it's time for me to make love to your daughter's vagina."
Before her mother can make anymore comments, she quickly closed Sheldon's laptop. The plan was a success.
"Thank you, Sheldon, that went very well."
"Amy, I find myself wondering if we should actually engage in coitus at least one time in our relationship."
Amy gave him a look of confusion. It was only after a few seconds that Sheldon realized what he just said.
"Bazinga! Bedtime. Please show yourself out."
Sheldon rushed to his room and Amy rushed out of the apartment. Of course it was just a joke. Why would he think of having intercourse with Amy Farrah Fowler? He just got carried away with the acting. Maybe he was just curious about how she would react. He was not lusting after the bespectacled brunette. Most certainly not. They weren't even dating. That was just a clever ploy to get rid of her mother's interference with her dating life. They would never date. Would they?
He shook his head and laughed at the thought. Poppycock! his head shouted. Yet it was that night that he had slept so poorly that he had to take a sick leave.
Little did he know, it wasn't long before that vixen stirred up his life again.
Reviews inspire me to write~!
~October 25, 2013 (my birthday~! :D)~
Remade: ~August 10, 2015~
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It was an unusual experience. He was taken aback and hated the contact, but there was something different. He didn't understand what he felt when her hand slowly intertwined with his.