A/N: A collection of short ficlets from prompts given to me on tumblr over the past few months. I'm thatsnicebutimmarried on tumblr if you want to follow me or send me prompts.
Mostly Doctor/River and Amy/Rory with Pond Family funtimes. Title from the song "Best Day of Your Life" by Katie HerzigFor Rosie.
Prompt: "Clue" (Person in a location with an object), River in the TARDIS with a gun, from ramblingredrose
"Do. Not. Move."
There are few things capable of scaring Rory Williams anymore, but walking into the TARDIS console room to find River with a gun pointed at the Doctor is definitely one of them. He obeys River's command, though more out of shock than fear. He's reasonably sure River wouldn't hurt him, though up until this moment he was reasonably sure she was also over her 'murder the Doctor' phase.
When he finds his voice he manages a strangled, "River, what the—"
"Rory, it's fine, everything's fine," the Doctor says, though he's visibly tense. His hands are clenched into fists at his sides.
Rory looks back and forth between them, from the Doctor's tight-lipped frown to River's furrowed brow. "Look, whatever's going on I'm sure we can work through it if everybody can just calm down!"
"Dad, hush," River says, her voice low and deadly as she unlocks the safety and her blaster boosts up.
"Are you sure about this?" The Doctor asks, a slight tremble in his voice.
River nods, and Rory silently panics. "I don't miss, Sweetie."
"Okay, seriously, what are you even, NO!"
Before Rory can even step forward River's finger has squeezed the trigger and fired a bolt of red hot energy across the room.
For a long moment Rory stares at the insides of his eyelids and wonders how the universe could be this cruel and impossible and what the hell he is going to tell Amy.
"Did you get it?"
Rory's eyes pop open at the Doctor's voice. There's smoke drizzling lazily from River's gun, and a scorch mark on the wall directly behind the Doctor, but the Time Lord is completely unharmed.
River nods. "I think so. It's not on your shoulder anymore, at least."
The Doctor turns slowly to look at the scorch on the wall. "Well let's hope you killed it. Otherwise it's buzzing around the TARDIS still and we've just ticked it off." He examines the wall as Rory stumbles over on legs like jelly. The Doctor smiles. "Yeaaaah, there it is. That's my girl! Beautiful shot, dear." He grins at River and she gives him a mock curtsy.
When Rory reaches the wall he sees something small and charred and oozing yellow liquid splattered in the center of the burn mark. "You weren't…you weren't…" is all he manages before River cuts in mercifully.
"I wasn't trying to murder my husband?" Rory nods. River laughs and rolls her eyes. "Oh Father dear, I got over that ages ago, give me some credit."
"You had a gun pointed at him."
"No, no, no," The Doctor says excitedly, "She had a gun pointed at this little guy." He points at the stain. "An Armesedine Wasp. Nasty little buggers. Like mosquitoes, except about a million times worse. One bite and they infect your bloodstream and you break out in a horrible itchy rash all over." His lip curls. "And I do mean all over."
"Super-mosquitoes and apparent attempted murder. How is it that I just got up and this day is already weirder than usual?"
The Doctor threw an arm around Rory's shoulder. "It could have been worse. Imagine if River had missed! That thing could have stung you or I or any of us."
"She also could have killed you."
The Doctor waves his hand as if this is a non-issue. "She wouldn't have hit me. Far greater chance of the wasp living and deciding to sting me in retaliation."
"And one of the most dreadful things about their poison," River chimes in from the console, where she's perched cleaning the plasma reactor of her gun, "is that the itching worsens with increased blood flow. A large concentration of blood in one area can cause intense and painful irritation." She looks up with a smirk. "You can imagine how terrible that would be in certain situations. I don't know what the Doctor would have done if he'd gotten stung while I was around."
Rory works out what she means before the Doctor does, at which point he turns scarlet and takes his arm off Rory's shoulder. "River," he hisses, pointedly not looking at Rory, who's trying not to scowl.
"Aaaand there's things back to normal again," Rory sighs, before turning around to go back to bed.
Prompt: I discovered that Twister bedsheets (as in the game?) are a thing, and my immediate thought was that they would be the kind of thing the Doctor would find and love but totally not understand the joke. Note: I posted this on tumblr and it currently has 680 notes, which makes me insanely happy.
"Look what I found!"
These had the potential to be the four most dangerous words anyone could ever hear come out of the Doctor's mouth. Today was no different, although the danger those words represented was less in the life-threatening category, and more in the, "Oh god, he can't seriously want to wear that, can he?" category.
That was what happened when you took the Doctor shopping in a district known for the novelty and the kitch. The Ponds were thankful at least that they had River along, because while they might eventually be able to talk the Doctor out of some of his more outrageous purchases, River could do it much more efficiently with a severe look and firm, "No."
However even she seemed a bit at a loss in lieu of the Doctor's latest find. "Doctor," she said slowly, as she and her parents stared, "Are those—"
"Sheets!" He said excitedly, holding them up. "Aren't they cool? I love that game! I'm not very good at it in this body, though. Limb control leaves something to be desired, but still, River, Twister sheets! How funny is that!"
River continued to stare. She glanced back at her parents, who looked equally as confused and slightly more disturbed. "Ah, sweetie…" She trailed off, looking for the first time in all the years that he'd known her at nearly a complete loss for words.
The Doctor frowned and dropped his arms. "What, River, they're a laugh! Don't you get the joke?"
River's eyebrows rose towards her hairline. "Yes, sweetie, I do. Question is, do you?"
The Doctor rolled his eyes and laughed. "Of course I get it. Twister's a game of balance and body parts, and moving them around and getting them all tangled up," River could practically hear her father choking up behind her, "and it's funny when you put them on sheets because what do you do in bed?"
"Oh my god." River looked back to see Rory with his face in his hands, and Amy staring at the Doctor as if she was trying to work out if he was actually serious.
River looked back at her husband. He did not look the slightest bit embarrassed, which made her immensely curious. He grinned. "Well none of those things, of course, it's for sleeping, so it's ironic. You've got this game that's all about movement for an object that's used for rest and the absence of movement. It's clever."
He looked around at the three flabbergasted faces still unabashedly staring at him and frowned. "Well, I thought they were cool. Ponds, I was going to ask if you fancied a set as well but I guess that's a no. Anyway, I'm nipping back to the Tardis to put these on the bed and I thought I'd drop everything else off too. That way we don't have to carry everything else all day. Bags?" He was already carrying River's bags, and Rory dumbly held out his and Amy's, and the Doctor took them and capered off down the street to the alley where he'd parked the Tardis.
After a silent moment Amy regained powers of speech and addressed River, who was standing with her head down, eyes closed, and the bridge of her nose pinched between two fingers. "Does he realize that—?"
"No," River said flatly. "No he doesn't." She sighed and looked up, shaking her head. Then she stopped, frowned in thought, and raised her eyebrows and hummed as if reevaluating her earlier stance and added, "Well, not yet anyway."
Behind them, Rory's legs gave out.
Prompt: Collarbone Kiss for Amy/Rory, from ramblingredrose
"Amy, I need to tell you something." Rory looks nervous. Well, that's not really surprising; Rory almost always looks nervous about something, but right now he looks downright terrified, and so Amy puts on her brightest smile in hopes of reassuring him. For some reason, this doesn't seem to help. "This isn't easy for me to tell you, and whatever your feelings about it, can you at least try to be, well, kind?" Amy's expression softens.
"Of course. Rory, you can tell me anything." It's not like she doesn't already know. But as he hasn't ever actually told her, she supposes she needs to try and be as supportive as possible in this difficult moment. Coming out isn't easy, and she can't stand the thought of Rory thinking that she'd stop being his friend just because he's gay.
Rory takes a deep breath. "Amy," he begins, looking at her seriously, "We've known each other a long time now, and surely you've noticed that I don't really pay other girls a lot of attention." Amy nods and smiles.
"I have certainly noticed."
Rory reaches forward to take her hand. "Well, Amy, there's a reason for that. A very important one. Amy, the thing is…" he trails off and swallows hard, sweat forming at his hairline, "The thing is, I, well, Amy, I-"
"Rory," Amy says, gripping his hand in both of hers and smiling at him. "I already know." He blinks, obviously taken aback.
"You-you do?" She nods.
"Yeah, Rory, I've known for ages. It's not like it was that hard to work out. And it's fine, really. I don't know why you were so nervous about it." Rory's whole face lights up.
"Really? I mean, I'd understand if you don't, you know, but I just thought you should know."
Amy laughs. "Rory why should I care? I mean I don't care that Mels is."
Rory suddenly frowns. "Mels?"
Amy waves a hand. "Yeah, you know. Well I mean, I guess she's not completely, I mean she's into both, you know, but whatever. Point is, all that doesn't really matter. You're still my friends, and nothing could ever change that."
Rory stares at her, his eyebrows knit together. "Amy, I'm not sure we're talking about the same thing, here."
Her smile fades slightly. "What d'you mean?"
Rory lets go of her hands and looks down. "Amy, I, oh god I'm making such a mess of this. Maybe I should just-" Just then her phone rings, and Rory leans forward just as she stands up, and his mouth collides with her collarbone. He draws back immediately, his face on fire, and starts apologizing. "I-I-sorry, I didn't-I slipped, I didn't mean to-"
"It's fine," Amy says, moving to pick up her phone, and tries to ignore the way her heart is beating a little faster. The way it felt when his lips touched her…it was almost like a kiss. Like it was supposed to be a kiss…which was preposterous, because Rory's gay. Which is terribly unfortunate, really, because if he wasn't she's not sure she wouldn't mind the feeling of his lips kissing her clavicle. She feels a bit flushed just thinking about it. (And really, if he is gay, and there's no chance of it ever happening, what's wrong with indulging the fantasy?)
"Amy, aren't you going to answer it?" She snaps back to reality and looks down at the phone she's been holding silently in her hand. She flips it open and answers.
"Hello? Oh hey Mels." Rory watches her smile drop off her face as her eyes go wide. "You're where?!…You what?! Melody Zucker!" Amy rubs her eyes and sighs. "Yeah, yeah, okay, sure. God, Mels, who does something like this? Yeah, be there soon." She hangs up and sighs again, shaking her head.
Rory's frowning at her. "What happened?"
Amy shakes her head again in resignation. "We have to go bail Mels out of jail." She watches Rory's eyebrows hit his hairline.
Amy makes a sound of wry amusement. "Well. Speaking of some people being on the other bus, Mels just stole one."
(Note: In case you didn't know, Moffat confirmed that River's bisexual, which is what Amy's talking about with Mels.)
Prompt: Hot, Steamy Kiss for Doctor/River, from ramblingredrose
They'll be lucky to make it into the Tardis this time. They're at least out of sight of the party guests and the Judoon officers sorting out the rest of the mess, but there's still the chance someone might wander down the empty hallway and see them. (This shouldn't thrill the Doctor nearly as much as it does. River's been such a horrible influence.)
He loses his jacket before they're even in the hallway, with his bowtie and waistcoat following soon after. He does his best to tug down River's zipper with one hand while the other keeps hold of his clothing. (River's already ruined far too many of his tux shirts; he can't go losing his best tailcoat, too.)
The Doctor gropes blindly for the doors, and getting the key into the lock is proving much more difficult than it should with the lovely distraction of River's lips so hot against his own and her hands making quick work of his shirt buttons. They stumble into the box, still kissing, and the Doctor's jacket and waistcoat get dropped on the floor hopefully inside the doors, but River's stroking the inside of his mouth with her tongue in the most devilish way, so he can't be bothered to check or care. The Doctor's arms wrap around her and he spins her into the nearest wall.
It's all lips and teeth and hot needy tongues as he pulls the top of River's dress down around her waist, and while he'd been rather hoping she wouldn't be wearing a bra, her bare stomach against his makes up for it, and sod it all, he starts hiking up her skirt. She's just wrapped a leg around his waist and moaned so prettily into his mouth when he hears the rather pointed throat-clearing behind him.
He breaks his mouth away and drops her leg immediately, but just for the moment the horrified look on River's face is far preferable to what he knows he'll see if he turns around. River glances back at him and shoves him roughly away, pulling her dress back up.
The Doctor slowly spins to see Amy and Rory glaring at him. Amy's eyeing him with narrowed eyes and pursed lips, but Rory looks positively murderous. The Doctor gulps and rubs his hands together nervously. "Ponds," he says, voice shaking just the tiniest bit, "Ah," he smiles sheepishly. "It isn't what it looks like?"
Their faces don't change. River seems to have decided the best course of action is to stare at her feet. The Doctor drops his smile. "Yeah, that's never gonna fly, is it?"
Amy shakes her head. "Nope."
"Didn't think so."
Rory takes a step forward, and not for the first time that night, the Doctor grabs River's hand and runs.
This will be updated periodically with more ficlets as they come, if they come, but don't expect regular updates or anything like that. I'm pretty much always accepting prompts, though most of the time they will be ficlets unless something strikes my fancy. But you can send me a PM on here or an ask on tumblr if you want. Again, my tumblr url is thatsnicebutimmarried.