RTN!Sasuke

ANBUCaptain!Itachi

Itachi x Kurenai

Written on a request from "redeyesofhell."

Sorry it took so long... I was busy. Procrastinating.

Enjoy~!


It was 5:00 a.m. and Sasuke could smell something coffee brewing. Hunger was clawing at his stomach, but drowsiness was numbing his limbs. This was his internal struggle: deciding if he was too sleepy to eat, or if he was too hungry to sleep.

In the home of the Uchiha brothers, mealtimes are decided by whether there was food ready to be eaten or not. Most of the time, that meant Itachi had control. Sometimes Sasuke got to decide when he had take-out. There will be no complaints if the food is good.

Finally, Sasuke decided that he couldn't sleep on an empty stomach. He also had something he wanted to ask his older brother.

As he entered the kitchen, he noticed that Itachi was still wearing his ANBU uniform. He carefully tiptoed into the kitchen, making sure to not make any sudden movements or noises. Itachi was always on edge after missions.

He did rather well under stress, though. Once when he lost a night of sleep, Itachi solved an impossible math equation that has boggled mathematicians for centuries. And then he stabbed Sasuke with his pencil. It was always him that got hurt whenever Itachi was anxious, for some reason. Itachi said it was because he was his precious otouto, but...

Sasuke watched in horror as Itachi aggressively whisked the pancake mix. Sure, the pancakes always turned out nice and fluffy in the end, but that didn't mean the process wasn't as scary as hell. It was like he was avenging his clan after living a life of hatred.

Itachi poured the mixture into a pan, surprisingly gently. Itachi flipped the pancake into the air. It landed perfectly on a white plate. All of the batter was used up, creating a total of 12 pancakes. Sasuke wondered if they were having guests over, because he usually made less.

His suspicions were proved to be correct when Itachi set four places at the table. Three pancakes were placed on each plate. Then, he drizzled chocolate syrup and sprinkled powdered sugar on them. He topped them all with whipped cream and a bright red cherry.

Next, he poured the freshly brewed coffee into a blender. He added milk, ice, sugar, and chocolate syrup. Sasuke concluded that the older Uchiha was probably going to somehow include chocolate in all of their meals today. He blended the ingredients, then poured them into four mugs. The rest was stored in the fridge for later.

Itachi would be the perfect husband, although housewife would be more appropriate. He's skilled, strong, can cook and clean, a good listener, comes from a noble family, and is sexier than sex. He's everything you could ask for in a man. In fact, Sasuke would marry Itachi if it wasn't looked down upon by society. Not that he needed to, since they were already brothers.

"Ne, Itachi-nii, why are you still single?" Sasuke asked, in a tone that mimicked an innocent child wondering why the sky was blue.

"Why are you still taken?" Itachi retorted. In response to this, Sasuke raised an eyebrow. Then, a mischievous smirk fell upon his lips. There was a glimmer in his eyes that Itachi recognized as his flirting look. "That's not what I meant. Don't even think about seducing me."

Sasuke laughed. Maybe he will, and maybe he won't. It all depends on his mood. He began eating his pancakes. As usual, they tasted so heavenly they should be banished to hell. It's a shame that the only hot babe that's going to taste Itachi's cooking are Sasuke's. "So?"

"I told you before. I want to find the right girl," Itachi replied. The younger Uchiha rolled his eyes. Such an obedient son his brother is. Tame, polite, and modest (cough cough AND SEXY cough cough)... He could have any girl he wanted. Sometimes it's better to feel wrong than right. Itachi is already 21. He could be as wrong as he pleased.

"Then find her. Come on, you're wasting your perfection!" Sasuke couldn't stand his brother's hesitance to date. He's already more popular with the ladies than him. Just imagine how much more attention he'd get when word breaks out that he's on the market.


Despite his younger brother's persistent begs, Itachi refused to oblige. He wasn't like his younger brother, slutty and whorish and all. When he heard an expected knock on the door, he left the room as soon as possible in hopes of escaping Sasuke's suggestions.

"Welcome, Kurenai-sensei, Asuma-san," Itachi greeted.

"Sorry for intruding at such an early hour," Kurenai apologized. She and Asuma removed their shoes as they entered the Uchiha household.

"It's all right. I was already up," Itachi replied politely. He smiled at her, then led the two to the kitchen.

Asuma whistled when he saw the breakfast Itachi prepared for them. "You're not called the Uchiha prodigy for nothing, eh?" he remarked.

The jounin and Uchiha brothers sat down and ate breakfast together. Sasuke observed his older brother carefully. He looked incredibly calm and happy, contrasting the killing intent he took on while cooking. Itachi was the master of mood shifts when they had company, but he never usually smiled so brightly.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at Itachi, suspicious of the cause. The name of it, could it be...?

"Oh. O-ho. O-ho-ho! O-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!" Sasuke exclaimed, in the state of eureka. Kurenai and Asuma gave the Uchiha a weird look, wondering what the hell he was o-ho-ing about. Was he trying to give an impression of Santa, or something?


Itachi, however, quickly caught onto Sasuke discovery. He rose from the table. With that look in his eyes, Sasuke was smart enough to run. Itachi chased after him. Just as Sasuke reached the front door, he was tackled to the ground by Itachi.

"I can and will murder you right here if I have to," the older brother threatened. Sasuke smirked. Itachi had a feeling that he was going to play a certain card. Especially when they were in such a position with guests over... "Don't you dare, Sasuke."

Sasuke threw his head back. He started letting out wanton moans. "A-ah! Nii-san! St... Stop!" To make it authentic, he even started to grind his hips against Itachi's.

Itachi's face was set ablaze with a blush. "Sasuke, you idiot!" He squeezed Sasuke's shoulders with enough malice to kill. Of all times to do this, it had to be when Kurenai was over. Shameless manwhore. It's not like her visits were rare, either; she's Sasuke's sensei and Itachi's ex-piano tutor. Not to mention she was also their mother's student. This is exactly why they can't have visitors.

"Nngh! Nii-san, you're so rough! Mmnn..." Sasuke continued to add friction to their intimate parts. He knew that his brother couldn't get violent when he was turned on. Either that or he became as violent as a Tailed Beast. It'll hurt to try, but it's worth it, right? Sasuke loved seeing his Aniki blush, anyway. It was enough to turn him on, too. "I-Itachi-nii! I'm so hard, Itachi-nii! I need you!" An actual groan escaped Sasuke's lips.

Much to Itachi's embarrassment, he discovered that Sasuke's slutty cries were a little less than false. He could feel Sasuke's erection. Kami-sama, what the hell is wrong with his younger brother? Incest of all things were his fetishes. Homosexual incest at that, too. Not to mention exhibitionism.

Lost in the moment, Sasuke brought their lips together. He ravished Itachi's mouth like it was the last delicacy he'd ever be able to partake in. Itachi let out muffled cries of protest, but that only managed to make Sasuke's desire burn even stronger. He flipped their positions and ground their hips together even rougher.

Itachi squeezed his eyes shut. Damn it. Sasuke's flirting isn't just a bluff; he's a pretty damn good kisser too. When did my precious, sweet, pure Otouto become this filthy monster? He slapped Sasuke and pushed him off. Itachi opened the front door and literally kicked Sasuke out.

"Get out! I don't want to see you here ever again!"

The door slammed in front of Sasuke's face. Sasuke held the side of his face with his hand. Ouch. His Aniki's bitch slaps were always the hardest. Years of practice.

"Hey, Aniki... I still have the key to the house, you..." As he dug his hand into his right pocket, he realized that his house key wasn't there. He started to panic and checked his other pockets. "... Eh? Crap. Crap!" He started banging on the door. "Aniki! Let me in! I still haven't eaten breakfast yet!"

Ah, geez! Just because he has a crush on his sensei?


Itachi sighed. He knew he couldn't hide his interest in Kurenai forever, but he truly didn't think anybody would find out. The constant stress he's been put under lately because of missions has been scraping at his skills. His schedule is too packed and he can't find the strength to lie about his feelings anymore. But he can't confess them, either.

It's obvious that Asuma and Kurenai are already dating, no matter how hard the two try to cover it up. Their lies were easy to see through. Especially with the Byakugan. Sasuke's friends had a horrible habit of keeping tabs with their teachers' love lives. They even managed to catch a small affair Kakashi had with a spy. Hanare, was it?

Besides, she was practically an older sister to Itachi. She even said that he and Sasuke were like younger brothers to her. He's been family-zoned. A relationship between them is impossible, so it's a moot point to plan on confessing. She's family. My feelings don't matter.

As he entered the kitchen, he noticed that Asuma left. More leftovers. Oh God. Did they scare him away? Sasuke, you idiot. He just had to combine his incest and exhibitionism fetishes while they had visitors. Why. "Asuma left?" Itachi prompted. That's funny. He should've seen Asuma leave, considering he just kicked his brother out of the house. He must have used the back door.

Kurenai had her eyes noticeably narrowed and was chewing on her pointer finger. She was angry. Itachi winced inwardly when he saw blood leaking. Whenever he saw somebody chewing, sucking, or licking a digit, he was always reminded of a mission he had as a Chuunin that went horribly wrong. The thought of cannibalism sickened his guts to this day. He averted his eyes.

"He's full of bullshit, that bastard," Kurenai grumbled, her words slightly slurred. They got into a fight while Itachi was kicking Sasuke out. At the very least, there was a chance that they didn't notice Sasuke's whore-moans. Itachi decided that it was best not to press, letting her spill her rants as she pleased. With the vulgar words she's currently expressing, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that it wouldn't be long before she did.

And she did. She took her finger out of her teeth. "I'll trust you with a secret, Itachi. Asuma and I were originally friends with benefits. But then, word got out that we hooked up, and everyone automatically assumed that we were dating. Even he started with that dumb-shit assumption..." She stopped her explanation. She knew that Itachi was smart enough to deduct the rest of the story.

It's selfish of her to use Asuma for her own... purposes. Unfortunately, it sounded very in-character of her. She appears to be a subdued, gentle woman, and she can be, but she's also hot-blooded and egoistic. She's still a genjutsu-user. Genjutsu-users are notorious for putting up fronts and deceiving others. It'll will look like she'll return your love, it will sound like she'll return your love, it'll feel like she'll return your love, but there's still a good chance she won't.

Which is why he had a fear of confessing to her.

However, Kurenai wasn't completely at fault here. Asuma was the one who had the misconception that they were in an actual relationship. It wasn't completely clear what their status was. From Kurenai's nonchalant nature towards everybody's accusations, he had the right to believe that they were actually together. After spending a long period of time together and participating in activities that couples usually partake in, it's normal for Asuma to think that they had something.

So these kinds of things don't just happen in the movies. Itachi sympathized with Asuma. Kurenai is the woman that your friends warn you not to fall in love with, but you end up falling in love with her anyway. The lady in red. Heart-breaker, lust-maker, and a no-bullshit-taker. The danger she poses to your heart ends up drawing you in. Woe to her victims and death to their hearts. "I don't think you can blame Asuma-san for falling for you," Itachi told her.

Kurenai looked up at Itachi and smiled at him with her red lips. Sweet, red lips that told too many lies. "Oh, Itachi. You're such a sweet man," she complimented. Itachi focused his eyes elsewhere as he blushed. Every time she did this to him, he had to fervently remind himself that she's a genjutsu-user and genjutsu-users lie and disillusion you to let your guard down and stab you while you're vulnerable. For Kami-sama's sake, he should know this, but it's just too easy to forget.

"So? What do you think I should do?"

"I'm not going to tell you what you should do, Kurenai-san... I'm going to tell you what you will do if you don't fix this. You're going to rot in the seventy-two hells."

Kurenai sighed, nodding that she knows, she knows. It's horrible that she perfectly understands what she's doing, yet little to no remorse is shown on her face. She knows exactly what she's doing wrong and why she's wrong, but she persists with the same mistakes anyway. She's a hardcore, thick-skulled idiot.

But he could only love her sins even more.


Falling for the bad girls, eh, Itachi?

And then there's prostitute!Sasuke. I MEAN, RTN!Sasuke. Yup. Sure.