BtVS by Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Southern Vampire Mysteries by Charlaine Harris. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. Capitol Record's 2008 'Hot N Cold' Music Video created by Katy Perry, cameo by the 'scorned' woman she portrays.

Contains references to my story, 'Complicating the Journey'. Written for BlameyFomorrii's Challenge "When Anya met Bill" at Twisting the Hellmouth


Anya stood in the middle of a black, featureless void. In her hand was a Barnes and Nobles shopping receipt. Following her 'success' at bringing chaos to Middle Earth, she'd been given the task of arranging a series of crossover elements. Buying a set of books had seemed the most straightforward way to go about preparing for it.

Reviewing her list, she decided on a Southern Vampire Mystery, because scorned women were close to her heart and the Charlaine Harris novels were full of troubles. Knowing where she was headed, she made sure that her amulet was projecting a short-range anti-psychic field so she could observe stealthily, although she'd have to turn it off for actual conversation. Pulling two books from a dimensional pocket she stacked them on top of each other and stepped into the space between.

Anya appeared in the center of the Bon Temps bar that served as one of the focal points for the life of Sookie Stackhouse, the blonde mind-reading heroine that she could see way down a hallway, her back fortunately facing the new arrival.

Anya quickly stepped to the side. "Well, that would have blown my cover completely. I'm glad it's early enough that the place is empty. Now, how do I go about this?"

Her question was answered by a second Sookie appearing where Anya had been standing a few seconds before.

"Anya?" Sookie looked at her, than down the hallway. "Wait, is that me, way down there?" She took a few steps closer, than froze. "Wow, I can actually, almost, hear myself. What is going-"

Anya quickly grabbed her by the arm and pulled her out of the line of sight from the staff area as the original Sookie perked up as if she'd caught the scent of something and began to turn around.

"That," Anya said as she maneuvered her companion out of the bar. "Is because you were near the edge of my amulet's range. If you don't want to cause a temporal paradox, you're going to have to do what I say. First thing, could you please tell me what you wished for?"

After some careful consideration, Anya connected Sookie's wish to a book on her list and crossed it off.

##

As they stood in the center of Bill's living room, the vampire asleep for the day, Anya handed Sookie a bottle marked 'Drink Me'. "All you have to do to return to your normal flow of time is drink this."

It took some coaxing but the blonde waitress eventually downed the bottle.

"Well, that, and waving this fan," Anya said, tossing a white fan into a corner of the room. "I like his name, by the way. Reminds me of a certain pack pony I spent time cuddling recently. This reality seems to be enhancing my control over time, so I'm just going to push you ahead a few hours to give you enough time to make that wish."

Anya put her hands on Sookie's shoulders and pushed her forward a step.

##

"Seriously?" Sookie looked around, seeing that she was alone in the room. It was night and the walls were slowly shrinking. After a couple blinks, she realized that she was growing very, very quickly and sat down to give herself more room.

Some of the furniture splintered as it was pressed between her sudden bulk and the walls. She felt the faint buzz of a vampire close by, but thoughts on that were deflected by worry until her expansion slowed and finally stopped.

"Great," she said, in a slightly booming mutter. "I admit to wanting some vengeance on Bill, but I didn't expect it to be this uncomfortable. Note to self, when dealing with fairies, if you wind up being given something that looks like it's out of Alice in Wonderland, it probably is. Now, where did that fan go?"

After spending a little while grinding her head against the ceiling she spotted the fan in the corner. Leaning to grab it, she managed to get an oversized shoe stuck in the fireplace. Grimacing, she gave her foot a sharp jerk, freeing it and sending something flying back up the chimney, unseen.

Holding the tiny fan between two fingertips she began idly waving it as she talked to herself. "Wait, was that... Yep, the name of the Lizard the White Rabbit sent down the chimney after Alice was definitely Bill. She sent him flying, all 'There goes Bill.' Guess I sent mine flying too..."

Standing up, once she had enough room to do so, Sookie paced a bit until she judged she was about her normal height and decided to stop waving the fan until she could figure out how to measure herself exactly. To her horror, the fan seemed to be stuck to her hand.

With the rate of her shrinking increasing rapidly, Sookie was two feet tall before both she and the fan vanished with a 'pop'.


When the brunette 'vampire' finally took a seat at the bar, Ms. Sookie Stackhouse had a mug of warm True Blood waiting for her. Between the warm grin that Anya sent her and the request for coffee, among the general turmoil of Merlotte's at this time of day, Sookie never really had the chance to notice that the synthetic blood was slowly vanishing without anyone touching the glass.

When the night had slowed down and organized thought could be allowed, the static-minded brunette began to ease into a conversation with the psychic waitress. When the conversation turned to ex-boyfriends and the spell that had made relationship troubles into a musical number, Sookie became extremely suspicious that the brunette was a spy sent by Eric, Bill, or a foreign leader.

Sookie was, albeit rarely, able to grab limited information from the minds of some vampires. This, unlike her well-known human-reading talents, she kept close to her chest. Even so, the stray thoughts that she could pick up amidst the static from Anya only amounted to feelings of limitless darkness and the vague sense of home.

"If only Harris could feel the smallest bit of what I've gone through," Anya finally muttered. A small, bittersweet smile came to her face when she realized the coincidence of name between Xander and the author of the world she was in.

It was at this moment that a long-haired brunette in a wedding dress ran into Merlotte's, crying all the way to the counter.

"Yeah, emergency." Anya caught Sookie's eyes and nodded. "You prep the alcohol, I'll bring the sympathy."

Biting her lip, Anya approached the sniffling woman. She'd have to do this fast and hope for some decent time bending or they'd risk actual temporal paradox. "Nice wedding gown," she said with a sigh for the running mascara. "Speaking from experience... Careful of the tears, or you won't get your deposit back."

"He ran away from the altar. The moment just got to him... I wish it hadn't. We're not perfect people, but we work well together. He's sorry, but things... won't ever be..."

"What's his name?"

"Alexander."

"Okay." Anya winced and sucked her lips close to her teeth. "One reality-changing dream sequence, full production values... Ah. You really love him?"

"Yes."

"Hmm. I suppose we can do without the bunnies, just this once."


Sam Merlotte blinked. One second he'd been working in the bar he owned, the next he was in a church somewhere, in a suit, watching a wedding.

"Uh," he quietly asked, leaning to the woman next to him. "What's going on?"

"I'm not sure," said Anya. "What's your name?"

"Sam."

"Ah, the shapeshifter." Anya nodded. "I'm sure we can work you in somewhere."

##

Several sets of time shifts and an over-the-top music video, complete with Sam shifted into a zebra, later...


When the conversation turned to ex-boyfriends, Sookie spent some time concentrating. She was, albeit rarely, able to grab limited information from the minds of some vampires. This, unlike her well-known human-reading talents, she kept close to her chest. Even so, the stray thoughts that she could pick up amidst the static from Anya only amounted to a rather catchy song.

"If only Xander could feel the smallest bit of what I've gone through," Anya finally muttered, a rather odd expression making its way across her face. She was seriously beginning to wonder if all the name repetition was trying to tell her something.

Sookie nodded, thinking on the vampire who'd broken her heart. If Anya was a spy Sookie was going to make sure she got an earful. "I wish that Bill would know what it's liked to be kicked around."

"Granted," the 'vampire' said with finality as her face transformed into a horribly veiny mask of scorn before it vanished, taking the rest of Anya with it.

##

Bill Compton was halfway across the driveway from his house when he heard the living room being cleared of furniture. He immediately put on the vampiric speed, but it was too late, something immense was already blocking the entrance from the inside and he had no desire to tear his own doors off their hinges. He slinked around to the window on the side of the house and sensed, rather than saw, the pulse in the immense arm resting against the glass, blocking his view of anything else.

A short cell phone call later, with back-up certainly on the way, Bill vaulted to the roof of his house and began deactivating the traps he had placed along the chimney. Silently as a spider descending a silken thread he scaled the sides of the chimney, hoping to catch a better look at whatever was filling his house.

Apparently, he wasn't silent enough.

Something immense and dangerously fast met him from below, sending him shooting straight up into the moonlit night.

##

The astonished Sookie, now the target of many interested stares, decided to go out on a limb and believe that the brunette had been some sort of Dark Fae though her mind had felt like-

It was at this point that two new sets of memories caught up with her, one with her growing to gigantic proportions and thrashing Bill's manor, the other with her as a bridesmaid singing back-up vocals on a bicycle.

"Wait, did any of that actually happen?"

Her musing was interrupted by Bill crashing down through the ceiling, leaving a gaping hole and breaking several light fixtures and table settings along the way.

His eyes fluttered and he sat up, mumbling something, before spitting out pieces of debris.

Sookie threw up her arms and stormed out of the building. Staring up at the deep, starry sky, she took a few deep, cleansing breaths, before returning to the bar she cared about, which was in need of her help.

As she started to help pick up the pieces, she asked the recovering vampire what he'd said as he'd come to.

"Man," Bill said. "Am I glad I can actually cover the damages."

"Me too."