Title: Making History
By: Bleeding Destruction
Began: Date Unknown (EDITED: October 27, 2013)
Summary:'Looking back on his life, this wasn't quite how Dib imagined making history. … Turns out, making history wasn't that hard.' Dib's life story in a nutshell and how he made history at last.
Warnings: Zim and Dib make out. That's a warning, yes?
Author's Notes: (Date Unknown) I really liked writing this.
(Edit: October 27, 2013) This was originally on my old account, The Almighty Authoress. I've moved it over to this account because I am deleting all my old stories and editing them. Feel free to review if you enjoyed.
Age four, Dib tried to change history by proving the existence of ghosts. "Mom, can we go to the haunted house?" Dib begged. Little Dib wore a sheet with eyeholes as a ghost costume, but only because his mother would not allow him to paint himself with glowing green paint. His mother, a purple haired woman with golden eyes shook her head. "I don't want you getting scared." She carried Gaz, dressed a vampire piggy slayer to the car.
Dib never did go to that haunted house.
Age five, Dib tried to make history by discovering Bigfoot. "Bigfoot was in our garage, Dad!" Dib exclaimed. His trenchcoat was too long and drug on the floor. Professor Membrane chuckled. "My poor insane son."
"Why would Bigfoot be in our garage?" Gaz pointed out. She never looked up from her game.
"He was using the belt sander!"
Gaz hit him for distracting her. Their mother put him in time-out. "Don't upset your sister." Several more times this happened.
When Dib's mother died later that year, he laughed.
Age six, Dib was sent to the Crazy House for Boys. "I'm not crazy," he swore. "The voice is real!"
No one listened. If they did, they didn't believe him.
Age seven, Dib learned not to mention the voice. They let him out of the Crazy House. "Is the voice real?"
Dib didn't speak much that year.
Age eight, Dib tried to change history using 'REAL SCIENCE'. "Dad, this is stupid. There are no real world applications or benefits to 'SUPERTOAST!'."
"Do not insult the toast!" Professor Membrane threw him out of the lab. "My poor insane son." The invention of 'SUPERTOAST!' was such a hit that Membrane decided he'd only visit Gaz and Dib once a year. Gaz became ten times more sullen and violent.
Age nine, Dib tried to make history by proving the existence of Manbearpig.
All he accomplished was alienating the few believers there were.
Age ten, Dib tried to change history by saving the world. "I'll stop you, Zim!" The paranormal investigator shouted.
He was tripped by a student nearby. "No one likes you!"
Dib didn't listen.
Age eleven, Dib was sent back to the Crazy House for Boys. "He's evil! He's an alien!" Dib swore. One of the doctors laughed sarcastically. "Of course he is."
An explosion rang from above. Zim, without his disguise on, fell through the ceiling. "Come on, Dib!"
"An alien! He's an alien!" A nurse shrieked.
Everyone but Dib and Zim got a laser blast to the face. None of Dib's newfound believers survived.
Age twelve, Dib gave up on making history. Without anyone trying to stop him, Zim quit trying to live.
"Hey, Zim, what're ya doing?" Dib asked. Zim responded dully, "Nothing."
"You've been there for a week," Dib pointed out, sitting down on the couch next to the Irken. Zim shrugged, "So? No one cares. The Tallest gave up on me ages ago, and now you have too."
"Come on, Gir's going to make waffles." Dib offered. Zim shrugged once more. "Meh."
Dib felt guilty leaving the alien there like that. But he did anyways.
Age thirteen, Dib was bored without Zim around. "Zim, you are going back to skool." Dib stated. The idle Irken rolled his eyes. "Why? Nothing matters."
Dib slapped Zim across the face. "Don't talk like that." Zim hissed like a cat and chased Dib out of his base with razor sharp claws, swearing up and down that he'd never return to skool, but he was back at skool the next day.
Age fourteen, Dib wondered what love was.
No one could tell him.
Age fifteen, Dib kissed Zim.
The air was violent; slurping sounds filled the air. Zim bit at Dib's bottom lip, and the human opened his mouth to allow entry. Their tongues wrestled for dominance. Zim clawed at Dib's shirt; it shredded under his claws. The human stroked at his Irken's antennae.
Dib never felt more alive.
Age sixteen, Dib finally snapped.
"Zim, I want to take over the Earth." Dib stated. Zim blinked in shock. "What?"
"You heard me."
Age seventeen, Dib made history.
"Humans of Earth!" Zim cried triumphantly from a stage. The audience below him howled in hatred. "I am Zim, ruler of Earth. And this is Dib, the one person who tried to warn you of the danger." Dib grinned viciously from behind Zim. "He told you all over and over and over. But did you listen? No! You called him called and abused him." Zim scorned. "But! I will give Earth one last chance." The Irken turned to face Dib. He placed a laser in the human's hands. "Dib, you have the choice. You can shoot me and free your planet, or you can leave Earth in my claws."
Dib pointed the laser at Zim for a moment. Then he chucked the weapon in his hands behind him and proceeded to make out violently with the Irken in front of him. The audience was disgusted. They would've looked away if they could've.
Dib was finally the victor.
Looking back on his life, this wasn't quite how Dib imagine making history. But it was just as good, only with fewer autopsies, and more making out and sex.
Turns out, making history wasn't that hard.