The Secret Diary of Misaka-11111
On the advice of my assigned mental health professional, I have decided to keep a diary. I was ordered to do what the doctor told me to, and so I agreed to her suggestion. If I did not do so, she would find it objectionable and ask why I did not feel comfortable with 'expressing myself'. It is tedious to be forced to, again and again, explain that I am perfectly fine with it, especially when she then starts asking hard questions about when I do act in such a manner.
We are allegedly supposed to be learning to be 'our own people' and 'overcoming our origins'. The Network has not yet deduced what this means, but apparently it is important in the opinion of the various mental health professionals which we are now meeting with in the various places across the globe where we now live. We will decide whether we wish to be our own people when we have concluded what it means.
In the meantime, compliance is easier, and so I will comply.
Apparently I need a space where I can keep my own private thoughts, and where I can be honest with myself without society judging me. The Network finds this idea amusing. We keep our own private thoughts in our sisters' heads. I did not explain that to her. She is intellectually aware of the nature of the Network, but she does not comprehend it. Explaining it would be hard work, and also against orders, so she is permitted to believe that we are more akin to individuals able with a thought to talk on the phone with another member of the Network.
The doctor also says that it may help with my speech therapy. I told her bluntly that "'I do not understand what is meant to be objectionable about the way I speak,' Misaka says bluntly," and she sighed and said "That is precisely what I'm talking about".
I have given up on trying to persuade her and the speech therapist otherwise. Other Sisters communicate similar issues with their assigned speech therapists. Our manner of speech provides much needed information which is lacking from vocal dialogue, but present in Network communications as an intrinsic function of the transmission function.
If she had only said, "'That is precisely what I'm talking about,' Dr Kirima Nayasami says, with the dawning realisation that Misaka-11111 was right all along and this is a much more sensible way to talk," then much hassle would be avoided.
Why the majority of the human species does not simply append a few additional words to each sentence to denote who is speaking and their approximate emotional state, we do not understand. Humans grasp the virtues of this in written text, after all. It is most peculiar.
The Network has idly considered if Misaka Mikoto would assume this mode of speech if she connected to it and saw how much more efficient and less prone to misunderstandings it allows discussion to be. But she chooses not to, and her choice is to be respected.
Naturally, this diary will be kept in a purely analogue format, which is to say, I will write down my thoughts in pencil and on paper. Electronic systems are not secure, especially not here in Academy City. Even the 'air gap' beloved of external programmers is not a viable security method, when there exist power users who can access physically isolated systems through a variety of methods. Also, I cannot use an air gap because I am required to use my laptop for schoolwork, and internet access is required for that.
As a result, this diary will be totally secure. Only I shall be able to read it. And the approximately ten thousand clones from the same geneline as myself who can casually access my audiovisual input, of course. And anyone who gains access to the Network via a variety of means, beginning with the standard override protocols usable through the administrator access interface, and progressing to more esoteric means. And anyone who breaks into my room and reads my diary. This is a greatly improved level of security from the norm in Academy City, and I will hereby attempt to institute it as standard policy among us.
It can, however, still be improved. This may bear some investigation. I think I shall begin by buying a padlock for it. This requires any intruder to have a way of bypassing the padlock. It does not resolve the issue with the Network or intruders who can bypass commercially available padlocks, however. It may require more extreme methods to render it secure.
The pencil I am using to write this diary is a secure logging tool. It is a write-only device, incapable of being used to read the paper. It is possible that a Level 5 Electromaster could read what I am writing by tracking the ablation of the conductive graphite, but I reassure myself that given the small traces of the substance on the paper, for such an individual to do it would require them to be close enough that they could probably just read the paper with their eyes.
Perhaps I should write in pen. Just in case.
At this point, Misaka-10901 makes the point that it is insecure to discuss my proposed security measures in an insecure medium, and thus discussion of how I should increase the protection level of my diary should wait until the protection is implemented. It is a good point, well made, and I shall listen to it.
I also tried closing my eyes when writing the above bit, so she cannot see my secret diary, but that makes the handwriting hard to read and my writing wobble all over the page. And then she pointed out that I was still broadcasting my thoughts. She is right once again.
Incidentally, 10901 is on a beach in Hawaii. It is sunny there. She is drinking a drink which involves coconut and pineapple. Sharing her sense of taste, I observe that it is a nice drink. I have not been informed as to how our new places of residence were allocated, although the general consensus of the Network is that it was likely a random allocation. That is fair. Despite that, I cannot help but feel a peculiar sense of unfairness about the current state of affairs. It seems to be related to the fact that it is raining outside the small window to my dormitory. How peculiar.
I wonder which randomisation algorithm was used and whether it would be possible to be reallocated if the process was insufficiently randomised. And with a properly randomised allocation process, surely I would be reallocated to a place where it is not raining.
I also wonder if there is any coconut and pineapple in the fridge in the apartment. I have not purchased any with my allocated allowance, but that does not mean that there might not still be some there. I rise and realise that it is hard to maintain a constant flow of thoughts into an analogue diary when moving about.
This will require further thought to resolve. Thought which could be spent looking for coconut and pineapple.
I will return.