A/N: Just a little information before reading; this chapter was written before 4x16 aired. I never published it because it was a WIP and I hadn't quite figured out how I wanted the story plot to go yet or how I would structure my chapters. (I probably still don't know all too well.) So yes I remember watching 4x16 and seeing a lot of similarities between my non-humanity Elena and the non-humanity Elena from the show. So those are pure coincidences. Anyway I'll leave a longer A/N at the end of the chapter. Enjoy!
5 years after the fire
One leg after the other, she pushed herself harder, she needed to leave it behind. There was no time to go back. Besides, there was nothing of value left to pack. She had no valuables; she made sure of that a long time ago. Burning anything and everything, that had once held some meaning; her childhood, her teenage years, even her own brother. She had lost him, the one person who had managed to keep her sane throughout her entire vampire transition, and she had burned him. And as his remains burned so had her memories of her family; Jenna, Alaric, John, her parents, they were all gone, as if they had never existed in the first place. Now nobody, no action could ever hurt her again, as there was nothing left to hurt her with.
Heels dug into the ground and hastily she ran, dodging trees left and right, jumping over boulders, cliffs, and running rivers. Tree branches swishing and swaying as she accelerated faster into the shadows of the woods. She ran as if her true death would find her. A sense of terror shook throughout her as her heart pumped rapidly. Fists had turned a sickly shade of ghost white. Thick and red blood now clumped and dried, splattered her entire body and had seeped into her ripped clothes.
Fear encased her; she let out a battered breath, the unknown her demise. Her body ragged from the inside out. The innocence that once was her had vanished from sight. She was but a shadow of someone else. Naivety had long since disappeared from within her eyes, as had the life that she had some time ago been so keen on living. Insolence, corruption, and isolation, became of her.
Darkness continuously submerged her, drowning all chances of light, over and over again, till she could barely fight for air. She had gone numb, sinking instead to the darkest pits without a shimmer of hope. Existence bordered with bitterness. Consumption bound by blood. Lust encircled by callousness. Denial was her biggest weakness. Anger her strongest weapon. Persuasion; a skill honed and perfected. Avoidance became second nature. Lies buried her and guilt ensnared her.
She had left it all behind. One night she had just had enough and ran, quite like she was now. She took a thrill in it nowadays; the rustling of leaves, the snaps of branches, the call of her name. 'Elena, Elena!' they would yell and yell, until their voices would become hoarse and dried but she, by some wonder, she always managed to escape them. She, the youngest and the slowest by miracle was able to evade even the fastest. The fates must have understood her notion for seclusion.
The first few months after she had first left, she couldn't stay more than a day or two before they would catch up and find her. She however grew wiser, studied new defences, and slowly and surely, the voices became just one voice… a very persistent voice. The same voice that was calling her name right this instant.
She had been found. It had been years, two to be precise, since he had been able to get even a trace of her. She had the upper hand though; she knew these woods better than anyone, like the back of her hand.
She dodged another tree, coming up to a bend. She raced through. She had to get over to the river stream on the other side of the woods. If she could get there he would lose her trace and have to continue on blindly without her scent, making it harder for him to track her. Then she could continue on running through the tree tops.
She neared a cliff gap and as she prepared to jump a pair of arms encircled her waist bringing her down and together they stumbled over the edge, falling into a partially dried up river. Great! She was now covered head-to-toe in mushy remains.
His hold tightened around her, crushing her to him. She could not unlock his arms around her. There was no hope of escape now. She fidgeted and struggled, kicking her legs in hope that she would hit something. It was no use. He was stronger than her.
How did he find her? She had been so careful. She went by different names, she paid everything in cash. She didn't want to see him. Not now. Not after everything, after all this running. She wasn't ready for him. Why did he have to keep searching for her? Couldn't he see that she didn't want to be found? She didn't want him. Not like this.
"Let me go! Get your hands off me. Let go of me!" She yelled as she continued thrashing, hoping she could break out of his hold.
"Not a chance. I finally found you" he whispered into her ear and if it hadn't been for this particular voice; this would have come off completely sinister and ominous. But as it was the voice was filled with relief and hope.
She shivered as his lips slightly touched the tip of her left ear lobe, the words making its way to her. He allowed her to turn around, so that they are now facing each other. She raised her head slowly to him and glanced into his eyes. Were they always this clear? His face hadn't aged a day. His hair ruffled and a mess from chasing her and now doused in thick mud.
"Why do you keep doing this?" she yelled exasperatedly, anger flaring through but she was quick to contain it. "Don't you get it? I don't want to be found. I don't want you nor do I need you. Not anymore."
"Not everything is about you Elena!" he shouts, infuriated by her words. "You may not need us. But Caroline, Bonnie, Matt, even my brother, they do need you. I know you've lost a lot for someone so young, but you've had your fun, it's time to stop running and face them." His voice softening, as he cupped her cheek gently, though she was quick to shrug off the motion she didn't shy away from his gaze. He watched for any sign of humanity in her eyes, he saw none.
"They don't need me. They've managed to survive without me for this long they can continue doing so without my help. I was done with all of this from the moment I stepped out of Mystic Falls. Don't you get it? I—don't—fucking—care. Not anymore" she says slowly making sure to emphasis every word.
"There are people who still care about you and love you. You don't have to be alone" His voice wavering as he tries to grasp on to her emotionally.
"Love" she spits out sarcastically, before letting out a maniac laugh. "They never loved me. Look how supportive they were of us, my 'feelings' for you. They were so quick to blame it on the sirebond they didn't—couldn't even see how happy I truly was back then."
"What about me then? Why didn't you stay for me? Why run from us?"
"I loved you, I never denied that what I felt for you wasn't true, but even you didn't believe me." She responded impassively, nothing fazed her. Not even the L-word.
"Elena…I—" he says softly, stunned by her words
"I don't care." She cuts him off, her eyes void of any emotion not even a hint of anger, only coldness.
"Why are you running, if you don't care? Enlighten me. If you don't care why run?"
"Because it's fun?" she shrugs her shoulders a slight smirk making its way on to her face. She was taunting him.
"Because it's fun? Because it's fun! Do you even hear yourself right now? Do you?" he furiously shakes her, hoping to knock some sense into her.
"Let go of me! I won't tell you again." She lashes out venomously.
"Elena, let it back in, you need to, before it's too late. Listen to me. Turn it back on. Stop pretending."
"I don't want to." She says, her face finally softening, the hardness slowly slipping away.
"Why not?" He pleaded.
"I can't. It hurts too much, I don't want this hurt." She cries out. "If love and friendship is what I give up, it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."
"You're not only giving up on them—you're giving up on yourself. Elena you're so close, don't give up, you're strong, and you can fight through the pain. Turn it back on" he begged.
She could not deny herself anymore. She could not continue on like this. Her legs had grown weary and tired of this running and the façade accompanied with it. Every day she felt it and every night she had hoped it would lesson. But nothing was ever easy when it came to her.
"No! Just leave me alone!" She yelled, kicking him in the shin. She twisted his hands off of her, she then did something she knew one day she might regret but at this moment she just couldn't muster up even an inch of remorse; she snapped his neck and she ran, she didn't stop, she didn't look back, she just ran as fast as possible trying to put this confrontation behind her.
Yet she was still left with a dominant string of words ringing through her head. A written thought, one she could not shake. It resounded loudly. Louder than the beatings of her heart as it thumped against her chest, and even louder than any scream of help she had ever heard. The faster she ran, the more it goaded her. It was deafening, she could not hide from it, at least not anymore.
I'm sorry Damon.
I'm sorry Damon.
She grasped at her head, clawing at her temples for it to stop. She let out an ear-splitting scream, the sound rebounding throughout the abundant woodlands and could be heard for miles upon miles before her legs finally gave out. There she fell to the floor, in a heap of anguish; a young woman on any other occasion, so vivid and full of light, yet today, succumbing to her darkest of demons.
A/N Okay so I've finally decided to post this after months of fixing this up and yet not progress on the other chapters. Hopefully this will bring the motivation to finish the rest of the chapters. I have some good ideas for later chapters and I hope I can implement them well.
Anyway I hope you've liked this style of writing. It will mostly be about Elena's journey through grief with Delena being the main ship. And like I mentioned this was written right after 4x15 but I never published it cause of reasons. And I really love this idea so I want to do this well. Give me lots of feed back as well of ideas. Everything will help...like how you've coped with lost ones. Share me your stories. I've never really lost anyone, and I can only rely on fictional responses which I guess are based on real situations.
Thanks for reading :D
And one last thanks to Sara for being a beautiful beta!