A/N: Welp, since it has a category on here now, time to move all the works from the tumblr!

(Note: I will still post fics on tumblr)

- wanderintothegreatblueyonder

Wander felt like he was about to go insane at any moment. The shackles on his wrists, the occasional shove or grab from a Watchdog, just absolutely everything was making him feel like he was going to lose it. He was too warm, much too warm, so warm he could barely think straight, and everything hurt.

All he wanted to do was find Sylvia, get out of here, and get to Phillie. Phillie had the antidote, that much-needed concoction that could at least make it bearable until the week ended.

But no. Instead, they got captured by Hater's troops when they were almost halfway to their destination. Sylvia got knocked out, they both got put in chains, his best friend got dragged off to a prison cell somewhere in Lord Hater's ship, and now?

Now they were taking him to see Hater himself.

The giant doors opened to reveal the skeleton conqueror sitting on his throne, grinning wickedly.

"Get in there, you!" A Watchdog growled as he pushed Wander through the doors. The Star Nomad bit down on his lip, trying his best to stifle the moans bubbling up inside of him.

Peepers marched inside the doors, stopping next to Wander and saluting. "Sir! We have brought you the prisoner, just as you ordered!"

The evil smirk widened as Hater rose from his throne, strolling over to the front of the room. "So, Wander, it seems that at last I have captured you. At last, you are my prisoner, and there is nothing you can..."

Wander held back a groan as the overlord monologued, clenching and unclenching his toes in an attempt to distract himself from the burning sensation in his gut. Judging by the shiver that went up his spine, that wasn't such a good idea.

"H... Hater..." He tried, his voice barely a whisper.

The conqueror didn't seem to hear him, as he kept ranting, his gestures becoming increasingly grandiose.

"Hater..." He tried a second time, his voice louder, but shaky all the same.

The rant continued, and Wander couldn't take it anymore.

"HATER!" He cried out desperately.

The overlord halted mid-word, so startled by the sudden outburst that he nearly tripped over his robe. Hater turned to the orange alien, glaring furiously.

"Don't you ever interrupt me! I'm trying to gloat here!"

"I know, I know, and really, any other day I'd listen, but today is..." He flushed a bit, wishing his hands were free so he could at least pull the brim of his hat over his face. "This is just a really bad time for this, okay? So, if you would just tell these fellers to get these shackles offa me, I'll go get Sylvia and we'll be out of your-!"

"ARE YOU STUPID OR SOMETHING?!" Hater boomed, grabbing the smaller alien by the fur on his chest, pulling him close to his face.

"H... Ha..." Wander swallowed hard, willing himself not to stare at the other's mouth. "P-Please let go of me."

"No! Let me make it very clear, you little orange hick! I've captured you, so now you are my prisoner! You don't get to leave! Ever!"

"H-Hater, please, I c-can't stay here! I need to-!" He tried, feeling tears pricking at his eyes.

All he had to do was lean a little bit, and- No! Don't think like that, you can't do that!

"I DON'T CARE! You're going straight to the dungeon, and you're going to rot in a cell for the rest of your mmph?!"

It was too much. Wander managed to lean over, kissing Hater right on the mouth.

The overlord reacted nearly immediately, throwing the Star Nomad to the ground and wiping his mouth in disgust and shock.

"WHAT IN GLORN'S NAME WAS THAT?!" Hater half-demanded, half-cried out, his face heating up in what he swore to himself was anger.

Wander started to shake with panic and fear. "I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry! I'm just- I'm tired and frustrated and scared and my best friend got knocked out and thrown in jail and I feel like I'm gonna be sick or catch on fire and-" He let out a strangled sob, tears rolling down his red-stained cheeks. "I just wanna go to Phillie's so it'll stop!"

The Star Nomad pulled his still chained hands up to his face, bawling like a child who fell off the swing. Hater stared at him awkwardly for a moment before turning away.

"Leave us. I wish to speak to the prisoner alone."

Peepers blinked in shock. "Wh- B-B-But sir, he-!"

"Leave. Us."

His monocular commander hesitated, then glared at the sobbing alien as he led the army out. The doors slammed shut behind them, leaving Wander and Hater all alone.

With the exception of Wander's sobs, the throne room was entirely silent for a moment, but before long the Star Nomad heard the sharp squeak of sneakers on a tiled floor.

"What, exactly, is Philiestros going to stop?"

Wander jerked his head up, eyes wide as he stared at the overlord. "W... What?"

Hater's face was twisted into a glare, but Wander could've sworn that it was faintly glowing a vibrant shade of green. He got down on one knee, swallowing hard. "You said that you needed to get to Philiestros so that 'it' will stop? What is 'it'?"

Wander's blush deepened, and he stared at the ground, flustered beyond belief. "U-Uh, um, well, I..." He sighed. "Wh-When a Star Nomad reaches a c-certain age, they, um... they start a cycle, and every few years, they, um..." His face burned with humiliation. "Theygointoheat."

The conqueror blinked. "Wh... What?"

The Star Nomad desperately wished that his hands were free so he could hide his face. "T-They go into... into h-heat... Which is, heh, what's happenin' to me..." He smiled weakly, inwardly screaming from embarrassment.

Meanwhile, Hater's mind was racing. There was more than one of... whatever Wander was?! He'd always just assumed that Wander popped into existence one day, exactly as he was now!

Well. Not now specifically.

Really, though, he might've realized that Wander had a home planet, a species, a family. Hater himself had a family, though truthfully they weren't exactly the same species; they were one species, and he was a reanimated corpse of a member of their species.

To this day, he wasn't quite sure why his mother and father had thought it a good idea to combine dark magic and science. He assumed they had been bored.

But he put aside that thought, as well as the thought of Oh gob almighty, there's more Wanders out there somewhere, for a later time, instead focusing on his amazement at Wander's current state. He'd never seen the smaller man so... so... unraveled. That cheerful, happy-go-lucky demeanor was nowhere in sight; Wander looked restless, yet exhausted, so pent up and frustrated and resigned and...

And so exactly like Hater had always wanted to see him look.

So why didn't feel even the tiniest bit glad about it?

"U-Um... H... Hater?"

Hater blinked as Wander brought him back to the present. "What?"

Wander flushed again, turning away. "I... I don't suppose you could... could get these," he shook the shackles for emphasis, "Offa me so I can get goin', could ya?"

Hater stared at him for a moment, then swallowed yet another lump in his throat, blushing brightly as he narrowed his eyes. "Y... Y'know, you, um, you don't... you don't necessarily have to leave."

Wander blinked. "Wha?"

If Hater had had a heart, it would have been thudding against his ribcage. "I... I could, um... help you."

The traveler stared blankly at him for a moment before his eyes went wide. "W... Y... You... You mean... Hater?!"

The overlord turned away with a scoff. "You don't need to sound so shocked!"

"W-Well, actually, I kinda... Hater, you were yellin' about throwin' me in your dungeon not ten minutes ago!"

Hater crossed his arms petulantly, blushing a bright shade of green. "I... I, well, um, I just... look, it's no fun seeing you down if I'm not the one that put you there! So... if, if you don't want my help, then, um... well, I suppose I can have someone just take you and your Zbornak friend to Philiestros, but, um... I mean, it would probably be more evil to keep you here, but, well, I, um..." He babbled uselessly, wishing more than ever that he could just disappear. "I'm not going to, because- because it's so old-fashioned! Yes, that's it! I'm an original, so, um, I won't do that-!"

Wander scooted closer to him, holding his hands out in front of him. Hater looked at them for a moment before sighing, trying not to look as unreasonably disappointed as he felt. He grabbed the steel chain, crushing it easily and pulling the cuffs off of Wander's tiny hands.

"I'll call Peepers and get you a..." He trailed off, only able to stare with wide eyes as the smaller alien leaned over, gently pressing their mouths together.

Hater jerked his head back. "Wh-What are you doing?"

"Kissin' you." Wander replied, pulling him back to kiss him again.

The overlord pushed him away. "I-I know, but... why?"

The nomad blinked, then reddened with shame. "Oh. W-Were, were you not, um, serious about that offer?"

Hater's eyes widened. "You... um, well, yes. I-I mean, yes, I was serious about the offer, not, um... the second thing, I..." He swallowed. "You... you're really ok with... with doing, um, that, with... with me?"

"I... I don't know if you've noticed, but..." He shifted his hips a bit. "I'm pretty hot to trot, if you get my meanin'. I just..." He took a deep breath. "I just really need to get off, and really, Hater, you're not exactly hideous or nothing."

Hater's cheeks were practically glowing green at this point. "What."

Wander tilted his head curiously. "What d'you mean, 'what'? C'mon, Hatey, you gotta know that you're a handsome guy!"

"... Wander, I'm a reanimated skeleton."

"A very handsome reanimated skeleton." Wander insisted, kissing him again. Hater rolled his eyes, then pressed back, pulling the smaller alien closer to him. Wander moaned into the other's mouth, wrapping his tiny arms around Hater's neck. After a moment's hesitation, Hater swiped his tongue into Wander's mouth experimentally, a move that Wander didn't hesitate to copy.

"L... Lie down, please..." Wander managed to demand between kisses. Hater obliged him, leaning back on his elbows. Wander took another deep breath, swallowing as he took off his socks and shoes, tossing them to the side and pulling up Hater's cloak to reveal his boxers, as well as the rather large tent in them, a faded green light glowing where the fabric was at its most strained.

"O-Oh, um...!" Wander bit down on his lip as a lusty grin spread over his face. "Wow, Hater, you're... you're something, aren't cha!"

Honestly, Hater was surprised he wasn't covered in green fire by this point. "I-I, um..." He looked away. "Thanks, I guess."

Wander grinned up at him, then turned his attention back to Hater's boxers, pulling them down and freeing the overlord's dick.

"Ooh, it glows! Neat!"

He looked up at Hater, grinning again, then frowning when he saw the rather uncomfortable look on his face.


The conqueror jumped a bit, turning his head rapidly towards the smaller alien. "U-Uh..."

"What's wrong? Do you... Do you wanna stop?"

"N-No!" He cried, sitting up so fast that he startled Wander. "I m-mean, um, no, I just, um, I..."

Wander's eyes widened. "H-Hater... Hater, have you ever actually had sex before?"

The overlord blushed furiously. "I... I, um, shouldn't... Shouldn't we be getting back to business?"

Wander's eyebrow arched in suspicion, and he folded his arms, ignoring the ache of his neglected cock. "Hater..."

The overlord looked away, ashamed. "... I'm a reanimated skeleton, Wander. Not... Not a lot of people want to have sex with someone like me." You're the first to consider it.

The nomad smiled softly, kissing the conqueror's jaw. "Well, I think that they're missin' out."

Hater scoffed. "Yeah, right."

Wander frowned, then grinned mischievously. "Maybe this'll convince ya!" He commented, lowering his head and swiping his tongue over the head of Hater's dick. The bigger alien gasped and moaned, his back arching in pleasure. Wander grinned before wrapping his lips around the head, swirling his tongue around as he bobbed his head up and down as best he could, making Hater squirm. Just as he was starting to lick a trail down the shaft, though, his partner grabbed his sides, pulling him off of his dick and into his lap.


"Is... Isn't this supposed to be about you?" Hater mumbled, slowly tracing his hand down Wander's stomach, gently taking Wander's cock into his hand.

Wander couldn't stop the moan that escaped his lips, jerking his hip forward slightly. "H-Hater..." He gasped, eyes closing involuntarily in bliss. The overlord moved his free hand to the smaller alien's back, rubbing circles into the fur there. Wander whimpered as his partner moved his hands up and down, a noise that went straight to Hater's dick, sending pulses of pleasure through him.

"S... Stop! Stop!" The nomad cried out suddenly, pushing on Hater's chest. The conqueror removed his hands, shocked at the sudden reversal.

"What? What is it?"

Wander looked away, flustered. "J-Just... just, can you close your eyes for a minute, please?"

Hater gave him a bemused look. "Why?"

Wander bit his lip, refusing to look his partner in the eyes. "I-It's, um... it's kinda embarrassing, and I'd really rather you didn't look..."

Hater didn't quite understand, but he sighed, closing his eyes. He heard the nomad sigh quietly, followed shortly by the sound of fabric rustling around. He heard the sound of a bottle opening, then a sort of sound like ketchup being squeezed out of a bottle.

It wasn't until he heard Wander moaning softly that he opened his eyes just a sliver.

"A-Ah! No peekin', Hatey!" Wander scolded, covering the other alien's eyes with his free hand quickly. The overlord grumbled in annoyance, but shut his eyes again.

Wander sighed again, then resumed whatever he had been doing before. After what felt like a restless eternity, Hater felt something being rolled over his cock, followed by something slippery on top of that, and then...

"Oh, Hater!" Wander cried as he lowered himself down onto Hater's dick.

Hater suddenly had a very good idea of what Wander didn't want him to see. He opened his eyes quickly, flushing at the sight before him. Wander was panting, his eyes squeezed shut as he moved down on Hater's cock. The overlord swallowed hard for what had to be the hundredth time, moving a gloved hand to caress Wander's cheek. The smaller alien opened his eyes, flushing even more.

"I-I told you not to look!" He whined, covering his face.

"Too late for that..." Hater marveled, moving his hands to Wander's hips. Tentatively, he thrust upward into his partner, just gently.

"Oh!" Wander gasped, trembling and grabbing onto the overlord's shoulders. "Oh, frick, Hatey!"

The almost-curse made Hater groan, thrusting up again and again until he settled into a rhythm. "A-Ah, glorn, Wander..."

The tinier alien whimpered, leaning forward and resting his head on Hater's chest. He gripped at the fabric of the conqueror's robes, crying out as Hater's movements became quicker and quicker in pace.

"Oh! Oh, Hater, I-I think, I mean, I-I... I'm gonna-!"

"F-Fuck, me too..." Hater mumbled, not slowing down even a tiny bit. He moved one of his hands down to the nomad's cock, rubbing it gently. "C... Come for me?"

Wander sobbed, shaking from how overstimulated he felt. With Hater's hands on his dick and on his back, and Hater's cock inside of him, making heat coil up inside of him... It was all too much. With one last cry of Hater's name, the nomad came, staining the front of Hater's robes. The conqueror followed suit seconds later, bellowing unintelligibly as his cum filled the condom.

For a moment, the throne room was silent save for the pair's exhausted pants. Hater quietly lifted the Star Nomad off of his lap, placing him gently on the floor.

"Th... Thank you..." Wander managed to say.

"... N-No problem..." Hater muttered, pulling off the soiled rubber and tossing it to the side, pulling his boxers back up. Wander frowned when he saw the large stain on the front of Hater's robes, his face flooding red with shame.

"Oh, um, sorry, Hater."

The overlord frowned. "Why?"

Wander pointed at the stain, his face still bright red. Hater looked down and grimaced, bunching up the soiled cloth. "Oh, that." He sighed. "It's... it's fine. I've got, like, twenty of this thing, so... yeah..."

The nomad grinned nervously, then stood, his legs still a bit shaky from release. "W-Well, I... I, uh, better get out of your hair..."

"Oh, um, r-right. I s-suppose that your Zbornak will be worried." He frowned, leaning over and grabbing Wander's wrist. "Hey, it'd be a lot better if you snuck out the back, then I can say that you escaped-"

Hater paused when he heard Wander moan. "What was that?"

"N-Nothing! Nothing at all!" He replied hurriedly, not looking at Hater.


The nomad swallowed hard. "U-Um... Heat lasts for a, uh, a week, r-regardless of whether or... whether or not they have s-sex." He paused again. "S-Sex makes it, um, a bit easier to deal with, though..."

Hater didn't say anything for a moment. "Well, then," Hater started, his voice a low growl. Wander yelped as he was pulled back into the overlord's lap. "I think that you can spare another hour, don't you?"

Wander stared at him for a minute, then flushed and grinned as he leaned in to kiss the conqueror again.

'Another hour' rather quickly became two, which became an evening, which became a second day, and on and on until finally nearly a week had passed.

"Lord Hater, sir! We could really use your help here!" Peepers tried desperately, banging on the door of his boss's room.

"For Glorn's sake, how many times do I have to say that I'm BUSY?!"

Peepers groaned, turning away and walking over to the entrance of the ship.

"Look, lady, we've already given you the Zbornak, and she was the only one in the dungeon!"

Phillie growled in irritation, grabbing the tiny commander by the front of his uniform. "Then where the fuck is Wander?!"

"I'm telling you, I don't know! The last time any of us saw him was when Lord Hater ordered us to leave the two of them alone in the throne room, and he's refused to leave his room all week!"

The anger suddenly drained away from the overlord's face. "Wait... all week?"

"Y... Yes?"

"And you haven't seen Wander in that time?" She repeated, a hint of amusement creeping into her voice.

Peepers was starting to get confused. "That's what I've been saying, yeah. What about it?"

Phillie grinned, dropping the commander and running inside the ship.

"H-HEY! You can't go in there!" Peepers yelled, jumping up and chasing after her.

The overlord didn't seem to hear him, as she kept on running through the ship, grinning more and more until she reached the door to Hater's room.

"Hey!" She called, banging on the door. "Wander, you in there!"

"M-Ma'am! What in the name of- OF COURSE WANDER ISN'T IN-!"



Peepers blinked. "Oh, hell no. Noooo. Nononono."

"Oh, yes, my dear eyeball man!" Phillie declared triumphantly. "Awesome totally owes me a hundred credits!"

Peepers sighed, slapping a hand to his face as the overlord started a victory dance.

"I don't get paid enough for this shit."