As we stepped out of the Mystery Van, we were singing about hating someone enough to piss on their grave. I honestly don't know how I got to know it because apparently it came out years after I stopped liking popular songs, but we were having such a good time that I didn't have the heart to dampen the mood.

Xandir gave me a nudge on the blubber cushioning my ribs. "You can shut the fuck up now," he whispered urgently. He was crying silently, and I felt a sharp tug at my heart. The others hadn't listened, but the song was almost over now. I put my arm around his shoulders, keeping him warm, and we walked through the gates together. This was the one time he actually needed me.

I took out my mother's black silk hankie, the only memory I had left of her, and wiped away his tears with it, careful not to ruin his already smudged eyeliner. He smiled weakly, and I returned it with a reassuring one. I guess I did still have my 20s charm. And I guess it did still work.

Our housemates fell silent and we looked around, searching for Craig's name. Foxxy took out her magnifying glass and started walking around bent double, her ass in the air. Slowly, we split up and made our way along the rows and rows of dead people.

Xandir didn't move at all for a minute. But then, as if drawn by a magnet, he made his robotic way across the fifth row. He stopped roughly in the middle and knelt down. I followed, and peered at the fresh words carved into the stone:

CRAIG
Son, Brother, Warrior, Father
1982-2013
Quested for love outside the motherland
Found it, died on returning home
God bless his soul

I imagined the quest was Xandir. He must have felt so special at that moment, finding out he was the object of his lover's epitaph. Nobody has ever loved me enough to write me into their final goodbye.

Our housemates gathered round as he cried. His tears made tiny splashes on the grass blades, streaked with oily black pencil powder. We stood by him with all our hands clasped, and paid a silent tribute to Craig. After several moments, I knelt down next to him and put my bingo wing around his shoulders. The others stayed where they were.

Xandir sobbed into my shoulder for a while, leaving snot trails when he finally stopped. I gave him my mother's hankie again and he wiped his eyes. He stood up, all the sadness drained out of him, the residue of a bitter realisation left behind. He folded his arms and sniffed.

"Let's go," he said.


Was that a bit depressing? Sorry if it was, Drawn Together's not really like that. Tried to make it a little more poetic than usual because Toot seems more eloquent than the other housemates. The song was Platypus by Green Day by the way. Just thought I'd say. Anyways, does anyone have a suggestion for the cover image? I don't want my crappy avatar to stay up there. Reviews, comments, etc are welcome.

Thanks to raitonogami, lil'peahqueen and Glasses for the follow/favourites/review! And oh my holiest of holy shits, there was no cussing in this chapter!