Chapter One - Reflection
The story was inspired by the song For The First Time, hence the name. If you want an emotional feel for what the story is going to be like, go listen to it. LFS was great, but this is better from every stand point. I hope you enjoy it and remember to review.
Full Summary: After an eight year relationship, Richard(Nightwing) breaks up with Starfire, saying only that he is no longer in love with her. Unable to take the pain of being on the same planet as him, Starfire flees to Tameran. Five years later she returns to Earth, first running into Cyborg, who now works at the Watch Tower. He directs her to Raven and Gar, who are now married and still live in Jump City. Both are ecstatic to see her and take her into their her home until she can find her own place. When Starfire asks about Richard, Raven only says that they don't see much of him these days. Three weeks pass and the Titans hold their annual reunion party. Everyone is surprised to see Starfire, but when Richard(now Batman) shows up, a chain of events unfold that may lead them back to each other.
I'll be updating once every two days. I'm taking this story seriously, so I need more time to plan everything out.
Disclaimer: Teen Titans is property of Warner Brothers and DC. I own nothing, but my story.
I remember the day just like it was yesterday. The day that Richard did the breaking up with me, saying only that he no longer was in love with me, ripping my heart from my chest in the process. It replays through my mind like the movies of Earth and though it was over five years ago, there has not come day where I have not thought of it. It damages me emotionally to remember him, but I cannot forget him. He is my chosen, and though I never told him, Tameranian love is eternal, meaning I shall never be able to fall out of love him... apparently his love was not the same, no matter how convinced I was that he would always love me.
At first, he was nothing more than my ally, assisting me in combating my Gordanian captors, but it did not take long for him to become my best friend. While the tower, my home for four years, was being constructed, I lived with him at his apartment, following him everywhere he went, asking him all sorts of questions and he was most patient with me and explained everything the best he could. Though I only knew him as Robin then, I had the feelings for him. I would get the flies of butter in my tummy every time I was near him, or when he smiled at me from across the room, or when I thought about him... any sort of interaction involving him really.
Though I did not fully understand at the time, Vic and Gar used to do the teasing of him about me being his girlfriend. When he said I was not, I would become very upset with him. In my understanding of the term, I was his girlfriend... or I thought I was. When the boys would do the hitting on me, I made sure to inform them that I had the boyfriend even if said boyfriend was not aware of it. It was not until we traveled to Tokyo to find a man by the name of Brushogan, that we really became the couple.
In the ways of Earth, I am naive at times, but love is universal. I do not know when I fell in love with him, only that it was long before Tokyo. He was what I dreamed of at night. I was hopelessly lost in a love filled daze whenever I was around him, and often showed jealousy when another female, that was not Raven, spoke to him. After all, I was under the impression that he was my boyfriend. Kitten... I do not like her to this day. I could not believe she had the nerve to ask my Robin on the date. I was not the camper that was happy... No, that is wrong. I was not the happy camper. Yes, that is it.
I did not meet Babs until after we were really together. At first I did not like her, being aware of their past, but we quickly became friends... That is not to say I was very enthusiastic about when her and Richard did the hanging out. It did not take long for my jealousy to fade slightly. I came to realize that I was the owner of Richard's heart and that he would never do the cheating on me.
One of my favorite days that I can remember, is when I found out who Robin was and he told me he loved me. We were sitting on the roof of the tower, watching the sunset like we did every day, just me and him like always. Gar used to call it Robin's "Starfire time." I liked the name because it meant that he set aside time that was only meant to spend with me. He never missed a sunset. No matter what case he was working on, he was always there.
Tears fill my eyes as I reflect.
I sat on the roof of Titans' Tower watching the sunset with amazement. It was Summer and the clouds in the sky were mixture of oranges, yellows, blues, and purples. It was most beautiful. I heard the door open, but I did not turn back to look, knowing it was my Robin coming to join me as he did everyday. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him take a seat beside me and felt his hand take mine intertwining are fingers. It was simple, but I loved the hand holding very much, especially if he did it in public.
Most women of Earth do not like to be displayed, but I felt proud that such a secretive person as Robin, would make it known to the world that I was his. At first he was very reluctant to show affection toward me unless we were in the privacy of one of our rooms, but that slowly faded. "It is beautiful," I committed to him, still gazing into the colorful sky above.
He did not take his eyes off of me. "Yes, very beautiful."
I blushed, knowing he was speaking of me. Turning to look at him, I smiled lovingly. "You are being the flirt today."
He laughed a little and looked down for a moment before meeting my eyes once again. "I can't help it. ...Star... we have only been together for three months now, but I have known you for over two years." He paused and I cocked my head to the side, wondering where he was going. "You mean everything to me, you know that, right?"
I remember my heart rate increasing in my chest. Robin was always nice to me, but at that time he was not yet the romantic man he would become, so it surprised me, a very welcomed surprise at that. Smiling brightly, I moved closer to him, leaving no space between us. "It gives me great joy to hear that. You mean everything to me as well."
He briefly smiles before becoming serious. "I have been thinking about this all day. I haven't got any work done, but I think this is the most productive day of my life. Star... I want you to know... No, I need you to know, that I... that I love you."
My heart soared to unseen heights the moment those three words left his mouth. I had been waiting on it for what felt like a life time and he finally said them. I felt tears in my eyes, but I could not have cared any less. He loved me! He actually loved me! I felt euphoric, ecstatic, glorious! "I love you as well, Robin. I have wished to tell you for a long time, even before we began the dating, but I most worried that you did not return my feelings."
He slowly leaned in and placed his lips softly to mine and I wrapped my arms around his neck, lost in a state of utter bliss. When he pulled away I put on a pouting face, to which he just chuckled a little. I loved to do the kissing. On my planet it is nothing more than a transfer of knowledge, but on Earth it is romantic, sensual even. "There's more," he says and my pout turned into a questioning look.
"What else could there possibly be that matters?," I asked. Robin, the love of my life, loved me. I did not care about anything else. I had always feared that he would never truly love me because I was so different, not only in looks, but in personality as well. It would be very bad for me if he never returned my feelings or did the breaking up with me, which would come much later.
He took deep breath, suddenly becoming very serious. "Okay, to you I'm Robin, right?"
"Yes," I answered, becoming confused once again.
"Okay, but under this mask I'm someone else," he continues.
I nodded, showing him that I understood. "I am aware. The person you are when your are not Robin is your secret identity, yes?" I never wondered who Robin was, but I was curious as to what color his eyes were. It often kept me up at night as I pondered the possibilities.
"Right... I don't want you to love Robin. I want you to love who I am under the mask, the real me. I think we have a future together and if that is the case, then you need to know everything about me."
"You are going to show me your eyes?," I asked with immense excitement.
"That depends. Do you believe that there is a future for us?," he questioned me, his face most serious.
"I wish for there to be. I am no longer obligated to return to Tameran. My life is here with you and our friends. It would make truly happy if we are to spend our lives together," I answered him.
"That's good because I want to spend my life with you." I could have died happy at that particular moment.
He did not move so I slowly reached my hand up to his face before studying him for a moment, silently asking if it were okay to remove the mask. He took another deep breath and nodded so I gently pulled his mask off, finding not only were his eyes the color of lighting, but also that I knew him. I had never seen him in person of course, but sometimes when I went to the mall of shopping, I would read Teen Magazine in an attempt to learn more of Earth's culture. I had seen him in there before, multiple times actually. I always thought he was most attractive and very familiar. It was then when I understood why.
It is easy to imagine how shocked I was at the time. My wide eyes and open mouth spoke to that perfectly. "You... you are Richard Grayson." I then let out squeal for a reason I wasn't sure of. I believe it is called fangirling. He covered his ears and closed his eyes tightly in response. "Oh, my apologies, Robin... or Richard. I just recognize you from the magazines at the mall of shopping. You are the famous, yes?"
"Umm, kind of. I'm actually known as Dick Grayson, but you can call me Richard if you want." It was not until later that I came to discover that he only allowed for his mother to call him Richard, so it was the big deal as they say. At that time I was not aware that the word dick had another meaning other than just a name, so I do believe he did not wish for me to say it. He was always said he loved the fact that I was so sweet and innocent.
"Glorious! This is wonderful!," I continued, once again shouting for some reason. I tend to do so when I become excited. "Robin... Richard, may I ask you something?"
He nodded. "Of course, Star."
I looked away from him, already blushing. To that point in our relationship all we had done was the making out and occasionally sleeping in the same bed, but that was very rare. My people our very sexual creatures and it did not take me long to want more, but Robin was very hesitant, with such things. We had never had any type of discussion about sex, but he would never go any farther than the making out and touching of my breasts, so I did not know if he were ready. In the human society, some believe that sex is not appropriate till marriage, which I always found to be ridiculous. I believe sex should be about love and we loved each other. "Now that we have admitted our feelings, I am curious if that means our physical relationship shall progress?," I inquired, fidgeting slightly.
His face turned very red and he seemed to need to breathe more. "You mean... sex?"
I blushed and found anything that wasn't him to look at. "I suppose. I believe that if we truly love each other than we should have no issue physically expressing it. I know with the utmost certainty that I love you, and I believe you when you say you love me, so then should we not at least progress our relationship further than the making out?"
He ran his hand through his hair and exhaled. "You have a point, but... are you sure you're ready for this? I don't want to rush you into anything or make you feel like you're obligated just because we are dating."
"I do not feel obligated. If I did not wish to do something I know you would not want me to. I wish to do this to express our love for each other. On Tameran, sex is about love and waiting for us to be wed is a silly idea to me, so I am ready to do this, but I wish to know if you are ready. You seem... hesitant," I replied to him.
"I'm not hesitant. I would love to make love to you. It's just it would a big step forward," he explained.
"Then I am ready to move forward," I responded with a shrug, something I had picked up during my two and a half years on Earth.
He seemed to calm slightly, a light smile appearing on his face. "Yeah... me too."
We made love that night and it was the most glorious feeling that I can ever remember having, not just physically either. No, it was very emotionally satisfying. Beautiful would be the word I would use to describe it. I remember crying after and Richard feared he had hurt me, but I assured him that the tears were of happiness. I could not have loved a better man... at least that is what I believed at the time.
Two years passed and our relationship was amazing. We came to a difficult time when Richard left the Titans, then being Nightwing. It was very hard on the team and me especially. I did not know what the future held and I was scared that he would do the breaking up with me, but he assured me that it would not happen. When he moved to Bludhaven, I of course moved with him, so that we could begin our life together. We were both twenty-one, so it was the perfect time for us to get our own place. Though I would miss the girl talk with Raven and Gar and Vic doing the fussing over what to eat, I was most excited about it being just he and I.
He let me chose the place where we lived, which thrilled me. I finally found a condo that I liked very much in a pleasant part of the city. I made sure to chose a two bedroom dwelling, just in case I was to become pregnant. My DNA is very similar to humans and though we were not attempting to have a child, we were not exactly doing everything we could to prevent it either. It was an unspoken agreement that if it happened it happened. I often wonder if we had a child, would have things been different, would we still be together. If the answer is yes, then I wish I would have became pregnant, but that was not the case.
Things went very well for us for our first five years in Bludhaven. Richard became a police, while I found a job as a model. I wore a hologram ring in public of course. It just would not be good if Starfire was known to date Dick Grayson. One thing that did the complicating of our relationship was the fact that both of our egos were well-known figures. Dick Grayson was the son of Bruce Wayne, Gotham's prince, and Nightwing was the ex-leader of the Titans and one of the better known heroes on Earth, while Starfire was superhero from the planet Tameran, Kori Anders, my alias, was a well-known model.
It was common knowledge that Nightwing and Starfire were together and Kori and Dick were also a couple. It made things hard on us at times because no matter who we were, the public was watching us very closely. Despite all the pressure on us, it was not until our seventh year together that things began to go bad. Richard became very distant. He would spend longer hours in the office and often began to patrol alone at night, saying he did not need my help. We quit sleeping together and he would not tell me that he loved me anymore, when he used to tell me at least a few times everyday.
He quit calling me while at work, just to do the checking on me. We never went to a movie or to dinner anymore and he used to bring me a rose home every Friday, but that ceased as well. I was becoming very worried, so when our eighth anniversary came up, I wished to do something special for him in hopes of repairing our relationship, making it the way it used to be. I could not have known that he would break-up with me that night.
I stood in the kitchen, waiting for the chicken I had made to cool off, knowing Richard should be home shortly. It was a very special night for us, being our eighth anniversary as a couple. The year before Richard took me to an art gallery that I had been begging to go to, and when we returned that night we made the most passionate love that I can ever remember. That year I thought I could do something for him, so I went to the store of groceries and purchased all his favorite foods. When I first came to Earth I was not the best cook, but Vic, who is the best chef I know, slowly taught me how.
Apart of me had hoped that the reason Richard had been quite as of late, was because he was secretly planning to do the proposing to me and did not want to do the slipping up and telling me. We had talked of marriage before and decided that we would get married when the time was right for both of us, and back then we both had very busy lives. To this day I believe the reason our relationship fell apart was due to the fact that we forgot what was important and did not make enough time for each other.
Richard had to work eight hours a day, then patrol for two at night, not to mention his other obligations. I myself would leave for days or even weeks at a time to do photo shoots in places such as Italy in France, but if I knew that the distance was causing Richard to fall out of love with me, I would have quit without a second thought on the matter. He was... and is the most important thing in the galaxy to me. I loved and love him with all of my heart and the last thing I wanted was for us to do the breaking up, but as they say on Earth, you cannot always get what to you want.
I heard the door open and I turned to see him standing there in his police uniform, his face perfectly stoic, just as it had been as of late. "Hey Baby," I greeted him with a beaming smile from the kitchen.
"Hey," was all he said to me before walking off to our bedroom to change. That really did hurt me a lot more then I let on back then. He used to would come in with a smile on his face, and when I greeted him he would lift me and swing me around in his arms, planting a kiss on my lips as he did. It had been over two months since he did that at that time. Though we lived together, slept in the same bed, spent ten years with each all together, he treated me like I was a ghost. Sometimes he would go a day without giving me a kiss or saying a word to me. Things were really bad between us, but I refused to admit that to myself back then.
He emerged from our bedroom moments later, wearing only a pair of jogging pants and a muscle shirt. I looked at him in confusion as he headed for the door. "Richard, were are you going?," I called.
He paused and turned back to me. "Gym. Don't wait up."
Hurt took over my face. He didn't know what today was? How much it meant? Richard had never forgotten our anniversary and today was no exception. "You do not know what today is?," I asked him, a pleading tone in my voice.
He nodded. "Our eighth anniversary."
The fact that he knew and was still leaving hurt me more than he could ever know. I have always been overly emotional, but I believe the tears that were in my eyes were justified this time. "So you are just going to leave? Leave me here alone on our anniversary? Does this day mean nothing to you?"
Normally when I cried in front of Richard, whatever we were fighting about would no longer matter. He would rush to my side and apologize for whatever he said that had upset me. We never had a fight that lasted more the a few minutes because of this, but today was the exception. He just stood there, no emotion on his face. He briefly looked away and I could tell he was struggling to say something.
"Star... this day used to mean everything to me, but now... it's just another day." I felt my heart shatter under his words, but was not able to say anything. "We wake every morning and we go through the same routine. I go to work, you stay here and make sure the house is nice. Hell, sometimes you fly off for weeks at a time and we go days without talking." He shook his head before looking down at our floor. "We can continue this lie forever, but the fact is we're just comfortable around each other. Really we're nothing more than friends." His fist clenched and he shut his eyes, refusing to look at me. "I love you... but I'm not in love with you, not anymore."
His words were like a dagger through my heart. I would rather be subjected to the most extreme of tortures rather than have to hear those words again. "You are not in love with me anymore?" Tears now poured from my eyes. I thought we were going to spend forever together, but forever came far to soon. I imagined us getting married, having kids, growing old together, but it was nothing more than that. Just my imagination
He swallowed hard, a lone tear escaping him as he shook his head. "This isn't working and I can't keep living in this lie. I'm not happy with the way things are and I would be a fool to think they could change. Star... I'm done." Those were the last words he said to me before turning and walking out the door, leaving me to fall to my knees and cry my heart out.
That was the last time I saw him. I did not wait for him to return home. I could not take seeing him again, not in the state I was in. I packed a bag full of good memories and left, not just the city, or the country, but the planet. I could not bear being on Earth when he was not in love with me, when I would be forced to see him almost regularly. I did the only thing I could, I returned to Tameran without a word to anyone. I knew if something happened... or he changed his mind, that Raven would know where I was, but he never did... or at least if he did, he never contacted me.
When I first returned to Tameran, I found that Galfore had been overthrown and that Tameran was now in a civil war between rival families. The high council was delighted to see that I had returned and asked me to marry Prince Karras in order to return Tameran to a stable state. After consulting with Galfore I did so, knowing that Tameran needed me.
Our marriage was not one of love, but rather a diplomatic one. He attempted to persuade me to have sex with him on a number of occasions, but even though we were millions of miles apart, I remained loyal to Richard. He is the only man, who shall ever touch me sexually. I did not like Karras to say the least, but I did what I felt obligated to do. Over time Tameran returned to peace, but I was not happy. In fact, I was most depressed. The more time that passed, the more I thought of Richard and my friends. I wondered if they thought of me, if he thought of me. Eventually I came to the point that I desired to return to Earth so dearly that I stepped down from the throne. It was not a popular decision, but Galfore always told me to follow my heart and my heart was on earth, so I left, ready to return to my real home.
That was four days ago. I am now very close to Earth, so close that I am able to see it. I have had a lot of time to think during these four days alone on my ship. I plan to seek out Vic, Gar, and Raven first, then I shall go from there. I have also decided that I will not search for Richard, or make it known to him that I have returned. He is probably married now or at the very least has a girlfriend, possibly even a child. I could not take finding out that he is in love with anyone but me, so I shall not look for him, no matter how much I desire to.
In a perfect world, he would see that we belong together, that we are supposed to be with each other for all eternity, but I learned from an early age that perfection does not exist. A sigh escapes me just as I enter Earth's atmosphere and the Watch Tower comes into view. I put down the picture of me and Richard I found myself holding, before turning my attention to the disk shaped object above Earth.
I know I must receive permission to land or I shall get in a lot of trouble. I do not believe I would be sent off the planet because of it, considering I have made friends with most of the Justice League, but I shall not take that risk. I have been gone from Earth for five years without any contact, so I do not know what could possibly have changed in my time away.
I receive the transmission from the Watch Tower that I was expecting, but I did not expect to recognize the voice. "Identify yourself and your reason to be on Earth," comes Vic's voice through the speakers of my ship.
A joyful gasps escapes me. "Cyborg!," I exclaim, followed by a squeal of excitement. Vic has always been my older brother and I love him dearly. It is glorious to hear his voice after so long!
Well, there you have it. Next chapter: Starfire and Cyborg catch up and he directs her to Raven and Gar's house.