Disclaimer: Lilly is the only character that is mine.

Warning: Language. Violence.


"What if she's whiny?" Hashirama asked nervously. The two of us were sitting on his roof. Mito was supposed to arrive any minute, then, and Hashirama was having a panic attack. "What if she hates me? What if I hate her?"

"You can't hate anyone," I dismissed, patting his shoulder. "You're too much of a pansy."

Hashirama shot me a weak glare, before he looked away. He brought his knees up to his chin. For a teenaged boy, he was surprisingly still childish. Although, I guess it wasn't all that surprising, seeing how I constantly went out of my way to bring him down to my level. I rolled my eyes and punched him lightly in the shoulder. "It'll be fine."

"What if it's not?"

"Then it's not," I said, shrugging. "Look, the more you stress about it, the worse it'll be."

Hashirama sighed, nodding in consent. "I know…"

A minute of silence passed between us before we heard Itama call out from below. "Mito-hime's here! Come on!"

Hashirama whimpered and scrambled to his feet. He was just about to jump in the opposite direction when I grabbed his ankle and jumped off the roof. He gave a yelp of surprise, coming down to the ground with me.

"Come along, slave," I said, dragging a terrified Hashirama behind me. "Jeeze. God of shinobi, please."

"Idon'twannagetmarried. I don'twannagetmarried. Idon'twannagetmarried," Hashirama was hysterically chanting under his breath. I shot him another annoyed look, following behind a bubbly Itama. Itama lead us down the halls and we reached the entrance hall. I opened the door, peering in to find a young Mito, flanked by several guards. Hashirama's mother was greeting them with a small smile, offering them hospitality.

I looked back down to Hashirama only to find him gone.

"He substituted away," Itama informed me.

"But… but Mito is… aw, fuck. Itama, go find your brother. I got this," I told him, transforming myself into Hashirama.

Itama's eyes widened, and Tobirama - who had walked in on the transformation - gave me a horrified look. "What are you doing?!"

"Ruining Hashi-washi's life, so you better find him quick," I admitted, before opening the door fully and stepping in. "Hello."

A cherry-cheek Mito glanced over at me, and Azumi's eyes took a gleam to them. She knew immediately I wasn't Hashirama and seemed to conclude that her son was hiding away. Such manners wouldn't befit the Senju Heir, and she was forced to either a.) allow me to continue or b.) confess her son was hiding away from Mito like a scared little boy. Well, she could do option c.) distract the Uzumaki guests and stall for time, but I guess she was feeling a little vindictive towards Hashirama for hiding, so she chose option a.

"Hashirama-kun," Azumi greeted, "I would like you to meet Mito-hime, your bride."

I strolled to Mito, bending down lowly and taking her hand before kissing it. "A pleasure to meet you, Mito-hime."

Mito's cheeks turned a brighter red and she giggled nervously.

Let the trolling commence.

"Kaa-chan, might I request to show Mito-hime around?" I asked politely.

"Granted," Azumi said, smiling thinly.

I bowed lowly again to Mito, taking her hand and slowly guiding her out of the room. "I've heard a lot about you, Mito-hime."

"Really?" Mito asked curiously. "To be honest, Hashirama-kun, I haven't heard much about you."

"Well," I said slowly, "I guess I should remedy that. You tell me one thing about yourself, and I'll tell you one thing about myself."

Mito smiled. "... Alright. Um… I hate tomatoes."

"I sleep with a teddy bear," I declared.

Mito blinked in surprise. "... Okay. I… I like reading."

"I'm still in my tighty-whities. I just don't like boxers."

Mito blushed brightly and she stammered, "P-Please keep this appropriate, Hashirama-kun."

"That's boring," I dismissed. "I'm terrified of ghosts and if there is even a hint of one in the house, I will abandon you in a heartbeat and flee into the night."

Mito's eyes widened. "That's… er… I like dogs more than cats."

"So do I!" I exclaimed.

Mito smiled easily. "I have a dog - Rue - and she's my best friend."

"I have two best friends," I said. "There's Madara and Sasori - I'm currently Sasori's slave."

"That's… nice?"

I nodded my head earnestly. "What else can I say…? Oh! I'm secretly attracted to Mad - "

Hashirama slammed into me full force, knocking me off the walkway and into the thorny bushes below. I poofed back into my original form from the impact, giggling like crazy. Hashirama sat on top of me, pinning my arms on either side and glaring at me. "I can't believe you did that!"

"Really?" I asked incredulously. "You can't?"

Hashirama flushed. "Sh-Shut up. Mito-hime, I'm the real Hashirama. This is my friend, Sasori. He's an asshole. Please ignore whatever he said."

"No, don't ignore what I said," I piqued up. "I spoke the truth! Hashi-washi still sleeps with a teddy-bear and - "

Hashirama shrieked and punched me square in the nose. I immediately stopped what I was doing, kneed Hashirama in the gut, rolled away and clutched my nose. "Why is this time period so goddamn violent?!"

While I started healing my nose, Hashirama had turned to Mito, blushing brightly. Mito was staring at us with an odd look.

"I mean, damn," I continued, "even Duck-Ass wasn't nearly as abusive as Hashi-washi and Maddie-laddie. I've officially lost count on how many times I've had to heal broken bones - especially my nose!"

"You mean to tell me that you impersonated your best friend and told his fiancee all his embarrassing secrets?" Mito asked me slowly.

I continued to mutter under my breath, before I stopped and peered at Mito. "Well… yeah. Of course."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"But - but - that's a violation of his trust," Mito stammered.

I shrugged. "He shouldn't have run. Consequences of being a wuss."

Hashirama slugged me in the arm and I winched, clutching at it. "Stop breaking my bones, you jerk!"

"Just building up your pain tolerance," Hashirama retorted, slugging me again.

"Ouch! Damn it!"

Mito continued to give us an odd look. "Aren't you more upset, Hashirama-kun?"

Hashirama shrugged. "Not really. I've done the same thing."

"You impersonated your friend and told his fiancee his embarrassing secrets?" Mito deadpanned.

"Not exactly. I told Madara some things that Sasori would have preferred to stay between us, though, and Madara's lorded those things over Sasori like crazy," Hashirama said, rolling his eyes. "Then again, I only did that 'cause he told Madara about the ghost-thing, but he only did that because I told Tobirama about…" Hashirama trailed off thoughtfully. "You know, I can't quite remember what started this cycle."

"It was Tobirama," I said immediately. "Everything is his fault."

Hashirama swatted at me. "Shut up."

"Shame I couldn't continue to troll, though," I sighed, "ah, well. Hello, Mito-hime. You may call me Sasori."

Mito gave us another odd look before she stepped off the path and approached us. She eyed each of us another moment before she slammed her fists on top of both our heads. "Idiots!"

"Ow!" Hashirama and I whined. Mito glared darkly at us.

"You two should be ashamed of yourselves - behaving in such a manner! Honestly, it's so childish. I hope you two are happy. You petulant brats - "


( 。◕‿‿◕。)


"Welp, whaddya think of her?" I asked Hashirama, the two of us walking away from Mito after she gave us one of the longest lectures of our lives. Hashirama was still rubbing his head - Mito had continued to use physical enforcement to make sure we were paying attention.

"Feisty," Hashirama sighed.

"In a good way?" I asked.

Hashirama shrugged. "Dunno."

"Still nervous about the whole marriage thing?'

Hashirama gave a slow smile. "... Not so much. You told her those things so I could get over my embarrassment of meeting her in the first place, didn't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Hashirama nudged me with his shoulder. "She didn't care about any of that stuff. She even said that she was afraid of ghosts, too!"

"I remember her saying that in the lecture, yes."

He beamed at me. "I dunno what to make of her, but she can't be all bad if she doesn't mind that stuff about me."

"Everyone has their secrets and embarrassments," I said, glancing down. "She acknowledges that and so long as she accepts that stuff about you, you're more likely to accept her secrets, too."

"Yep," Hashirama said, looking up at the sky. "Just look at the three of us - Madara, you and me. We know all each other's secrets and we're still friends!"

"Mm-hmm. Do you still need me around?"

Hashirama shook his head, patting my shoulder. "I think I can manage now. Thanks for being here, Sasori."

"It was a pleasure. I'll leave tonight, then, to go on my journey."

"Be safe."

"Ah… I can't promise that. The person I'm meeting has a rather… interesting temper."


( 。◕‿‿◕。)


It took, roughly, five days to finally find him.

I hopped up to the tallest tree, leaving my pack, mask, and cloak at the base of the tree. My precious person was sleeping in in the large clearing, sprawled out and snoring softly.

"Oi," I shouted, "wake up! Wake up, dear."

Large eyes blinked blearily as he slowly opened them. He gave a large yawn, sitting up and then his gaze settled on me. He grinned a Cheshire's grin at me.

"Nice to meet you," I said, smiling warmly. "Although, we'll meet again in the distant future, maybe. I suppose introductions are in order, though. You may call me Sakura."

I bowed lowly. "It's nice to meet you… Kurama."

"Hooo?"


Interesting how no one suggested Kurama. Lots of Kakuzu suggestions, though.

Just a quick chapter - I was having some trouble finishing, so I apologize for the shortness. Hopefully the next chapter will flow more smoothly to me.

I meant to post this earlier today, but I got caught up with Unbreakable Machine Doll, surprisingly, and lost track of time.

Special preview into the next chapter. I'll be switching POV and addressing how Naruto and the others are… doing. ;) Expect a nice long chapter to compensate for this short thing.

Answer: Daddy.

Question: Favorite movie line?

Reviews are love!