Title: Little Problems
Date: October 31, 2013
A/N: Random plot bunnies are random plot bunnies. I'm really EH about this one but it's a way for me to say HAPPY HALLOWEEN to my readers tonight! Or for those friends of mine in the MLP forum: HAPPY NIGHTMARE NIGHT!
Batgirl, AKA Stephanie Brown, was looking through a file Proxy had composed for her on a new gang in Gotham known as the Powers when the colorful kid came speeding to her side.
"Fatgirl, I require your assistance immediately!"
Before the blonde could even open her mouth Damian Wayne AKA, Robin the Boy Wonder, was dragging her down the nearest fire escape of the building she had been perched atop.
"Robin! What is going on!"
"It's an emergency! Now into your Ricochet and follow me-quickly!"
The 10 year old assassin wasted no time in shoving her towards her vehicle before sprinting for his own motorcycle. Oh no! What could have gone wrong? Was it Bruce or Dick? She had little time to contemplate or form a variable question before the boy was off and she had to speed after him. Surprisingly though, they were headed for the cave. Which didn't make any sense. Dick and Damian used their Batbunker not the old Batcave. Proxy and Batgirl had their own headquarters now as well. Oracle had used the Clocktower for years but she had left Gotham City. No two ways about it though; this couldn't be good.
Robin surprised her though by parking in front of Wayne Manor, throwing off his helmet, sprinting through the surprisingly open gates and only stopping halfway up the path to turn and tell her to hurry up. 10 feet behind him she crashed through the front door, reaching for an elctro-freeze Batarang. Apprehension clouding her mind.
Apprehension that suddenly flew off though when her first sight was the 10 year old Boy Wonder pulling what appeared to be a two year old out from underneath one of the front foyer's flatbed tables. The child was kicking and screaming very loudly. Another giggle made her look up and almost throw up for there was another infant swinging from the chandelier!
"Robin, what's going on?"
"I believe even you have had time to review the cases involving the Powers Gang?"
"Well yes, that's what I was reading before you dragged me over here. Now whose kids are these?"
"They are not children."
"Fatgirl your detective skills are nearly non-existent but I have enough confidence in this situation to believe that even you could recognize them."
Given that the kid under the table was trying to crawl back beneath it and fight Damian at the same time, Batgirl took another look up at the other kid she was ready to have a heart attack about. Wait…swinging on the chandelier…hadn't Tim mentioned that to her once? Someone always doing so as a kid from a second told story?
"Damian, is that Dick on the chandelier?"
A sigh and, "Finally! OH! HEY!"
The other kid had crawled back far enough to be just out of reach for the Boy Wonder.
"Bruce! Get out from under there, now!"
"That's Bruce?" Batgirl gasped.
"The Powers Gang has adopted the mystical favors of a sorceress."
"So they changed the Batmen into infants?"
"Actually we were out to eat and they wanted Father's and Grayson's wallets."
"How did you get them home then?"
"As embarrassing as it to admit- I had no choice but to drive the limo home. Which I will never do again! I am not a chauffeur for a few little brats."
"Wait, you drove the limo? What about Alfred? Shouldn't he have been driving the limo and as a matter of fact, where is he? He should be able to at least handle one of them."
Peanut butter. It was a huge torrent of peanut butter. All over her. Batgirl glanced up to see a third child peeking out between the support stems on the stairs of the second floor sticking his tongue out at her with a big tub of peanut butter tipped over the edge of the rail.
"Pennyworth! Not again!"
Upon hearing his last name, the toddler pushed the tub completely over the rail and watched Batgirl jump away in shock and fear.
"They turned Alfred into an infant too?"
"Technically he is a toddler given he is much older than Bruce and Dick."
"When did you start calling them by their first names?"
Damian shrugged as he reached towards his belt and pulled out a birdarang before waving it at the figure beneath the table in mock simulation of a toy, "I can't call this infant 'Father' that's just awkward."
"And Dick?" she asked, pointing up but not looking up.
"He won't respond to Grayson or Richard. Come out Bruce."
"And you're just going to leave Dick swinging from the chandelier?"
"I have little choice. It keeps him out of trouble. Bruce calm down and come here! Pennyworth you better hope I never find you!"
"So they transformed Dick, Bruce and Alfred all into babies?"
"Once again, Pennyworth is a toddler but subsequently you are correct Fatgirl. Now are you going to help me get Bruce out from under this table or not?"
It took half an hour to get Bruce out from under the flatbed table and another hour to get Dick off of the chandelier. Having removed mask and cowl, Damian Wayne set out to locate Alfred Pennyworth while Stephanie dove into the cabinet. After all, she had promised the little ones some cookies. The scene, in its own weird way, was just adorable to the blonde. Both children were sitting atop stacks of books and cushions piled high on the normal kitchen bar chairs. After locating a bag of cookies Stephanie turned back to find Bruce staring down at the bar frighteningly while Dick sat beside him clapping his hands in delight excited by the prospect of cookies! It was so weird because Bruce Wayne was one of the bravest men Stephanie had ever seen and here he was scared out of wits of near everything. It was also pretty obvious that Dick's bright outlet was making the scared kid quite uncomfortable. Amused, the blonde piled a few cookies on a small platter and set it between the two boys. Hopefully they would share. The mini acrobat quickly scooped up one in each hand and started eating them one rotating bite at a time. Bruce however looked even more intimidated by his companion's manner.
Chuckling, Stephanie added a few more cookies on the plate before turning back to replace them in the cabinet. When she turned back to the boys to tell them to stay put so she could go help Damian find Alfred she stopped and stared in giddiness. Dick was holding out a cookie to Bruce who in turn did take it with a look of fear and apprehension on his face before looking back at up at his companion as if he needed directions or permission to consume the gifted cookie.
Apparently it was directions because Dick babbled a few nonsense words before raising a new cookie from the plate, slowly pulling it towards his mouth and eating it just as slowly. Once he swallowed he turned back to Bruce and made a swipe at the air with his hands. The baby billionaire copied the moves quite clumsily but managed to take a bite.
"Do you all want some milk?" Stephanie asked sweetly.
The little acrobat raised a superior framed eyebrow at her as if saying, 'Are you crazy? You want to add milk to this equation? He's struggling enough!'
The blonde laughed and then went over to jostle Dick's hair, which made him laugh, "Alright, you two stay here. I have to go find Damian and Alfred."
"Pennyworth is a brat!" Damian yelled, scrubbing a pink colored kind of slime from his hair as Stephanie lowered the infant Alfred down onto the Den's extra carpeted floor.
"Yeah, I'm gonna smell like peanut butter for weeks," Stephanie complained before sighing,
Thankfully Damian had already moved Bruce and Dick into the den with a box of blocks and some toy cars that he had located in the attic. The two were happily and quietly building a tower out of the blocks while Alfred's eyes lit up at the prospect of making toddler-car-noises with the big red fire truck.
"Strange, I assumed with Dick's attitude he'd at the very least be on the furniture by now," Damian commented, draping the now slime stained towel over the back of the nearby armchair.
"I guess Bruce convinced him to play something quiet."
"Then we have been blessed a few minutes of peace. I suggest you contact Proxy, Fatgirl."
"Would you stop calling me that?"
"I will refrain from it when it no longer remains fact."
"Well why don't you call-"
"They're infants!" Damian reminded her, "I'll store my Bike and your Ricochet in the cave while you're on that call."
In seconds Damian was out of the room and heading out the distant front door while Stephanie was opening the line to her new partner, "Hey Proxy-we got a problem."
The two mock parents soon found out that the eldest kid wasn't just a jerk. Alfred Pennyworth was a bully!
When Damian returned from storing away their vehicles he found Bruce huddled in a corner with a hand over a bloody nose while Dick was sitting beside him baring a huge bruise on his throat but still reaching out to nudge the other child. Stephanie quite literally had her hands full with a child that was screaming, spitting, punching, biting, kicking and all around throwing a temper tantrum.
"Damian help me!"
"OK, we'll lock him in the closet."
"We can't lock him in a closet."
"He's given Bruce a bloody nose and it looks like Dick was choked. What happened anyways?"
"I was on the line to Proxy when-OW! Why you little-!"
"I still vote for the closet. What did Proxy have to say about this?"
"Nothing much, but she said she'll contact Oracle."
"Great! Now what do we do with this?" Damian asked, reaching out to pull Alfred out of Stephanie's arms upside down by his leg.
"Don't hold him upside down!"
"Hmph! Little brat deserves it! What about Bruce and Dick?"
They both turned to find the two apparently very deep in baby-babble conversation.
"You don't think they're planning something do you?" the blonde asked.
The child assassin scoffed, "Of course not…make sure the windows and doors are locked though. Just in case."
Suddenly the baby-babble stopped out of nowhere and the two infants turned baby glares onto their toddler bully. Neither Stephanie nor Damian liked that look both were wearing.
It was going to be a long day. And it was only noon!