WARNING: This story contains mature scenes of a sexual nature. If this bothers you, please leave now.
AN: Ok so this is how I think the whole Sam thing should have been dealt with, because like most of you it seem, I was not particularly satisfied with how the show dealt with this issue, which I felt was quite serious. I was also contemplating making this a story without sex, but I felt like the sex scene in this story actually worked with the narrative, unlike a lot of other stories I've written where there's sex for no other reason than making it smut. So I'll let you guys be the judge on that. Also, I know I should have watched Chuck vs the Fake Name again for research purpose, but honestly, that episode was so painful to watch, I really couldn't bring myself to watching again. So if there are any inconsistencies, that's why.
Also thanks to undergroundirector, for their consultation on this story.
And now, to whet your appetite for Argo0 stories to come, I plan on writing a sequel for Bartowski at Large, titled Calling a Spade a Spade. I've decided to do more stories based on the story, although instead of having a large overarching story, they'll be divided into either one shots or short multichapter stories. We'll just have to see how they play out.
And with all that out of the way, I hope you enjoy the story.
Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck.
Chuck sighed like a man who had been through the ringer, at least emotionally in his case. He had broken up with his most recent girlfriend Hannah, although labelling her such after they had been together for a short amount of time may have been a little generous. Yet despite his recent and abrupt return to singlehood, it wasn't the reason his mood was so down. Like so much of the emotional rollercoaster that had characterized his life in the last two and a half years it had everything to do with one Sarah Walker… or by her real name, Sam.
Their latest mission had been an unmitigated success; they had learnt that the Ring knew Daniel Shaw was alive, thwarted their assassination attempt of him, and Casey had eliminated one of the most dangerous assassins in the world. And yet despite their success, Chuck felt like a complete and utter failure, being forced to hear the woman he loved for so long finally open up… to somebody else.
His gut clenched as he recalled that scene; watching Shaw and Sarah through the scope of the sniper rifle that was supposed to end the male agent's life, Sarah telling Shaw her concerns, actually opening up to him. And then when she told him her name, Sam, it was like a thousand knives into his heart. Chuck had always wanted her to open up with him, to share her past with him, and he had always been patient and forgiving when she hadn't. And she instead decided to open up to the new guy, the guy who had just shown up and started putting the moves on her about five second after he was through the door. And she shared with Shaw and opened up to him, and it hurt Chuck more than anything he had ever experienced, far more than watching her with Bryce or Cole had ever been. Even after the mission, when Beckman had finished handing out accolades to the team, he practically ran out of Castle, unable to stand being around the new minted couple. Unfortunately, he wasn't fast enough and was forced to hear Shaw ask "So do you prefer Sam or Samantha?"
Part of it was his own fault Chuck supposed. There was so much that he'd done wrong recently; pulling Casey's tooth, his thing with Hannah, turning down Sarah at Prague, hell uploading the 2.0 in the first place. But even with all that, why did she have to tell the human shaped plank of wood anything about her. Didn't he deserve to know what her name before anyone else? Didn't he deserve to be the person she opened up to more than anyone else? Couldn't she grant him at least that?
As Chuck walked into the courtyard of his apartment complex, he continued to brood, until he saw the last person he expected see there that night. Honestly he had higher expectations of Hannah being here than he did her, yet there she was, sitting on the fountain and waiting expectantly, was Sarah/Sam, looking as beautiful as ever. "Sarah?" he spoke in disbelief, wondering why she was here.
The blonde agent looked up at him, a sad smile appearing on her face. Sarah remembered a time, not too long along in fact, that whenever Chuck saw her, he would break out in this gorgeous smile that would light up her world. Now all she could see was a hurt and anger, with a little confusion in the mix and she knew she was the cause, as usual. "Hi Chuck," she spoke solemnly.
"What are you doing here?" he asked her, not moving from where he stood.
"I… I came to talk to you," Sarah explained, before looking around. "Um… I take it you broke up with Hannah?"
Chuck frowned at her assumption and the almost hopeful tone that accompanied it. "Yeah, uh, yeah I did. For all the good it did me."
"Well for what it's worth, I think you did the right thing," she told him, trying to comfort him.
He couldn't help but snort at the comment. "Sure, the right thing," he couldn't help but scoff. "Because doing the right thing always works out for me, doesn't it?"
Sarah smiled proudly at him. "Not all the time no," she answered him. "But you do it anyway. You always do the right thing, it's one of the things I… I love about you."
One of the things she loved about him? What the hell did that mean? And since when did she care whether he did the right thing or not? Hadn't he done the right thing at Prague and hadn't she practically cut him out of her life for it? These questions were floating around Chuck's head and he really wasn't in the mood for these mind games. All he wanted to know was what Sarah was doing here so she would leave. "What are you doing here Sarah," he asked again, his frown deepening. "Should I even keep calling you that, or should I call you Sam, or do you prefer Samantha? Or do you only let your real boyfriend call you by your real name?"
Sarah flinched at his accusations and his jab at their previous cover relationship. She truly had no idea that Chuck was listening in on her conversation with Shaw and it was easily the worst possibly way to find out like that. She hadn't meant for it to happen, but right now that meant very little. And apparently he had overheard Shaw's question as the other man was leaving Castle, but it seemed he hadn't stuck around to hear her answer. "That's actually what I came to talk to you about," she said, explaining the purpose of your visit.
"To do what exactly," he queried harshly. "To explain why you told your new boyfriend personal stuff about you, even though he's only been around for a few months? Or to explain why you've opened up to him about anything, even though for the past two and a half years I've been desperately trying to know you?"
He stopped himself from continuing for a moment, in order to reign in his anger. "You just said you 'love' how I always try to do the right thing," he began again, this time the hurt more evident in his voice. "Well I tried to do the thing in Prague, for both of us. And for someone who 'loves' how I do the right thing, you seem pretty eager to torture me for it."
Sarah winced at first, but steeled herself by taking a deep breath. "I swear, I'm not trying to torture you Chuck. It's the last thing I want to do," she said in her defence. "And you did do the right thing in Prague Chuck, but it… it hurt okay. I've been tortured and shot and all sorts of other stuff in this line of work, and none of them hurt as much as what happened in Prague. But me telling Shaw my name… it had nothing to do with Prague."
"Then why," Chuck snapped, causing her to jump at the heat he was sending her way. "Why did you tell him your name? Why did you open up to him instead of me?"
Sarah took another deep breathe to calm her turbulent emotions. "The reason I told Shaw about my name was because I felt like you were losing everything about you that made you so great," she explained, her eyes failing to meet his. "I remember when you had such a hard time lying to everyone, but now it comes so easily, so it felt like this great and honest person that you were was disappearing. And it got me thinking about who I used to be, before the CIA, before I ran off with my dad. Telling Shaw my name was a way to reconnect with who I used to be."
"And how did you think this was going to make me feel once I found out you told Shaw your name," Chuck said hotly, taking a same measure of satisfaction as she flinched again. "You didn't think you could come to me?
"Honestly? No I didn't. After all, how could you help me find who I used to be when you were discovering who you were becoming?" Sarah told him, regretting how her words seemed to hurt him more, but knew she had to continue on if she wanted to fix this mess. "That was my first mistake. My second was thinking Shaw could help."
She paused for a moment to gauge Chuck's reaction. The anger and hurt were still present, but he was still listening, and he hadn't run off, so she had that going for her. "The moment the words left my mouth I knew I had made a terrible mistake," she continued on. "I thought Shaw would look pleased or happy to learn something about me, like you would have. But he didn't, he looked… smug, like we were playing a game and he'd just gotten the advantage. He didn't care about me, or learning about me, he was just looking for the upper hand."
Chuck still felt the hurt and anger, but he was also becoming increasingly confused. "Why are you telling me this Sarah," he asked, almost begging for a straight answer. "Why are you here?"
She smiled at him again, but instead of sad, it was adoring, which did little to alleviate his confusion. "Because I made a choice," she stated plainly. "I decided that there were too many Bryce Larkin's and Daniel Shaw's in the world and not enough Chuck Bartowski's. I decided I could either date Shaw and watch you change into a cold-hearted spy like him, or Bryce, or Casey… or like me. Or I could help you to stay the wonderful person you are… that is if that's what you want as well?"
Chuck couldn't help but sigh. He wanted to be a spy, to do something meaningful with his life, like helping to protect his country. But… did he really want to give up his soul in the process? "It is what I want," he concluded verbally, finally leaving where he stood to sit down on the edge of the fountain, about a foot away from where Sarah sat. "You always believed in me, that I could be some kind of hero. I guess in trying to become that, I lost sight of who I was, of what I liked about myself."
Sarah nodded sympathetically, the physical distance between them insignificant compared to the emotional distance. "It's part of the sell," she told him. "They go on the benefits of the job and how much good you're doing and gloss over how it affects you. By the time you realise how stained your soul has become, they'll just tell you it's worth it and you'll believe them."
The pair of them were silent for a moment, Chuck mulling over her words, Sarah waiting for his reaction. Finally Chuck broke the quiet. "So how are we going to do this?" he queried, anger finally absent from his tone.
Sarah smiled radiantly at him as she quickly closed the distance between them. "Like this," she stated simply as she drew her face closer to his to match her lips to his.
Chuck's eyes widened as he felt her lips on his, before closing them as he gave in to the kiss. He had missed this, the taste of her, the smell of her, the feel of her. It had been far too long, and the last time had been in Prague, which was something he really shouldn't be thinking about right now. All he could think about was kissing Sarah, the lips that had been kissing another man several hours earlier after she had…
His anger came back, although he wished he had kept those thoughts out of his mind, while they had been kissing. He forcibly broke the kiss and glared at her, ignoring how pretty her flushed cheeks and pouty lips made her look. "What about Shaw and Sam, Sarah," he hissed at her, convey the hurt he still felt. "I mean I get it, the stuff about me changing, but you still told Shaw your name… hell it isn't even about what you told him. It's about the fact that you opened up to him, when you've spent the last two and a half years refusing to let me in. I… I thought you cared about me more than that."
His anger dissipated at the end of his speech and was replaced by anguish that tore at Sarah's heart. "I do Chuck, please believe that. Opening up to Shaw was the stupidest thing I've ever done. It's just I felt so lost not being able to talk to you like we used to, with you changing and being with Hannah. But I swear I regretted it the moment the sound came out. I shouldn't have even thought about telling Shaw… I… I just felt so lost without you," she said sorrowfully, regretting her actions that caused his so much pain. Taking a deep depth, she soldiered on, knowing she still had something to tell him. "That's actually another reason I came here tonight. I needed to tell you something about Sam."
Although Chuck showed no outward reaction, he waited intently for her to continue, desperate to find a reason to forgive her. Sarah took another deep breathe, her usual hesitation of lowering her walls present, but her need to fix things with the man next to her overriding it. "I hate the name Sam," she said with a surprisingly amount of vitriol.
Chuck couldn't help but blink in surprise. He wasn't really sure what he was expecting when she said she wanted to tell him something but… Sarah had actually opened up about herself. "Um what?" was all he could muster, stunned by her revelation.
Grinning at how cute his stunned face was, Sarah was emboldened to continue, not just from the attentiveness of her audience but also from how free she felt from sharing her past with him. "When Shaw asked whether I prefer Sam or Samantha, well I'm telling you, I hate being called Sam and Samantha isn't what Sam is short for," she paused for a moment. "The name on my birth certificate is Samara Lisa Connors."
Sarah nodded. "My grandmother's name," she told him. "She immigrated to America from Poland after the war and married my grandfather. They had my mom and when she was about ten, my grandmother died in a car accident. When I was born, mom apparently insisted on naming me after her mother and dad agreed, although they decided to address me as Sam, to save me from being bullied for having a strange name. But I liked my name, and hated it when they would call me Sam."
"Then when I was seven, my parents got divorced and I ended up going with my father, we had to use a variety of different aliases to escape the authorities and other criminals, and I was never called Samara again," she said with a degree of sadness that surprised both of them. "I-I know it seems silly, but I never really liked any name I had after that. Jenny, Katie, Rebecca. I never even really liked Sarah… at least not until I met you."
She smiled at him, almost shyly when she said this. "After I met you, I began to like the name Sarah, because it became more than just a name to use and throw away when I was done with it. It began to feel like... me, like a real person, because it was Sarah who you knew and loved," she explained with a dreamy smile, continuing her story about her name. "That's why I began feeling lost Chuck. Because without Chuck, there was no Sarah."
Chuck couldn't help but stare attentively at Sarah throughout her tale. After so long, she was finally opening up to him, and he couldn't describe how good it made him feel. And apparently, she wasn't done either. "I told Shaw about Sam, because I thought maybe he could help me find who I am, but I think deep down, I knew that without you, I'm nobody. Just a pretty face using whatever name assigned to her. I think that's why I told Shaw about Sam and not Samara."
Sarah took another deep breathe, unable to believe how wonderful she felt, finally able to share this stuff with the man she truly loved, not the emotionless super spy she tried to replace him with. Chuck was simply irreplaceable. And being able to share this stuff with him had been terrifying, but now that she had done it, it was truly liberating. "So… what do you think," she asked Chuck, trying to see where his mind was at.
Chuck's response was to pull her into another kiss, a move that caught her completely by surprise for a single moment, before she closed her eyes to return it. She brought her hands to lightly caress his face as his own wrapped around her body to embrace her and press her body against his own. Their lips remained connected in the sweet simple kiss, softly convey their feelings for each other, both of them relishing how the other felt against them. Finally, the two slowly parted, the need for air making it a necessity. "I love you Sarah," Chuck panted, smiling for what felt like the first time in ages. "Or should I say Samara?"
Sarah felt her heart soar, his words confirming what she had known for a while. "No, Chuck," she said shaking her head in the negative. "As much as I liked being Samara, I like being Sarah more, because that's the woman you fell in love with. So for you, I will always be Sarah. Your Sarah, who loves you very much."
His adoring smile was infectious and Sarah began to doubt that anything could remove her own smile at that moment. Grasping his hand, she stood up from her seat on the fountain's edge and pulled him up as well. "Come on Chuck," she said, leading to the Morgan door. "We have some unfinished business to finish up. From Barstow," she added to remove any confusion, and giggled at the way his eyes widened.
Using her free hand, she opened the window and led him into his bedroom. "Morgan's out isn't he," Sarah asked as he pulled the window closed behind him. "I was waiting for a while and didn't see any sign of him."
"Yeah, he's working late tonight at the Buy More," Chuck confirmed.
With that she gently grasped his face and once again brought his lips down to hers. Chuck placed his hands on her hips and pressed his body against hers, causing them to stumble backwards onto his bed. Both of their hands moved from their previous position, roaming the others body, caressing flesh and undoing belts and buttons as they wandered. It was fortunate that Chuck's white Nerd Herd shirt and Sarah's light blue blouse were both button ups, as they were able to remove each other's clothing without breaking their kiss. Completely naked, the blonde beauty broke their kiss, staring longingly into his dreamy chocolate eyes. "Lay down," she whispered to him, her voice thick with desire.
Obeying her command, Chuck rolled over onto his back and placed his head upon his pillow. Sarah positioned herself on her knees at the rookie agent's side, bringing her soft hand to his growing erection and gently stroking it as she admired this newest aspect of the man she loved. Without a second thought, she brought her head to the phallus and lowered her mouth upon it, gently suckling Chuck's shaft. The moans that her actions created were like sweet music that she had waited her whole life to hear.
Chuck softly brought his hand to her head, weaving it through her golden tresses as she continued to bob her head up and down. He delighted in how her mouth felt, the suction she applied feeling wonderful, as she devoted herself to making him harder, a task that was accomplished with little difficult. Her deft tongue swirling around him, her soft lips lightly kissing his tip when she brought her head up before she descended upon him again, everything about what Sarah was doing made him feel alive for the first time since he uploaded the 2.0.
Sarah lifted her head from his member one last, to survey her efforts. She admired his now fully erect nine inch penis, glistening with pre-cum and her saliva, and although she didn't need it, found another reason to love the most wonderful man in the world. The man who loved her, even after all the times she hurt him. As Sarah removed herself from Chuck's side and swung a leg over his hips, she vowed that she would never do anything to hurt him ever again.
Chuck couldn't help but groan as Sarah lowered herself down upon him, sheathing him inside her. He had fantasied about having sex with Sarah Walker since he met her, but it wasn't long until he began dreaming of making love to the woman who came to hold his heart. Yet despite all his dreams of love and juvenile fantasies, they all paled in comparison to what he was currently experiencing as the beautiful blonde slowly lowered herself down his length, her warm depths engulfing him. When she could bring herself down no further, Sarah placed her hands on his chest and smiled lovingly at him, her cheeks flushed with pleasure and love.
As Sarah rested herself on Chuck's hips, allowing herself to become accustomed to his well-endowed manhood, she admired his face. Only moments ago there had been hurt and rage, all because of her. Now though, everything about his face, every muscle, every line, the warmth of his eyes, they all conveyed only his love for her, and she knew by the smile he wore that her own face showed the same. His love for her combined with the physical sensation of being stretched so deliciously, made her feel a warmth that she had never felt before, and she could easily see herself becoming addicted. As she felt more comfortable with the shaft inside of her, she began to move up and down on his rod.
Chuck groaned as Sarah began moving her hips on his erection, her arousal making the movement easy. Chuck had always wanted to travel the world and see the beautiful sights contained within it, yet as he looked up to the goddess that held his heart slowly riding him, he knew that he would never see a sight that could compare in any way to what he was currently seeing. The way breasts moved as she rode him was hypnotic, the way the moonlight that streamed through his bedroom window and onto her skin and mesmerising. As he removed her hands from his chest and brought her lips down to his, he knew that he would never experience a more beautiful moment than being with his Sarah.
Sarah moaned into the kiss as she lay on his chest, her hips still moving along his length with Chuck thrusting his own hips to meet hers. During the length of time she had known Chuck, she had held many regrets, usually either hurting him, or allowing him to hurt her on those few times he had broken up with her. Currently her biggest regret was not doing this sooner and even contemplating that being with Shaw. As handsome as he was, there was no way he could ever hope to match the warm tenderness that she felt at that very moment, nor the carnal pleasure she gained from his manhood inside her depths. This was where she belonged, with Chuck, and this was where she was going to stay.
Like Sarah, Chuck couldn't help but regret his previous liaison with a member of the opposite sex. The thing with Hannah was doomed from the start, because there was no way he should have started a relationship with her, or anyone for that matter, when he was head over heels in love with Sarah. Even when he had been with Hannah a few nights earlier, in the back of his mind and in his heart, the thought of Sarah remained. And while what he had with Hannah had been fun for what it was, it was nothing compared to what he felt with the blonde goddess who held his heart. "Sarah," Chuck gasped as their lips parted. "I… I'm about to…"
Her response was to simply place her lips back onto his and to continue her movements, coaxing Chuck to achieve his peak. Groaning roughly into the kiss, Chuck released his seed inside of her, filling her with his warmth, both literally and emotionally. His cum following through her depths triggered Sarah's own climax, her hips now bucking wildly as she spasm out of control, desperate to prolong her pleasure as her honey exploded around the man inside her.
As the pair came down from their mutual highs, their movements slowed gradually before stopping all together, leaving Sarah lying on top of Chuck with him still instead her, both basking in the glow of the moonlight and the warmth of each other. It was with great reluctance that Sarah eventually rolled from her place on top of Chuck to his side, his arm wrapping itself around her shoulders and pulling her closer towards him, an action that was welcomed by the female agent, who rested her head upon his chest.
For several moments they laid there, just enjoying each other's presence before Chuck let out a light laugh. "I just realised something," he explained at Sarah's questioning look. "About your initials."
"What about them," she questioned, wondering where he was going with this.
"Samara Lisa Connors. S. L. C," he enunciated, his boyish grin growing wider. "Sarah loves Chuck."
Sarah couldn't help but let out a hearty laugh, and it felt like she hadn't laughed in ages. Which she hadn't, upon realisation, because Chuck was the only one who could ever make her laugh. "It must be fate," she said with an adoring grin, one in which he returned. "It's true though. And Chuck… there's something else I want to tell you about Samara."
"Hmm? What's that?"
She smiled lightly and she traced a figure eight on his heart. "Before I met you, I never thought I'd have a normal life, you know, with marriage and children and stuff like that," she explained to him, much to Chuck's confusion. "But I had always dreamed about having a daughter who I'd call Samara. But it wasn't until I came to Burbank did I actually think that that dream could come true. And for the past two and a half years, that daughter in my dreams has had curly brown hair that makes adorable animal shapes and warm, brown eyes that I could get lost in."
Sarah's smile widened she stared into Chuck's eyes, exactly how she had just described them. "I'm not saying we should get married and start planning for kids right now, but I'm hoping someday-" she had begun saying yet was cut off by Chuck pressing his lips against hers in a kiss that she ardently returned.
After a moment, the rookie agent pulled away from his lover, leaving her face looking flushed yet very happy. "If one day, I get the nerve to ask you to marry me, and I'm lucky enough for you to say yes, and we end up having a little girl, who will hopefully look like and be amazing as her mother, then yes we will call her Samara," he said with his Chuck Bartowski smile that Sarah loved so much. "And we won't call her Sam because we're too worried about kids picking on her, because with us as her parents, there's no way she won't be awesome."
Sarah laughed at his little speech, yet relished the warm feeling of love his words sent throughout her body. "Thank you, Chuck," she said lovingly. "I love you."
She hadn't thought it possible, but his grin actually grew brighter. "I love you too," he stated, his own feelings towards her just as obvious. "So… um… I know I really shouldn't be bringing this up right now, and I'm actually kicking myself for doing this but… um… what about Shaw?"
Instead of berating him for mentioning someone else while they were post-coitus, Sarah simply closed her eyes. As she drifted off to slumber, she answered his question. "Who cares."
Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it and remember to review.