I've had this idea for a while and Im really happy that I've finally written it down. Enjoy!
Coulson worked hard. He was on the move most of the time, participating in a gun fight almost every time he stepped outside his flying mobile home, and quite frankly to put it lightly, a very busy man.
Usually, according to the rhetorical laws of nature, hardworking people deserve a few creature comforts. To Coulson, who was a tough badass, this usually meant a quiet place to watch his prized collection of Star Trek films.
He even had a clip on pair of Vulcan ears to wear, in order to "get in the mood."
Those are his exact words.
His only problem right at that very second? Where to watch his films.
Due to the slight problem of not having much need for them, the Bus didn't have many DVR players. There just wasn't much point. Two was really all they needed and that was a stretch.
So, Coulson decided to try the main living area first. This was due to common logic, everyone wants to watch a movie in the comfiest place available.
Once he had gotten settled in with his popcorn however, he was rudely interrupted by one of the most disturbing, yet beautiful things to exist. Love.
Right in the middle of the opening credits, Skye and Ward decided to make themselves comfortable. Two. Feet. Away.
He didn't have a problem with the couple themselves, but really?
It quickly got worse.
"Shhh! Ward!" Skye giggled, then moved her head closer toward his, to catch his next joke. Who knew the guy could be a comedienne when he wanted to? It was just Coulson's luck that his most stoic agent would boast his new found talent right in the middle of his Trekkie marathon.
Coulson sighed and glanced at his custom made Vulcan ears, resting next to the popcorn bowl. If Coulson was to keep up his perfect mask of fearless leader, then the ears would have to stay in his lap. It was shame since wearing the ears was one of his favorite parts of watching the films.
Thankfully it got a bit quieter, and Coulson was able to focus on the movie until the fact that from the corner of his eye it looked like there was only one person sitting next to him caught his attention. Oh wait. No. Ward and Skye were making out now. Rather heavily, he might have added.
So, with a uncomfortable grunt, Coulson packed up and shipped out.
Often, during nights when he couldn't sleep, Coulson asked of himself heart wrenching, philosophical questions.
"Are you a tough guy, Phil?" "Do you portray the picture of manliness well, despite having the name Phil?" "Are you a brave and fearless leader?" "Did dying affect your overall awesomeness?"
Yes, yes, yes, and no.
So why didn't he just kick the happy couple out of the living area, instead of watching the movie on a rather uncomfortable chair in the kitchen?
That's classified S.H.I.E.L.D business. Mind your own business before Coulson calls a S.W.A.T team.
Despite his minor setback, watching the movie in the kitchen went pretty well. He moved on to Wrath of Khan without a problem. He even put on his Vulcan ears.
Coulson snatched off his ears, cradling them protectively, and paused the movie all in one swift motion.
"Who's there?" He called.
It was Bashful, who was swooping around the light.
Coulson braced himself.
"FITZ! YOU SON OF A DEVIL! STOP TICKLING ME!" Bashful shook, moving crazily as his controller jerked around spastically.
Then Bashful stopped shaking, and stood very still as, presumably, Simmons managed to turn the tables.
Coulson closed his eyes, and dearly hoped that the walls carried sound and that Fitz and Simmons weren't heading to the kitchen. He really wanted some down time.
Unfortunately, they were. Apparently the day had been rather trying and they were craving chocolate pudding.
Coulson stared at them, irritated, as they danced around the kitchen, flirting as they whipped up the dessert. It was obvious as to what was going to happen next.
Coulson trudged down the hallway, utterly defeated, a stack of DVDs underneath one arm, his Vulcan ears hanging off the other.
Soft footsteps came toward him, and his glanced up to see a stoic Melinda May walking toward him. With barely a glance she handed him a sleek, portable disk player, and continued toward the gym.
Coulson stopped in his tracks, staring down at the disk player, before running to throw his things into his room.
He suddenly felt like working out.