A/N: I don't own any of The Big Bang Theory characters and I am not making any money from writing this.
Please forgive any minor spelling or grammar mistakes, English is not my native language.
Stuart backstory that I feauture in this fic is completely fictional. I hope that it is not over the top.
This is just a ome shot, I am not going to write chapter two.
Stuart shivered once he felt a cold air wrapping around his pale sensitive skin. Water looked so dark, so cold... but, he thought, if he spends enough time in it, maybe he'll end up in a warm, happy, less cruel place, like falling asleep and dreaming...
Death... it seemed almost ridiculous at that point: so simple, so ordinary: four am, put on your jacket, leave your apartment, leave the door unlocked, leave no note or anythihg, walk to a closest bridge, jump off of it and die. Not to mention that he won't leave anything significant or worth remembering behind...
Her facial expression... he couldn't see her face at that moment-not even reflection in the water, due to dark sky-but he knew that he has the same facial expression in that very moment.
He heard steps, soft footsteps approaching him, and he turned his head in direction of footsteps. He saw a girl, girl he saw in comic book store few months earlier, girl who was looking for Raj. He wondered what is she doing here.
She just glared at him. Her facial expression... he couldn't see he
And then she moved her head away, looking down at a surface of the water, and stepped at the edge of a bridge, just few steps away from him.
Why would she want to kill herself? He didn't know. But again, he felt that everyone else are happier than him, so why bother thinking about that?
Still, he couldn't resist, and he asked her: "Why are you here?"
Her facial expression didn't change in any way; he wasn't even sure did she hear him. But she did.
"I hurt someone", she finally said. "I hurt someone and made him unhappy, and ruined my chance to be happy, too. I was, and I am such a coward that I couldn't be in a normal relationship with him, no matter how special and nice he was... every day I would wake up with a thought that I will do better today, that I will overcome at least one of my many stupid fears and compulsions, but I fail every day. My every step, every move is filled with fears and frustrations. That is not life: that is surviving. And Of course, some people will be upset because of what I'll do and they'll be sad and I'll hurt them again and I can't even do this without screwing something up, but at least once I do it and people who cared for me although I don't deserve it get over me, I won't hurt anyone anynore. And I won't be scared once I die. And I need to die. I deserve to die. I'm hopeless and selfish and coward. I'm a failure, that's what I am. That's what were my parents always telling me. I guess they were right", she said as a single tear rolled down her face.
Stuart swallowed hard, feeling his throat turning more and more dry with every second.
"My parents died", he said, still looking down at the dark, cold river. "When I was fifteen years old. They never understood me, they worked too much and were fighting often, and they died before we could start... getting along better. Than I started living with my aunt, who for some reason started blaiming me for their death. And she was calling me stupid and angry and spoiled and retardet... and I moved out at age of eighteen, hoping that I will start a new life, better life, but I didn't. I have fallen for two girls, like for real, but they both ended up with other guys-maybe they deserve them better than I do... I had a friend. Good friend. And several other good friends, for a while. Till that other guy returned and I became useless, again. I only see them when they come to comic book store, they are good guys but they are not helping me... my comic book store... buisness isn't so good anymore... these days, when you can find everything online... why would anyone bother coming to some creepy nerdy guy's comic book store? I will probably need to close it sooner or later... that place is a part of me... only place where I felt happy, just a little but still..."
He took a deep breath, trying to hold back tears. He didn't know why, soon enough everything will be over anyway, but still...
I... maybe I was looking for happiness in the wrong world. Maybe I just need to jump, and then I will end up on the other side, or something like that, and maybe I'll see my parents, maybe we'll finally start getting along, maybe I'll have lots of friends, and a wonderful girlfriend, and maybe I'll finally be happy, forever."
"I'm scared", Lucy said, before laughing bitterly. "Even now, I'm still a coward."
"Don't be afraid", Stuart said, walking toward her, and holding her shivered when she felt his cold hand pressed against hers, feeling of his smooth skin pressed against her palm. "It will be a relief. I know it."
But in the same time, she suddenly felt an urge to stay, stick around, be with this person who understands why she wants to do this, person who is nit judging her-person who is holding her hand just to make her feel better.
He claimed it to be a relief, a one way ticket to a happier place-but why couldn't they stay here, and try to be happy, one last time? Maybe this is some kind of... sign? A message?
Because really, is it just a coincidence for two people who want to commit suicide to meet just before doing it? And that they understand each other?
She squeezed his hand harder, and stepped away a little-just one step, but enough to drag him away from edge of the bridge. He was too surprised and stunnned to resist and in next moment, they were both off the edge. She buried her face in his shirt, and she cried, and she didn't know for how long, but once she stopped, and looked around, she realized that he was still there, he was still with her, holding her, nobody else was around, sun raised, water was no longer dark, she wasn't sad or afraid or angry anymore, and it was perfect.