Shinra Inc. And The NSA
Author's Note: For those of you who have read the series since its inception (or visit the website to see every single episode), you know that the Shinra Inc. And series actually started out as political humor, making fun of America. Once in a while, I bring it back to its political humor routes (such as Shinra Inc. And Accountability making fun of the BP Oil Spill). This is one of those times, as I feel this is a topic that Shinra Inc. And can handle beautifully.
=Shinra Inc. And The NSA=
Deep in the dark depths of the 30th floor of the Shinra building is a telecommunications center, filled with the most depraved and sadistic individuals known to man. They are called "employees". Day-in, day-out these "employees" tirelessly monitor suspect communications of every kind looking for the latest boogeyman. Ever vigilant: these people wait, watch, and listen.
"So, Reeve," Rufus said as he led his Vice President on a tour of the facility. "Beautiful isn't it?"
Reeve rubbed his arms uncomfortably. "Beautiful… unethical… dangerous. No one man should have this kind of power."
"That's why I'm putting you in charge of it," Rufus said.
"What?" Reeve asked.
"You wanted to be second-in-command, and this duty falls to you," Rufus said.
"All of your duties fall to me. You never do anything," Reeve insisted.
"Well, then you should have seen this one coming," Rufus continued. "Come on, let me show you what they do."
"I know what they do. You explained all of this at the meeting not thirty minutes ago," Reeve sighed.
Rufus did not seem to hear this. "These men and women are hard at working looking through emails, telephone conversations, MyFace accounts, everything. With this new information, we can fight crime at the source: the people!"
"So you're paying a large group of people to violate the privacy of our citizens on the off chance of catching criminals and terrorists?" Reeve asked.
"I figured you might say that," Rufus said. "I'll have you know we have already stopped two terrorist incidents already! We saved twelve people who would have been otherwise killed!"
Reeve nodded. "Very well, that's good. How many false leads have you spent government time and money investigating?"
"Yo," Rufus said pointing to a large digital counter on the far wall, marked "False Leads". It was currently reading 5,367. "And that's just within the first week of this being operational."
"Okay, so it seems like you know this is a bad idea already," Reeve sighed.
"How do you figure? We stopped terrorists-"
"Aren't there other ways to stop terrorists?"
"Couldn't simply being on the ball with your reconnaissance teams have stopped these two attacks you mentioned previously?" Reeve asked.
"Not necessarily!" Rufus countered.
"True, but what's the cost-effectiveness of this program overall? You saved twelve people. You have spent-"
"33 million gil," Rufus said.
Reeve folded his arms, and raised his eyebrow.
"… This hour," Rufus confessed. "But this will help us fight all kinds of crime!"
"We already have people who do that. They are called police!" Reeve groaned. "You're putting me in charge of this thing and the first thing I intend to do is shut it down."
"Why, Reeve? Why do you always have to be like that?" Rufus asked.
"Because our citizens have a right to privacy!" Reeve blurted out.
Rufus paused for a moment and then burst out laughing. "That's a good one Reeve."
"Really?" Rufus asked. "Listen, these are telephone conversations and the web. You do not have a reasonable right to privacy on the web."
"Technically he's right," said Geneva who walked in from the door behind Rufus. "It's not illegal."
"But it's unethical and wasteful," Reeve argued.
"He's right on this one," Geneva explained to Rufus. "Besides, I know one thing that you are doing that is illegal."
"Just one thing?" Rufus asked.
"You need to catch up," Reeve nodded, casually fist bumping Rufus in a rare moment of solidarity.
"I know all about your Special Operations Division," Geneva explained.
"Special Operations? Oh! You mean Bubba!" Rufus smiled. "I was just about to show Reeve that. Come on."
Rufus led Geneva and Reeve down to a small isolated corner office of the telecom center. A fat man in a stretched-to-the-breaking-point Shinra uniform sat at a computer screen, stuffing cheetos into his face. He had dead eyes, a slack jaw, peach fuzz and a buzz cut.
"Hey Bubba! Could you explain to these folks what you do to help protect our city?" Rufus asked.
"I makes it look like we didn't illegally get evy-dence," Bubba said, in between sips of a beer.
Reeve and Geneva exchanged glances.
"He's not the most eloquent," Rufus smiled, rubbing the back of his head. "What he does is help uh… 'recreate the trail' between where we started and investigation and how we obtained evidence without a warrant or cause."
"That's a good'un!" Bubba smiled. "We brokes into this guys shop and planted a gun at a he-ill where's this shootin' took place. Now we's gonna go tell him that he's unda rest."
"Not now, Bubba!" Rufus said, trying to shield him from view of the other two.
"Would you care to explain to me how this isn't illegal?" Geneva asked.
"You two are terrorist sympathizers! You're Un-Midgarian!" Rufus shouted defiantly.
"Shut it down, Rufus," Reeve sighed.
"Okay, fine! But when the terrorist attacks happen don't you complain that we didn't do enough to stop it!" Rufus shouted.
Reeve look disgruntled, but Geneva shook her head. "Ehh… gotta give that one to Rufus."
"I'm just worried about Bubba. Where can a poor fat, uneducated man like him find work?" Rufus asked.
"You could put him in charge of the space program," Reeve whispered to himself.
"I've got just the thing!" Rufus exclaimed.
==Shinra Inc. And The NSA==
A few weeks later, Reeve and Rufus found themselves at the helipad, about to board a chopper to Junon. They were approaching the security team when Reeve saw a familiar face.
"Is that… Bubba?" Reeve asked.
"Yeah, we put him in charge of airport security," Rufus explained. "It seemed a good fit for him."
A few feet ahead of them, Bubba was having an argument with a scientist.
"Sir, I needs you to take off yer clothes," Bubba said. "We gots to check fer bombs 'n such."
"You know what, Rufus, I think I'll take a boat instead," Reeve said, leaving the helipad.