Author Note: This fanfic is rated T for the following: cutting, suicidal thoughts, and Yullen. Also, I'll be updating ever Monday.

Kanda: This is the worst story ever!

Me: No, you love it. Allen, will you do the honors?

Allen: Sure, Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, only the plot.

Me: Then, let the story begin!


Chapter 1: New Room

I walk to Komui's office with Timcampy flying around beside me. As I was walking out of the cafeteria after dinner, Komui called Kanda and me to his office over the intercom. Probably another mission, but why did he have to put me with that jerk?

I grumble to Tim about how Lenalee and Lavi were both here, and available to the task. Unfortunately, no matter how much I complain, I'm still having to on a mission with the bluenette. I push open Komui's office door and see Kanda is already there with the ever present sour look plastered to his face. I sit on the couch, trying to get as much distance between the two of us as possible.

"Well then," the deranged scientist began, "I guess you're wondering why you're here." Silence filled the air.

He continued, unfazed, "First off, this isn't a mission."

I sucked in a breath in unison as the ill-tempered samurai. I get a creeping suspicion that the lunatic is about to condemn one of us to death. "Reever and I are conducting an experiment on putting together enemy exorcists as roommates to see if it helps performan-"

Kanda stood and drew Mugen, pointing the katana at Komui, "There's no way in heck that I'm sharing a room with the Moyashi!"

Komui puts his hands up, "You have no choice." With that, he holds up two jingling keys. I don't need to check my pockets to know that the keys belong to me and Kanda. "My Lenalee is an excellent key stealer. Wouldn't you agree?"

I'm truly amazed that the scientist hasn't been skewered by the furious bluenette. I give him ten words before he is, though. Komui then pulls out two more keys, tossing one to me and one to Kanda, "These are the keys to your new room. Your things have already been taken there. You are dismissed."

As he sits in his chair, Kanda yells, "And why would we submit to that?!"

I stand and grab the screeching samurai's hood, pulling him out the door. He rounds on me once we're in the hall, but I've already blocked the attack with my sleek, black Innocence arm. Kanda's dark eyes are blazing, "Are you happy about this?"

I shake my head, "No, heck no, but we have no other option. Just come on."

Though I know he hates being ordered around, Kanda sheathes Mugen and walks in the opposite direction of our new room. I watch him go, his beautiful long hair trailing behind him, and his muscular shoulders tensed. He may think it's the end of the world, but it's a lot harder on me.

I sullenly walk to room 149, one of the rooms on the top floor. By the time I reach the door, a light coat of sweat covers my body. I decided to get some exercise and take the stairs instead of the elevator. I unlock the door, opening it to a quite spacious room. I close the black door behind me and look around. Mine and Kanda's belongings were neatly placed in two suitcases by the door. Along the right wall was a bunk-bed, covered by deep purple comforters, and a nightstand accompanying it. From there, the far wall had the sliding glass door that goes out to a small balcony, complete with two plastic chairs. Then, the left wall had the door to the bathroom, a small dresser on either side.

I was amazed by the room. It really was very nice, but the fact that I would be sharing it with Kanda….

I sigh heavily, and stroll to the bathroom. I gasp at the large room, a two-sink vanity with a gigantic mirror, and a Jacuzzi bath tub connected to a shower. Confused that there was no toilet, I peek around the vanity back wall and find it there. My next thought was why did they do such an elaborate job? I shiver and exit the bathroom, slightly surprised to see Kanda unpacking his things into the dresser closest to the balcony.

He doesn't even glance at me as I walk to the beds again, jumping onto the top bunk. I had never been in a bunk-bed, so it was pretty cool to have a view over the entire room. I also can see Kanda standing with his hygienic supplies, and carry them into the bathroom. He sets them down on the vanity directly across from the door, but when he turns his head to the right, he stops dead. After cursing that he would kill Komui and Reever, he arranges his things the way he wants them. He vanishes towards the shower with two bottles of what I'm guessing are shampoo and conditioner in hand.

I lay back on the pillows, imagining my hands running through the bluenette's silky hair. I've felt his hair before, but only once. I don't think he noticed, but I remember it like it was yesterday. We had had yet another fight, and when he turned, his hair whipped me across the face. It stung like crap, but so worth it. I'm snapped back to reality when I hear water running. Kanda walks back into my view, his hair loose from its hair tie and cascading down his bare back. He runs his brush through it a few times before he catches me staring through the mirror. The jerk kicks his foot out behind him, closing the door, but I could have sworn I was a smirk on his full lips.

I shake my head. Yu Kanda doesn't like anyone, especially not me. Forcing myself up, I hop off the bed, landing on my feet and Innocence arm. I purposely try to land like this, wishing that maybe the sexy samurai look with lust in his dark orbs. I know it will never happen, but I can dream, right?

I grab my belongings, and set the suitcase on the dresser. I put away my clothes, leaving my personal supplies out to take into the bathroom later. I place the picture of Mana and I on the corner, making it secure enough so it won't fall off.

Finally, I come to the bottom of the case. Two items lay there: a razor and journal. I'm glad that the last time I used the razor I rinsed my blood off of it. I would be getting plagued with questions right now if I hadn't. I wrapped my clean clothes around the razor and journal, and place it among my other things. That's when I realize it. I won't be able to wear only sweatpants to bed anymore. I groan at the sudden realization. I add a turtleneck to my clean clothes, and trudge to my bed. Once I'm on the top bunk again, I lay back and stare at the looming ceiling.

I have no problem having my shirt off, especially around the showering bluenette. The problem with this is that I have too many scars on my body to explain. I nearly was doomed when Fou brought it up that time she disguised herself as Lou Fa. She knew I was cutting the moment she met me, but never told anyone. I was so thankful. If someone found out, I'd probably get kicked out of the Order. That scared me.

Lenalee would cry for days, trying to help me. Lavi would stay away from me, and when we did meet, he'd act like nothing happened. Everyone else would be disgusted, Kanda more than anyone. As if on cue, the samurai opens the door, the steam spirits bursting free from their restraints. He had on pants, but no shirt, his tattoo prominent against his wet skin. Running his long fingers through his damp hair, he glanced at me, "Who said you get to be on top?"

I nearly choke on my own saliva. He couldn't have worded that better? From the odd look of satisfaction on his chiseled features, I get a weird feeling that he meant it to sound that way. I straighten defiantly, "Because I want to be."

He mutters something along the lines of "Stupid Moyashi", and sits on the bottom bunk. I lean over the edge of the bed, my eyes seeing an upside down image of Kanda pulling his hair up into its normal ponytail, his midnight eyes meeting my silver ones, "What, Moyashi?"

"It's Allen, BaKanda!" I say. Then, I flip forwards off the bed, executing a perfect landing. I stand, not turning around as I walk to my dresser, though I want to see his expression. I gather my things, and close the bathroom door as I enter. I had always wanted to do that! Though, when I thought about it, it always ended in the bluenette kissing me. I immediately flush at the thought. I arrange my things on the vanity, putting my razor and soap bar on the side of the Jacuzzi-shower hybrid.

I pull off my exorcist coat, leaving my scars visible. I strip the rest of my clothing off, and twist the faucet. The water came out of the shower head straight down from the ceiling, still steaming from Kanda's shower. I can still smell the faint traces of moonlight, and yes, I think Kanda smells like moonlight. I step into the shower, letting the water run down my marred body. I pull the curtain across the rounded beam, thankful for the isolation. I see Kanda's hair products in the corner, feeling so proud of myself when I realize the label reads "Moonlight Mist".

I trace the cut across my abs. The cut I had made two days ago. I was going to have to get a new first aid kit. The last one was used up when I made the cut much deeper than I should have.

That means I can't cut tonight. I really needed to with what's happening at the moment. I can't though. I shudder, also coming to the realization that I used the rest of my shampoo. I glance at Kanda's two inviting bottles. He might kill me if I used them, but he couldn't tell if I used just a little, right?

I step out of the shower a few minutes later. I dry my white hair. I was trying to grow it out to see if Kanda liked it better that way…jeez, does my life revolve around the cranky samurai? Yes.

I sigh, pulling on my clothes, nearly forgetting my shirt, but remembering at the last second. I open the door, the coolness making me shiver slightly. Kanda was reading what looked to be a pretty decent sized novel. That surprised me a little. I didn't think the bluenette liked to read. I hop up into my bed, and I hear the book close, "Why did you use my shampoo, Moyashi?"

I wriggled under the covers before freezing. "It's Allen! Al-len!" I growl. "And I ran out. I only used a little though."

"Don't use my things," he orders, the sound of the book opening again following.

I sigh. I guess it was wishful thinking that he wouldn't notice. I kick the sheets and comforter off me. I was going to die of heatstroke in this thing! I curse under my breath, silently wishing that I didn't have to wear the uncomfortable turtleneck.

I turn to my side, trying to cool down, but failing. I roll to my stomach, and regret it as the pain from the cut sears through me. I gasp in painful misery, and flop to my back, clutching my stomach. I feel Kanda kick my mattress, "Oi, Moyashi, stop thrashing around."

I bite back a retort and say, "Sorry, just hurts."

"What hurts?" Whoops! I feel like such an idiot, but then wonder why Kanda would give a crap. "Why would you care?" I ask.

Silence. After a moment, he replies, "I don't."

Careful not to irritate the wound more, I peer at the samurai, my hair probably falling and making me look stupid. I didn't care, though. I just wanted an answer, "Then why ask?"

He closed his book once again, looking me in the eyes, the darkness piercing me. Though he had an annoyed look, it seemed to me that he was confused. He sighed, "Because if you're going to keeping flopping around like that, then I don't want you to keep me up all night."

I pull myself back up, and then slide off the bed. I move to the thermostat by the door, setting it down to sixty-five before lying back down, again. I close my eyes, trying to sleep, and eventually drifting off into an uneasy slumber.

Broken. Worthless. Freak. Incompetent.

The whispers crossed the Order, all the exorcists, finders, and scientist knew about my secret, not just Kanda, but cutting, too. I sit in my bed, head in my hands with tears streaming down my face. I hear the door open and involuntarily glance up, tears blurring my vision. Through the blurriness, I still knew from the dark eyes and waist length ponytail who it was.

Kanda silently walked over to the bed, "See, I knew this was going to happen."

I shake my head, confused, "But…"

He laughs at my misery, "It was obvious. I just liked to see you suffer, pathetic filth."

He grabs a hold of my shirt, roughly dragging me to the floor. The breath is knocked out of me as he kicks me against the wall. I cough, and look up to see the sharp tip of Mugen in my face, "You don't deserve to live as an exorcist. You don't deserve to live at all."

"No, please don't Kanda!" I scream, feeling the end of his katana prick the skin between my eyes. I screech in pain as it goes deeper….

"Moyashi! Wake up!" I feel myself being shaken. I open my eyes to see Kanda on top of me, jerking me awake. My eyes widen and crawl back, putting my hands over my face, trying to protect myself.

The tears bubble over my eyes, and I shut them. "What the heck are you doing?"

I move my hands to see a confused look on the bluenette's face. I open my mouth, trying to say something, but nothing comes out. I quickly wipe away the tears, "Just a nightmare." I slide off the bed, making my way to the balcony door. I open the glass door, stepping outside and closing it behind me. I lean over the edge of the railing, casting my gaze elsewhere. The view was beautiful, though it was dark. I let a tear drip off my flushed cheek. Stupid nightmares. I get them more and more often now, and one of these times, I'm going to have to explain to the samurai why I was calling out his name in my sleep. I allow my eyes to wander the sky and distant trees, the mountains arching to the sky. I don't know how long I was out there, but I didn't sleep anymore. I didn't even enter the room again until dawn's colors were bleeding into the sky.

When I decided to return to the room, Kanda had woken up and was brushing his hair, the long locks falling out of the bristles and cascading down his muscled back. As I wander to my dresser, I pull out my iPod, put in the ear buds, and clicked it on. Living in a world so cold, wasting away. Living in a shell with no soul, since you gone away. I lose myself in the music as I slip into the bathroom. After I've changed, I exit the bathroom. I walk past Kanda, though I desperately wanted to watch him continue to brush his luscious hair. I take my wallet and head out of the room, heading to the Dollar General.

Author Note: So that's chapter 1! I really have no clue if there is a Dollar General near the Order, but, oh well! Please, Please, PLEASE review!