Disclaimer: Not mine. If they were Jim would never have shot himself and he and John would have visited a nudist beach.
John dragged his feet along the sidewalk, he hadn't slept in four days. Between double shifts at the clinic and chasing Sherlock all over London John hadn't had time for a decent cup of tea, let alone eight hours of healthy sleep.
And don't forget Mycroft! He had kidnapped John five times in the last two days.
Once was to find out what new case Sherlock was working on.
Once was to try and gain Johns help in inducing Sherlock to take a case for the government.
And, as far as the doctor knew, the rest were just inept attempts to socialize. Though from the way Sherlock always acted afterwards each time it could be some of that odd sibling rivalry the two were always at.
With the poor doctors focus so scattered, and his tired mind trying to keep up, John didn't notice the sleek black car pull up next to him or the rather intimidating man stepping from the drivers door.
He barely noticed being ushered into the backseat, and when he did he simply thought it was Mycroft wanting another social visit. He couldn't have been more wrong.
Taking in the person next to him in the backseat, and mildly surprised that it wasn't 'Anthea', John tried working his mind for who this familiar man was.
"Oh Johnny! I'm hurt! You've forgotten me already!" There was no forgetting that voice though.
Adrenaline awakening the ex-soldier, John really looked at where he was.
A large muscular blonde man sat across from him, pointing a gun at his midsection; and, oh yeah, there was a psychotic consulting criminal sitting next to him.
'I just don't live right.' He thought while taking all this in.
"What do you want Moriarty?" He didn't try to hide his exhaustion from the madman, it would be useless with Sherlock so there was no point here with the evil twin.
As this thought crossed Johns' mind he had to repress a giggle. 'Dear lord, I'm more tired than I thought if I'm making jokes at a time like this.'
"If your done with your little observances, I'd like to have your attention if it wouldn't be too much of a bother." The voice might be chipper but there was no mistaking the threat underneath. That didn't stop John from being flippant though.
"I guess I can listen to you for a while, seeing as your giving me a ride and all." He couldn't suppress the giggle this time.
He was making jokes at the expense of a mad genius whom had just effectively abducted him! No more staying awake for days at a time, it really messed up his survival instincts.
"Was that a joke Johnny boy? Are you feeling well? I could play nurse and give you a check up if you say yes."
"Is that a promise?"
What the hell! First a lame joke and now flirting! Maybe he was sick. But, O the look of shock on Moriartys' face was well worth it. He'd take a picture if he wasn't certain going for his phone would get him shot.
"What has dear Sherlock been feeding you lately, pet? Maybe if I get some I could give it too all my abductees, it is certainly making you more interesting."
The adrenaline was wearing off, and John was having trouble keeping his eyes open now that he was in a stationary position.
"Listen Jim," he might as well throw caution to the wind seeing as how probably wasn't going to survive long anyway. "I have been awake several days too long and am likely to pass out at any moment, so could you just tell me what you need me to do without all the games; please?"
He wasn't actually expecting an answer, at least not to anything he had just said, so he was pleasantly surprised to get the straight answer had asked for.
"I don't really need anything from you Johnny, this will be more of a game of chase for Sherlock than anything else. So just sit back and relax. We can even spend some quality time together.
"Doesn't that sound nice?"
John wanted to be repulsed but he just didn't have the energy. And if he were being completely honest, which is easy to do after being awake more than one hundred hours, he found Moriartys' company rather nice.
At least when the man wasn't making threats to him or his flatmate or strapping him into semtex or being generally murderous.
When he wasn't being any of that it could be said he made for rather nice company, at least he was more aware of social conventions than any man with the last name of Holmes that John had met.
"It kind of does at that."
Savoring the second look of shock he had received in a matter of minutes, John carefully reached behind him and slowly withdrew his gun.
Turning it so the handle was pointed out, John passed it over to the slightly nervous gunman that had been all but forgotten in the brief exchange.
"Take good care of her, I'll be wanting her back"
"I'm the one with a flair for dramatics John. What are you on about?"
It was obvious that he didn't really need the explanation but John gave it anyway. It felt good to be asked something rather than having it deduced and then dismissed.
"I said before that I was very tired. I'm just acknowledging that I don't have the energy to fight my way out of this car or to try and repel your verbal barbs."
At this point the doctor gives a jaw popping yawn.
"Would you mind if I were to nap the rest of the way to wherever you're taking me?"
"No, go right ahead Johnny. If you think you can fall asleep in my presence then go right ahead."
The clear amusement in that deep voice was a bit annoying.
Having an idea that at any other time other than at sheer mental collapse would have been instantly vetoed by every cell in his body that longed to survive, John laid himself out of the backseat, put his arms around Moriartys' waist, pillowed his head in the criminals lap and snuggled.
"What in the hell do you think you're doing!?" Was the instant scream of response.
"Making myself comfortable. Now be quiet, I'm tired."
There was a bit of stuttering and a push or two at Johns' shoulder, but the good doctor was already dead to the world; and nothing was going to wake him.
Not a sudden car chase through the back streets of London.
Or a short lived gun fight.
Not even the transfer to a new vehicle, where he buried his face back into a certain consultants lap and proceeded to sleep peacefully.