Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: This is an A/H story and is in no way associated with I See Dead People (or The Right Choice for that matter) but it DOES require knowledge of the sex talk that Bella's grandmother gave her in ISDP to understand.

Jasper barely had enough time to brace himself when his oldest daughter, Charlene, came barreling out of the kitchen as if the devil himself was nipping at her heels.

"Oof," he grunted when her pointy elbow connected hard with his midsection. He brought his hands up to her shoulders in an effort to steady the both of them. His brows creased in concern when he looked down into his 13 year olds wide, unblinking hazel eyes. "Charley?" he questioned softly, lightly touching her golden brown curls. "You alright, sweetheart?"

He watched her throat muscles constrict as she swallowed thickly. "Yeah, dad," she said distantly, her voice slightly cracking. "Mom just gave me the... "A faint blush dusted the pale skin of her cheekbones. "...um, talk."

Jasper hummed in agreement, still slightly confused. He and Bella had discussed bringing up the subject of sex now that Charley was a teenager. He had been a little uneasy at the idea of giving her the talk himself (considering his own had been given to him by his older brother and consisted of him handing him a porno and a bottle of lotion) and had been relieved when his wife patted his shoulder and assured him that she'd take care of their two girls and he'd be in charge of their little boy.

Thank god Jackson's was a good ten years away. At least that gave him some time to prepare.

But he didn't remember looking quite like this after his first sex talk. Okay, so maybe that wasn't entirely true. He hadn't been able to make eye contact with his parents for days after watching that movie without blushing.

For a second, he wondered to himself if Bella had taken a page from their slightly... fanatical... next door neighbors – who had presented their own 13 year old son with a sex talk in the form of a slide show... of various sexually transmitted diseases – and had used it as an opportunity to scare their daughter out of having sex until she was thirty.

I can't say I blame her, he grudgingly admitted to himself as he tilted Charley's chin up to look into her eyes. His daughter, who took largely after his Bella, was well on her way to becoming a stunner. Time to start cleaning my shotgun, he thought briefly.

When Charley's eyes darted away and she pulled her chin from his hand, he sighed. "What did your mother say to you?" he asked, trying to keep the amusement out of his voice. His wife was known for her slightly... less conventional ways of doing things. But it was one of the many reasons he loved her.

She laughed nervously and licked her lips. "I told you, she gave me the talk."

Seeing that he wasn't going to get anything else from her, he crossed his arms and asked, "Well, do you have any questions or anything? I could take you out for ice cream or maybe a fruit–"

He reared back when she screamed, "NO!" at the top of her lungs, slapped her hands over her ears and darted towards the stairs singing, "la, la, la, la!" as she went.

Mouth slightly agape as he stared after her, he waited until he heard her door slamming before marching resolutely into the kitchen.

He eyed his wife who was sitting at the kitchen table, calmly eating a banana and spared a quick glance at her left hand, which was curled around something on the table, before looking back up at her. "You wanna tell me what you said to our daughter?"

She didn't answer him right away, instead taking her sweet time chewing the banana that was in her mouth. She finally swallowed and blinked up at him innocently. "Sex talk. You know that."

"Uh huh," he replied disbelievingly. "Then why'd she run outta her like that?"

"I have no idea," Bella said, the beginnings of a smirk tugging her lips as she held her left hand out to him. "Avocado?"

So... yeah... I just did that.

To clear things up for anyone reading this who hasn't read ISDP, in that story, Bella's Nan gives her a sex talk using a banana and a sliced and pitted avocado to... um... demonstrate certain things. It ends up putting Bella off eating fruit for a week.

So this is what I imagined if everyone in that story had been human and Bella had passed on that... knowledge... to her daughter.