This is not a Star Trek crossover of any kind.

There are no OCs or genderswaps in this story despite what it may seem. Trust me.

Choco Pie grumbled blearily as his evil, menacing nemesis cackled shrilly at him. "Shut up. I'm up already." He reached out with a hoof and tried to whack the alarm clock, which flew out of his reach, still screaming at him.

"Oh for Celestia's sake I'm up!" He stumbled out of bed and swiped at the clock again, and missed. A part of his mind reminded him it was his own fault for snoozing it three times and nearly missing opening time for his store. Another part of his mind refused to take the blame for anything so evil as a flying, shrieking alarm clock. It was all Twilight Sparkle's fault. Why had he ever asked her to help him with the getting up in the morning? Clocks were evil. Unicorns who enchanted clocks to fly were also evil.

"I will defeat you, Twilight Sparkle," he said through gritted teeth. "I will catch your alarm clock, and pitch it into the depths of Tartarus, to be tormented forever by demons with pitchforks and flying toasters singing annoying songs! Take that!" This time he managed to fall on his face while trying to catch the alarm clock.

"My life hates me." He curled up on the floor, feigning defeat. The alarm clock flew close to him, taunting him. He remained motionless as it grew closer, and closer, and closer, and –

WHAM! "Got you," he snarled, and then let out a cackling, maniacal laugh of his own as he shut off the alarm. "You shall never defeat Choco Pie! Not as long as my name is Choco Pie! Which I suppose means I should never change my name or the alarm clocks will defeat me!"

He got up and looked out the window at the brightly shining sun. "I hate you, Princess Celestia," he grumbled. "I hate you so much. You and that ball of fire you keep waving in my face while I'm trying to sleep."

But there was no help for it. It was time to get up, because Choco didn't like being broke.

His greatest passion in life – well, his greatest passion that could actually make him some bits, since witty commentary only made you bits if you were either organized enough to write funny books or lucky enough to make it in the world of improv comedy, and his desire to explore and see things that were different wasn't something anypony would pay for nowadays, especially since he'd rather like to do that exploration without losing limbs or starving – was the creation of exotic, artistic confections. He did his best work with chocolate, but there was quite a lot he could do with spun sugar as well, and he was always on the lookout for new exotic fruits and spices he could add to vary the flavors of the sweets he made. As a colt, he'd thought that would make him wildly successful in life, since everyone loves candy. However, Choco quickly learned that there were only three ways to become successful at making candy: work for someone else, operate a shop with regular hours, or be so famous that wealthy ponies gave you commissions.

His time working for the Cakes had almost destroyed his friendship with them. They were good ponies but Choco was simply too contrary to take well to being anypony's employee; he hated taking orders even when they were good ideas. He also kept rearranging the shop in new creative ways because how could a boring shop attract customers? He hadn't lasted long as their employee. And it was very, very unlikely he'd have better luck working for anypony else.

Taking commissions from wealthy ponies was, in fact, what Choco dreamed of being able to do, so he could hire employees to do stuff for him that was boring, and he could have the wealth and freedom to travel the world, meet beings that weren't ponies, see sights he'd never seen and just get out of this rut he was living in. However, one couldn't simply hang out a shingle and get the wealthy ponies to flock to one's door, especially not in Ponyville. Maybe he'd have better luck getting his creative genius recognized in Canterlot, but he hated Canterlot. Boring, stuck-up, stuffy ponies totally in love with themselves who couldn't even take a good joke. Rarity had suggested Manehattan, but firstly, rents in Manehattan were outrageous, so you couldn't go there to make it big, you had to be big before going there. Secondly all his friends were in Ponyville. Especially Fluttershy. And Rarity herself proved that the kind of business he wanted to have, where he could keep kind of vague hours and concentrate on the artistic side of his business, was possible to have in Ponyville. So he just had to keep afloat and keep his name out there until he made it.

Which meant running a shop. With regular hours. That he actually woke up for.

Sometimes Choco hated his life.

He owed the fact that he was still in business to his friends. If Twilight hadn't enchanted that alarm clock for him and offered to do his books for him, he'd have been bankrupt either from failing to get up on time to open the store, or from failing to manage his finances, months ago. Applejack had given him good deals on apples to make candied apples with, selling them to him below wholesale until he got on his hooves. Rarity had given him plenty of good business advice, made him a number of stylish outfits to wear at work, and had loaned him a lot of bits while he was starting out, most of which he hadn't managed to repay yet. Rainbow Dash had popularized his work in Cloudsdale so that he had a steady stream of pegasus customers looking for something interesting; most earth ponies weren't really interested in producing food that was exotic and interesting so much as practical and comforting, and most pegasi couldn't make good food to save their lives. His prices were cheaper than Manehattan or Canterlot prices would be, and he always kept his merchandise interesting. He did better business with pegasi than he did with his fellow earth ponies of Ponyville, actually. They were kind of boring.

Fluttershy hadn't given his business any material help or assistance but Fluttershy's very existence gave him a reason to get up in the morning and keep trying. He was fairly sure nopony knew what a massive crush he had on her – at least he hoped so, because being the only Element of Harmony who was a stallion, with five mares as his partners, could get really awkward if they knew he was in love with one of them, which was the main reason he had never confessed his love to her. That, and he couldn't figure out how it could work. She lived out by the Everfree and would never consider moving; her life's work was there. He had to live in the heart of Ponyville to get to his shop on a timely basis. They couldn't live together unless he was magically transformed into a unicorn and could therefore teleport, which despite the number of times he had earnestly wished for it, had never ever happened and probably never would because magic that could turn an Earth pony into a unicorn or vice versa was unheard of.

Fluttershy had also given him a lot of advice on being nicer to potential customers. Apparently customers did not appreciate his wit when it was being used to mock them. This was possibly obvious, but Choco had a hard time not making the snarky quips that came into his head, because they were just too funny. Starving to death would not be funny, however, so he was trying his best.

As he got his clothes on – clothes were annoying and constricting but he looked so good in them, he couldn't resist – Choco heard his doorbell ring. "Oh for Celestia's sake I'm not even open yet!" He glanced at the clock. Nope. Not opening time yet. "Who the hay—"

By the time he stumbled down the stairs into the shop and got the door open, he was in a very bad mood. Which vanished the moment he saw who was on his doorstep. "Fluttershy! My favorite pony! Come in, come in, my dear!" He stood and made a dramatic bowing gesture, ushering her into the shop. "What can I do for you, my dear? Candy coating for your bunny's carrots so he'll actually eat them for once? Sweet flavorings for medicine? Or do you just have an overwhelming desire to eat chocolate for breakfast?"

She giggled. "You're silly, Choco."

"I'm the Element of Laughter. Comes with the territory, don't you think? Seriously, I am at your disposal." He struck a pose and took on a theatrical tone. "Whatsoever you wish, only say, and I shall provide."

"I, um, I was just thinking it's going to be Applejack's birthday soon, and maybe it would be a good thing if you and Twilight got together to plan a party for her? If that's all right with both of you?"

"What a splendid idea! Almost her birthday? I'd entirely forgotten. Damn you, my nemesis!" He shook a hoof at the calendar hanging on the wall. "You think you've won, but with assistance from my sweet Fluttershy, I shall defeat you again!"

Fluttershy giggled again. There was no sweeter sound in the universe. He liked making ponies laugh, in general, but before he'd met Fluttershy his sense of humor had been much meaner, snarkier, depending heavily on being able to make fun of the failings of others. Fluttershy didn't laugh when he mocked other ponies, and if Fluttershy was there, and she didn't laugh, his joke had failed. So he'd taken more to self-mockery and simple absurdity, because Fluttershy thought those things were funny. "I, um, I haven't talked to Twilight yet but I don't know if maybe she has room in her schedule..."

"Twilight always has time for her friends," Choco said confidently. "We'll put together something splendiferous. You'll see."

Choco loved parties. He loved going to them, but even more, he loved hosting them, where he had creative control over the party atmosphere and everypony there was grateful to him for inviting them. Unfortunately, planning a party forced Choco into close personal dealings with his three greatest enemies: clocks, calendars and lists. He was very creative but hopelessly disorganized, so while he'd planned many parties before meeting Twilight, he hadn't actually ever managed to successfully have any.

Twilight's strengths were matched perfectly to his weaknesses and vice versa. She was organized, obsessively anal to the point where it actually annoyed him sometimes, careful (except with magic, apparently) and focused. She was also an introvert who was completely insecure about the concept of even being at a social occasion, let alone hosting one. So she and Choco would work together to plan the party, where he would provide all the creative direction and she would do the logistics and shoot down his more... unusual ideas (like the exploding marshmallow fluff fountains, which Twilight had pointed out had the potential to seriously hurt somepony. He had to admit that to be the case, and had sadly shelved the plan. Though if he'd had magic, he could totally have managed. Exploding marshmallow fluff! How could everypony not like that? If he were only a unicorn he could make the marshmallow explode out of the fountains without actually having to use explosives, he could use magic and do it safely, and why wasn't he born a unicorn?) Then she'd send out invitations and he'd go in person to make sure everypony got one, or invite them himself if they didn't. It was a great partnership that had resulted in several successful parties (and a few unsuccessful ones, but they didn't talk about those anymore by mutual agreement), which brought cheer and fun and some variety to the incredibly dull everyday life of Ponyville, and that was his main purpose in life.

"Thanks, Choco," she said. "You're a really good friend, you know?"

"Don't worry," Choco said. "You can always count on me." With any of the others he'd have pulled them into a brief sideways hug just to be funny, but he didn't dare hug Fluttershy because he wanted, so badly, to hug Fluttershy. "I'll always be your friend."

The teacher trotted up to the edge of the Canterlot sculpture garden, followed by a somewhat disorganized gaggle of foals. "I want to start our field trip here, in the world-famous Canterlot sculpture garden.", she said, and walked forward, pointing out the various statues. "That one over there represents 'Friendship'." A bit further on the winding path, and she pointed out the next one. "All right, my little ponies, this one represents 'Victory'."

Scootaloo was impressed. Victory was actually pretty awesome-looking, though not as cool as Rainbow Dash. But not 20% less cool, maybe only 5% less cool. "How cool would it be to have that for a cutie mark?" she whispered to her friends.

"Cool, if you were actually victoryful at somethin'," Apple Bloom said.

Sweetie Belle was indignant. "That's not a word!"

Like the important thing was that she made up a word, and not that she was being sarcastic at Scootaloo. "What are you, a dictionary?" Scootaloo asked her.

Cheerilee, the teacher, interrupted. "Girls! Now this is a really interesting statue. What do you notice about it?"

Apple Bloom pointed out, "It's got an eagle claw!"

Scootaloo was not to be outdone. "And a lion paw!"

Sweetie Belle chimed in, "And a snake tail!"

"Is that even a snake or is that a dragon tail or something?" Scootaloo asked.

"And she has a cow horn and a goat horn!" Apple Bloom said.

"And she's a filly! Well, a filly-like thingy!" Sweetie Belle said.

Scootaloo was surprised. She hadn't initially noticed the laughing creature was female. "And her wings don't match," she pointed out.

"And her mane is all poofy!" Sweetie Belle said.

Cheerilee interrupted again before Scootaloo had a chance to point something else out so Sweetie Belle wouldn't be ahead. "This creature is called a draconequus. She has the head of a pony and a body made up of all sorts of things, and the name down here on the pedestal says she's Eris, Goddess of Discord. What do you suppose that word means, 'discord'?"

Sweetie Belle said, "Singing badly!" at the same time as Apple Bloom said "Fighting and stuff!"

Scootaloo glared at them both. Those were dumb answers. "It's chaos!"

"It's not chaos, you dodo, it's singing badly!" Sweetie Belle said.

"Don't call me things I don't know the meaning of!" Scootaloo shouted at her. "And it is too chaos!"

"Is not!"

"You're both wrong!" Apple Bloom said. "It's fighting!" She proceeded to demonstrate her point by shoving Scootaloo, and then it was on.

Cheerilee pulled the Cutie Mark Crusaders apart from each other, ending the scuffle. "Actually, in a way, you're all right. 'Discord' means a lack of harmony. In music, a discordant note is a wrong note, so 'singing badly' is discordant. Things that don't match each other or don't go together can also be called discordant, so it's also chaos. And, as the three of you have demonstrated, lack of harmony between ponies, or fighting and strife, is also discord. In fact, you three have demonstrated discord so well that you're each going to write me an essay explaining it."

Scootaloo sighed. She hated writing essays.

As the children left the garden, the stone cracked, crumbled, and finally shattered, revealing a living being whose shape was the same as the laughing statue. The garden filled with the sound of hysterical giggling.

The creature was pink on top, her crazed poofy mane pink, curly and wild. Her dragonesque lower body was gold, ending in a tufted tail. The golden paw of a lioness and the talon of an eagle formed the limbs of her upper body; below, she had a gray goat's leg and a scaly, iridescent green leg like a dragon or a lizard. She spread her wings, one of which was feathered in rainbow colors, the other of which was a bat wing that was bright purple, and reached with her eagle talon up to her head, where she had a jaunty fedora spiked on her goat horn. She took it off and threw it into the air, still giggling. "Hats off! It's party time!"

The creature jumped off the pedestal, looking around her at the crumbled stone that had been her prison so recently. "I'm getting that déjà vu feeling all over again," she said, and began to laugh manically. "Let's see, improv or script? Improv or script? How about both! I'll do my lines till I forget 'em and then I'll improvise!" She snickered.

Around her the garden was still, any living things in the garden frightened off by her presence. She giggled. "Oh, look, none of the birdies want to be friends with me? What's the matter, you thought we were friends when you were pooping on my head! I'm good enough to poop on but not good enough to party with? Is that right? Stupid birds!" She snapped her talon, and within the garden, all of the birds suddenly fell from the sky, wingless and flightless. "Now go poop on the ground, see if the ground likes it! 'Cause I got places to be."

She stretched out her massive, mismatched body, every limb, her tail and her wings extending. "Wow. Feels great to stretch again. Maybe I can help out everypony with that!" A click of her talon and the statues in the garden suddenly elongated, stretching like Silly Putty, taking on a rubbery consistency. "There you go, guys! Have a stretch! That's a thank you present for standing by me for the past umpteen zillion years or whatever!" This made her laugh even more manically than before.

And then she looked up at the palace above. "Canterlot. The palace. Oh, I remember that place!" Her hat fell back down out of the air, and she grabbed it and stuck it on her head again. "Showtime, colts and fillies. Wait till Canterlot gets a load of me!"