Author's Note: This is the second time I try rebooting this fanfic, yeah. I like to think that it gets a little better each time. Er, anyway, please enjoy this first chapter. Again. I actually have the next three finished, so please let me know if you want to see how it progresses. It gets better! I think!
Oh, baby baby, if you seek Amy tonight. Oh, baby baby, we'll do whatever you like.
"Dr. Eggman, we are detecting a Chaos Emerald in the vicinity. Do we move in and intercept it?"
Oh, baby baby baby. Oh, baby baby baby.
"Dr. Eggman! Do we move in and intercept or do we dismiss it?"
Love me, hate me, say what you want about me…
"Dr. Eggman! Intercept or dismiss!?"
…but all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy.
E-0155-z's patience was running low. The coordinator robot's creator and master was not responding to the urgent news. Not only that, but he could vaguely hear a catchy pop song sounding from the Doctor's headset.
Love me, hate me, but can't you see what I see?
Desperate times call for desperate measures, as they say. E-0155-z decided that the best course of action would be to cut the wire between Eggman's headset and the Egg Carrier's almighty central computer, leaving Britney's voice blaring through the speakers.
All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy.
"Wh-wha…!? You infernal machine! How dare you rebel against your master!?" Dr. Eggman angrily bellowed at his robot servant.
The Egg Carrier had once again been rebuilt and brought to its former glory. If anything, the structure was even more impressive than before, thanks to the increasing number of Eggman's construction robots. The aircraft was hovering high in the skies, far away from any blue hedgehogs. Contrary to the Egg Carrier's imposing visage, Eggman was merely on a pleasure cruise.
"As I was saying," E-0155-z sighed, "we have detected a Chaos Emerald on the surface of a landmass below us. Do we land there and intercept the Emerald or do we dismiss it?"
Love me, hate me. Oh, say what you want about me. Oh, can't you see what I see.
"Oh, I see. Well, uh…" Eggman stuttered. "Intercept, of course! We mustn't let an opportunity like this pass us by, for we are the Eggman Empire!" Eggman rose up from his chair and struck a triumphant pose.
"That's nice." E-0155-z quipped. "Landing to specified coordinates. Estimated time of landing is 2 hours and 15 minutes."
Oh, say what you want about me.
Eggman tilted his chair backwards and glanced at the coordinates on his screen.
"A Chaos Emerald, huh…" he said to himself. "It's just too bad I don't have a diabolical plan ready. Oh, well, I'll just think of one in the time it'll take for us to land. Not a bad way to kill two hours, if I do say so myself!" Eggman chuckled to himself as his amazing imagination took over.
"…I already did the outer space theme park idea, right?"
All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy.
A Sonic the Hedgehog Fan Fiction
Chapter I: Prologus - The Eggman Cometh, Part 1
I do not own Sonic the Hedgehog, nor do I own the music of Britney Spears. I do, however, own E-0155-z. Original character, do not steal.
"Tails, you better pick up the phone or so help me…" Sonic said under his breath, impatiently tapping his cell phone.
"Something wrong, Sonic?" A voice sounded from the phone.
"Hi, Tails. Yeah, something's just a teensy bit wrong." Sonic said, smiling wryly. "Here I am, in the middle of freaking nowhere, and your crappy Emerald radar-thingy is totally busted." Sonic looks over at a small, compass-like electronic resting in his left hand. The display screen is supposed to display the coordinates of a nearby Chaos Emerald, but at the moment the signal was wildly jumping to locations all over the world at a rapid rate.
"Hold on, Sonic. What do you mean by 'totally busted'?" Tails said in disbelief. His technology is, after all, always completely flawless.
"The signal is all distorted or something. It's, like, all over the place and stuff, dude. What the hell?" Sonic says impatiently.
Sonic the Hedgehog was stationed at a Portuguese mountain range, far removed from all civilization. He adjusted his green sunglasses with a sour expression. Tails had detected a Chaos Emerald somewhere in the area, though he was unsure of exactly where. Tails was at a motel in Lisbon, where the duo was currently vacationing. Sonic had volunteered to go check out the Emerald waves, a decision he then regretted, due to the malfunctioning piece of equipment. The Emerald detector had worked just fine up until just now.
"That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever." Tails said, sighing. "Maybe something, or someone, is blocking the signal. My equipment doesn't just break down like that. You should know that already."
"Blocking the signal? What could cause that?" Sonic inquired.
"It could be a number of things, actually. For example, another Emerald detector could conflict with our signal, and thus cause malfunctions. The detector you have is very compact, and thus more susceptible to signal interference than my larger equipment. It could also be a strong radio signal, or…" Tails said. "Sonic, are you even listening?"
"Uh… yeah. I think I know what the problem is." Sonic said slowly, looking up into the sky. A large shadow is cast on the whole mountain range.
"Sonic, I'm hearing reports of a gigantic aircraft hovering just over your location." Tails said. "Do you see it?"
"I see it." Sonic said, rolling his eyes. "I think a friend of ours is dropping by to say hello."
The Egg Carrier, in all its majesty, was getting ever closer to the ground in preparation to land.
"It's Eggman, isn't it?" Tails said, looking out the motel room window.
"You know that's right." Sonic said. "What is that noise? I can faintly hear something coming from the Egg Carrier…"
Let's talk about biology, make believe you're next to me, phonography, phonography, talk that sexy, talk to me.
"…yeah, I'm gonna have to call you back." Sonic said as he hung up the phone.
The Egg Carrier descended from the skies above, finally touching ground. The majestic structure emitted an infectious pop song for some inexplicable reason.
Better make sure that the line is clean. Keep it confidential, you and me. Phonography, phono—
"Will you shut off that racket, Dr. Eggman?" A robotic voice echoed over the system.
"Jeez, I left it on? Silly me. Thank you for reminding me, dear 0155." An all-too-familiar voice said. "Now, let us venture towards the emerald!"
With that, the Egg Carrier opened up, and Eggman emerged from its depths, accompanied by E-0155-z and two other Egg Pawns.
"Now, where's that emerald!? It shall be mine and then my diabolical plans will succeed and I will win and everyone else will lose because I will be the one that will be victorious and anyone who stands in my way shall know defeat!" Eggman shouted, pointing towards the sky as it rained confetti from out of nowhere. "I am the white void. I am the cold steel! I am Dr. Eggman! The end has come!"
"Actually, doctor, we're not quite sure exactly where the emerald is." E-0155-z hesitantly pointed out. "Our signal was experiencing some interference. But, ah, we at least know it's somewhere around here."
"Oh, fiddlesticks." Dr. Eggman bellowed. "We must find it or I'm turning you all into scrap metal! And by 'we' I mean 'you'. Eggman bots, move out!"
"Y-yes, sir!" The three robots called out and started scouting the area.
Silence followed, with only the faint sound of tires filling the misty air. Sonic glared at his very round nemesis.
"Uh, hello? I'm right here!" Sonic cried out in exasperation.
"Ah, Sonic. So you are here, too!" Eggman pointed at Sonic in a threatening manner. "Don't tell me you are also here to claim the Chaos Emerald that supposedly rests here!?"
Sonic held up his emerald detector.
"So I assume that you, your big hunk of junk, and that airship of yours are the reasons why this piece of crap isn't working?" Sonic said, not breaking his stare.
"That's… a Chaos Emerald radar? So that must be why our signal was being interrupted. To think something so small could interfere with something so colossal…" Eggman glared at his spiny foe. "But no matter. I will recover the emerald before you even get a chance to deliver one of your irritating quips!" Eggman laughed victoriously and heartily. He glanced over to the spot where Sonic was standing until a few seconds ago.
"H-hey! I wasn't finished gloating!"
Sonic had dashed off in search of the Chaos Emerald.
"Jeez, what a pain you are. I guess I just have to find the emerald before you do, doc boy." Sonic said under his breath. "Why am I talking to myself?"
Sonic hastily dialled Tails's number on his phone. The fox answered within seconds.
"Tails, you're gonna want to get over here for this. Eggman and his thingies are going all over the place for that emerald."
"Way ahead of you, Sonic. The Tornado is prepped and ready to go. I'll catch up with you soon, 'kay?" Tails sounded pretty amused. Nothing breaks up a slow day like an impromptu confrontation with an old nemesis, as he'd sometimes say.
"Just try not to crash on the way."
"Sonic, when have I ever crashed? Actually, don't answer that. I'm just going to hang up now."
"There was that one ti—"
A loud click sounded, and Sonic was on his own yet again.
In another place, at a different time (two minutes ago), Eggman rushed inside the Egg Carrier and came back out seconds later, now within a jet-propelled mech.
"I refuse to lose again!" Eggman shouted. "I'm not about to let a rodent ruin my masterful plans yet again!"
Eggman stopped dead in his tracks.
"Speaking of which, I never did think up a plan."
—Two Hours Earlier—
"Alright, time to psych myself up and think of a plan!" Eggman said with much enthusiasm. "Oh, speaking of which, I still haven't watched those Psych DVDs Shadow lent me a couple years back. One or two episodes wouldn't hurt…"
—Amazing time management, really—
"Ah, that's not important right now. I still have plenty of time." A cold sweat ran down his face as Eggman smiled uncomfortably to himself.
"Why aren't you moving?" E-0155-z's voice sounded from Eggman's communication device. "Are you having engine troubles?"
"Ah!" Eggman snapped out of his thoughts. "Er, yeah, that's right! I mean, I was! All sorted now, though. Continue with your search."
"I… see. Never mind, then. Resuming search."
Eggman stretched his disproportionately slim arms, and then put his game face on. With that, he was off on the adventure of a lifetime.
The adventure of an afternoon, at least.