Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything belongs to Joss Whedon, etc.
Summary: Plot Bunny #1 on Our Armageddon. Angel finds out that Spike is in love with Buffy and he has a slightly unusual reaction to the news. Angel's POV.
Everyone thinks I hate him, you know. They think that every time I look at him all I feel is the pain that he put me through when he tortured me for the Gem of Amara. They would be surprised to find out that I don't hate him at all. I understand now…I understood then, why he did it. The past one hundred years he has lived for one thing. Drusilla. Only he doesn't live for her anymore. I almost wish that he did. Through her I still had some connection to him. But they've separated and he's in love again.
When Cordelia told me after she spoke to Willow, I wanted to howl with rage. How dare he fall in love with Buffy! Not because she was mine, but because he was. I remember when Spike first showed up in Sunnydale and Giles researched him. The Council always gets it wrong. They recorded Dru as Spike's sire because she wanted him. She even bit him, but he was mine. It was my blood that turned him that night. Dru was always too weak. She could never share enough blood to make a childe let alone train one properly. She could only make fledglings and none of them ever lasted long. She didn't have the temperment to control them.
He belonged to me and it seems that he forgot that. I know that I shouldn't be jealous but I am. He isn't mine to control anymore. A hundred years has matured him. He is a master in his own right, despite the chip. He would deny my right to him even thought I'm his sire, but I'm not Angelus. I'm not the vampire who doted on him. I'm certainly not the vampire that left Darla's bed because I preferred being with him. And he's not the William that loved me. He's not my hunting partner or my lover. Not anymore. We are no longer Angelus and William. We're Angel and Spike and we hate each other. I should say that he hates me. No matter what comes between us I could never hate him. I made him for myself, despite the fact that Dru wanted him. She was too insane to know what she wanted. I loved him, and still do.
I can picture Cordelia's face if she ever knew what I really thought of Spike. I can picture Buffy's too. She'd be hysterical, especially now that I know I can have him if I want and if he was willing. Being with Darla proved that. I could have him and not lose my soul. It's so tempting. I want to claim what's mine by right. I want to take him away. I want him away from the blonde slayer that he has fallen in love with. I'm actually grateful for the fact that she does not return his feelings. If she did it would kill me inside. She already has what I long for…his heart.
I don't know what I'm doing here. Maybe I'm just torturing myself. I tend to do that according to Cordy. Maybe I just want to see him, to make sure that he's okay. I know he can't feed. When I learned of what the Initiative had done to my boy, Angelus nearly surfaced. I was ready to let him that day.
I watch him, how he moves so gracefully. He always walked like a predator and that hasn't changed. It is the only thing about him that I recognize. His hair is that awful blonde color and he wears that black duster constantly. Even his eyes are different. He has been hardened by the world.
When he talks to Buffy it pains me to see how she treats him. She hits him, several times, knowing that he can't strike back. I can't remember now why I loved her. I can't understand why he does. All I can see is my childe being struck and I step forward, ready to step out of the bushes and help. Then Spike's head snaps my direction and I know that he's picked up my scent. He growls low in his throat and turns away. He's running and without revealing myself to Buffy, I take off after him.
I searched all night but never found him. He was hiding. Not that I blame him. I'm back in LA now, alone in my thoughts. I think Cordelia knows what's wrong. She spoke with Willow yesterday. Buffy's upset that I was in town and didn't stop to see her. I would have but I had more important things on my mind.
Willow called to warn me. Apparently Spike disappeared, but not before he trashed his crypt and all mementos he kept of our time together. Buffy read his journal and was beyond mad that I kept it from her that Spike and I were involved once upon a time. Once upon a time I would have cared that she knew. Now, it doesn't phase me. She and I haven't been together for a while. In all honesty we never should have been. She's a slayer and I'm a vampire. I should have known better. It doesn't matter though. He's on his way here. I can feel him coming closer. He claims to love Buffy, but if that were true he wouldn't be coming. Maybe the Powers are finally giving me a chance at happiness. Maybe he'll actually forgive me. All I want is a second chance. For the first time in a long time a foreign feeling warms my heart…it's hope.