Kurt handed Elliot a cup of hot tea and placed a coaster on his nightstand. "Use it."
Elliot laughed and shook his head, "Yes, Sir." He sipped at the tea and raised his eyebrows, "Good", then stretched himself the length of Kurt's bed to put it in its assigned spot.
There was a knock at the door, barely audible over the tv blaring in the other room. "TANA! Door!" Kurt yelled. They must have ordered food without asking if Kurt and Elliot wanted any. Kurt's lips twitched in annoyance as he settled in across from Elliot who was making himself comfortable on Kurt's pillow.
"Um, hi. I didn't mean to interrupt…"
"BLAINE!" Kurt leapt from the bed, setting his tea down without regard to his perfectly polished nightstand and threw himself at him. "What are you doing here?"
"I didn't want to miss Pamela Lansbury's first show so I took my exams early and wanted to surprise you." The words at the end of his sentence came out very slowly as he couldn't seem to keep his eyes off of the man on his fiancé's bed.
"I can't believe you're here, this is perfect! This was the only piece missing to make our first performance perfect!"
"Aside from actually finishing this song." Elliot said sitting up from the pillow and taking his tea in his hands.
"Oh, shit, yeah, Honey this is Elliot, I've told you all about him, Elliot this is Blaine, obviously."
Elliot's gave a half smile like he was sharing an inside joke, "You were right about his eyes. Nice to meet you Blaine."
"Uh, you too… maybe I should go and let you guys finish…"
"No, no, I'll go." Elliot stood and snatched his jacket from the hook on the wall where Kurt kept his hats.
"You can't go; we have to finish this today." Kurt moaned dropping himself back on the bed.
"I'll be back; I'll go get Chinese for us all. Maybe drag the girls with me. You guys deserve a private reunion."
"Thanks, man." Blaine said to Elliot's back.
"Elliot! Get it from Chan's NOT Woo Loon!" Kurt yelled after him.
"Not an idiot Kurt." Elliot yelled back.
Blaine looked around, not sure what he was looking for. A way that he fit into the scene he supposed. When the door closed behind the threesome Kurt tugged at his hand. "Come here."
"So he's…tall." Blaine allowed himself to be persuaded onto the mattress beside Kurt.
"And so good, did you listen to the audio file I sent you? His voice is sick. We were so lucky to land him, and face it, he's ridiculously hot so we'll pull in people just to stare at him. If I can keep him toning down the gay the girls will die for him." As he spoke Kurt helped Blaine remove his coat.
"And I found him in my boyfriend's bed." Blaine gave Kurt a little smile, hoping to sound more playful than accusatory.
"Fiancé, your fiancé's bed, and on, not in. You aren't serious are you? We were writing. We're both fully clothed, we had tea in our hands for God's sake."
"Okay, no, I mean, yeah, I, know, it's just, can't you work somewhere else? Does it have to be your bed?"
Kurt kissed the corner of Blaine's mouth, speaking his words against his skin, "Santana and Danni were getting inappropriate on the sofa, we weren't really into the show so we came in here. Okay?"
"Yeah" Blaine kissed him back, "Sorry, I just, wasn't prepared you know? Don't think I don't trust you, I do. Just, why weren't they helping write, I thought they were both in the band too."
Kurt sat back. "You expect me to allow the mind that gave us 'Trouty Mouth' write for the band?"
"Oh that's right, you weren't there for that. Just trust me, we don't want her writing for us. You're wearing too many clothes." Kurt pushed Blaine down into the mattress and began pushing his sweater up over his head.
"First of all," Blaine reached for Kurt's cropped sweatshirt to tug it away, "I'm not the one who wears 73 layers in the summer time."
Kurt made quick work of shedding the rest of his clothes and resumed kissing Blaine, lightly swiping his bottom lip along his collar bone. "Was there a second of all?"
"Uh, mmmm…tr…trouty mouth, Sam?"
Kurt chuckled, low and throaty, "Who else?"
After, they lay wrapped in each other's arms, legs tangled with the sheets and each other. "I can't help thinking about the last time we were together in your bed." Blaine mumbled against Kurt's chest.
"Our bed." Kurt corrected.
"Our bed. I like that."
Kurt scratched his nails lightly over Blaine's back, there was nothing accusatory in his tone. "It was awful to lie next to you and feel like I didn't know you."
"We've never talked about that night." Blaine swallowed hard, he had been afraid to bring the subject up but it was like an elephant in the room.
"We've talked endlessly about this."
"I'm not talking about what I did, I'm talking about that night. What it was like for you, for me. I'd like to hear your perspective…I'd like to know. I mean, I hate it, because I know it was terrible, but I feel like hearing you say it will help me put it behind us. I still feel a little sick to my stomach being here."
"You want me to be honest?"
"Okay, as long as you remember that that was then and this is now. We're past it. I know now how sorry you are, I'll let you tell me what it was like for you that night too but we're not going to go back to apologizing about it and analyzing it, okay?"
Blaine's only response was a soft lipped kiss.
"When you showed up at the door I felt like everything was so perfect, the four of us together again. You and Finn here with Rachel and I, just like I'd imagined it. I couldn't wait to show off my chic New York life to you, and my super sexy boyfriend to my new friends. Walking to the club though you didn't take my hand, you let Rachel do all of the talking. You didn't crack a single corny joke. It set me on edge. I knew there was something slightly off but I thought maybe you'd argued with your dad before coming. I figured we'd talk about it later when we were alone. Then when you did that…" Kurt searched for the right word, "heartbreaking version of Teenaged Dream I knew. I knew then. I didn't need you to tell me. Watching you sing that I wanted to jump up and scream, tell you to shut up. I didn't want to know and I especially didn't want this thing, this worst moment of my life played out in front of everyone. I decided to just pretend that wasn't it. I was gonna let it go, but you just wouldn't snap out of your funk, I had to say it."
"You're so much braver than I am."
"Bullshit. I just wanted it to be out there, my stomach was eating itself. I had the tiniest shred of hope that it wasn't what it was. I just kept saying in my head over and over, 'tell me it was your dad, tell me someone hit on you, tell me anything but that you cheated, please Blaine, make it okay'."
"But I didn't."
"No. So you said it and I wanted to punch you. Every muscle in my body was coiled and ready to lash out. I wanted to hit you and hit you and never stop."
"I wish you had."
"Me too. We might have gotten past it faster if I'd let my rage out instead of letting it fester. When we got home and got into bed without saying a word to each other I was still so wired. I had so much fight in me. We laid down in the dark and all I could hear was the blood pounding in my ears. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't relax, my muscles were so tense and I felt like I couldn't swallow my own saliva. It was like spiraling, like knowing the one thing you knew you could count on…like gravity was suddenly shut off and we were all just floating with nothing to anchor us to the ground or each other. Eventually I couldn't lay there anymore. I heard you snoring and just went and sat in the living room. I kept hoping you'd get up and we'd talk and cry, and talk and figure it out or it would have been a mistake or anything that would give me back the ground. When Finn left my fight went with him. I just became exhausted. I had no more anger, just despair. I just cried and vomited and when you came out I just couldn't look at you. I kept picturing you with Sebastian. My head pounded for days after that."
"Why didn't you wake me if you wanted to talk?"
Kurt thumbed the back of his future husband's neck, "I wanted you to want to talk, but you were sleeping. I was pretty pissed off that you could just lie down and sleep when my world was coming apart at the seams. Okay, that's me, let's hear yours."
"I was sick before it was even over. I hated myself and wanted to die. Honestly, I considered it. I couldn't believe what I'd done and every time I pictured your face or heard your voice I'd start to cry again. I knew I had to tell you and I couldn't wait until the next weekend, it had to be right away because I was going crazy.
I felt like I was walking around with a 400 pound weight around my neck. I couldn't hold my head up. When you opened the door and hugged and kissed me I just wanted to hold onto that moment forever because I knew it could be the last time you loved me. Then Rachel jumped between us and I kind of panicked because I wanted to keep you in my arms longer and then Finn was here and I thought, well shit, he's going to kick my ass when he finds out. I guess I was lucky he had problems of his own or he might have."
"Did you plan the song?"
"No. I didn't know we'd be going there, I was just going to tell you, maybe take a walk or just ask Rachel to give us some time here alone but then we were there and I couldn't hold it in anymore and I wanted you to see, to get how much you mean to me and how I was bleeding all over the piano with my love for you. I was ripped open. When you finally asked it was already gone between us. I could feel you disconnect when I was singing and you were already lost from me. Saying the words, looking at you and knowing what I did, I felt like I didn't deserve forgiveness, but when you got so angry I wanted you to know, to feel that this was your fault too. I was still important, everything was about you in your senior year but now it was my senior year and nothing in your life was about me anymore. I really wanted you to get how desperate I felt but by the time we got to talking I was worn out. It was like I'd been running this marathon dragging MAC K trucks on my legs and when I finally, put the burden on your instead of carrying it alone I collapsed. That's why I slept, it was depression sleep. It was hiding from the world and finally knowing I had gotten to you, made it to the altar of the man I love and dishonored and all that was left of me was to disappear because the pain was too much to face anymore."
Kurt sighed heavily. "It was bad."
Blaine hummed his agreement. "Thank you for forgiving me."
"You made it easy. We done with this now? I think we just made a pretty good new memory here."
"Much better memory."
They were quiet for a short time then Blaine frowned a little. "They've been gone a really long time. Where the hell is Chan's?"
Kurt laughed. "New Jersey."