A silly thing I wrote while reading old SBSs. Oda sure says some funny stuff!


Robin often has a book open on the dining table, reading while she eats. Tonight it's a rare book on various devil fruits, some with pictures, some without. Her hand flicks each page over deftly as she slowly chews Sanji's beef teriyaki, ignoring the cavorting going on around her.

Suddenly a hand comes down and jabs the page and her chopsticks stutter against her ceramic bowl. She glances up to see Luffy, looking down at her. "What's this one?" he says, brows furrowed.

"This is the Tori Tori no Mi, model Falcon," she says. The fruit in question has been drawn to scale by whomever wrote the book; a light yellow – almost golden – oval-shaped type, with dozens of swirls that join seamlessly on its surface.

Luffy starts to giggle, then pauses. Robin can almost see his mind straining to piece thoughts together. "Wait, have I heard of this before?" he says.

She smiles. "I do believe it was last consumed by a certain man we knew in Alabasta." She lets him arrive at the full conclusion, knowing he will quite soon.

"Oh, was it Pell?!" he exclaims. She nods, and his face lights up. "That's so cool!" he says. "Pell ate the Sanji fruit!"

Robin stares, utterly confunded, as Usopp, sitting at Robin's left side, snorts into his bowl of food and falls over himself laughing. The others simply stare.

"What the hell are you talking about, Luffy?" Sanji says. He can't seem to decide which emotion to display, face moving between annoyance, humour and pure confusion.

Luffy jabs the book again. "Look! This fruit is yellow and swirly, like Sanji!"

Zoro howls with laughter, taken aback by Luffy's ridiculous statement. His ass slips off his chair and he joins Usopp on the floor, making no effort to get up. Chopper giggles as the others come around to look, and one by one they agree - "You're right," Nami grins.

"It's a shitty eyebrow fruit!" Zoro gasps, clutching his side. Luffy beams at the uproar he's caused, picking up the book and holding it up to show Sanji.

"Do you think if someone ate you they'd get devil fruit powers?" Luffy says.

"What power would that be?" Zoro stops laughing to say, eyes shining with laugher-tears and cheeks red from lack of oxygen. "Pervert power? Become-a-dartboard power?"

"Shut up!" Sanji shouts, red in the face too.

"But who would cook him?" Usopp says. "He's the cook! He can't cook himself if he's dead!"

"Hey, who said I had to die, idiot?!" Sanji yells, abandoning his washing up to kick Usopp in the side. The sniper whoofs out a lungful of air and wheezes, but that doesn't stop him.

"Maybe whoever eats the Sanji Sanji no Mi gets the power to cook?" he says. "Then we'd have someone to cook it!"

"That makes no sense," Nami frowns, deep in thought. Sanji gapes at her serious consideration of the problem that lies before them, his lips moving in a whispered, betrayed Nami-san... "If the fruit gives you the power of cooking, why would it help to obtain it after the fruit has already been eaten?"

"You're right," Usopp hums, putting his thumb and forefinger to his chin and rubbing it as if solving a great problem.

"Well, we can't eat him raw," Luffy says, aghast. "We'd get diseases!"

"Diseases?!" Sanji chokes. "I'm human, not raw chicken!"

"Yeah, but who knows where you've been?" Zoro sneers.

Robin sits and watch them argue, laughing quietly to herself. On her right side at the long table Franky is also watching the goings-on, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes, quite unable to speak as he laughs. She smiles fondly at him before looking back at the others, now sitting thinking while Sanji quivers with anger at the stove, staring down a scary-faced swordsman.

"I have a solution," she says, and eight heads turn towards her, seven expectant, one glowing with rage.

"Ask Sanji how to cook it first," she shrugs. "Then eat him."

There's another moment of silence before Luffy jumps up and points at her, yelling, "You're a genius!" He chases Sanji enthusiastically through the swinging kitchen door, Usopp and Chopper hot on his heels. From inside the kitchen Robin hears them hollering and Sanji's answering shouts, and the muffled thumps as he lands blows on them in his efforts to get away.

She reaches out and takes the book from the end of the table, opening to the Tori Tori no Mi section.

"Quite simple, really," she says to herself, picking up her chopsticks.