I don't own the characters

I don't own the characters. This is set about mid-way through Season 1, Nicole's thoughts after the episode where all the girls are locked in the bathroom and end up revealing their secrets. Send feedback to queenclaire@chickmail.com

Brooke's always been the favorite, you know? Straight-A student, the trend setter, the most beautiful girl in the school. Rich and thin and absolutely perfect in every way. Dating the most gorgeous guy at Kennedy. And what have I been? Second best. Brooke's sidekick. Number 2.

I hated it. I had a crush on Josh right from the start, but he only had eyes for Brooke. So when they broke up, I made my move. I probably shouldn't have, but let's face facts. They were broken up. It was over. I didn't do anything wrong. And I wanted him so badly.

But oh no, he still remained devoted to dear Brookie. And later he fell for Carmen Ferrara. God! Of all the people. Why her?

I tried to be nice to her. Even though I'd admit it only to myself, we have a lot in common. But then she quit cheerleading, and it was like there was no point in trying not to be a bitch.

I can't believe Josh told Carmen about us sleeping together. I mean, we agreed to keep it a secret, and he goes and breaks his promise. Do I even count, or what?

When Brooke dumped me as her best friend, I can hardly say I was surprised. I'd seen it coming. Not only the Josh thing, but the way she was becoming more and more friendly with the unpopular kids, especially Spam.

Sam and Brooke were meant to be enemies, but the reality was a bit different. Our two groups clashed, and from time to time got along, but the two of them - they really were so close. Like sisters, although they wouldn't want to admit it.

And I'll admit. I was jealous. Like so many times in my life, I was jealous. I'm jealous of so many people. Of Mary Cherry, self-appointed new best friend of Brooke. Of Sam, the soon-to-be stepsister. Of Carmen and Lily, who have the confidence to be what they want to be, even if it means not being a cheerleader or doing dumb activist things or whatever. And of course, of Brooke, queen of the school.

My life sucks, and you know, I never thought I'd hear myself say that. But hey, it does. And the only way to cope is to be as bitchy as possible. Don't let anyone get too close. You just end up getting hurt.