Hello, people!

This week was amazing. Seriously, despite finding the male version of myself in my class, I was contacted by a new writer here in this site that wanted to write a fic based off on this one! It was an amazing feeling to know that people got inspired by this simple idea that I got while stuDYING for my History test last year.

If you guys want to check it out it's called "Victoria Evans' Series of Unexpected Events" by ilikecakeandcookies. It's only in the first chapter, but I'm sure that it will be totally awesome soon.

Gosh, we have over 150 reviews! And not a single flame! That is simply lovely…

Thanks for Vulcanlover12 (I want the plushie), Kari (guest), 101olive4u, Witty Sayings, BrownEyedGirl87, Potato Army, luvgirl101, ilikecakeandcookies and sammiiixoxox for reviewing! It makes my day to see those cute reviews!

Thank you for all the followings and favourites! It means a lot to me!


If anyone is interested in doing a drawing or art for this story, I will me more than happy to receive it!

WARNING!: Swearing, I mean, who wouldn't use those words in a freaky barrel ride?

Without further ado, we're off!

Lea Roberts POV

I was in a kind of 'sleep mode' (because I often switched between wanting to stay up and wanting to get some extra hours of sleep) and secretly planning my revenge against the elves (I'm not a avenger type of person, but in my actual circumstances…) when I hear the name that I thought that I wouldn't hear ever again.

"BILBO" Balin exclaimed. I was surprised at first, but happy. Well, who wouldn't be happy from escaping from this place?

"Quiet! There are guards nearby!" Bilbo warned in a whisper. Well, it was a whisper that we could hear from our cell.

"Iris! He's here!" I said, going towards my semi asleep friend. She kept telling me that he would come. And he did, after all.

"Who? Gandalf?" She asked. Ah, Gandalf the Grey, that guy who brought me to this mess.

"No! It's Bilbo!" Iris' face lit up with a bright smile. It has been some time since the last time I saw Ms. Martinez smiling.

I hear some unlocking sounds and some movements outside (despite the sounds of upstairs, maybe the elves are having a party that I wasn't invited to), when Bilbo appeared at our front with the key to unlock our cell.

"Bilbo! My favourite hobbit!" I patted his back. I would give him a hug, but…. Well, you know…"I wish you could see me in a better condition!"

"You are fine, Lea. Now we need to-" Bilbo was interrupted by another scene of awkwardness.

Iris ran to the hobbit and literally threw herself into his arms. From the door step I can see the smile in Iris' face and the deep pink blush on Bilbo's. I don't really know if the blush is because of Iris hugging him or because she is strangling him.

Awkward. But incredibly sweet.

I think that we don't need any further explanation for this scene.

"Alrightly, you two, let's move. We have a dungeon to escape from!" I said after some seconds, when I noticed Thorin staring at them with a disapproval face.

Both of them pulled away from each other with a blush. Bilbo continued opening the doors and to free everyone. I scan the place until I find Kili. Let Kili stay behind so he can be with that red-head elf and end up being killed by Thorin because of his behavior.

Thorin was quite angry at Fili too because he was 'courting' Hannah. Let's make something clear, Hannah is not the most likable person in this land, but Fili loves her, and she loves him back. I don't quite get why Thorin was so bitchy about it.

I take that back. I get it. Because she's not a dwarf. And probably because this is a quest, not a honeymoon.

Ha. I can't wait to see Thorin's face when he discovers that Kili was chatting with that elf. No, I'm not jealous, why would I be? Ugh, back to the story….

I thought about going towards Kili, but I went to the upper floor towards Hannah and Sam.

"Hey." I said. It's extremely funny how we've been locked in this place for one day and despite being angry, tired, hungry, tired and all I can say is 'Hey.' I'm unbelievable.

"Hi, Lea." Sam said with a small smile, while she looked around, maybe looking for something. From the four of us, Sam has the prettiest smile, at least in my opinion.

"You look terrible, Katniss Cosplay." Hannah observed. Ugh, I hate when she calls me Katniss Cosplay because of my physical resemblance with the fictional character, the blue-grey eyes, black hair often braided in the same style…But I will not deny it, I'm looking terrible indeed, and I wish to be as awesome as Katniss and have a cute and handsome boyfriend-husband-bakerboy just like she had.

"You don't look any better than I do, Hannah Montana." Counter-attack! Hannah and I used to LOVE Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus when we were 10, but after Miley's change of self, being called Hannah Montana was an insult.

Hannah had nicknames for us. Sam's was Goldilocks, mine was Katniss Cosplay and Iris' was arco-Iris (yeah, she copied from Iris' elder brother, but I doubt that she really knows what that means).

"Touché." The three of us started laughing and I hugged my friends. Gosh, I miss moments like this. Just my friends and I, without having to worry about being killed by spiders, orcs, goblins, wargs and stuff.

Bilbo finally unlocked everyone and we all gathered together in the lower floor, where my cell was. Kili smiled at me, but I chose to ignore him and to conduct myself to the free stop between Oin and Dori.

For some unknown reason, all of the dwarves were without their coats, only with their under clothes, thank God that they had pants and shirts on.

"Stay together; we must all escape or none! It is our last chance." Bilbo said. Iris gave him a smile and Bilbo grabbed her hand tightly. Yay, mutual love. Bilbo is one lucky fellow to have 'stolen' (isn't it ironic?) Iris' heart.

"Thank you, Master Baggins!" Some of the dwarves cried in unison upon being shocked on how clever Bilbo is.

"There's no time to waste now. Don't make any noises!" Bilbo warned again. "Follow me!" He started going down some stairs that seemed everlasting. Ah, I'm loving this. A lot.

Samantha Miller POV

We're walking down some stairs, and I'm scared because they're held high above the ground. Focus, Sam. You're stronger than some stairs. You survived Goblin Town and Mirkwood, stairs are a piece of cake.

"Hannah, stop humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme." Lea complained. I was concentrated on my thoughts that I didn't even notice that Han was humming that song.

Some things never change, even if you've lost your memory.

"But it totally fits the situation we're in!" Lea looked at Hannah with a 'Dude, seriously?' face. "Okay, since no one here likes 'Mission Impossible', I'm changing the song. I'm a ninja, I'm a hoodie ninja…"

She started to quietly sing the whole rap of the song. Oh, God…

It seemed like forever when we finally got to the end. It was a room with barrels, boxes and bottles everywhere.

"This way!" Bilbo whispered, still holding Iris' hand. Why is he whispering? Oh, now I get it. Look how nice and responsible! There are two elves snoring at a table filled with cheese and empty wine bottles at a corner of the room. Both of them seemed drunk.

"I can't believe it! We're in the cellars!" Kili announced.

"Really, Einstein?" Lea said. She was very angry with something, which is a really bad sign. When Ms. Katniss Cosplay is angry, her rainbow land full of magical creatures and skittles becomes a graveyard full of creepy skeletons and spiders.

"What is Einstein?" Gloin asked.

"Einstein was not a what, he was a who!" I explained. Better not go into further details. "A very smart guy, to be completely honest."

"You were supposed to lead us out, not further in!" Bofur complained. It was good to see him again. But very funny to see him without his usual coat and belt. My stomach is going weird again. Maybe it's because I'm hungry.

"I know what I'm doing!" Bilbo retorted. Yeah, sure you do. As much as I know why my stomach starts going weird when I'm around Bofur.

"Shh!" Bofur hissed at Bilbo, taking his finger to his lips and walking in the direction of a pile of barrels.

"Quickly, Sam!" Bilbo hushed me. Nope, I'm not entering in those barrels and start smelling like wine or whatever that barrel was holding.

I looked once again at the drunken elves and I saw something familiar under the table in which they were sleeping.

My violin. My beautiful violin.

Oh. My. God. Why it is here? No, I'm not complaining, I'm relieved that it's here, I thought that I would never see it again. That was the luckiest thing that happened to me since I left Beorn's house! I'm so happy!

I quietly started to go towards the table hoping that nobody would notice me (because everyone was arguing with Bilbo anyway) when a protective hand touches my shoulder.

"What are you doing, lassie?" I turned around to face a protective looking Balin.

"Just getting my violin back from the elves." I replied innocently. Playing innocent works almost all the time.

"Go ahead then, lassie. But be quick and quiet." The older dwarf gave me a small smile before returning to the rest of the Company.

See what I mean?

Now it's my 'Mission Impossible'. But I prefer the 'Pink Panther's' theme song. I started to hum the song in my mind while I listened to some arguing and whatsoever.

Well, I approached the table quietly. At times like this that I'm grateful to be small. The elves looked like giants compared to me.

After some seconds I was able to get the violin back. I walked back to the Company and found myself bumping into a barrel and making a sort of loud sound. Oh great, everybody looked at me with a 'WTF' face. I'm really disoriented and not paying attention to things, as you might have already noticed.

I looked at the drunken elves but they still seemed out of the world.

"Lass, what are you doing?" Bofur asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Practicing burglary." I replied showing him my violin. Really? Practicing burglary? Sam, you have a talent of coming up with the worst things ever.

"I think you need to practice a little more if you want to get good at it." He replied with a smile and placed his hat on my head. He looks funny without his hat. And I bet that I look funny with his hat. But I like it.

I smiled brightly and Bofur just gave me a playful wink. I'm amazed how he can still be joyful when we are in situations like this. I'm started to get affected by his good mood, not that it's a bad thing. We need to be as optimistic as possible.

"Come on, into the barrels! Quick!" Bilbo hushed everyone.

"Are you mad? They will find us!" Dwalin complained.

"No, they won't. I promise. Please, please, you must trust me." Bilbo begged. Iris looked at him unsure, but started going towards the barrels too. She trusted him above anything; maybe it has something to do with the time that both of them were lost at Goblin Town.

"But, what do we do? We hide from the elves? Wait them to find us and then kill us?" Lea asked ironically. Something is driving Lea angry, I must find out what is it before Lea destroys us all with her irony.

"That's definitely not gonna work." Hannah complained. "If I die, it's your fault, Bilbo."

"Yes, yes, it's always Bilbo. Blame everything on Bilbo. Bad Bilbo." Bilbo said in a very sarcastic voice. I had to try hard in order not to laugh.

"Do as he says." Thorin commanded.

"What do you mean? Blame our deaths on him?" Ori asked.

"No! Not that! The part that he said 'Get into the barrels!'" The King-to-Be replied.

Everyone nodded and started struggling to get into a barrel. I got into one that was at the lowest layer of barrels, next to Lea's and Nori's and right under Bofur's.

And in case you are wondering, the barrel smelled like wine. Ew.

"What do we do now?" Bofur asked. I put my head out of the barrel to spot Bilbo.

"Hold your breath." Bilbo replied, grabbing a lever. Oh crap, I have a bad feeling about this.

"Hold your breath?"

"What do you mean by that?"



The floor starts to slowly tilt to the right and my barrel started rolling.

"Have mercy upon my soul!"

"C'mon, I have always been a good girl!"

"Only the good die young!"

And we fell into some water.


I emerged from the diving and finally I'm able to breathe. I chocked a little with the amount of water that I swallowed.

I'm floating on my barrel. I need some seconds to assemble what just happened. Let's do my newly made sanity check list (I made it while we were imprisoned by Thranduil in order to keep sane):

1-Who are you? I'm Samantha Katherine Miller, a girl who barely survived Mirkwood.

2-What happened? I don't know, maybe we fell into a river.

3-How are you? Wet and inside a wine barrel.

4-What are you feeling? Fear.

5-Where's the burglar? Why is this even on this list?

Anyway, this list is not going to help me much. I try to dry a little of my wet hair when I noticed that I'm still wearing Bofur's hat. Where's him after all?

Oh, there he is. The whole Company is here, soaked, but apparently fine. Well, not the entire Company, Bilbo isn't.

4- Where's the burglar? Still inside the cellars.

"Bilbo?!" Iris called.

"Stay together!" Thorin commanded while he tried to keep still in his barrel.

The river in which we are in is running in the lower part of a cave, I hope that there aren't any waterfalls. The water is cold.

After some awful seconds of fighting with the river flow that was trying to take us, the trapdoor from where we came from opened again and something fell down into the water.

A head appears in the surface of the water. It's Bilbo. Iris quickly grabs his hand and makes him hold into her barrel. I wonder if the elves upstairs noticed all of this mess.

"Well done, Master Baggins." Thorin praises the hobbit, which is something pretty rare. In fact, for Thorin to praise someone, they need to have risked their lives a couple of times to save others. Iris and Bilbo did that when they tried to fight with the Pale Orc.

In response, Bilbo just waves his hand, while he tries not to drown.

Finally the flow starts to take us to the natural course of the river. Naturally, Thorin is at the lead.

"Move, move! Let's go!" Thorin hushed everyone.

My barrel starts to spin a little while I'm been taken by the rapids of the river, which are getting even quicker.

"HOLD ON!" Thorin yelled from the front. Oh crap, this can't be good.

Some of the dwarves at my front started to scream and to fall down a waterfall. When my turn finally came, I gave a deep breath, closed my eyes and held both my violin and Bofur's hat tightly. The last thing I saw before diving was a river running with forest everywhere.

My barrel spinned and flipped underwater. My ears are full of water when I'm finally able to breathe again. I don't have time to shake my head in order to get rid of the water in my ears.

I barely open my eyes to see that I'm bumping into Ori's barrel while the river takes us further.



"This isn't a Disney ride!"

"Holy guacamole!"


The river looks like it's carved on rock, but I can see some rocks not on the shore, but at random parts of the way.

After some moments trying to keep balance inside my barrel, I hear a horn. Elvish, of course. When an elvish horn sounds, sure that bad things will follow.

We floated until we got to a kind of fortress made of stone with an opening at the middle where the water flowed. Some elves in armor holding weapons were standing on top of the fortress. I saw one of them going towards a lever and pulling it down, making the passage at the middle close.

"NOOOOO!" Thorin yelled when he got to the closed passage. I'm not even minding the fact that I'm soaked and scared, I only want to get out of this place alive.

After some time, the whole Company was blocking the closed passage (Bilbo was still clinging to Iris' barrel), when some orcs/goblins appeared out of nowhere and started to kill the elves that were on top of the fortress.

"WATCH OUT!" Someone warned.

Orcs everywhere, coming from all directions. One of them falls dead into the river right by my side. Okay, now it's the time to freak out.

I decided to sink into my barrel until only my head was on display. Some more goblins started to come from the forest, and one of them, who was quite pale was apparently the leader.

"DOBBY AND BIG FOOT HAD A BABY, AND IT'S UGLY!" Hannah yelled. Dori then slapped her head, like he did sometimes with Ori. Hannah definitely deserved that slap. Really.

Pale Orc 2.0 yelled something to his minions. I hope that it wasn't something like 'Slay them all', because I'm too young to die. And just like somebody said earlier today, 'Only the good die young'. I'm not entirely bad, I've ended only a couple of goblin's lives and stuff.

Orcs jumped on some of the Company's barrels. One of them jumped on Nori, who was just by my side. Before the orc could kill Nori, Bilbo, embedded his shinny sword in the orc's chest. I sighed in relief.

Dwalin was punching one orc. Very hard. I could hear the orc's pain screams.

The dwarves collected all the weapons they could from the fallen orcs, that way they could have a fighting chance. I was still hiding inside my barrel when I saw an orc coming towards Hannah, who was poking another orc's eyes.

Before I could say anything, Fili did first.

"Come take someone your own size, bitch" Fili spilled the last , they're learning our vocabulary so well. I'm pretty sure Lea helped there.

Upon hearing this, the orc jumped at Fili, but little did the orc know that the dwarf prince had a dagger.

R. I. P. Orc that tried to mess with Hannah when Fili is around.

Wait, not R.I.P, because it means rest in peace… well, never mind.

I looked around once more, punching a random orc on the throat in the process and I see that Kili is climbing the fortress and making his way to the lever to release the door so we can escape. I think that the Pale Orc 2.0 is watching him. Crap, he has a bow, and he is aiming at Kili.

Sam, Kili! He is gonna be shoot!

Do something, Samantha! Be useful!

"PALE GUY, SON OF A NUTCRACKER, WHY DON'T YOU SHOOT ME, MOTHERFUCKER?!" Pale Orc 2.0 looks at me and changed his aim to me.

Sam, your life! You're gonna get killed!

Fuck, I didn't think about that. Fail. Pale Orc 2.0 was about to end my life when something draws his attention. The red haired elf.

Pale Orc 2.0 commanded something to his minions again. The group's attention is no longer on us. I hope Kili is alright and he can pull down the lever now, since the orc is no longer gonna shoot him.

Holy Macadamia! The blond haired elf that was so mean to me and Hannah while we were in the dungeons popped out of the bushes! Today is officially the Elf Day.

We started to go with the flow again, something tells me that Kili could manage to pull down the lever. I was dragged to another waterfall.

"Ahhh!" I yelled. However, instead of helping, I only swallowed even more water. When my barrel stopped spinning around underwater, I spitted some water. The flow is really fast now, it's getting difficult to keep balance. Or should I say, it's getting difficult to keep my head over the water.

I hear Pale Orc 2.0 yelling again. Dude, he is not happy with his minions.

Another waterfall, this time, the one who screams is Bilbo.

I coughed and raised my head to see that there was a bazillion orcs in both of the river's shores. Not good, not good.

They start shooting at us. A couple of arrows almost hit me, but luckily, I was spinning so fast that they hit the barrel. The flow is very quick, and there are lots of minor waterfalls.

An orc is looking evilly at me when my barrel involuntarily got close to the shore. He was going to give the final blow in my head with his axe, but I grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the water.

Bye, bye, motherfucker.

Finally the river has calmed down a bit and I can hear some screams, probably Hannah's.

"Missed me, bitch!" Of course it's Hannah.

"Cut the log!" Someone ahead of me yelled. Some other dwarves at my front started swinging their weapons on a log that was across the river, where some orcs were standing. The log was cut down when I was passing under it. Great. I knew that I would regret going on this journey, I didn't know that I would regret this much!

From a distance, I can see Bombur spinning. His barrel had a spear on it which was used to pierce an orc' body. The force that the spear has makes Bombur be thrown up, sending him flying for a couple of meters, until he began to bounce and crush the orcs in the shore.

"Yo, Bomby! Crush, kill, destroy!" Someone said.


Bombur was bouncing from the left side of the shore to the right side, killing a bazillion orcs in the process, then he went back to the left shore, where his barrel broke and he started spinning and cutting random orc body parts.

When the 'barrel mode' Bomby was done, he simply hopped into another barrel that was floating by.

I floated a little more until I came across another waterfall, as always, I spinned and flipped underwater. When I opened my eyes, I saw the blond elf, Legolas, hopping from one dwarf's head to another while he shot random orcs. Dwarf skating, beautiful, simply beautiful.

Legolas was killing the orcs and stuff while we were getting distant from the battle scene. The last thing I see of Legolas is him standing with a triumphant face on top of a rock and an orc approaches him slowly with a bow prepared to fire.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o~some minutes later~0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Still Sam's POV

I'm soaked. That's the only way to describe me now. It's time to do some sanity check.

1-Who are you? Samantha Katherine Miller, I think I'm 18, and I'm walking to a mountain for months.

2-What happened? We escaped Thranduil's dungeons and survived another orc attack. Barely survived, I should say.

3-How are you? Soaked to the bone.

4-What are you feeling? Hunger and cold.

5-Where's the burglar? Safe, at least.

Sanity, check.

"Anything behind us?" Thorin asked from the front of the line of barrels.

"Nothing I can see!" Balin replied, from the back of the line.

I cough the rest of the water that is still inside me. Iris spills some water.

"Come along, we lost the current! Make it for the shore." Thorin commanded. "Come on, let's go!"

I paddle with my hands until I get to the shore. I get off my barrel and try to see the damage in my clothing and body. Nothing, I'm alright, no injuries, no ripen clothes and my violin is intact. I try to dry my hair, and only then I remembered that I'm still wearing Bofur's hat. I don't know what type of dark magic was used on this hat, that didn't make it fall off my head. I think it's time to give him his hat back, mainly because his hair is a worse disaster than mine.

"Your hat, Bofur." I said, placing his hat back in it's usual place.

"You alright, lass?" He asked, apparently worried.

"I'm fine, you need more than a couple of orcs to kill me." I replied with a smirk. I looked around to see the damage on the other members of the Company. Thank God that nobody was hurt, only a little disoriented and tired, not to mention that everyone was soaked (all of the stylish beard were messed up) and Dori, Dwalin and Gloin were helping Bombur get off of his barrel.

"On your feet! There's an orc pack not far behind, we must continue." Thorin said.

"To where?" Balin asked.

"To the Mountain, we're so close!" Bilbo tried to cheer us up.

"A lake lies between us and that Mountain." Balin said. "And there's no way to cross it."

"So we could go around." Iris suggested.

"The orcs will run us down." Dwalin pointed out.

"We have no weapons to defend ourselves" Oin added.

"Recover your strength. You have two minutes." Thorin commanded.

In those two minutes, I didn't do much, I only obsearved the others, since I'm smelling like a walking wine bottle. Lea was fixing up her hair, Iris was taking water from her ears, Fili and Hannah were fighting, apparently.

"Why, Fili. You could have died!" Hannah started complaining. When Hannah had her memory, Fili and her were a perfect couple that never fought, just like the way I wish my parents were. Oh, Mom and Dad, I miss them…

"No, Hannah, I was going to save you!" He replied.

"I'm no lady in peril! I don't need heroes! We were all going to die, Fili! Don't you understand?" Hannah tried to reason with him. "Why live for another day-?"

Hannah couldn't finish her sentence because Fili pulled her to a kiss.

When they broke apart, Hannah started. She had a 'Bitchy Thranduil' face. I thought that she would argue with him, beat him up, and threaten to feed him to orcs… "Fili, I remember you." Fili's eyes had now a happiness twinkle.

Let them be adorable.

I decided to help Ori to get some water out of his boots.

"Here, Ori, let me help you." I got one of his boots and started to take the water from it. Ori looked at me and made a face.

"What?" I asked. I turned around, I saw an unknown face aiming his bow and arrow to my face.

Yay, now I can write on my diary that I've finally met Will Turner. Will he let me ride the Flying Dutchman?

So? What about it? Liked the barrel ride? Hannah retrieved her memory! I'm so happy! I wonder what will happen when everyone reaches Laketown!

Don't forget to use the little box bellow to tell me your thoughts about the chapter and if you wish to tell me some ideas for this story, feel free to do so!

~Bye for now, 'till next week!