80 Things the Doctor Doesn't Understand

The Doctor knows a lot of stuff. But there's some things that he will never understand.

1. The appeal of pears

2. How humans can live in a given place for more than an hour

3. Crack!fics

4. Slash-fics

5. Doctor!whump fics

6. Fanfiction in general, really

7. Captain Jack Harkness

8. What Sarah Jane and Rose Tyler were laughing about that one time

9. Twitter

10. Why the Daleks won't stay dead

11. What the fox says

12. How River Song got him to tell her his name

13. Then again, she DID make him

14. Why nobody thinks fezzes are cool

15. Or bow ties

16. Or Stetsons, or bunkbeds, or glasses

17. Honestly, he doesn't really understand anyone else's perception of "cool"

18. Teenagers

19. Humans in general

20. How Daleks build things

21. Seriously, they have no hands

22. How things end up in his pockets

23. MasterxTen shippers

24. ElevenxTen shippers

25. RoryxEleven shippers

26. Okay, they DID kiss that one time, but...

27. Shippers in general

28. Except for RosexTen shippers, those are okay

29. And RiverxEleven, that's fine too

30. Why humans need to sleep so much

31. If humans need to sleep so much, why they spend so much time on the Internet

32. The Internet

33. Strax's inability to differentiate between females and males

34. How to say "I love you" easily

35. Without disappearing into a parallel universe

36. Sorry about that one, really, sorry

37. The phrase, "bingle bongle dingle dangle lickitee too lickitee tah ping pong lippee toppee too tah"

38. Miley Cyrus

39. Abstract art

40. How to talk to Rose Tyler's mother

41. Why he got kicked out of the Weakest Link

42. All he did was correct an answer or two!

43. Or ten

44. Or all of them

45. Why that little kid ran up to him in his ninth regeneration and called him "emo"

46. Why oranges have to share their name with their color

47. Honestly, it's not like they call a banana a "yellow"

48. Or a strawberry a "red"

49. Or a pear a "disgusting"

50. Wait, that's not a color.

51. Why he ever thought sticky celery would be a good idea

52. He learned his lesson when he got attacked by a mean, hungry goat

53. Yo mamma jokes

54. Why Rose didn't get his joke about the chef being a Thyme Lord

55. Or the one about Royals, by Time Lorde

55. Chewing gum

56. Seriously, you put it in your mouth for a few minutes, then spit it out?

57. Does it even make you less hungry?

58. Why everyone he knows seems to have the last name "jones" or "smith"

59. Or named after some part of nature

60. American football

61. People with pet fish; fish are incredibly rude

62. People who get grumpier when they get older

63. American modern pop culture

65. What the blue stabilizers do*

66. Why nobody else seems to mind Jack Harkness's incessant flirting

67. Seriously, once he hit on a ROBOT woman

68. How people keep managing to make the T.A.R.D.I.S telephone box part ring, it's not supposed to do that!

69. Why humans aren't built with off-switches

70. Why they don't sell fezzes in more shops

71. Why people get confused when he explains simple** things

72. Pillow-pets

73. Actually, those are rather cool... They're both a pillow... AND a fluffy creature!

74. Why his companions keep asking him if the T.A.R.D.I.S has some sort of thing called why fi

75. How Donna got her hair to be so red

76. And Amy


78. Why a partridge would want to be in a pear tree

79. Why his eighth regeneration never seemed to go on many adventures

80. Women

Hmm... That was a lot harder than I thought it'd be.

*They're really just blue boring-ers, in my opinion.


If you liked that, review and favorite! If you didn't, review and tell me why! And if you review, it maybe possible increases the chances that the Doctor will land in your yard. Just saying.

- Impossible Oswin